Dealing with hostile people....???

[SteelMagnoliainTexas]

I went out yesterday and at first glance this one place looked like a hotel but come to find out it was housing.  The building was three stories high.  At first I passed it up but then I went back and decided I'd see how far I could get before someone threatened me with the police.  I got almost done....I had four doors left and I heard some woman cussing and screaming at the top of her lungs telling me not to knock on her door.  So I yelled back "fine I won't!". And I went on to the other doors.  Then she came out and sat at this table and tried to get other people stirred up too.  They were saying I had to go because I didn't belong here what was I doing knocking on doors?  I just had a few doors by then but they ended up ruining the rest of my witness there and created such a commotion that the man in the last apartment come to the door yelling and cussing.  Would it have been better to leave and come back later?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Pyreaux]

Depends... you seem to describe that you were counting on a negative reaction before you even did it (a little self-fulfilling prophecy), that almost indicated that your intentions were to purposely make them hostile by your searching of all doors. Its not entirely clear yet what you were doing once you found a door. Are you knocking on them to preach? To place a flier? To fulfill a job? To take a census? Collecting donations? Collecting signatures? Trying to meet your neighbors? If your only objective is to only stop them from being hostile, I would say it would probably be easiest to avoid them, unless you want these meetings to occur.

Edited June 12, 2022 by Pyreaux

[SteelMagnoliainTexas]

Oh so stay home and collect a check and basically get fat and die?  You will come across hostile people because some people view it as harassment.  There are people out there who don't care about what your doing and my delima is I believe God wants me to help people....I don't have a choice.  And he sort of called me a chicken cuz when I passed those apartments up and went to the restaurant to witness to the one or two people there there were a group of ceramic chickens sittin' right there on the table.  So any time you want to go out usually I face some sort of opposition either minor or sometimes major threats....Jesus did too.  So my question was how better should I have handled "that" particular situation?

[The Mean Farmer]

Had to make a late run to the store last night.  Saturday, 9 pm.  Yes, it was late, wasn't dark yet as it is mid-June.

Upon my exit I loaded my car and noticed a minivan in the back of the lot with the doors open, hood up, and a distraught woman milling about.  I have some mechanical expertise so I ventured over to see if I could lend a hand.  She asked if I knew how to get the battery of the vehicle.  I pointed to the two bolts that hold the wires to the terminals, and looked to see how the battery was attached in place.  To my surprise, there wasn't anything anchoring the battery.

Upon this discovery I was going to show her it would just pull out when she got a look of fear on her face.  She then spoke the words "I don't want you to help me anymore...I don't want you to help me anymore...I don't want you to help me anymore"  Said it like 6 times while backing away from me.

Surprisingly offended, I backed away and left woman to deal with her situation on her own in the heat and incoming darkness.

Perhaps she has been attacked in the past?   Perhaps she isn't "all there".   I don't know.  But I really felt like she was suddenly scared that I was attempting to attack/ kidnap/rape and/or kill her.   I only offered advice on how to get her battery out of her car, as she asked.  If she wanted distance she could have said 'Help is on the way' or "I got it covered" or "No thanks, I got it".

 

This morning I am just saddened that people in general are so deathly scared of one another.

 

 

 

[CA Steve]

Were you knocking on doors that were clearly marked "No soliciting"?

[LoudmouthMormon]

6 hours ago, SteelMagnoliainTexas said:

I went back and decided I'd see how far I could get before someone threatened me with the police.  I got almost done....I had four doors left and I heard some woman cussing and screaming at the top of her lungs telling me not to knock on her door.

So, I need some information.  Why were you knocking on doors?   Some sociological experiment on humans?  I don't get it.

 

6 hours ago, SteelMagnoliainTexas said:

I just had a few doors by then but they ended up ruining the rest of my witness there and created such a commotion that the man in the last apartment come to the door yelling and cussing.

What does "ruining the rest of my witness" mean?  I'm lost.  Who are you?

 

6 hours ago, SteelMagnoliainTexas said:

Would it have been better to leave and come back later?

What for?  Your stated intent was to "see how far I could get before someone threatened me with the police".  Sounds like nobody threatened you with the police, so you have the answer to your question.  You got as far as you got.

 

Edited June 12, 2022 by LoudmouthMormon

[bluebell]

The best way to deal with hostile people is to be kind and patient, but also leave their property.  And yes, it's better to leave usually than continue to try to talk about the gospel with people who are swearing and telling you to leave.

Also what CA Steve said--don't knock on doors that have no soliciting signs as many people don't react well to that.

[Peacefully]

4 hours ago, bluebell said:

The best way to deal with hostile people is to be kind and patient, but also leave their property.  And yes, it's better to leave usually than continue to try to talk about the gospel with people who are swearing and telling you to leave.

Also what CA Steve said--don't knock on doors that have no soliciting signs as many people don't react well to that.

Or doors that say don’t knock because  it makes the dog bark, then the baby wakes up, and the mom is not going to be happy, lol. My daughter has something like this on her door.

[Calm]

4 hours ago, LoudmouthMormon said:

What does "ruining the rest of my witness" mean?  I'm lost.  Who are you?

If you read Steel’s posts in Social, she appears to be a nonmember who is interested in the Church but who has not converted to it at this time as she disagrees with some of what we teach as manmade (such as the Word of Wisdom), but is instead attending another church for some meetings at least***.  She apparently believes she has been called to share the gospel/her witness of Christ with others**** in much the same way our missionaries do, but on her own rather than with a group.

I may have misunderstood her, so hopefully she will correct me if I am wrong and provide more detail.

***https://www.mormondialogue.org/topic/74569-dealing-with-bullies/?do=findComment&comment=1210098234

****https://www.mormondialogue.org/topic/74575-what-is-your-schedule-look-keyou-missionaries/

 

Edited June 12, 2022 by Calm

[Tacenda]

Are you trying to proselyte to people and representing the LDS church? Not too sure the church would approve unless you are called to be a missionary. I think there would be better ways to be a missionary than that. Possibly being a good citizen, and maybe serve in different capacities with non LDS and being a good neighbor, be a good example and then that would affect people in a way where they want to investigate why you are the way you are. 

[Pyreaux]

15 hours ago, SteelMagnoliainTexas said:

Oh so stay home and collect a check and basically get fat and die?  You will come across hostile people because some people view it as harassment.  There are people out there who don't care about what your doing and my delima is I believe God wants me to help people....I don't have a choice.  And he sort of called me a chicken cuz when I passed those apartments up and went to the restaurant to witness to the one or two people there there were a group of ceramic chickens sittin' right there on the table.  So any time you want to go out usually I face some sort of opposition either minor or sometimes major threats....Jesus did too.  So my question was how better should I have handled "that" particular situation?

No my dear, in order to convey thought and express ideas, you must run the risk of offending people. Thus I was saying to eliminate the hostility is to not express yourself at all. Obviously you want to witness to people, so thanks to this information, I realize you want to interact with them, and furthermore you believe God has asked you to. If you are going to continue to do this then you must then accept that hostility will be inevitable. Ask your missionaries, they might be young and attractive, but because of what they are doing, they'll be simply walking down the street and people will scream at them, they'll unleash their dogs on them, they'll spit on them. Gangsters will mug them... until they realize their watches are only $5, and they are just a couple of preachers spreading the word, they usually make peace, but that first encounter is usually hostile, that is the risk they have to be willing to take. The angry mobs even killed Jesus. You also told us in other posts you are getting older, and people generally are disrespectful towards older people.

Especially now that you dropped the fact that God is the one making you do this, who am I to tell you not to? I'll then help. First, from what you said, again, you fear the worst, and that could be putting out the negative vibes that end up coming back to you like a psychic boomerang. This could be the first of a few issues at play.

You will attract only angry people if you are filled with resentment and assume the worst about them. Therefore, how could one be excited to connect with them? You could be behaving in ways that subconsciously communicates your true feelings to them. It creates a cycle where they don’t respond to you because you’re angry, you get angrier, and then you face even more rejection.

It seems your anger stems from two points:

1. You feel slighted that you have to put in extra work just to be given a chance when others don’t.
2. You hate that people can’t look past your looks to see everything else you could offer.

Its possible that your feeling are unfounded and you should let go of it. Because you’re not alone and in fact, you are normal, because a lot of people have your problems, or will eventually. They are out there somewhere, unless you or they are hypocrites, because you don’t go out of your way to meet those you find physically unappealing, either. That doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human. But if that is the case, you have no grounds to be pissed off when some one responds the same way.

The second factor you've shared is your age and physical appearance is an issue, and yes, it sucks but you CAN and SHOULD do something about it, being old and ugly is not a social death sentence. Many people in the world are BORN with asymmetrical faces, bad skin, wide-spaced eyes, and genes that made them bald in their 20s. They work hard to become more attractive despite their genetics, both physically and mentally. And they put themselves out there regularly, because again, there was no other solution to attain the connections they desire.

There are things you can do about your appearance, get in shape and wear nice clothes, almost everyone has room to improve and so they can improve how they look. Those who complain about being “too ugly” also often neglect their hygiene, grooming, fashion, and fitness. So, ditch the glasses and get contacts. Change your diet and work out. Learned to dress well without cheap, baggy discount store clothing. Use Invisalign to fix your teeth. Invest in getting a stylish, modern haircut from a well-rated salon. See a dermatologist about your skin. You don't have the ability to do it all, but each piece you add continues to make you a more polished and refined person that demands respect.

You'll also need some social skill development which is as needed as anything else.

Edited June 13, 2022 by Pyreaux

[rpn]

The first best thing is to not do things that cause others concern.   I don't know what you were doing knocking on doors.   But at the point where people didn't want you there, you should have left.   The only way anyone could help you would have been if you had openly recorded yourself so that those trying to help you could fully understand the situation, but trying to record in that situation would likely have inflamed others.

You might consider helping in the context of a supervised program where there mighbe someone to help you make the connections you are looking for.

Practically you say, "I'm so sorry.   I don't mean any harm. I was just ____________".

[SteelMagnoliainTexas]

On 6/12/2022 at 3:10 PM, Pyreaux said:

No my dear, in order to convey thought and express ideas, you must run the risk of offending people. Thus I was saying to eliminate the hostility is to not express yourself at all. Obviously you want to witness to people, so thanks to this information, I realize you want to interact with them, and furthermore you believe God has asked you to. If you are going to continue to do this then you must then accept that hostility will be inevitable. Ask your missionaries, they might be young and attractive, but because of what they are doing, they'll be simply walking down the street and people will scream at them, they'll unleash their dogs on them, they'll spit on them. Gangsters will mug them... until they realize their watches are only $5, and they are just a couple of preachers spreading the word, they usually make peace, but that first encounter is usually hostile, that is the risk they have to be willing to take. The angry mobs even killed Jesus. You also told us in other posts you are getting older, and people generally are disrespectful towards older people.

Especially now that you dropped the fact that God is the one making you do this, who am I to tell you not to? I'll then help. First, from what you said, again, you fear the worst, and that could be putting out the negative vibes that end up coming back to you like a psychic boomerang. This could be the first of a few issues at play.

You will attract only angry people if you are filled with resentment and assume the worst about them. Therefore, how could one be excited to connect with them? You could be behaving in ways that subconsciously communicates your true feelings to them. It creates a cycle where they don’t respond to you because you’re angry, you get angrier, and then you face even more rejection.

It seems your anger stems from two points:

1. You feel slighted that you have to put in extra work just to be given a chance when others don’t.
2. You hate that people can’t look past your looks to see everything else you could offer.

Its possible that your feeling are unfounded and you should let go of it. Because you’re not alone and in fact, you are normal, because a lot of people have your problems, or will eventually. They are out there somewhere, unless you or they are hypocrites, because you don’t go out of your way to meet those you find physically unappealing, either. That doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human. But if that is the case, you have no grounds to be pissed off when some one responds the same way.

The second factor you've shared is your age and physical appearance is an issue, and yes, it sucks but you CAN and SHOULD do something about it, being old and ugly is not a social death sentence. Many people in the world are BORN with asymmetrical faces, bad skin, wide-spaced eyes, and genes that made them bald in their 20s. They work hard to become more attractive despite their genetics, both physically and mentally. And they put themselves out there regularly, because again, there was no other solution to attain the connections they desire.

There are things you can do about your appearance, get in shape and wear nice clothes, almost everyone has room to improve and so they can improve how they look. Those who complain about being “too ugly” also often neglect their hygiene, grooming, fashion, and fitness. So, ditch the glasses and get contacts. Change your diet and work out. Learned to dress well without cheap, baggy discount store clothing. Use Invisalign to fix your teeth. Invest in getting a stylish, modern haircut from a well-rated salon. See a dermatologist about your skin. You don't have the ability to do it all, but each piece you add continues to make you a more polished and refined person that demands respect.

You'll also need some social skill development which is as needed as anything else.

Oh so stay home and collect a check and basically get fat and die?  You will come across hostile people because some people view it as harassment.  There are people out there who don't care about what your doing and my delima is I believe God wants me to help people....I don't have a choice.  And he sort of called me a chicken cuz when I passed those apartments up and went to the restaurant to witness to the one or two people there there were a group of ceramic chickens sittin' right there on the table.  So any time you want to go out usually I face some sort of opposition either minor or sometimes major threats....Jesus did too.  So my question was how better should I have handled "that" particular situation?

[SteelMagnoliainTexas]

On 6/12/2022 at 10:15 AM, LoudmouthMormon said:

So, I need some information.  Why were you knocking on doors?   Some sociological experiment on humans?  I don't get it.

 

What does "ruining the rest of my witness" mean?  I'm lost.  Who are you?

 

What for?  Your stated intent was to "see how far I could get before someone threatened me with the police".  Sounds like nobody threatened you with the police, so you have the answer to your question.  You got as far as you got.

 

No it actually went better than expected.  What is wrong with knocking on doors.  Call the police?  This has gotten bad in this country and makes me to fear even going out.  I had a pretty good experience except for one rude man along the way until I got to the last floor and this woman was cussing me out calling me a b making threats so I said fine I won't knock on your door!  So I passed her up and continued even with people acting hostile threatening to call security.

What is wrong with knocking on doors.  Why do we study?  To be of use to ourselves and others.  

I felt the Holy Spirit urging me to go and talk with them.  Are only Mormon missionaries allowed to do this?  No one has anything to share but them.

[SteelMagnoliainTexas]

On 6/12/2022 at 3:10 PM, Pyreaux said:

No my dear, in order to convey thought and express ideas, you must run the risk of offending people. Thus I was saying to eliminate the hostility is to not express yourself at all. Obviously you want to witness to people, so thanks to this information, I realize you want to interact with them, and furthermore you believe God has asked you to. If you are going to continue to do this then you must then accept that hostility will be inevitable. Ask your missionaries, they might be young and attractive, but because of what they are doing, they'll be simply walking down the street and people will scream at them, they'll unleash their dogs on them, they'll spit on them. Gangsters will mug them... until they realize their watches are only $5, and they are just a couple of preachers spreading the word, they usually make peace, but that first encounter is usually hostile, that is the risk they have to be willing to take. The angry mobs even killed Jesus. You also told us in other posts you are getting older, and people generally are disrespectful towards older people.

Especially now that you dropped the fact that God is the one making you do this, who am I to tell you not to? I'll then help. First, from what you said, again, you fear the worst, and that could be putting out the negative vibes that end up coming back to you like a psychic boomerang. This could be the first of a few issues at play.

You will attract only angry people if you are filled with resentment and assume the worst about them. Therefore, how could one be excited to connect with them? You could be behaving in ways that subconsciously communicates your true feelings to them. It creates a cycle where they don’t respond to you because you’re angry, you get angrier, and then you face even more rejection.

It seems your anger stems from two points:

1. You feel slighted that you have to put in extra work just to be given a chance when others don’t.
2. You hate that people can’t look past your looks to see everything else you could offer.

Its possible that your feeling are unfounded and you should let go of it. Because you’re not alone and in fact, you are normal, because a lot of people have your problems, or will eventually. They are out there somewhere, unless you or they are hypocrites, because you don’t go out of your way to meet those you find physically unappealing, either. That doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human. But if that is the case, you have no grounds to be pissed off when some one responds the same way.

The second factor you've shared is your age and physical appearance is an issue, and yes, it sucks but you CAN and SHOULD do something about it, being old and ugly is not a social death sentence. Many people in the world are BORN with asymmetrical faces, bad skin, wide-spaced eyes, and genes that made them bald in their 20s. They work hard to become more attractive despite their genetics, both physically and mentally. And they put themselves out there regularly, because again, there was no other solution to attain the connections they desire.

There are things you can do about your appearance, get in shape and wear nice clothes, almost everyone has room to improve and so they can improve how they look. Those who complain about being “too ugly” also often neglect their hygiene, grooming, fashion, and fitness. So, ditch the glasses and get contacts. Change your diet and work out. Learned to dress well without cheap, baggy discount store clothing. Use Invisalign to fix your teeth. Invest in getting a stylish, modern haircut from a well-rated salon. See a dermatologist about your skin. You don't have the ability to do it all, but each piece you add continues to make you a more polished and refined person that demands respect.

You'll also need some social skill development which is as needed as anything else.

I'm not that ugly at all.  In fact I have really nice skin few wrinkles no tattoos just an older woman who appears to be younger but that had nothing to do with witnessing.  I'm not prophesying that every this this will happen but people are sometimes unwilling to talk with you are hostile or they do call the police sometimes....I didn't foresee this woman coming out there stirring up trouble with the other tenants.  She was like trying to caus everything enough stir to start a fight.  It was dan eangerous neighborhood. But I just st wanted to finish so I wouldn't have to come back.

[Calm]

30 minutes ago, SteelMagnoliainTexas said:

No one has anything to share but them.

Are there not Jehovah Witnesses in your area?  

[SteelMagnoliainTexas]

Also I wasn't hostile they were.  I didn't attract the hostility.  I may have reacted badly.  So your accusing me of being hostile being a slob walking around unkept and lacking in social graces.  That was not the case.  I went there in peace and didn't run into much hostility until I was almost done I said.  There was nothing hostile about me or rude.  The only thing I did was raise my voice to a man who came and opened the door to me yelling "Mam I don't know you I don't want to know you why are you knocking on my door!  Go away!". Then I yelled back, "thank you for being the rudest person yet!". Then when I got to the bottom I had this woman screaming at me to not even knock on her door, b.  She was hostile.  Not me.  And then she came down and sat at the table and got others stirred up .  They were hostile.  Demanding that I leave the are.  Well they didn't own the place.  They were violating my rights trying to start a fight with me calling me a b.  I couldn't even talk to the people at the door cuz no one could hear over their screaming.  I'm thinking I should have left cuz nothing good came out of yelling back at them telling them to shut up.  I'm thinking maybe I should have left and not risked an attack.  And I'm alone every time when I go out and I do come across people like this fe quently.

[SteelMagnoliainTexas]

11 minutes ago, Calm said:

Are there not Jehovah Witnesses in your area?  

No ok so it's ok if y'all go out but if I do I have to believe everything your prophets say is true and I don't.  My baptism is no good either and the JW to them I'm rebellious cuz I believe Jesus is God.  It's like I've got to be *** for tat with any of y'all or I'm not even worth baptising or worthy of being a part of the church. In fact I find this one man's response hostile and ridiculous.

I think most of you religous ones would rather I not even corrupt your meetings with my presence.  Is there anyone who could give me a non ridiculing non accusing or inflamitory response?  Thats intelligent and kind?  I was hoping some actual missionaries would respond.  Who've actually had to deal with this.

[Calm]

16 minutes ago, SteelMagnoliainTexas said:

No ok so it's ok if y'all go out but if I do I have to believe everything your prophets say is true and I don't.

No one on this board has said you shouldn’t go out.  I think you are reading concern for your well being as well as hoping your efforts would be better received as rejection of your efforts.  Going door to door in areas that are more open to such makes more sense to me as you will more likely find someone your witness will touch.

I have never had an issue with Jehovah Witnesses and Evangelicals knocking at my door.  When possible, I will talk with them, invite them in if they want, always take and read any literature they share.  I greatly admire anyone who is willing to show their faith in such a public manner.  I am terminally shy and knocking on doors is very hard for me even in very good causes.  I used to sell daffodils as a fundraiser for the Canadian Cancer Society.  It was a massive, well known effort and many people looked forward to you showing up at their door and it still made me physically ill to do it.  So those who are not only capable, but eager to seek out those to share in a good cause, I back them fully as long as it is not illegal or intrusive.

Edited June 14, 2022 by Calm

[bluebell]

5 minutes ago, SteelMagnoliainTexas said:

No ok so it's ok if y'all go out but if I do I have to believe everything your prophets say is true and I don't.  My baptism is no good either and the JW to them I'm rebellious cuz I believe Jesus is God.  It's like I've got to be *** for tat with any of y'all or I'm not even worth baptising or worthy of being a part of the church. In fact I find this one man's response hostile and ridiculous.

I think most of you religous ones would rather I not even corrupt your meetings with my presence.  Is there anyone who could give me a non ridiculing non accusing or inflamitory response?  Thats intelligent and kind?  I was hoping some actual missionaries would respond.  Who've actually had to deal with this.

 I served a mission, and I've had to deal with this, and I responded, and I was kind.  No one is saying or has said that you can't go out and witness.  

[Calm]

16 minutes ago, SteelMagnoliainTexas said:

I was hoping some actual missionaries would respond.

Latter-day Saint missionaries are limited in where they can spend their time.  This is not the type of forum that is allowed for them as proselytizing is actually not allowed for anyone here, though sharing your beliefs as part of the conversation is what we all do.  If you want to talk to missionaries online, the best way is through the contact us service on the Church’s website. 

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/requests/missionary-visit

There are lots of former missionaries here though.  If you could explain what you want to talk about with missionaries, they may be able to help.

Edited June 14, 2022 by Calm

[pogi]

1 hour ago, SteelMagnoliainTexas said:

What is wrong with knocking on doors.  Why do we study?  To be of use to ourselves and others.  

I felt the Holy Spirit urging me to go and talk with them.  Are only Mormon missionaries allowed to do this?  No one has anything to share but them.

Mormon missionaries learned long ago that knocking on doors is less-effective and a little too invasive for peoples comfort, depending on the culture.  

[Calm]

32 minutes ago, SteelMagnoliainTexas said:

And I'm alone every time when I go out and I do come across people like this fe quently.

Is there anyone who could go with you?  Is this an activity that members of your own congregation do (if so, perhaps there is another who would feel strengthened by your company)?

[Tacenda]

1 hour ago, SteelMagnoliainTexas said:

Oh so stay home and collect a check and basically get fat and die?  You will come across hostile people because some people view it as harassment.  There are people out there who don't care about what your doing and my delima is I believe God wants me to help people....I don't have a choice.  And he sort of called me a chicken cuz when I passed those apartments up and went to the restaurant to witness to the one or two people there there were a group of ceramic chickens sittin' right there on the table.  So any time you want to go out usually I face some sort of opposition either minor or sometimes major threats....Jesus did too.  So my question was how better should I have handled "that" particular situation?

Not knock on doors in the first place. I panic when someone comes to my door. And if it's a hard knock on my door, I'll be super panicky. It's the day we live in I guess. People won't usually want to open the door to strangers. 

I have a wood plaque that sits on my kitchen counter that says:

You can preach a better sermon with your life than with your lips. 

You could go visit those in rest homes that are lonely. Help at homeless shelters. Go to local volunteering websites in your area. Or put in your zip code here: https://www.justserve.org/projects?radius=25&skills=&interests=&volunteerFromAnywhere=false&onGoing=false&radiusType=1&location=&start=2022-06-14T17:07:15.335Z

And you will find a lot of ways to not stay home, collect a check and basically get fat and die (your words). You got this! And Jesus would be so proud!