Wedding gifts….especially cash

[Notatbm]

21 minutes ago, Rain said:

If the people in your ward and stake and are that wealthy they are not giving "cheap" gifts because all their extra income is going to tithing.

Don’t be so sure. After I stopped paying tithing I had about $12-15 k a year extra. Before that, a few thousand at best. 
 

you would be surprised how much “disposable income” people don’t have especially with those who take a ten percent haircut right out of the gate. 
 

As far as these “wealthy” people go.. it isn’t that wealthy when you consider my kids have to fork out over half million just to get into a home. If I hadn’t purchased this home when I did my payment would be nearly three times what i would pay if I financed it today. That would be about a $4k per month payment without taxes and insurance. 

Edited August 7, 2025 by Notatbm

[bluebell]

Just now, Notatbm said:

Don’t be so sure. After I stopped paying tithing I had about $12-15 k a year extra. Before that, a few thousand at best. 
 

you would be surprised how much “disposable income” people don’t have especially with those who take a ten percent haircut right out of the gate. 
 

 

I have a very wealthy, very active latter-day saint friend (best friend) and they have plenty of disposable income and also would never give such an extravagant gift.  Not because they are cheap, but because they would not find such a gift for the children of a co-worker to be appropriate due to their world-view.  Other people have different world views so would make different choices.

But a lack of disposable income would not be the reason for the differences. 

[Rain]

20 minutes ago, Notatbm said:

Don’t be so sure. After I stopped paying tithing I had about $12-15 k a year extra. Before that, a few thousand at best. 
 

you would be surprised how much “disposable income” people don’t have especially with those who take a ten percent haircut right out of the gate. 

 

No I wouldn't.  Despite my no longer believing, my husband still believes and makes all of the money, so I have never gone without paying tithing.  I'm well aware of what that money could go to if we were not paying tithing especially since I do all of the financial planning and spending in my house.  

20 minutes ago, Notatbm said:

As far as these “wealthy” people go.. it isn’t that wealthy when you consider my kids have to fork out over half million just to get into a home. If I hadn’t purchased this home when I did my payment would be nearly three times what i would pay if I financed it today. That would be about a $4k per month payment without taxes and insurance. 

Depending on where you live you are correct about housing.  However, if you are driving $100,000 cars then that is a sign of wealth.  

Edited August 7, 2025 by Rain

[Notatbm]

29 minutes ago, bluebell said:

I have a very wealthy, very active latter-day saint friend (best friend) and they have plenty of disposable income and also would never give such an extravagant gift.  Not because they are cheap, but because they would not find such a gift for the children of a co-worker to be appropriate due to their world-view.  Other people have different world views so would make different choices.

But a lack of disposable income would not be the reason for the differences. 

Very wealthy is much different than someone making $100k / yr for example. Tithing functions just like a regressive tax. The more you make the less the burden. Tithing is a disproportionate burden on people of lesser incomes. 

someone making 100k per year has $90k left after tithing. 
 

someone who makes 250k per year has $225k left over after tithing.
 

someone who makes makes $500k per year has $450k left after tithing. 
 

tithing becomes less and less of a “ sacrifice” the more you make. After a while it is just another ankle biter bill. 
 

of course your wealthy friend has disposable income. When it comes to regular earners that is often a very different story. 

Edited August 7, 2025 by Notatbm
Typo

[Notatbm]

1 minute ago, Rain said:  

Depending on where you live you are correct about housing.  However, if you are driving $100,000 cars then that is a sign of wealth.  

Is more generally a sign of excessive debt and a stupid decision but I get your point. 

[bluebell]

3 hours ago, Notatbm said:

Very wealthy is much different than someone making $100k / yr for example. Tithing functions just like a regressive tax. The more you make the less the burden. Tithing is a disproportionate burden on people of lesser incomes. 

someone making 100k per year has $90k left after tithing. 
 

someone who makes 250k per year has $225k left over after tithing.
 

someone who makes makes $500k per year has $450k left after tithing. 
 

tithing becomes less and less of a “ sacrifice” the more you make. After a while it is just another ankle biter bill. 
 

of course your wealthy friend has disposable income. When it comes to regular earners that is often a very different story. 

You’re right, I did talk about my wealthy friend. Because you were talking about buying somebody a $400 wedding gift, and that’s something that a wealthy person would do.  Very few people, tithing payers and people who have never paid a dime of tithing in their lives alike, would give such a gift to the child of a coworker if they weren’t wealthy.  Tithing or no tithing wouldn’t even be a part of the equation.

Another reason that I used a wealthy example is because you did not differentiate between wealthy members and regular earners, though. You lumped all members into the same category: not having disposable income due to paying tithing.

 

[bluebell]

3 hours ago, Notatbm said:

 

of course your wealthy friend has disposable income. When it comes to regular earners that is often a very different story. 

The amount of disposable income would definitely change, but the existence of it is still very much possible.

and of course, it’s also true that there are plenty of people who do not pay, who have never paid tithing, and who also have very little disposable income.  Tithing it’s not the cause of their lack of disposable income.

[Doctor Steuss]

On 8/1/2025 at 4:48 PM, Calm said:

I know this should probably be in Social, but I wouldn’t mind debate on this as I would like to see what the ideas are floating about out there.

What is everyone’s comfort level for weddings gifts, especially cash?  For family, good friends, and casual friends/neighbours that you don’t party with except at neighborhood things?

Not participated in a wedding for over two decades now and it suddenly dawned on me we haven’t changed our typical gift for years and we probably should.  We like to give cash because that was the most helpful as we were broke students (I didn’t do a registry as it made no sense to start collecting anything when we anticipated being stuck in student housing for another 4 years; my error probably as we did get some useless gifts, but they were the exception…and it was a lot more work for guests back then and I felt really awkward saying ‘go buy this for me’).

I know that Utah often runs lower because the cost of receptions and weddings can be quite low and if one isn’t getting a free meal out of it, that drops it lower, but other than that I am clueless.

As those who have possibly received and most likely given wedding gifts in the past, do you see going for the registry gifts as most appropriate, see cash as an always welcomed gift even if rather impersonal and forgettable, or do you prefer something that says something about you as well as the couple so a connection is strengthened?

Hi Calm,

Prior to my wedding, I probably would have bristled at the impersonal nature of cash as a wedding gift, but after my wedding, the cash was appreciated so much and totally changed my mind.

We were able to apportion some to the little things we needed as a couple with a little rapscallion, and we were also able to use some of it to make our honeymoon so much more memorable.  Instead of it being meticulously planned out financially (like it was initially), we were able to pepper in a few additional fun things, like an impromptu night at the Grand America in Salt Lake, and a fancy dinner (I had capers for the very first time).  I have lifetime memories that I otherwise never could have dreamed of because of those little cash wedding gifts.

There are a few physical gifts, that even in separation/divorce are still deeply treasured and meaningful, but the memories (and reduced stress with getting some additional furniture items, and appliances) from those cash gifts are absolutely invaluable to me.

[california boy]

On 8/4/2025 at 2:05 PM, Amulek said:

My mother always believed that giving money was too impersonal, as it lacks the thoughtfulness she believed ought to be associated with gift-giving. She was of the opinion that a gift should reflect (1) knowledge of the recipient's tastes, needs, or interests; and (2) the time and effort spent selecting (or making) something meaningful. 

In such a worldview, giving cash feels like bypassing this effort entirely and can be interpreted as, "I didn't really bother to think much about you or what you would really like."

She also would emphasize the sentimental value of a gift rather than its practical utility. The idea here is that a good gift creates a lasting memory or emotional connection. The giver's personality and care are considered part of the gift. Money lacks this kind of personal signature by nature and thus ought to be avoided. 

That being said, I've always personally thought that cash makes for a great gift, and, honestly, it's what I prefer to receive myself.

Don't get me wrong, I very much love giving thoughtful gifts. And I freely admit that I get a certain amount of utility from the process of reflecting on those I know and coming up with creative ways to deliver something special to make them happy (it's a fun exercise).

However, I also recognize that not everyone grew up thinking about gift-giving the way I was raised, and if a gift is really supposed to be for someone else, then what they think matters. 

What my wife and I tend to do now is look for something on their registry we believe they will legitimately enjoy or get some serious use out of. 

If we can't find something that really speaks to us, then we just pick something that we really enjoy (or have found to be useful), like a good pair of kitchen shears, and then we just add a wad of cash to go along with it.

We've given lots of things-you-wouldn't-normally-think-of as the "little gift" - a bottle of Goo Gone, LED light bulbs, an actually sharp (but inexpensive) chef's knife, etc., and I've been surprised at how many times those little (but useful) things have been commented on, sometimes years later. 

 

A few months back, I had a nephew call me up.  He was interested in buying a kiln to do pottery.  He told me that the ceramic bowl I gave him maybe 15 years ago has been on his counter all these years and he thinks of me when he sees that bowl.  I was kinda shocked that he remembered who gave that to him because I completely forgot giving it to him.  It really gave me a lot of joy that he would reach out to me about something that he thought I could help him with.  It also kinda made me think more about what I give for gifts in general.  I think back on my wedding so many years ago and the presents I got.  One was restaurant knives from an employer when I worked in his restaurant all through high school and during the summers in college.  I still use those knives every day and think of him often.  Another gift I remember were salt and pepper shakers that were hand made that a family member bought from a boutique.  I have no idea who gave us cash and how much they gave those many years ago..  

I actually have a wedding invitation right now from a nephew that is getting married.  I have to be honest, I have mixed feelings about even giving my nieces and nephews wedding gifts since all but a couple ever reached out to me for decades when I came out to my family as gay.  Now they want a wedding present from me?  It is literally the first personal contact I have made with him since he was about 12.  I try not to let other peoples behavior determine mine.  So I will make sure this nephew gets something special from me as well.  

Maybe not everyone can whip out a bowl or platter, but everyone can find a special gift that isn't necessarily from Amazon but maybe from a boutique type store selling hand made and unique gifts,.  I get that some couples need money.  I like the idea of including money along with something that won't just be another gift to fulfill an obligation.  Shouldn't a wedding gift be more than that?

I am not trying to convince anyone to take this route.  Just giving you all something to think about.  

[Notatbm]

1 hour ago, california boy said:

I actually have a wedding invitation right now from a nephew that is getting married.  I have to be honest, I have mixed feelings about even giving my nieces and nephews wedding gifts since all but a couple ever reached out to me for decades when I came out to my family as gay.  Now they want a wedding present from me?  It is literally the first personal contact I have made with him since he was about 12.  I try not to let other peoples behavior determine mine.  So I will make sure this nephew gets something special from me as well.  

You may find the nieces and nephews are about 100% more accepting of your status than older family members. I know in my own family ( the boomer age group) some have made open condemnation of lgbtq folks. I have a few nieces and nephews who have come out as lgbtq and a couple have left the church. All have been treated poorly by some family about those circumstances . I am in touch with all of them and they say they feel free to open up to me because of my past. interestingly none of them came out or left the church till after both my parents died. I reached out to each of them when I found out their situation over the years. Mostly because I had no one with a sympathetic ear as a kid, especially from my parents. They are who probably would have been the most vocal in terms of giving them crap.”Hmmm 

I say give them a shot, the younger group isn’t so hateful of lgbtq as they all have gay friends and don’t regard lgbtq status as any kind of a threat or revolting like others may. 
 

most kids don’t have a whole lot of interaction with aunts/ uncles unless they live nearby or the family gets together a lot. I have very little contact with most of my nieces and nephews for whatever reason. 

We had a temple wedding in the family a year ago or so ago and several guests showed up to the reception who were quite clearly lgbtq. I mean not even a doubt. The looks they got from other attendees and some family was something to see, but the bride and groom were thrilled to see them show up. These folks are the friends of a straight couple. 

Edited August 8, 2025 by Notatbm
Typos

[Amulek]

21 hours ago, Notatbm said:

[W]hen helping the kids do their gift inventory and sending out thank you’s I have to say I was surprised to see lots of cheap gifts compared to my experience at work with people who make similar incomes you had people giving tickets to cruises, thousand dollar cash gifts etc. it made me look cheap.

This sounds like a very distorted corporate culture, because no where else in the real world are cruise tickets and thousand dollar cash gifts commonly given to co-worker's children. 

Here is a breakdown of national averages and expert recommendations:

The Knot (2024) reports that the average wedding gift spend per guest was $150:

• For close friends, family, or wedding party members, the average was about $160 
• For colleagues and coworkers look for presents that fall between $50 and $100

Pearl by David’s Bridal (2025) suggests a range of $100–$150, with guidelines based on closeness:

• Coworkers/distant acquaintances: $50–$75
• Friends/extended family: $100–$125
• Close friends or relatives: $150–$200+ 

Brides.com aligns with this, recommending:

• Coworkers/distant relatives: $50–$70
• Friends: $75–$100
• Close family, best friends, or wedding party: $100–$150+ 

Vogue echoes similar tiers:

• $50–$75 for coworkers/distant relatives
• $75–$100 for friends
• $100–$150+ for close friends/family or wedding party

 

I've been to a lot of weddings over the years - most of them for non-members - and I think these breakdowns look about right.

If your office has an expectation that everyone gives extravagant gifts, then I'm glad your friend clued you in about that in advance because expecting $200 min is far outside the norm.

 

[Notatbm]

56 minutes ago, Amulek said:

This sounds like a very distorted corporate culture, because no where else in the real world are cruise tickets and thousand dollar cash gifts commonly given to co-worker's children. 

Here is a breakdown of national averages and expert recommendations:

The Knot (2024) reports that the average wedding gift spend per guest was $150:

• For close friends, family, or wedding party members, the average was about $160 
• For colleagues and coworkers look for presents that fall between $50 and $100

Pearl by David’s Bridal (2025) suggests a range of $100–$150, with guidelines based on closeness:

• Coworkers/distant acquaintances: $50–$75
• Friends/extended family: $100–$125
• Close friends or relatives: $150–$200+ 

Brides.com aligns with this, recommending:

• Coworkers/distant relatives: $50–$70
• Friends: $75–$100
• Close family, best friends, or wedding party: $100–$150+ 

Vogue echoes similar tiers:

• $50–$75 for coworkers/distant relatives
• $75–$100 for friends
• $100–$150+ for close friends/family or wedding party

 

I've been to a lot of weddings over the years - most of them for non-members - and I think these breakdowns look about right.

If your office has an expectation that everyone gives extravagant gifts, then I'm glad your friend clued you in about that in advance because expecting $200 min is far outside the norm.

 

Like my buddy said, $25 is an insult. 
 

my workplace would qualify as close friends and acquaintances. There are less than thirty of us and we all come out of the same pipeline in the military. 
 

thanks. Interesting numbers. 

[Tacenda]

3 hours ago, Amulek said:

This sounds like a very distorted corporate culture, because no where else in the real world are cruise tickets and thousand dollar cash gifts commonly given to co-worker's children. 

Here is a breakdown of national averages and expert recommendations:

The Knot (2024) reports that the average wedding gift spend per guest was $150:

• For close friends, family, or wedding party members, the average was about $160 
• For colleagues and coworkers look for presents that fall between $50 and $100

Pearl by David’s Bridal (2025) suggests a range of $100–$150, with guidelines based on closeness:

• Coworkers/distant acquaintances: $50–$75
• Friends/extended family: $100–$125
• Close friends or relatives: $150–$200+ 

Brides.com aligns with this, recommending:

• Coworkers/distant relatives: $50–$70
• Friends: $75–$100
• Close family, best friends, or wedding party: $100–$150+ 

Vogue echoes similar tiers:

• $50–$75 for coworkers/distant relatives
• $75–$100 for friends
• $100–$150+ for close friends/family or wedding party

 

I've been to a lot of weddings over the years - most of them for non-members - and I think these breakdowns look about right.

If your office has an expectation that everyone gives extravagant gifts, then I'm glad your friend clued you in about that in advance because expecting $200 min is far outside the norm.

 

Thanks for this! I came here a second ago to ask the going rates and worrying that I'm not keeping up with inflation. Now I'm second guessing what I gave my two sisters' grandchild and daughter for their recent graduations from high school. If anyone want's to chime in on what they'd give that might help me feel better or worse, lol! 

[Rain]

15 minutes ago, Tacenda said:

Thanks for this! I came here a second ago to ask the going rates and worrying that I'm not keeping up with inflation. Now I'm second guessing what I gave my two sisters' grandchild and daughter for their recent graduations from high school. If anyone want's to chime in on what they'd give that might help me feel better or worse, lol! 

Do not second guess it.  It does not matter what anyone else gives.  Truly, it doesn't.  It matters what your budget is, your relationship and your priorities. That's why I haven't shared what I give - my income may be vastly different than yours, my expenses and priorities too.  

Amulek shared averages there which can be helpful, but truly, they don't matter when it comes to your own budget.

[Tony uk]

1 hour ago, Tacenda said:

Thanks for this! I came here a second ago to ask the going rates and worrying that I'm not keeping up with inflation. Now I'm second guessing what I gave my two sisters' grandchild and daughter for their recent graduations from high school. If anyone want's to chime in on what they'd give that might help me feel better or worse, lol! 

I feel a person giving money as a gift. The person will give an amount that they feel comfortable with, to the person, who they are giving it to. It is a personal choice on the part of the person giving.

[Amulek]

8 hours ago, Notatbm said:

Like my buddy said, $25 is an insult. 

If somebody is insulted by a gift of $25 from a person they have never met in their entire life, I think that says more about them (and the way they were raised) than it does about the person who gave it. 

 

[Tacenda]

All these years I've been on the generous side, but maybe I'm not and just thought I was after seeing I should be spending twice as much for family and close friends. I'm happy to do it, especially for the youth because they got screwed (forgive the word) but it feels like it. We older folks had it so good if you're in your senior years. We should all be rooting them on. Recently I heard that the government was going to or didn't vote for a no cash system, and go digital! Oh heck no!

 

[Tony uk]

6 minutes ago, Tacenda said:

All these years I've been on the generous side, but maybe I'm not and just thought I was after seeing I should be spending twice as much for family and close friends. I'm happy to do it, especially for the youth because they got screwed (forgive the word) but it feels like it. We older folks had it so good if you're in your senior years. We should all be rooting them on. Recently I heard that the government was going to or didn't vote for a no cash system, and go digital! Oh heck no!

 

In the UK, over the last few years. It seems we are moving towards card based system of payment.

 The youth these days, seems to have a hard time financially, starting out on there own especially.

[Amulek]

On 8/8/2025 at 11:58 AM, Tacenda said:

Now I'm second guessing what I gave my two sisters' grandchild and daughter for their recent graduations from high school. If anyone want's to chime in on what they'd give that might help me feel better or worse, lol! 

As with any sort of gift giving, the amount you spend is generally a function of your relationship to the recipient and your financial situation. 

According to Western Union, "Our research shows that close relatives often give between $50 and $200, while friends or distant relatives typically give $15 to $50. Acquaintances or coworkers might gift $10 to $30."

 

 

[Rain]

7 hours ago, Tony uk said:

In the UK, over the last few years. It seems we are moving towards card based system of payment.

 The youth these days, seems to have a hard time financially, starting out on there own especially.

I know I have seen several weddings sharing Venmo info lately.  I'm not sure if Venmo is outside of the US: it is an app on your phone to send and receive money.

[webbles]

46 minutes ago, Rain said:

I know I have seen several weddings sharing Venmo info lately.  I'm not sure if Venmo is outside of the US: it is an app on your phone to send and receive money.

I've been seeing a lot of cars that have venmo details along with the "Just Married" writing.  Not sure if they are expecting random strangers to venmo them because they were just married.

[Calm]

3 hours ago, webbles said:

I've been seeing a lot of cars that have venmo details along with the "Just Married" writing.  Not sure if they are expecting random strangers to venmo them because they were just married.

That is odd.  Maybe they think there are people who are going to forget and last minute see it on the car, lol.  

I get sending it with cards, saves a few steps for others in writing checks though online banking certainly makes deposits easy. I go to the bank to get fresh bills when giving gifts of actual cash and that hasn’t happened for awhile now since I don’t drive and don’t want a pile of cash in the house just in case.

[Tony uk]

5 hours ago, Rain said:

I know I have seen several weddings sharing Venmo info lately.  I'm not sure if Venmo is outside of the US: it is an app on your phone to send and receive money.

I think Venmo is in  in the UK also.

[Rain]

6 hours ago, webbles said:

I've been seeing a lot of cars that have venmo details along with the "Just Married" writing.  Not sure if they are expecting random strangers to venmo them because they were just married.

It works.  People just like doing Random Acts of Kindness sometimes and things like that will get a person or 2 giving.  

[Amulek]

15 hours ago, webbles said:

I've been seeing a lot of cars that have venmo details along with the "Just Married" writing.  Not sure if they are expecting random strangers to venmo them because they were just married.

I've seen it on high school grad cars as well. I don't know what the success rate is, but I remember smiling the first time I saw one and sent them $10. Small donations add up.