Grievance, Entitlement, Resentment, and, it turns out, Actual Addiction

[Kevin Christensen]

Since I've been involved in addiction recovery for many years, including have spent 8 years doing teaching and training for LDS ARP, I thought this insight from a Yale lecturer in psychiatry worth our thought and attention in the context of the climax of the Book of Ether, the catastrophic battle fueled by resentment and revenge, as well as the tenor of certain ex-LDS communitites that gather primarily to voice and share grievances.

Quote

I am a violence researcher and study the role of grievances and retaliation in violent crime. Recently, I’ve been researching the way grievances affect the brain, and it turns out that your brain on grievance looks a lot like your brain on drugs. In fact, brain imaging studies show that harboring a grievance (a perceived wrong or injustice, real or imagined) activates the same neural reward circuitry as narcotics.
This isn’t a metaphor; it’s brain biology. Scientists have found that in substance addiction, environmental cues such as being in a place where drugs are taken or meeting another person who takes drugs cause sharp surges of dopamine in crucial reward and habit regions of the brain, specifically, the nucleus accumbens and dorsal striatum. This triggers cravings in anticipation of experiencing pleasure and relief through intoxication. Recent studies show that similarly, cues such as experiencing or being reminded of a perceived wrong or injustice — a grievance — activate these same reward and habit regions of the brain, triggering cravings in anticipation of experiencing pleasure and relief through retaliation. To be clear, the retaliation doesn’t need to be physically violent—an unkind word, or tweet, can also be very gratifying.

Although these are new findings and the research in this area is not yet settled, what this suggests is that similar to the way people become addicted to drugs or gambling, people may also become addicted to seeking retribution against their enemies—revenge addiction. This may help explain why some people just can’t let go of their grievances long after others feel they should have moved on—and why some people resort to violence.

...

People suffering from addiction tend to experience relationship problems and conflicts, display periods of euphoria followed by depression and restlessness, and fail to meet their responsibilities or fulfill their professional obligations. They spend long periods of time obsessing over and planning ways to gratify their cravings, and engage in the addictive behavior despite the physical or psychological harm it causes.

https://www.politico.com/news/magazine/2020/12/12/trump-grievance-addiction-444570

Think about that last quoted sentence in light of what it is that makes Shakespeare's Hamlet a tragedy, rather than, as often misread, a heroic tale of divinely administered retribution via a heroic agent.  And contrast Hamlet's grievances, resentment, and tactics and approach with Harry Potter's (clearly a type of Christ), and clearly different from Hamlet in his quest, despite being equally burdened with valid grievance, a true hero, rather than a tragic figure.  Much of Harry's journey involves not only confronting a great many potentially shattering and disillusioning revelations, but he chooses not to loose faith, not to surrender to resentment and grievance, ultimately, letting his soul be enlarged, even towards those who he had the most cause to hate and fear, and those who had most disappointed his expectations by what he learns because he did not give up on faith.   Potter contrasts to Voldemort/Riddle, on such matters.  (Voldemort, like Darth Vader, looses his humanity in exhange for fleeting power.)  Pop culture loves Polonius's advice from Hamlet (Act 1, scene 3): "This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man."   It's easy to say, "I'm just being true to myself" in rejecting any obligation to community standards, but that misses the irony in the phrase demonstrated throughout the play (Polonius is a self-interested phony, King Claudius clearly thought he was being true to his own self interest by murdering the previous king and taking his throne, and Hamlet himself gains the insight that leads to his quest by consulting a damned soul, who whispers in his ear a tale of Claudius having poured another kind of poison in the king's ear, and thereafter, begins his quest for revenge by pretending madness and therefore lying to everyone).

And think about how much resentment and grievance drives certain ex-LDS figures.  A useful self-check for eye beams in recovery practice involves looking at the validity of our own expections.  We write down and list our grievances and resentments as a first step in dismantling them, and removing their power in ruling our lives, thoughts, and actions.  Noted mystery novelist and newspaperman, Tony Hillerman titled his autobiography "Seldom Disappointed", based on his mother's advice that "If you don't expect too much, you won't be disappointed."  The whole point of setting a person or community on a tall narrow pedestal of high expectations is that it makes it much easier to knock them off that pedestal, off that deliberately precarious balance.  What follows if you see your self as so entitled that you can righteously demand and deserve perfection from your community, companions, and leaders?  Only imperfection matters and any imperfection is decisive.  Here is the foundation on which the CES Letter was produced:

Quote

“I believe that members and investigators deserve all of the information on the table to be able to make a fully informed and balanced decision as to whether or not they want to commit their hearts, minds, time, talents, income, and lives to Mormonism.”

In response to that I wrote this in my Eye of the Beholder, Law of the Harvest essay:

Quote

“All of the information on the table” is rather a large order. What it actually means is we all deserve “God-Like Omniscience” as a basic human right, to be provided by institutional authorities before students and investigators make any serious decision or commitment. This demand for absolute certainty and omniscience as a gift to students before they make any faith decision would, by its nature, rule out the possibility of any faith decision being made. Faith decisions, by definition, are based on incomplete knowledge.

Think about it. Where exactly can we go to get that basic right of pre-digested, spoon-fed omniscience on demand fulfilled now? Does Runnells himself come even remotely close to measuring up to the standard of what he demands from even the CES or FairMormon? Does he come close to putting “all of the information on the table” in even one of the topics he treats?43 Is there a single page of his essay that could even remotely be described as “fully informed and balanced” with respect to any topic that he treats?

https://journal.interpreterfoundation.org/eye-of-the-beholder-law-of-the-harvest-observations-on-the-inevitable-consequences-of-the-different-investigative-approaches-of-jeremy-runnells-and-jeff-lindsay/

One of the favorite shared resentments in ex-Mormon circles is "How come no one told me this or that?"  But that is always blind to the irony that there is always a great deal that they, in turn, leave off the table.  And if I allow people their humanity and grant that communities populated with humans will therefore provide ample evidence of that humanity, it's easier embrace realistic expectations and have greater tolerances, to have a capacity for enlightenment, and not just disillusion. 

The essay on grievance and addiction ends with this:

Quote

We all have a role to play in halting the cycle of grievance and retaliation. But in the end, he is a human being who needs help. It should be offered with the same care, compassion, and, yes, forgiveness, offered to anybody else whose life—or nation—is being torn apart by addiction.

And one thing we learn in helping addicts, whether ourselves, or others, is that enabling or exploiting is a very different thing than truely helping.

FWIW,

Kevin Christensen

Canonsburg, PA

Edited December 14, 2020 by Kevin Christensen
typo

[juliann]

I had never thought of it in terms of addiction, that could certainly explain why so many are very capable of creating rich and meaningful lives outside of Mormonism while so many others use their exit to maintain negativity and bitterness. It defies all reason to think that spending a significant amount of time stewing in hatred results in a fulfilling life.  

[Meadowchik]

This past summer I had the chance to spent much more time with some of friends who are LDS. We'd walk in our back garden as the sun went down and the crickets chirped. One particular evening, the subject of religion came up. For the first time, an LDS person asked me face-to-face what I believe now, and I tentatively began. She met my words with appreciation and I was able to express myself completely. I essentially told her about my belief in kindness and hope for a better world, much like what I have spoken about here at different times. 

I felt heard, I felt connected. I felt her love. 

Her compassion was very healing for me. And I give her full credit for her strength and the boundlessness of her faith that enabled her to ask. For the record, she has experienced ample issues with the church, and as an innocent party has been a witness to real suffering inflicted through leadership roles of the church. Yet in no way has she ever made me feel inferior for leaving or that she is superior for staying. She remains faithful, and she is still my dear friend.

I have reflected on that experience and on the thing that joined us together at that moment. She listened to me as I told her about my determination to continue to seek goodness and righteousness despite leaving the church, as she continues in her determination to seek goodness and righteousness in a life in the church. She spoke to me as a spiritual equal, and I'm really grateful for that. I want more of that in my relationships with the church and its members.

As individuals, the responsibility belongs to each of us to build loving bonds that transcend religious belief. But it can be done. And I think the LDS community, including those who are no longer believing, need it. We all do. Better relationships can help to repair unhealthiness within the church and outside of it. We can really do so much to help each other.

 

 

 

[Ahab]

2 hours ago, Kevin Christensen said:

...

And one thing we learn in helping addicts, whether ourselves, or others, is that enabling or exploiting is a very different thing than truely helping.

FWIW,

Kevin Christensen

Canonsburg, PA

I'm not seeing the connection between abandoning faith and addiction recovery but I agree with a lot of what you said about some people putting the Church and Church members on a pedestal.

Why some people do that, I don't know or understand.  It doesn't make any sense to me.  We all have problems, unless we are already as perfect as our Father in heaven, which is why we need Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit for salvation.

[juliann]

37 minutes ago, Ahab said:

I'm not seeing the connection between abandoning faith and addiction recovery but I agree with a lot of what you said about some people putting the Church and Church members on a pedestal.

 

You could not possibly have read this and think it was about “abandoning faith.” It is about perpetuating a cycle of grievances. 
 

 

[Ahab]

17 minutes ago, juliann said:

You could not possibly have read this and think it was about “abandoning faith.” It is about perpetuating a cycle of grievances. 
 

 

I understood Kevin to be talking about problems of people who are ex-LDS and anytime I think of anyone who is ex-LDS I think of people who have abandoned the faith that made them LDS in the first place.

So yes I actually did read Kevin's post about ex-LDS and thought he was talking about abandoning faith, although I did not and still do not see the connection between abandoning faith and addiction.

Edited December 14, 2020 by Ahab

[The Nehor]

[Tacenda]

My grievance has moved past the unknown wart filled church history, toward the church "can" be bad on the believing member's psyche. I see it all around me now, and even before my disbelief, but back when I didn't blame it on the church. 

The affect on the psyche is that LDS members that aren't cafeteria members struggle with feeling like they aren't perfect enough, and that leads into depression and then that leads to a domino affect of many symptoms that come from depression which could be a dependence on opioids.

If people didn't have the church's teachings hung over their heads, and leading them to think that without the church they are not going to see God etc. Then I feel that is harmful. If someone feels they are enough without all that, I think that's healthy. 

For example when I visit my MIL, I feel like she isn't happy, and she is the most stalwart member you could know. It's a doom and gloom feeling, when all she seems to say is the continuing tape of quotes in her head heard in the church concerning the end of days. It's like she doesn't appreciate living but instead concentrates on the next life. And she's always worried about her family and if they are active. How much better would her life have been if she weren't worried about whatever church lessons were put in her head? 

Why aren't current believing members happier? If the gospel is supposedly suppose to do that, or is it?

[Glenn101]

26 minutes ago, juliann said:

You could not possibly have read this and think it was about “abandoning faith.” It is about perpetuating a cycle of grievances. 
 

 

Abandoning faith may just be the catalyst for some that initiates that first set of grievances. As you pointed out, there are some who abandon faith but are able to build meaningful lives while others seemingly have a void they do not know how to fill which engenders resentment and starts that grievance perpetuating spiral.

I think that we have seen evidences of both types as posters here on this board.

Glenn

[Glenn101]

7 minutes ago, Tacenda said:

 

Why aren't current believing members happier? If the gospel is supposedly suppose to do that, or is it?

There are too many possibilities to try to pinpoint just one or two. All too often, as human beings, we tend maybe to concentrate or allow the negative things in our existence over shadow the positive. However, it has been my experience that people who truly believe in their religion are happier overall than those with little or no faith. I believe that there are studies that support that point of view.

And ofttimes there can be underlying problems where the hope that comes with faith may be what a person with chronic depression may be clinging to. I know a couple or two like that.

Glenn

[Ahab]

Sometimes it takes me a while to catch on to an idea and I think I am starting to see the connection between abandoning faith and addiction now.  Quoting from Kevin's post now:

similar to the way people become addicted to drugs or gambling, people may also become addicted to seeking retribution against their enemies—revenge addiction. This may help explain why some people just can’t let go of their grievances long after others feel they should have moved on—and why some people resort to violence.

Also from Kevin's post:  

it turns out that your brain on grievance looks a lot like your brain on drugs. In fact, brain imaging studies show that harboring a grievance (a perceived wrong or injustice, real or imagined) activates the same neural reward circuitry as narcotics.
This isn’t a metaphor; it’s brain biology. Scientists have found that in substance addiction, environmental cues such as being in a place where drugs are taken or meeting another person who takes drugs cause sharp surges of dopamine in crucial reward and habit regions of the brain, specifically, the nucleus accumbens and dorsal striatum. This triggers cravings in anticipation of experiencing pleasure and relief through intoxication. Recent studies show that similarly, cues such as experiencing or being reminded of a perceived wrong or injustice — a grievance — activate these same reward and habit regions of the brain, triggering cravings in anticipation of experiencing pleasure and relief through retaliation. To be clear, the retaliation doesn’t need to be physically violent—an unkind word, or tweet, can also be very gratifying.

 

So basically, if the above premise is true, anytime people see themselves as victims with grievances against the one(s) they think made them victims they get the same psychological effects as people who have taken and are addicted to drugs.

So for someone who is LDS (member of the Church) to get on this bandwagon they first need to see themselves as a victim of the Church, and then air their grievances, at which point their brain acts as if it is on drugs.  They get a fix from it, causing their brain to feel as if it is on drugs, and then if it is a pleasurable feeling, which they usually think it is, they would want to experience that feeling again, and again, which could result in them becoming addicted to that feeling.  Turning LDS into ex-LDS people.

So the solution is simple.  Don't start airing grievances against the Church because if you start doing that then you could become addicted to the feeling you will get when you do that.

Edited December 14, 2020 by Ahab

[juliann]

31 minutes ago, Glenn101 said:

Abandoning faith may just be the catalyst for some that initiates that first set of grievances. As you pointed out, there are some who abandon faith but are able to build meaningful lives while others seemingly have a void they do not know how to fill which engenders resentment and starts that grievance perpetuating spiral.

I think that we have seen evidences of both types as posters here on this board.

Glenn

Abandoning faith may be the catalyst, but again, this is about an addiction. It is two distinct groups of people so I do not understand why the majority of exMormons have to continually be dragged into any discussion about those who recycle grievances. It’s inaccurate and insulting. My two sisters have never engaged in this kind of behavior. 

[longview]

 

[Ahab]

49 minutes ago, juliann said:

Abandoning faith may be the catalyst, but again, this is about an addiction. It is two distinct groups of people so I do not understand why the majority of exMormons have to continually be dragged into any discussion about those who recycle grievances. It’s inaccurate and insulting. My two sisters have never engaged in this kind of behavior. 

As I am sure you are aware, they do not have to be dragged into that type of discussions.  Everything we do is a choice, and there are particular causes and effects that go along with the types of choices we make.

So in this case that choice has as one of its effects the psychological equivalency of a brain being on drugs.  Grieving makes them feel good, or at least has a pleasurable effect, so they grieve and gripe and complain to make themselves feel better.

Oh well.  At least I understand a little bit better about why they do that now.  Because they like it and how it makes them feel good.  

[Glenn101]

1 hour ago, juliann said:

Abandoning faith may be the catalyst, but again, this is about an addiction. It is two distinct groups of people so I do not understand why the majority of exMormons have to continually be dragged into any discussion about those who recycle grievances. It’s inaccurate and insulting. My two sisters have never engaged in this kind of behavior. 

No one that I am aware of is saying that the majority of ex-Mormons recycle grievances. But some do. And I will repeat the quote that Kevin quoted from the end of the essay.

Quote

We all have a role to play in halting the cycle of grievance and retaliation. But in the end, he is a human being who needs help. It should be offered with the same care, compassion, and, yes, forgiveness, offered to anybody else whose life—or nation—is being torn apart by addiction.

 

 

Glenn

[Emily]

4 hours ago, Tacenda said:

Why aren't current believing members happier? If the gospel is supposedly suppose to do that, or is it?

I'm happy. Most of the people I go to church with are happy. Certainly all the members I associate with on a regular basis are happy. I include in that group two who suffer from clinical depression and take medication to control their symptoms. But if you talk to them, they appreciate their lives, love their families, enjoy being with their friends on the good days and call the really good friends, or the Relief Society President, for help on the bad days.

Everyone has things that make them temporarily unhappy. We don't live trouble free lives simply by being LDS. And perhaps some people's personalities lend themselves to a lower range on the "happiness scale". Perhaps your MIL falls into a lower range personality? But who is to say she would be more happy outside the church? Perhaps, on a scale of 1 to 10, the church keeps her in a 3 to 6 range when she would be otherwise be a 1 to 4? It's difficult to know, short of kicking her out of the church and seeing how she does.

I should point out that you've also got a rather large sampling problem when you decide that members aren't happy based on the handful of members you personally know well enough to judge. They might have more than one thing in common that is making them unhappy. For example, they all know you.

Of course, I'm not really saying that all the Mormons you know are unhappy because they know you.  That would be rude. But it does illustrate the problems a person can fall into making broad assumptions based on limited samples.

I'm also not sure what any of this has to do with the original post, which is specifically about EX-Mormons who can't let go of their grievances against the church. This small subset of ex-Mormons are very puzzling to active members and probably other ex-Mormons who don't have the same problem. 

Their behavior is hard to understand. They have left... done, finished. So why do they keep coming back, dripping with angst and vitriol? Kevin's article sheds some light on this very puzzling phenomenon. Understanding that it could be a form of addiction really does help me have more compassion for them. 

 

[Emily]

Thanks for posting this Kevin. It's a fascinating theory that I haven't seen before. I managed to find a link to a .pdf of the study that he referenced if anyone else is interested. https://academic.oup.com/scan/article/11/7/1173/1753550#.X9gbSNCjy0w.link

[Glenn101]

5 hours ago, Ahab said:

Oh well.  At least I understand a little bit better about why they do that now.  Because they like it and how it makes them feel good.  

Please do not make that judgement about people with addictions. I have a brother, a really good man, who had a wife with psychological addictions. He once told me that she liked feeling depressed, etc. I really wish that I had spoken up to him about that then. As a person who has to deal with chronic depression on a constant basis, I know better. I knew better then but was undergoing therapy at the time and did not have the knowledge of my own condition and the words to let him know how wrong he was. Maybe such an intervention would have saved that marriage.

Glenn

[Tacenda]

2 hours ago, Emily said:

I'm happy. Most of the people I go to church with are happy. Certainly all the members I associate with on a regular basis are happy. I include in that group two who suffer from clinical depression and take medication to control their symptoms. But if you talk to them, they appreciate their lives, love their families, enjoy being with their friends on the good days and call the really good friends, or the Relief Society President, for help on the bad days.

Everyone has things that make them temporarily unhappy. We don't live trouble free lives simply by being LDS. And perhaps some people's personalities lend themselves to a lower range on the "happiness scale". Perhaps your MIL falls into a lower range personality? But who is to say she would be more happy outside the church? Perhaps, on a scale of 1 to 10, the church keeps her in a 3 to 6 range when she would be otherwise be a 1 to 4? It's difficult to know, short of kicking her out of the church and seeing how she does.

I should point out that you've also got a rather large sampling problem when you decide that members aren't happy based on the handful of members you personally know well enough to judge. They might have more than one thing in common that is making them unhappy. For example, they all know you.

Of course, I'm not really saying that all the Mormons you know are unhappy because they know you.  That would be rude. But it does illustrate the problems a person can fall into making broad assumptions based on limited samples.

I'm also not sure what any of this has to do with the original post, which is specifically about EX-Mormons who can't let go of their grievances against the church. This small subset of ex-Mormons are very puzzling to active members and probably other ex-Mormons who don't have the same problem. 

Their behavior is hard to understand. They have left... done, finished. So why do they keep coming back, dripping with angst and vitriol? Kevin's article sheds some light on this very puzzling phenomenon. Understanding that it could be a form of addiction really does help me have more compassion for them. 

 

Loss of family & friends' connections, loss of dreams they once had but forfeited for their religion, their time and money given to the church over the course of their lives, and many more. This article has more reasons.  https://religionnews.com/2019/07/02/why-cant-ex-mormons-just-leave-the-lds-church-alone/

And as far as knowing if some members weren't happy, I was in two RS presidencies so was aware of the many struggles or unhappiness but they wouldn't express it out in the open. And many didn't tell me firsthand, it was through the RS president.  

And you're right that there are many happy LDS alongside the unhappy ones. 

 

 

Edited December 15, 2020 by Tacenda

[Glenn101]

1 hour ago, Emily said:

I'm happy. Most of the people I go to church with are happy. Certainly all the members I associate with on a regular basis are happy. I include in that group two who suffer from clinical depression and take medication to control their symptoms. But if you talk to them, they appreciate their lives, love their families, enjoy being with their friends on the good days and call the really good friends, or the Relief Society President, for help on the bad days.

Emily, thanks for that post. I wanted to upvote it but I guess you are too new to the board for that.

Glenn

[juliann]

2 hours ago, Tacenda said:

Loss of family & friends' connections, loss of dreams they once had but forfeited for their religion, their time and money given to the church over the course of their lives, and many more. This article has more reasons.  https://religionnews.com/2019/07/02/why-cant-ex-mormons-just-leave-the-lds-church-alone/

And as far as knowing if some members weren't happy, I was in two RS presidencies so was aware of the many struggles or unhappiness but they wouldn't express it out in the open. And many didn't tell me firsthand, it was through the RS president.  

And you're right that there are many happy LDS alongside the unhappy ones. 

 

 

No one in their right mind would deny that you can be LDS and unhappy. You have been told about the improper use of anecdotes as a substitute for data and yet double down on the anecdotes as usual. 
 

Every study I have seen reports that religiosity is correlated to life satisfaction. So CFR. 

[juliann]

Further, a RS Prez doesn’t get calls to help people with their happiness. So using those that she does assist as a reason to claim LDS are unhappy is bizarre. (A lot of us here have probably been in RS Presidencies so try something else.)

[Meadowchik]

4 hours ago, Emily said:

I'm happy. Most of the people I go to church with are happy. Certainly all the members I associate with on a regular basis are happy. I include in that group two who suffer from clinical depression and take medication to control their symptoms. But if you talk to them, they appreciate their lives, love their families, enjoy being with their friends on the good days and call the really good friends, or the Relief Society President, for help on the bad days.

Everyone has things that make them temporarily unhappy. We don't live trouble free lives simply by being LDS. And perhaps some people's personalities lend themselves to a lower range on the "happiness scale". Perhaps your MIL falls into a lower range personality? But who is to say she would be more happy outside the church? Perhaps, on a scale of 1 to 10, the church keeps her in a 3 to 6 range when she would be otherwise be a 1 to 4? It's difficult to know, short of kicking her out of the church and seeing how she does.

I should point out that you've also got a rather large sampling problem when you decide that members aren't happy based on the handful of members you personally know well enough to judge. They might have more than one thing in common that is making them unhappy. For example, they all know you.

Of course, I'm not really saying that all the Mormons you know are unhappy because they know you.  That would be rude. But it does illustrate the problems a person can fall into making broad assumptions based on limited samples.

I'm also not sure what any of this has to do with the original post, which is specifically about EX-Mormons who can't let go of their grievances against the church. This small subset of ex-Mormons are very puzzling to active members and probably other ex-Mormons who don't have the same problem. 

Their behavior is hard to understand. They have left... done, finished. So why do they keep coming back, dripping with angst and vitriol? Kevin's article sheds some light on this very puzzling phenomenon. Understanding that it could be a form of addiction really does help me have more compassion for them. 

 

I would say that your anecdotal sampling of happy people is just as questionable as her sampling. We have to rely on better data than our personal perceptions.

As an exmormon who continues to criticize the church, I notice that there's an obvious reason why leavers speak out. LDS culture tends to discourage criticism of the church. Criticism is often associated with less faith, less obedience and "proper" criticism is usually left to the leaders over their own stewardships. 

But criticism and calls for progress are both very healthy human behaviours, even if quality of method can vary vastly. And so more or less exmormons will do the good, human thing of raising alarms and asking for improvements.

 

[Calm]

17 minutes ago, Meadowchik said:

We have to rely on better data than our personal perceptions.

Quote

A good review of the literature on religion, mental health, and the Latter-day Saints specifically is now available on-line: Daniel K. Judd, "Religiosity, Mental Health, and the Latter-day Saints: A Preliminary Review of Literature (1923-95)," in Latter-day Saint Social Life: Social Research on the LDS Church of its Members, edited by James T. Duke, (Religious Studies Center, Brigham Young University, 1998) off-site the abstract of which reads:

Analysis of the data indicates that Latter-day Saints who live their lives consistent with their religious beliefs experience greater general well-being and marital and family stability, and less delinquency, depression, anxiety, and substance abuse than those who do not. This review of research also concludes that there is very little support for the assertion made by some that religious belief, practice, or affiliation is antithetical to mental health.... [36]

In religious people generally,

59% of studies from 1985–1995 suggest a positive benefit on mental health; another 26% were neutral. [37]

"This most recent analysis of data (1985-95) indicates that high scores on measures of religiosity (activity, attitude, affiliation, and belief) are facilitative of marital and family stability, adjustment, and personal well-being. This most recent analysis also indicates that those who score high on measures of religiosity show the highest positive correlation with measures of mental health. Also, those who score higher on scales of "intrinsic" religiosity score better on measures of mental health than those with an "extrinsic" religious orientation. There also appears to be little difference in measures of mental pathology with respect to religious affiliation." [38]

That is, an active inner spiritual life is more protective than merely outward forms of religious observance.

For studies involving members of the Church of Jesus Christ specifically:

70% were positive; 24% had neutral effects on mental health (thus, only 6% showed a negative effect); [39]

LDS women were less depressed than other women; LDS men were no different from non-LDS men. [40]

Thus, the available research does not support the contention that religious people have more mental health problems than non-religious people, or that being a Latter-day Saint religious person is mentally unhealthy. If anything, being LDS is protective against mental health difficulties, which is in keeping with the general consensus that religion is psychologically beneficial.

https://www.fairmormon.org/answers/Utah/Statistical_claims#Question:_Is_the_rate_of_antidepressant_use_in_Utah_much_higher_among_Mormons_than_the_general_population.3F

[Emily]

16 minutes ago, juliann said:

(A lot of us here have probably been in RS Presidencies so try something else.)

I'm in the Relief Society Presidency right now, and the Presidency is indeed aware of many unhappy situations in the ward. This is particulary true this year as we've had an unusual number of deaths in the ward, one from Covid, but five others from causes as diverse as cancer, Alzheimer's and "incidences related to age". 

With job losses, quarantine isolation, bored children home all day, and the constant threat of the virus, it has been a very sad, lonely and stressful year for most of the ward.

But it would have been a whole lot more sad, lonely and stressful without the assurances of the plan of salvation and the system of social support offered by church. 

If someone is feeling like they aren't good enough, or can't measure up, then I have to say, they don't understand the gospel.

The gospel is what we do in Relief Society Presidency meetings, where the first question is always, "Who needs help?" The gospel is learning that "Trying to Be Like Jesus" is about showing kindness. The gospel is showing up for choir practice, even if you can't sing, because the choir director gets upset when no one comes.  The gospel is moving furniture, dropping by a friend's house unexpectedly with a pack of toilet paper "because I was thinking about you", or sticking paper hearts all over the door of a family in quarantine. 

Everything else is just theology. 

And I guarantee, the girls who stuck hearts all over our door... they are happy people. Really happy. And so are we.