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The Nehor

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Lately I have been less funny and more biting. I have recently suffered a series of setbacks in my life that seem to have crushed every hope and goal and dream I had for my future. Buddhism with its abrogation of desire seems like a worthy goal at the moment; If I thought it had any chance of working I would be very tempted to try it. I am sure that is hyperbole but it feels that way.

In any case I will try to be less cruel and delete more of my more biting posts instead of submitting them. Sorry if I was too mean. :( 

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I am sorry to hear that.  I hope you can find your peace if not your dreams.  I know how crushing it can be when dreams become impossible.  I still have moments when it becomes too hard to breathe if I think too much about them.

Otoh, while there still is no chance for my dreams to come true (barring a medical miracle), life is still better for me than I thought it would be a little over two years ago and I have found other ways to have happiness in life.

I really miss being able to be completely lost in my passion though.  Nothing else quite measures up to it and I only really had that experience for a year or so in high school and a little time in college when I found out what I really wanted to learn in life.  Apparently those weren't the lessons I needed though.  

It is the little things that make life worthwhile now.  Maybe if my dreams had come true I wouldn't have noticed them as much or cared and some of them are simply wonderful.  I hope you see some soon.

Edited by Calm
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7 hours ago, The Nehor said:

Lately I have been less funny and more biting. I have recently suffered a series of setbacks in my life that seem to have crushed every hope and goal and dream I had for my future. Buddhism with its abrogation of desire seems like a worthy goal at the moment; If I thought it had any chance of working I would be very tempted to try it. I am sure that is hyperbole but it feels that way.

In any case I will try to be less cruel and delete more of my more biting posts instead of submitting them. Sorry if I was too mean. :( 

You meanie! :)

I hope things work out for you, sir. Take care and God bless.

 

Darren

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That sucks rocks. I've been there and it can make life feel hopeless, which is a horrible feeling. 

Last year when everything turned to crap for me and mine I found a lot of solace in two conference talks, both by Elder Worthlin. I think they are called "Sunday always comes" and "come what may and love it."  

Things will get better, hang in there. It's always much easier to see God in the rear view mirror than in the windshield but He's there. Don't lose hope. 

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1 hour ago, bluebell said:

That sucks rocks. I've been there and it can make life feel hopeless, which is a horrible feeling. 

Last year when everything turned to crap for me and mine I found a lot of solace in two conference talks, both by Elder Worthlin. I think they are called "Sunday always comes" and "come what may and love it."  

Things will get better, hang in there. It's always much easier to see God in the rear view mirror than in the windshield but He's there. Don't lose hope. 

Thanks, read both instead of working so far. I feel a little better though my task list does not.

Hope is still gone but my faith is intact and I am not letting it go anywhere. Now I just need to make sure Charity stays alive. Two out of three is not that bad.

As Jack Nicholson said after the aliens killed Congress:

 

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As long as we're looking for Conference talks to read so we can avoid doing any actual work ;):D:  

 

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/grateful-in-any-circumstances?lang=eng

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I'm composing the song I'm going to sing when I quit*, and I need some inspiration**:

Quote

 

One less ... phone to answer!

One less ... angry call!

One less clueless CSR to clean up after!

One less ... phone to answer!

 

*Yeah, right!  Like that's ever gonna happen! :snort: 

**Sung to the tune of The Fifth Dimension's classic, "One Less Bell to Answer"

Edited by Kenngo1969
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1 hour ago, Kenngo1969 said:

I hear ya.

Every morning, I wake up and I'm still breathing.  I can still move (usually), so I figure I might as well trade my horizontal state for a vertical one.  Longer ago than I care to admit, I left the drudgery of answering phones (all workday, every workday) and eventually decided to go back to school in hopes that it would prompt someone to hire me to do something else.  Initially, I lost my nerve, withdrew before receiving any credit, and got a job ... answering phones (all workday, every workday).  

I said, "OK.  Well, I may not not sure about this other thing, but I am sure as heck that I don't want to answer phones (all workday, every workday), for the rest of my life."  So, I swallowed my pride and went back.  After several years of emotional and intellectual carnage, literally* against all odds, I finally got the degree.  Then I was denied admission to my would-be chosen profession.  After ten years of earnest rehabilitation, I thought I might venture to reapply to my would-be chosen profession ... Only to have those efforts blithely swept aside by a careless evaluator.

In July of 2015 ... since it seems to be the only thing anyone thinks I'm good for, and since, if ya can't beat 'em, ya might as well join 'em ... I took yet another job answering phones. Since, last time I checked, whoever does that was still willing to keep signing my paychecks, I show up for work at my assigned hour ... and answer phones for another eight hours.  It's far too little, far too late, but I have an appointment with an attorney who represents my state's Protection & Advocacy Agency tomorrow.  (I dunno what she's gonna do for me now, but ... finally, finally, finally ... at least someone's gonna listen. :blink::shok: ) The sheer shock alone almost killed me.  In a way, I wish it had! ;) Yes, yes, yes, I know!  No, I'm not planning anything drastic.  Yes, I'll talk to someone if I need to (But the last time I did that, I got into deep trouble; that's how this whole mess started!)  I shoulda simply said, "Welp, I have an eval from 2006 that says my behavioral health diagnosis is in 'sustained full remission'!  We're just gonna go with that, and even though it's [at that time] 2014, if the Bar's not impressed, the Bar's not impressed!"  But I had no reason to think that this idiot would undo all of that.  He had me sign a malpractice waiver, and in the back of my mind, I'm thinking "Should I?"  I should've listened better to that faint little voice, but, 20/20 hindsight.

The whole damn thing feels like "Groundhog Day," except, rather than reliving the same day over and over, I've come full circle right back to where I started 20 years ago. :rolleyes: 

Now?  My much more modest aspiration is to work one day in any full-time, benefitted position for which my employer thinks I'm good for something ... besides answering phones! :rolleyes: OK, I realize this is turning into the old joke where a guy spots another guy who's about to jump off a bridge, so the first guy thinks he can help the second guy, stops and gets out of his car, and they talk for two hours ... then they both jump off the bridge. :D:rofl::D 

Sorry. :huh::unknw: 

I wish you well. :) 

*Yes, I realize the word "literally" is overused ... literally.  But it applies in this case ... literally.

Okay, you have sold me. Where can I purchase this "comforting release of death" you recommend?

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Quote

Remember when I posted once..a few weeks ago..I said "where has my Nehor gone" or something like that.  Now I understand and I know that kind of hopeless feeling too.

Just know that you are valued...you wit and humor..even in the most TBM way..:P makes me laugh out loud and that hardly ever happens..you are so out of the blue, in your face a joy. 

Tomorrow and all your tomorrows may seem just like another day...but let something touch you...a simple thing that will make you marvel at the world.  I believe in you.  You will find your way and another dream is just a dream away..!  Many hugs, Jeanne

 

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14 hours ago, The Nehor said:

Lately I have been less funny and more biting. I have recently suffered a series of setbacks in my life that seem to have crushed every hope and goal and dream I had for my future. Buddhism with its abrogation of desire seems like a worthy goal at the moment; If I thought it had any chance of working I would be very tempted to try it. I am sure that is hyperbole but it feels that way.

In any case I will try to be less cruel and delete more of my more biting posts instead of submitting them. Sorry if I was too mean. :( 

I have lived long enough to have passed often through "valley of the shadow of death" only to come out the other side, sometimes better, but always different. This morning I received some really bad news about my health, such that some immediate changes have to take place yesterday. As long as we are living, we are still able to make different choices, be they internal or external. You are loved here, even if you may not feel so elsewhere. 

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1 hour ago, Bill "Papa" Lee said:

I have lived long enough to have passed often through "valley of the shadow of death" only to come out the other side, sometimes better, but always different. This morning I received some really bad news about my health, such that some immediate changes have to take place yesterday. As long as we are living, we are still able to make different choices, be they internal or external. You are loved here, even if you may not feel so elsewhere. 

Reading stuff like this makes me realize it could be worse. I only have one easily manageable health condition, have a family I love and who loves me, and Kenngo reminded me that I make good money at a job that gives me satisfaction and enough money to live off and many do not have these things.

Still feel terrible but it cannot last forever.

 

Edited by The Nehor
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1 hour ago, The Nehor said:

Reading stuff like this makes me realize it could be worse. I only have one easily manageable health condition, have a family I love and who loves me, and Kenngo reminded me that I make good money at a job that gives me satisfaction and enough money to live off and many do not have these things.

Still feel terrible but it cannot last forever.

 

This is what age and life has taught me, nothing lasts forever. Not even pain or unhappiness, unless we choose for it too. Even with my many health issues and pain, I am blessed by the family that surrounds me. 

Edited by Bill "Papa" Lee
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3 hours ago, Anijen said:

Nehor, yours is one of the few I make sure I read. Your humor is top-notch. Hang in there, just keep swimming, never give up never surrender, endure to the end.

love ya bro

 

From Finding Nemo, to Galaxy Quest, to the Book of Mormon, you got life covered in just that one post. :)

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13 hours ago, Kenngo1969 said:

I hear ya.

Every morning, I wake up and I'm still breathing.  I can still move (usually), so I figure I might as well trade my horizontal state for a vertical one.  Longer ago than I care to admit, I left the drudgery of answering phones (all workday, every workday) and eventually decided to go back to school in hopes that it would prompt someone to hire me to do something else.  Initially, I lost my nerve, withdrew before receiving any credit, and got a job ... answering phones (all workday, every workday).  

I said, "OK.  Well, I may not not sure about this other thing, but I am sure as heck that I don't want to answer phones (all workday, every workday), for the rest of my life."  So, I swallowed my pride and went back.  After several years of emotional and intellectual carnage, literally* against all odds, I finally got the degree.  Then I was denied admission to my would-be chosen profession.  After ten years of earnest rehabilitation, I thought I might venture to reapply to my would-be chosen profession ... Only to have those efforts blithely swept aside by a careless evaluator.

In July of 2015 ... since it seems to be the only thing anyone thinks I'm good for, and since, if ya can't beat 'em, ya might as well join 'em ... I took yet another job answering phones. Since, last time I checked, whoever does that was still willing to keep signing my paychecks, I show up for work at my assigned hour ... and answer phones for another eight hours.  It's far too little, far too late, but I have an appointment with an attorney who represents my state's Protection & Advocacy Agency tomorrow.  (I dunno what she's gonna do for me now, but ... finally, finally, finally ... at least someone's gonna listen. :blink::shok: ) The sheer shock alone almost killed me.  In a way, I wish it had! ;) Yes, yes, yes, I know!  No, I'm not planning anything drastic.  Yes, I'll talk to someone if I need to (But the last time I did that, I got into deep trouble; that's how this whole mess started!)  I shoulda simply said, "Welp, I have an eval from 2006 that says my behavioral health diagnosis is in 'sustained full remission'!  We're just gonna go with that, and even though it's [at that time] 2014, if the Bar's not impressed, the Bar's not impressed!"  But I had no reason to think that this idiot would undo all of that.  He had me sign a malpractice waiver, and in the back of my mind, I'm thinking "Should I?"  I should've listened better to that faint little voice, but, 20/20 hindsight.

The whole damn thing feels like "Groundhog Day," except, rather than reliving the same day over and over, I've come full circle right back to where I started 20 years ago. :rolleyes: 

Now?  My much more modest aspiration is to work one day in any full-time, benefitted position for which my employer thinks I'm good for something ... besides answering phones! :rolleyes: OK, I realize this is turning into the old joke where a guy spots another guy who's about to jump off a bridge, so the first guy thinks he can help the second guy, stops and gets out of his car, and they talk for two hours ... then they both jump off the bridge. :D:rofl::D 

Sorry. :huh::unknw: 

I wish you well. :) 

*Yes, I realize the word "literally" is overused ... literally.  But it applies in this case ... literally.

Kengo, I'm going to call you tonight just for the heck of it. I expect you to answer and talk to me for hours...I'm sure you won't mind. ;)

Edited by Darren10
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14 hours ago, The Nehor said:

Okay, you have sold me. Where can I purchase this "comforting release of death" you recommend?

Here, perhaps? http://www.michigan.org/blog/guest-blogger/thirteen-reasons-to-run-away-to-hell-michigan-that-is

Sorry.  I'm not giving you the easy way out.  To borrow and slightly alter a quote from the inimitable, infamous Maj. Frank Burns of M*A*S*H, "I believe in the sanctity of human life ... no matter how ugly or disgusting it gets!" (He was talking about marriage.)

Edited by Kenngo1969
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