New Resource For Returning Missionaries

[rongo]

Just an aside but the church has in the past piloted something that it did not implement so it can happen.  

So you're saying there's a chance?!  

 

I was exaggerating a little. In fairness, the Church also drastically scaled back the much-heralded social media missionary work (Facebook, Twitter, etc.). Missionaries now use these in a limited way, not the all day long way that was hyped in the worldwide leadership training. The Church learned (I could have told them for free) that encouraging electronics-addicted missionaries to troll Facebook for worldwide investigators in their "nonproductive time" is a poor idea that doesn't work. So, in fairness, the Church does also sometimes adjust programs based on pilot programs.

 

I find the recent pendulum swing with the missionary/youth program to be interesting in light of the Church's former emphasis on reduction of programs, interviews, reports, assessments, etc. --- in order to foster spiritual self-reliance. Example: President Packer in 1990:

 

“While we all seem to agree that . . . over-programming, is a critically serious problem, we have failed to reduce [programs and activities]. It has been virtually impossible to affect any reduction in programs. Each time we try, advocates cry to high heaven that we are putting spiritual lives . . . at risk . . . [and] we program even heavier doses of interviews, activities, meetings, and assessments . . .”

[Duncan]

Awesome. Welcome aboard. I hope you find as much beauty on this board (though we have some Canadians so don't hold your breath).

 

oooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I see how it is!!! I see what's going on!!!!!  I get it I get it!!!!!

 

 

Maybe you should do some soul searching, hopefully you'll find one

Edited July 16, 2015 by Duncan

[mapman]

My first two months back from the mission were pretty hard. The mission is very structured, you never wake up wondering what your going to do that day, you're going to preach the Gospel. I was home for about a month until going back to college, so I didn't have any idea what to do with my time. I also had to go through reverse-culture shock since I had been living in Argentina for two years. However, now that I've been back for about four months, things have pretty much stabilized.

I don't know if my generation isn't very resilient or not, but I feel like for most missionaries adjusting back to normal life is just a matter of time, a few weeks. However, for other RMs they sometimes fall into bad old habits from before or don't find the same satisfaction in the church as a normal member. Some RMs go inactive surprisingly quickly. I'd guess this program is for those RMs.

Edited July 16, 2015 by mapman

[rongo]

I guess I don't relate to the "being out to sea" when returning at all. I think we've raised a generation of kids who have to be led by the hand before, during, and after the mission. 

 

Trying to put myself in your shoes (home with a month before school starts), you could work (via temp agencies), play sports, read, go out with the missionaries. I returned on a Saturday, reported in sacrament meeting on a Sunday, and went to my job on Monday (I had worked through a temp agency before my mission, and they had a job lined up right when I got home). And that was without any interviews, reports, classes, training, or workbooks. I went out with the missionaries on my own (which they appreciated ---- we did some door knocking, which was unusual for them [Chicago] ).

 

I think we older people haven't done right by your generation, mapman. We've coddled and spoiled you, and we're seeing the fruit of that with pre-and post-mission competency problems.

Edited July 16, 2015 by rongo

[rongo]

 I also had to go through reverse-culture shock since I had been living in Argentina for two years. 

The biggest culture shock I experienced (Germany to Chicago) was feeling guilty for not talking to people at the store.  It was hard to get used to the fact that I didn't have to talk to everyone I came in contact with and try to make an appointment. A very odd feeling, at first.

[SteveO]

...I'm gonna say pornography plays a big part in all this. There's a reason we are commanded to be anxiously engaged in a good cause-as has already been said here, many RMs have a lot of time and not much to fill it with. Life goes on for other family members (school, work, etc) and often RMs are left at home alone waiting for school or work to start. Most familiar faces from the singles ward have moved on, married, gone on missions...lots of time, not much to do, and all alone--just a recipe for bad things to happen. And I'm sure it just snowballs from there (guilt, shame, feeling unworthy).

I also think video games have just wrecked havoc on this generation. They are a waste of time, unfulfilling, anti social, and motivation killers. Get an RM in front of the TV with a controller and you'll soon see the cliche of the loser living in mom and dads basement

[cinepro]

I also think video games have just wrecked havoc on this generation. They are a waste of time, unfulfilling, anti social, and motivation killers. Get an RM in front of the TV with a controller and you'll soon see the cliche of the loser living in mom and dads basement

 

While video games aren't "social" in the traditional sense, we need to be aware that modern online games can involve live voice-chat with other players in the game, and it is my observation that when my son is online with his friends (usually people he knows in the real world), it feels to him as if they were sitting in the same room playing a board game.  There are obviously key components of interaction that are missing, but video games aren't always about isolation (and honestly, since the days of Pong they never really were).

Edited July 16, 2015 by cinepro

[mapman]

I think we older people haven't done right by your generation, mapman. We've coddled and spoiled you, and we're seeing the fruit of that with pre-and post-mission competency problems.

You could be right about that. My generation certainly has its share of problems. I tried to fill up my time with useful things. I ended up doing a lot of family history that month, and found some odd jobs to do. I think the feeling of not knowing what to do with your time has more to do with the way the mission is than with the way I was brought up. The way that missions are set up, the only thing that you really have to figure out for yourself is which scriptures to share with your investigators and what color of tie you're going to wear. You're schedule is spelled out to you down to the minute, you have a book full of rules listing all the appropriate activities you can participate in for the two years, and you're super focused on your one purpose and function. Before my mission I had to figure out stuff for myself: find work, study, and be responsible for my spiritual well-being, etc. My problem when I came back was getting back into the practice of being responsible for my life after having a two-year break from worrying about school, work, dating, family problems, or even deciding what time to go to bed at.

Edited July 16, 2015 by mapman

[mapman]

The biggest culture shock I experienced (Germany to Chicago) was feeling guilty for not talking to people at the store.  It was hard to get used to the fact that I didn't have to talk to everyone I came in contact with and try to make an appointment. A very odd feeling, at first.

 

Yeah, I experienced that as well. I also felt guilty (but also so happy) when I listened to pop music again for the first time.

[Gray]

I guess I don't relate to the "being out to sea" when returning at all. I think we've raised a generation of kids who have to be led by the hand before, during, and after the mission. 

 

Trying to put myself in your shoes (home with a month before school starts), you could work (via temp agencies), play sports, read, go out with the missionaries. I returned on a Saturday, reported in sacrament meeting on a Sunday, and went to my job on Monday (I had worked through a temp agency before my mission, and they had a job lined up right when I got home). And that was without any interviews, reports, classes, training, or workbooks. I went out with the missionaries on my own (which they appreciated ---- we did some door knocking, which was unusual for them [Chicago] ).

 

I think we older people haven't done right by your generation, mapman. We've coddled and spoiled you, and we're seeing the fruit of that with pre-and post-mission competency problems.

 

Most of the leading by the hand comes from the mountain of rules missionaries must follow on their missions. That sort of rigid control leaves people ill equipped to deal with the complexity of real life. They get no practice in making important/hard decisions.

[bluebell]

Most of the leading by the hand comes from the mountain of rules missionaries must follow on their missions. That sort of rigid control leaves people ill equipped to deal with the complexity of real life. They get no practice in making important/hard decisions.

 

Are the rules more rigid than they were in the 1970s, 80s, and 90s?  I served from 98-99 and the rules that exist now seem pretty comparable to what i and my friends experienced during that era, but i don't have any knowledge of what it was like before that.

[bluebell]

The biggest culture shock I experienced (Germany to Chicago) was feeling guilty for not talking to people at the store.  It was hard to get used to the fact that I didn't have to talk to everyone I came in contact with and try to make an appointment. A very odd feeling, at first.

 

One of mine was being able to drive without keeping track of miles.  For a long time the first thought that would go thru my head any time i tried to drive very far away from home was, "I can't go there, i won't have enough miles left the rest of the month!".

[mapman]

Are the rules more rigid than they were in the 1970s, 80s, and 90s?  I served from 98-99 and the rules that exist now seem pretty comparable to what i and my friends experienced during that era, but i don't have any knowledge of what it was like before that.

From what my dad has told me (he served in the 80s), the rules were comparable to today, and he also had a hard time for the first few months back home. I think that most RMs get over it pretty quickly, but my anecdotal experience is that RMs pretty much universally agree that the first weeks home can be pretty hard.

Edited July 16, 2015 by mapman

[Jeanne]

Hey guys..I know return missionaries with all kinds of issues.  My brother for one..the last thing they need is another "plan" to follow.

Let them find themselves with no plan...find out about themselves..their hobbies,interests and what they want to do.  They don't need to feel bad about not following another plan..or getting married quickly.  They have probably had different experiences and trials individually..so now is the time to learn to think for themselves.  If they have questions or if they want some advice, that is what parents, teachers and good friends are for.  The Mission President has done his job the minute they step off the plane.

 

They just need to know that they are okay..and they will be okay no matter what with unconditional love.

[Traela]

I was disappointed upon reading the details of the program- a good portion of it is to be completed during the mission. I was hoping it would be geared more toward those who have already returned.

[Gray]

Are the rules more rigid than they were in the 1970s, 80s, and 90s?  I served from 98-99 and the rules that exist now seem pretty comparable to what i and my friends experienced during that era, but i don't have any knowledge of what it was like before that.

 

I don't know, good question 

[Jeanne]

I have a cousin who was one of the few sister missionaries in the 60's ...and..served in flower power California.

She talks of having to go through phone books and make a lot of cold calls..she would often end up sitting in closet just depressed and came back that way..it was tough to keep the ball rolling for mission presidents and not feel bad.  I can't imagine having the Viet Nam war and the turmoil of the sixties all around you and yet not read newspapers or watch tv.  Coming home she was definitely lost but made the best education her biggest plan.  She didn't get married for over 10 years and of course she felt bad about that.  Sometimes it should not be a plan to even go on mission. 

[rongo]

Are the rules more rigid than they were in the 1970s, 80s, and 90s?  I served from 98-99 and the rules that exist now seem pretty comparable to what i and my friends experienced during that era, but i don't have any knowledge of what it was like before that.

I don't think the rules are much different than previously (not much). I think it's our youth today who are vastly different in their competency, resilience, and ability to cope/adapt. And this stems from their upbringings. The various Church programs and initiatives in place to address this (YSA stakes + new rules on YSA wards, Come Follow Me, My Plan, lowered mission age, etc.) are simply indicative of the symptoms of this, not more stringent mission rules.

[filovirus]

As our current ward mission leader, I get to interact with our ward's assigned full time missionaries quite a bit. From my anecdotal experiences, some missionaries are very prepared and competent, whereas others are not so. The majority fall somewhere in between. But they all try their best according to their abilities. I offer what advice I can, whether it is good advice or whether they take it is up to them.

 

I do recommend that all members go out and do visits with the missionaries a few times per year. It is always good to hear missionaries testify about the Doctrine of Christ. I find it strengthens me every time I hear it.

[Calm]

. Before my mission I had to figure out stuff for myself: find work, study, and be responsible for my spiritual well-being, etc. My problem when I came back was getting back into the practice of being responsible for my life after having a two-year break from worrying about school, work, dating, family problems, or even deciding what time to go to bed at.

I think my brother in the early 70s had a hard time adjusting back and he certainly hadn't been coddled beforehand in any way I saw...for example his summer job prior to the mission was a long drive and then hefting 50 lb sacks for 8 hours and then a long drive home. And my dad had work projects listed for him to do as soon as he walked in the door and he was always just a normal, very independent kind of guy, very committed to his family.

I do think kids are more vocal about having issues than in the past, easier to find out with email and pictures being sent so quickly instead od waiting forever to get a letter. We didn't find out until after he got home he had a pretty tough mission.

-----

I read an article awhile back that colleges were reporting more depression among students, but this was also in part because they would send them home to be treated because they didnt want to risk liability if the kid attempted suicide or harmed himself or others in another way.

Edited July 17, 2015 by calmoriah

[bluebell]

I have a cousin who was one of the few sister missionaries in the 60's ...and..served in flower power California.

She talks of having to go through phone books and make a lot of cold calls..she would often end up sitting in closet just depressed and came back that way..it was tough to keep the ball rolling for mission presidents and not feel bad.  I can't imagine having the Viet Nam war and the turmoil of the sixties all around you and yet not read newspapers or watch tv.  Coming home she was definitely lost but made the best education her biggest plan.  She didn't get married for over 10 years and of course she felt bad about that.  Sometimes it should not be a plan to even go on mission. 

 

Was she sad she went?

[hagoth7]

Yeah, I experienced that as well. I also felt guilty (but also so happy) when I listened to pop music again for the first time.

I still remember watching my first movie after my mission. It was complete sensory overload. Although it is a mediocre movie by today's standards, I had trouble tearing myself away from it halfway through in order to go to the dance that was supposed to help me adjust back to domestic life. (The dance was pretty bad.)

 

Overall, for a number of reasons, the adjustment after my mission was pretty tough for me.

[Antoni]

Wouldn't it make more sense for local wards to have a RM program to help those that return there. Also I think that's responsibility of parents and RM to be honest.

[jkwilliams]

From what I have read (much of it on this board) there is a retention problem with returning missionaries.  Perhaps one of the aims of this program is to help address this issue.

 

That's my guess, too. Maybe we're both just cynics.

[jkwilliams]

Wouldn't it make more sense for local wards to have a RM program to help those that return there. Also I think that's responsibility of parents and RM to be honest.

 

I will always be grateful that when I came home from my mission, a guy I grew up with but didn't know all that well, approached me after sacrament meeting and told me I looked a little lost. I was, as it was difficult transition for me. He basically just became my friend and helped me meet people in the singles ward and sort of come in for a soft landing. I think I would have been floundering for a while had he not done that. We've been good friends ever since. Oddly enough, he's left the church, too. But that's not important.

 

Because of his example, I tried to help those who were coming home and were having a difficult time readjusting to normal life. I made some good friends that way.