Thanks To All For Your Prayers And Concerns For My Family

[Jeanne]

So sorry.  Things like this are so difficult but espsecially this time of year.  Many hugs to you and yours.

 

Jeanne

[Calm]

He is gone now. It was one of those times where things just came together almost on their own with just a few hiccups here and there. Everyone was on the same page especially Mom that he would not want to prolong things and by deciding now, it was painless and quick. I am thankful for the timing because almost everyone was coming out anyway so there was no scrambling save for one brother who drove from LV. And all of my siblings were able to say goodbye before it happened. He would have even if he managed to completely recover after the damage to five out of six of the major organs at best been recovering and building himself back up 4 months minimum...based on past experiences and given the daily agony as he would wait for the meds at night to kick in (I so wished he had talked to me, I could have gotten him hooked up with doctors who weren't terrified of narcotic use even if very careful) that would have been a living hell with no real hope of it getting much better....84 years you don't bounce back.

I had this vision while we were talking about whether to keep at the level of current treatment or to withdraw it that I could see him being so ticked off at such a waste of money that he would come back and haunt us. He has been very concerned over the financial security of one of my sisters as well as ensuring Mom has what she needs. I managed to keep my mouth shut though and I am sure my siblings would have appreciated the effort if they had known.

I don't know if it is just how I cope with things, but at least while it's happening, it just seems like a normal part of life to me. I haven't cried today, got it all out yesterday or it just seems so unreal until my sister and I talked about how happy he is going be with his older brother who he worshiped. I am now shifting into gear on Mom but am planning to take a day off because I got feverish tonight and it won't help anyone if I get sick again, especially Mom who worries about being too hard on me to care for her. Getting in the car is the hardest thing so as long as we can set her up to be comfortable and semi-independent here at home, it won't be a huge drain. I just don't want to move because it is such a great ward and location, so we have to figure out how to build a shower...there is water available for a sink, but no room...but maybe we can put a door into the garage, build a little room there for a shower and closet and park my van outside.

That and train the dog to pee outside instead of on pads. Due to us sleeping long hours often during the day, it was just never practical, but recently my daughter has finally been able to stay on a schedule where she is up by 8 so even that can be conquered.

[jana at jade house]

I am late to this conversation but indeed in time to send my condolences and prayers for strength and comfort.  

 

This is our first holiday without our mother.  What mixed emotions!  

 

Keep your chin up, cherie.

[Tacenda]

I know how hard it is to lose your dad Cal. I was really thinking he'd pull out of it. I'm sorry that you didn't get to speak with him.

My dad died of a heart attack a few years ago. My sister and I were both at work. He apparently tried to reach us but neither one got the call. He had all the signs of a heart attack and had flu like symptoms. He had called each of us to go and feed my mom lunch at the care center, his existence for the last several years. Finally he called my husband at work and told him he needed someone to drive him to the hospital. My dad was a little like your dad and probably saving money, therefore not calling 911. My husband picked him up not realizing how serious it was. On the way there my husband got ahold of me. I rushed to the hospital from work, but he had died right before I got there. I was so angry at the doctors for not saving him. I was bawling and wailing so loudly, it was a little embarrassing. I was not expecting to lose my dad like that. My mom died just two months later. I think they were both keeping each other alive up to that point. Just wanted to share that, don't know if it is a help or a hindrance.

Very sad for you and your family at this time. No matter the age or symptom or that they're in a better place, it's always hard to lose a parent.

[Garden Girl]

I'm so sorry Calmoriah... losing a parent is so very difficult... And when both are gone it is so final, the loss of that connection as family. 

My prayers are now for you... that you will be able to do all that you must do at this time... and for your mom...

 

 

GG

[bluebell]

I'm sorry cal. I'm very glad that everyone was able to say good bye and that he didn't have to be sick for very long, but it still must be difficult even with all the tender mercies.

More prayers coming.

[Calm]

Thank you all.  Today, I am in bed with all the after flu symptoms I should have gotten yesterday so another little minimiracle there…how does a bruised body not feel the bruises for a day?

 

Since everyone understands I will be the one taking care of Mom, me not being there now to build myself back up is just fine by them.  They are truly needed now and perhaps that will help them in their mourning.

 

They chose a dark mahogany box that matched well much of the furniture he made over the years (it was at the lower end as well so again a nice match ).  The memorial will be on Monday…my sister in law has exquisite taste and Mom is an artist so between the two of them, I am sure the surroundings will be lovely.  Hopefully the weather will cooperate.

[ERayR]

He is gone now. It was one of those times where things just came together almost on their own with just a few hiccups here and there. Everyone was on the same page especially Mom that he would not want to prolong things and by deciding now, it was painless and quick. I am thankful for the timing because almost everyone was coming out anyway so there was no scrambling save for one brother who drove from LV. And all of my siblings were able to say goodbye before it happened. He would have even if he managed to completely recover after the damage to five out of six of the major organs at best been recovering and building himself back up 4 months minimum...based on past experiences and given the daily agony as he would wait for the meds at night to kick in (I so wished he had talked to me, I could have gotten him hooked up with doctors who weren't terrified of narcotic use even if very careful) that would have been a living hell with no real hope of it getting much better....84 years you don't bounce back.

I had this vision while we were talking about whether to keep at the level of current treatment or to withdraw it that I could see him being so ticked off at such a waste of money that he would come back and haunt us. He has been very concerned over the financial security of one of my sisters as well as ensuring Mom has what she needs. I managed to keep my mouth shut though and I am sure my siblings would have appreciated the effort if they had known.

I don't know if it is just how I cope with things, but at least while it's happening, it just seems like a normal part of life to me. I haven't cried today, got it all out yesterday or it just seems so unreal until my sister and I talked about how happy he is going be with his older brother who he worshiped. I am now shifting into gear on Mom but am planning to take a day off because I got feverish tonight and it won't help anyone if I get sick again, especially Mom who worries about being too hard on me to care for her. Getting in the car is the hardest thing so as long as we can set her up to be comfortable and semi-independent here at home, it won't be a huge drain. I just don't want to move because it is such a great ward and location, so we have to figure out how to build a shower...there is water available for a sink, but no room...but maybe we can put a door into the garage, build a little room there for a shower and closet and park my van outside.

That and train the dog to pee outside instead of on pads. Due to us sleeping long hours often during the day, it was just never practical, but recently my daughter has finally been able to stay on a schedule where she is up by 8 so even that can be conquered.

 

May you get the comfort and assurances you need at this time. 

 

As you care for your mother please consider hospice care if you haven't.  They were such a lifesaver during my wife's illness and passing. 

[sheilauk]

My condolences to and prayers for you and your family, Cal.

[Calm]

Thanks, ERayR.  We will be very practical about getting the help we need and not trying to do everything ourselves.

[Kind Debater]

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, Calmoriah, and his passing so close to the holidays. I'm praying for you and your family.

[Kenngo1969]

Thanks, ERayR.  We will be very practical about getting the help we need and not trying to do everything ourselves.

That's very wise. It's times like this that it certainly doesn't hurt to find out who one's friends are.  Words are inadequate, but you have my condolences.

Edited December 25, 2014 by Kenngo1969

[Rain]

So sorry cal. *hugs*

I began to wonder this morning if I knew you. One of my former roommates told on facebook of her dad dying last night about the same time you posted with some of the same details. Then I read over your first post again and the names are not the same.

My prayers are still being said for you and yours.

Edited December 25, 2014 by Rain

[Calm]

I hope your former roommates experiences has been as positive as mine have been so. Undoubtedly reality will hit and anguish will come, but the move up here was so life altering after years of seeing them a few times a years for a few days (their choice not ours) and we were just barely getting used to this (on the phone once or twice a day, up to see them once or twice a week) and now the course has done a right angle into another direction and Mom will be with us 24/7 that atthe moment it is all good. There was only one thing lacking, a younger granddaughter, from his side, but those were circumstances we could not adjust ourselves.

And I found his honourable discharge papers so he will get the military burial he will likely love watching.

[Calm]

Funeral went very well today, nice and low key.  Met in a lovely old LDS ward building that was felt like half the size buildings are now so it was very intimate.

 

We even had a little overflight formation in the form of Canadian geese while they played Taps (he was Air Force).  Somehow that just added the final touch for me (plus made me homesick with their honking, we just to live across from a pond that was full of geese and duck, I love the sounds).

[strappinglad]

Condolences on your loss Calmoriah. This end of life care is a tough one. My parents died within 6 months of each other over 10 years ago. I am grateful for the excellent long term care facility we had just a few blocks away so I could visit daily. May you receive the strength and comfort needed at the time.

[Guest]

Funeral went very well today, nice and low key.  Met in a lovely old LDS ward building that was felt like half the size buildings are now so it was very intimate.

 

We even had a little overflight formation in the form of Canadian geese while they played Taps (he was Air Force).  Somehow that just added the final touch for me (plus made me homesick with their honking, we just to live across from a pond that was full of geese and duck, I love the sounds).

I am glad things went well and pray God's blessing on your mother and all your family. I want to show you a poem I wrote many years ago for a fiend...hope it helps.

Laying Down the Sword

Fractured light against the sky

As clouds conceal the westward flight,

Autumn colors that brightly shine

Announce the coming of the night.

The day is ending as it should,

Content that I have done my best.

While others bid me labor on

I desire to be at rest.

With the ending now before me

To the victor goes the race,

The finish line is clearly drawn

In the lines upon my face.

Like a warrior from the battle

For peace my soul doth seek.

The spirit strong and willing

The flesh so very weak.

Weep not for me my children

Weep not for me my friend,

This is a new beginning

And not a tragic end.

I am called to other labors

In the service of my Lord,

I'm not giving up the battle,

I'm just laying down my sword.

Dedicated to:

Mary Margret Bourne McQuade

By William E Lee

December 1998

Again God bless you all.

[Calm]

Thank you, PaPa, that is beautiful.