An Update from Josh and Lolly Weed

[Daniel2]

Some sobering sad news from Josh and Lilly....   Regardless of where any of us may stand on issues, and even as a divorce may be necessary or an answer to prayers, it’s never easy for all concerned, especially children. I am grateful for their sincerity and openness, and continue to wish them both and especially their children all the best...

Quote

THE WEED

ALL KINDS OF REAL

TURNING A UNICORN INTO A BAT: THE POST IN WHICH WE ANNOUNCE THE END OF OUR MARRIAGE

 

(And the post in which we sincerely apologize to every member of the LGBTQIA community)

 

 

 

Five-and-a-half years ago my wife, Lolly, and I sat together at a hotel in Las Vegas, nervously composing a coming out post that would, unbeknownst to us, change our lives in nearly every way imaginable. We were so, so nervous. But we were sweet and earnest, and we had been feeling the cosmic drive to do this for months . . . we knew, without a doubt, that it was what we were supposed to do, even though it felt totally out of left field, and we had no idea why.

 

That act of authenticity brought many of you who will read this into our lives. Finally, we were able to live authentically, instead of this life of quiet struggle we had existed in for a decade. Finally we were able to be honest with our community, our friends, our colleagues, our families about our marriage, and about me—that I am a gay man, and that Lolly and I had gotten married knowing this about me. That I had always have been gay. That it was not something I had chosen—it just was— but that I loved my wife and my life. 

 

Finally, Lolly and I were out of the closet.

 

And it has been wonderful. The five years since that post have been largely the same as the previous ten years—deeply wonderful, beautiful years, filled with family-connection and love. We’ve continued to raise our girls. We’ve built memories. We’ve grown. We’ve had family home evenings every single Monday, prayed together every night, and read scriptures together every morning as we eat breakfast as a family. We’ve gone to church and filled church callings and hung out with friends and taken our girls on approximately four hundred million play dates. Lolly and I have loved each other deeply and generously, and we’ve woven a tapestry of beautiful connection and communication together that I daresay stands up against the connection and communication of any marriage anywhere. 

 

In fact, it’s the depth of that connection—and the unrelenting transparency with each other that we share—the genuine, honest, loving nature of our communication with one another—that leads us to where we are today—to this very difficult, very unexpected post.

 

Today, we need to let you know that Lolly and I are divorcing.

 

 Please do not copy entire posts, it violates copyright.

Edited January 26, 2018 by Daniel2

[The Nehor]

Wow, that is hard.  Wish them the best.

Edited January 26, 2018 by The Nehor

[Sky]

Long post!  I wish him well!  Mixed-orientation marriages aren’t easy!  

[Jeanne]

Oh wow...I am in tears.  This.  This is real..REAL!!!  Every leader in any church should read this and re-evaluate the conditions by which they measure love and people's need for it.  Thank you for this.  Heartbreaking but yet you can see a strength that will reap joy for all.  God Bless the Weed family!!

[Calm]

Very brave people in whatever they try to do in their lives.

[Daniel2]

Please do not copy entire posts, it violates copyright.

I apologize... In the 15 years I’ve been posting here and after sharing many such articles, that’s the first time I’ve ever seen a correction like this, especially when giving credit by linking to the author’s original post.

For those interested in reading Josh and Lolly’s post in full, click on THE WEED or the article’s title in the OP. 

Edited January 26, 2018 by Daniel2

[hope_for_things]

Thanks for posting, what a journey they’ve gone through.  So sad in many ways, but also beautiful and inspiring.  

[blueglass]

I like what his friend Ben said to Josh, "Josh, you realize your sexual orientation is beautiful, right? Not just tolerable. It’s beautiful . . .”    Tim Cook said, "I consider being gay among the greatest gifts God has given me."

Edited January 26, 2018 by blueglass

[Darren10]

2 hours ago, Daniel2 said:

Some sobering sad news from Josh and Lilly....   Regardless of where any of us may stand on issues, and even as a divorce may be necessary or an answer to prayers, it’s never easy for all concerned, especially children. I am grateful for their sincerity and openness, and continue to wish them both all the best...

From the link:

Quote

We’re sorry to any gay Mormon who received criticism, backlash, or hatred as a result of our story. It wasn’t long after our post that we began to get messages from the LGBTQIA community, letting us know that their loved ones were using our blog post to pressure them to get married to a person of the opposite gender—sometimes even disowning them, saying things like, “if these two can do it, so can you.” Our hearts broke as we learned of the ways our story was used a battering ram by fearful, uninformed parents and loved ones, desperate to get their children to act in the ways they thought were best. One person wrote—and I’ll never get the horror of this out of my head for the rest of my life—saying that he went to see his family for Thanksgiving during his second year of college, where he was an out gay man who openly had a boyfriend. When he got home, his father pulled up our story on the computer and then physically assaulted him, beating him as he had often done during his childhood, saying “if this guy could avoid being a faggot, so could you!”

 

Think of that. If we heard about our story being used in that way, I cannot even imagine the stories, all along the spectrum of manipulative horror, that we have never heard.

What a sad pathetic father this person was. He deserves no great blessing in the eternities so far as I am concerned, nor would mercy have any such claim on such a man who’d beat his son for being gay so far as I understand the godpel of Jesus Christ.

Dear Josh;

What in the world are you thinking trying to attach your brave coming out post to such a gravely despicable act by this father? Your coming out post gave great hope to many to live the gospel as they should and now you are denouncing it all. Your coming out post lead people to exaltation and now you offer an apology in part because of a sick deluded man? Your coming out post have great hope to many and now you want nothing more to do with it? You denounce it? How sad. 

Josh, you’re now on a direct path of being anti LDS Church. It is killing people? Really? Because it expects everyone to live the same standards? Or are straight only standards officially not good enough for you? There should be gay standards as well? I know suicide well as I’ve associated with suicidal people all my life. By an large these have been straight people and those who were gay expressed no more a desire for suicide than any of the suicidal straight people I’ve known. I married a suicidal woman and three of our children are suicidal. Your emotionally charged attack against the LDS Church is meaningless to me. It is a great organization directed by God himself and that includes the standards of morality. I personally think it correct to have one standard for all to live. Not one for gays, and another one for straight people. I feel deeply for your struggle for romance. It is very real and very deep but hardly exclusive to you or to the gay community. All the crying / sobbing stories in the world will not change that fact. You say that violating temple ocvenants has never crossed your mind but apparently that does not including building up the kingdom of God on the earth. 

Now the Spirit confirms to you, your wife, and your daughter(s) that you should be gay. You are open to “additional partners” in your future? There have been many times in my marriage I felt underappreciated. Not fully attracted to. Should I get additional partners? My wife and I could / would still be a family. Maybe she would like other partners as well. Shall I pray about it? That seems to be the current course you are advocating. 

I do not disagree at all over the need for divorce but your attacks against moral standards set forth by the LDS Church is not morally good. You have actively turned your story of endurance and inspiration into a direct and even vile attack against the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I truly wish you and Lolly and especially your daughters well but I highly doubt any of you will end up doing much good for much of anyone in this current path you have chosen.

[kllindley]

2 hours ago, Daniel2 said:

Some sobering sad news from Josh and Lilly....   Regardless of where any of us may stand on issues, and even as a divorce may be necessary or an answer to prayers, it’s never easy for all concerned, especially children. I am grateful for their sincerity and openness, and continue to wish them both and especially their children all the best...

I think the saddest part is when he insists that a happy mixed-orientation marriage is a myth. How incredibly condescending. 

[ttribe]

9 minutes ago, Darren10 said:

From the link:

What a sad pathetic father this person was. He deserves no great blessing in the eternities so far as I am concerned, nor would mercy have any such claim on such a man who’d beat his son for being gay so far as I understand the godpel of Jesus Christ.

Dear Josh;

What in the world are you thinking trying to attach your brave coming out post to such a gravely despicable act by this father? Your coming out post gave great hope to many to live the gospel as they should and now you are denouncing it all. Your coming out post lead people to exaltation and now you offer an apology in part because of a sick deluded man? Your coming out post have great hope to many and now you want nothing more to do with it? You denounce it? How sad. 

Josh, you’re now on a direct path of being anti LDS Church. It is killing people? Really? Because it expects everyone to live the same standards? Or are straight only standards officially not good enough for you? There should be gay standards as well? I know suicide well as I’ve associated with suicidal people all my life. By an large these have been straight people and those who were gay expressed no more a desire for suicide than any of the suicidal straight people I’ve known. I married a suicidal woman and three of our children are suicidal. Your emotionally charged attack against the LDS Church is meaningless to me. It is a great organization directed by God himself and that includes the standards of morality. I personally think it correct to have one standard for all to live. Not one for gays, and another one for straight people. I feel deeply for your struggle for romance. It is very real and very deep but hardly exclusive to you or to the gay community. All the crying / sobbing stories in the world will not change that fact. You say that violating temple ocvenants has never crossed your mind but apparently that does not including building up the kingdom of God on the earth. 

Now the Spirit confirms to you, your wife, and your daughter(s) that you should be gay. You are open to “additional partners” in your future? There have been many times in my marriage I felt underappreciated. Not fully attracted to. Should I get additional partners? My wife and I could / would still be a family. Maybe she would like other partners as well. Shall I pray about it? That seems to be the current course you are advocating. 

I do not disagree at all over the need for divorce but your attacks against moral standards set forth by the LDS Church is not morally good. You have actively turned your story of endurance and inspiration into a direct and even vile attack against the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I truly wish you and Lolly and especially your daughters well but I highly doubt any of you will end up doing much good for much of anyone in this current path you have chosen.

 

3 minutes ago, kllindley said:

I think the saddest part is when he insists that a happy mixed-orientation marriage is a myth. How incredibly condescending. 

And the attacks begin; pathetic.

[kllindley]

5 minutes ago, ttribe said:

 

And the attacks begin; pathetic.

Seriously? My comment is an attack? And his comments about my marriage? 

[JulieM]

What an amazingly loving, heartwarming, honest expression from both of them.  Heartbreaking but honest and they are sharing their truth.

Theyll be ok....and so will their girls.  Love is everything and they have an abundance of it.

Please, let’s not judge them or attack either of them at a time when they are doing what they feel is best for their family.  

Edited January 26, 2018 by JulieM

[sjdawg]

22 minutes ago, kllindley said:

 

Edited January 26, 2018 by sjdawg
comment deleted

[kllindley]

13 minutes ago, JulieM said:

What an amazingly loving, heartwarming, honest expression from both of them.  Heartbreaking but honest and they are sharing their truth.

Theyll be ok....and so will their girls.  Love is everything and they have an abundance of it.

Please, let’s not judge them or attack either of them at a time when they are doing what they feel is best for their family.  

I absolutely was not attacking them out their family. I'm just not in love with the fact that he tries to extrapolate his experiences onto all other LGBT individuals. 

[JulieM]

35 minutes ago, kllindley said:

I think the saddest part is when he insists that a happy mixed-orientation marriage is a myth. How incredibly condescending. 

I need to reread it because I don’t remember him saying that (not doubting you, it was long and I should read again).

I really would like to know if you could relate to some of what he expressed though.  I thought of you as I was reading it and love your posts here.

Edited January 26, 2018 by JulieM

[The Nehor]

37 minutes ago, kllindley said:

I think the saddest part is when he insists that a happy mixed-orientation marriage is a myth. How incredibly condescending. 

I thought that was going too far. He generalized from his own experience. Perhaps forgivable in an emotional post like that but not fair to others with different circumstances.

I admit I am even a little envious. They seem to have great hope for a good future which I have lacked lately. 

While I do still believe that acting of these impulses is a sin I wish him (and her) the best, whatever that might be.

Edited January 26, 2018 by The Nehor

[JulieM]

8 minutes ago, kllindley said:

I absolutely was not attacking them out their family. I'm just not in love with the fact that he tries to extrapolate his experiences onto all other LGBT individuals. 

I know.  I honestly was not referring to you, kllindley.   Just a general request.  Whatever you express here or feel is real and honest, I know that.

[hope_for_things]

28 minutes ago, kllindley said:

I absolutely was not attacking them out their family. I'm just not in love with the fact that he tries to extrapolate his experiences onto all other LGBT individuals. 

It was a myth to him, he can only speak from his experience.  Yours may be different, this is how I read his comments.  

[The Nehor]

16 minutes ago, JulieM said:

Did you read the entire writings from both of them?

If you did,

I’m not sure how you can feel anything but love from and for them both.  You might not agree with all they expressed, but please don’t be hateful or judgemental.   

If what they said is true I do and I have little reason to doubt most of it.

But be careful. Someone can write like that and lie. I did it myself once as an (admittedly cruel) object lesson on another board and had people offering me support and money and the like (I didn't take it). It is much easier to do when writing than it is in person. Not saying that happened here and it probably did not (I do not think it did) but taking an emotional or inspiring story at face value can lead people to bad places. (Insert your own Paul H. Dunn reference here)

[Storm Rider]

It is very difficult to judge choices. These two people have made a choice; just like they made a choice five years ago.  Sometimes our choices are permanent and sometimes they are temporary regardless of how much we feel otherwise at the time we make commitments.  For these two I wish them only the very best and that our Father in Heaven will guide them in all they do.

I tend to reject this idea of the absolute need for romantic attachement.  I have read too much of history; I have read too much of the lives of those who consciously chose to be single and yet, were individuals who led full lives.  They found their first love and refused to abandon him for any other.  

I must admit that I remain deeply suspicious of the entire realm we view as human psychology, psychiatry, and/or counseling.  I am not objective the moment someone enters that topic or that influence into the discussion.  I just become very wary of what is being said and the reasons used to support their conclusions.  Not interested in debating it, but just want to be honest that I am subjective about any conclusion arrived at by these individuals and these fields of study.  

Lastly, the only hope that I believe is valid, real, and eternal will begin and end with Jesus Christ, Heavenly Father, and the Holy Ghost.  Everything else that does not fit within those three is counterfeit and will end in unhappiness and unrealized potential.  

Edited January 26, 2018 by Storm Rider

[SamuelTheLamanite]

For God nothing is impossible. A gay man can have a happy heterosexual marriage when the family is living the gospel.

I hope Josh and Lilly can pray, fast, and turn to the scriptures before ending their marriage.

[The Nehor]

14 minutes ago, SamuelTheLamanite said:

For God nothing is impossible. A gay man can have a happy heterosexual marriage when the family is living the gospel.

I hope Josh and Lilly can pray, fast, and turn to the scriptures before ending their marriage.

Is the opposite true? If so will you marry me?

[why me]

Divorce is usually painful for most who go through it. But divorce does happen to many couples for various reasons. Likewise for this marriage. It doesn't seem that there is any bitterness in this separation and so, both will move on and do what they consider best in their lives. It would be more painful if they stayed together for public consumption.

Edited January 26, 2018 by why me

[Darren10]

4 hours ago, JulieM said:

What an amazingly loving, heartwarming, honest expression from both of them.  Heartbreaking but honest and they are sharing their truth.

Theyll be ok....and so will their girls.  Love is everything and they have an abundance of it.

Please, let’s not judge them or attack either of them at a time when they are doing what they feel is best for their family.  

Really? After they attack the LDS Church for killing people?