Repairing Ward Relations With Missionaries

[Duncan]

Does anyone have tips on how to repair ward relations with missionaries? aside from transferring out anyone

[Calm]

Was it a mutually antagonistic situation or was one in more error than the other?  Depending on the situation showing support for the other in some way that the other desires seems to be the most likely thing to heal the breech.

[Duncan]

Was it a mutually antagonistic situation or was one in more error than the other?  Depending on the situation showing support for the other in some way that the other desires seems to be the most likely thing to heal the breech.

 

 

ah, it wasn't one thing but a variety of missionaries with their own personal stuff going on that members found bad to the point of not really caring to the new ones who reap what they didn't sow

Edited March 2, 2014 by Duncan

[mfbukowski]

Kids.

Always a problem, but the members just need to learn to regard them as their own kids.

 

Nobody has perfect kids, and there are no perfect missionaries.  We have to love them anyway and help them progress.  Remember the Ward exists as much to serve them as they exist to serve the Ward.

 

Paul taught the Saints in Ephesus that the Savior established His Church “for the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:

“Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ” (Ephesians 4:12–13).

Please note the use of the active word perfecting. As described by Elder Neal A. Maxwell, the Church is not “a well-provisioned rest home for the already perfected” (“A Brother Offended,” Ensign, May 1982, 38). Rather, the Church is a learning laboratory and a workshop in which we gain experience as we practice on each other in the ongoing process of “perfecting the Saints.”

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2006/10/and-nothing-shall-offend-them?lang=eng

[BlueDreams]

ah, it wasn't one thing but a variety of missionaries with their own personal stuff going on that members found bad to the point of not really caring to the new ones who reap what they didn't sow

 

I don't know. I know the easiest way as a mish was to exceed expectations, serve the ward and actively seek/fulfill desires from the bishop/rs prez, and take an active part in ward activities (as much as possible). there's no magic bullet answer for this one. 

Edited March 2, 2014 by BlueDreams

[rpn]

The way to repair it is to be different and consistent about it.   It may also be useful if they determine that they are going to listen to the warnings (which means they'll probably have to listen to tales of the members about the missionaries they are following).

[readstoomuch]

This is my answer. I could write a book about the problem. My opinion, take it for what its worth.

1. There is not enough proselyting. They need to do about 50% service. We are hearing that message from the top, maybe not that strong, and varies with the mission president.

2. The missionaries, both sexes, are less mature than they used to be. They need to be made part of the ward and interact. We need to help make them part of the herd. They need help with manners, appropriateness,etc. They need to learn what it is like to be part of a herd for the rest of their life. For example, they need to be very polite to any one they meet tracting. The rest of the herd is going to have them neighbors for a long time.

3. During the day, they do not have enough to do. Great time to do service. Sure tracting too. Challenge them to look for opportunities to serve. Manual labor, community project, painting other churches (can be done, not always easy), visit widows and the poor. The widows and the poor do not have to be members. Anyone. Don`t ask for permission from a higher up. It will get analyzed to death.

4. Have the missionaries teach retired people that they can see during the day. They will stay in practice and it helps both parties involved. They need to teach a lesson every day. If not a investigator, a member family.

5. Tell them to stop asking people if they have someone to teach. Have them ask if there is a way that they can serve someone that they know. Gear the ward mission plan about members making a difference in the community, getting to know people. Baby steps in expanding the people`s friend outside of the church. Have them how the ward mission plan (the one geared to service and getting to know their neighbors and become a better part of a herd. For that matter helping the missionaries to help make the herd stronger) is going.

6. Do away with guilt techniques. No multi-level marketing missionary work. Get away from numbers. Numbers will come if we make the best Christians there are. Nix the ward mission plan that involves a big guilt component. Whatever you do for members, don`t make asking every one they know about taking the missionary lessons part of it. Also, they have to keep up these interactions whether they are interested in the Church or not. In fact, who cares if they join the church. Just be their friend, further the work of Christ in your area. You will fill better about it. Eventually people will join the church and hopefully with a better foundation. Discourage baptisms without a good foundation.

7. Transfers. Rinse, wash and repeat.

[Calm]

We developed closer relations with those missionaries that took the time to learn our names and would stop and say hi for a few minutes when in the neighbourhood, even when pressed for time. If they are not good with names, encourage them to take pictures with notes on who they are and to review them until they have got the names down. It wouldn't be a bad idea to start a notebook/resource of some sort that showed interests of ward individuals and families, what a family wouldn't mind help with...such as those who could use someone to pick up groceries of dry cleaning for them (when they have cars) or would love the missionaries to walk the dog for 20 minutes, help with weeding or shovelling the walks.

It really helped the one pair that helped my husband put siding on our house. Their names are probably still there even if we aren't. I would suggest finding out who could use some help even if they don't need it, just stopping by and asking if they could come in and have a drink of water and then if asking if they would mind if they could help with the dishes or vacuum the living floor for them or come by to mow the lawn when they are dressed for it (assuming they are not allowed to carry spare clothes around to get dirty in), Many may turn them down, but knowing they are willing to serve and not just use them as ways to get baptisms would help, I assume.

And be sure and tell the missionaries not to be constantly checking electronic devices when they are with people...they need to be there with them in heart and head, not thinking about what is next on the list, etc.

Edited March 3, 2014 by calmoriah

[rpn]

I too suggest the "can we help you do anything in the way of service for anyone you know?" 

[mfbukowski]

Does anyone have tips on how to repair ward relations with missionaries? aside from transferring out anyone

Go with rpn's ideas and schedule a ward service project where the missionaries work along with ward members.

 

Working together on a service project builds unity like nothing else I know.  Make it intense.

[Duncan]

Go with rpn's ideas and schedule a ward service project where the missionaries work along with ward members.

 

Working together on a service project builds unity like nothing else I know.  Make it intense.

 

 

we do that, thing is it's basically only the missionaries and a few regulars who come out! ours is a newly wed and nearly dead ward, families with kids don't show up to our monthly soup kitchen project

[mfbukowski]

we do that, thing is it's basically only the missionaries and a few regulars who come out! ours is a newly wed and nearly dead ward, families with kids don't show up to our monthly soup kitchen project

Paint an old member's house or something like that- get the primary or young women to provide babysitting- pick the person who receives the service to be someone everyone loves- do something different than the usual soup kitchen.

 

Hey you know your ward- I am just shooting off my mouth. 

[Stone holm]

Am old fashioned and tend to favor missionaries spending nearly all their time knocking on doors and very little time with members except the newly baptised. As a Bishop, back when dinosaurs roamed the Earth, the only problem the missionaries ever presented was the Sisters kept complaining to Salt Lake about the Ward Mission Leader. It only annoyed me because the complaint would go all the way to Salt Lake and back to the Stake President before I heard about it. Not sure if they still do that or not, the complaints were included in their monthly reports. Come to think of it, we did have one arrogant Elder who so offended one of the members who was their principal transportation and refused any counsel from us that they found themselves without transportation

[readstoomuch]

Understand old school. Problem is in some areas, they can tract their whole area every couple of weeks. In intermountain and Pacific west where there are a good number of members with a set of missionaries sometimes covering an area a mile or so in size.

As far as your ward Duncan, all of the ideas for your question are good. Service seems to make people better.

[Stone holm]

Understand old school. Problem is in some areas, they can tract their whole area every couple of weeks. In intermountain and Pacific west where there are a good number of members with a set of missionaries sometimes covering an area a mile or so in size.

As far as your ward Duncan, all of the ideas for your question are good. Service seems to make people better.

If they can tract it out that quickly, then they need to be transferred to where they are needed, and given the logistical support to get them around the rural areas. Perhaps call retired couples to drive them to the outlying farms, etc. The Church has strong appeal to people living in the country, but the mileage limitations on the cars makes it difficult to reach them. Maybe we need some missionaries riding motorcycles or something so they can tract the country roads.

[bluebell]

Sometimes what a ward needs is the mission president or the AP's to come and speak to the ward and let them know that the missionaries they have are really good ones.  

 

If past missionaries were perceived as being very lazy and not proselyting as they should have been, spending more time at members' homes could actually backfire and make the members think that they are just trying to waste time like the last ones.  We called it 'bucketing' in our mission when missionaries would go to members homes instead of doing what they should have been doing.  Other missions called it 'camping' i believe.

 

But the missionaries should definitely be trying to form relationships with members.  This can be done by standing at the doors to the chapel on Sundays and greeting members, remembering member names, bearing their testimonies often during testimony meetings, offering to teach in RS or priesthood meetings on a Sunday if they are looking for a sub, and participating in the other meetings on Sunday when possible and not just sacrament and gospel principles.

 

And of course when they do go over to dinners or for service at members homes, they must be beyond reproach.  They have to be able to interact with the family in a friendly way without being inappropriate.  It's really just basic manners but some missionaries honestly have no idea how to do it.  If needed, maybe you could invite them over for a practice dinner so you can help them understand some areas where they can improve.

 

I served in a ward that was convinced that we were up to no good even when it wasn't at all true (it was actually my most productive area on my mission and we baptized the most people there).  The mission president had to get involved and even then the ward still did not trust us.  

 

It's a long story but mostly involved the bishopric and ward mission leader who had their own ideas of what rules we should be following which had absolutely nothing to do with our actual mission rules.  Serving in the ward was so traumatic that when i left and my companion found out she was going to be staying and training a new sister (and thus be basically alone in dealing with the members) she actually had  a break down and had to be sent home for psychological reasons four days after i left.  She had been out for 14 months.  I had to be emergency transferred back in.  It was rough.

 

In the end they had to transfer both of us out though because the ward would not let it go.  They moved elders in, which the bishopric seemed to handle better (it was a weird bishopric.  The bishop would have nothing to do with us sisters, even when I first got there.  He never had us over for dinner or talked to us, and he would not allow us into ward council meetings-we had to rely everything thru our ward mission leader).  I have no doubt that that ward still thinks that we were horrible missionaries and that the best day ever was when the elders showed up.   

 

Sometimes, when a ward is being really stubborn, only something extreme can change things.  You can only do so much.

[katherine the great]

Kids.

Always a problem, but the members just need to learn to regard them as their own kids.

 

Nobody has perfect kids, and there are no perfect missionaries.  We have to love them anyway and help them progress.  Remember the Ward exists as much to serve them as they exist to serve the Ward.

 

Amen.  My thoughts exactly.

[Duncan]

Sometimes what a ward needs is the mission president or the AP's to come and speak to the ward and let them know that the missionaries they have are really good ones.  

 

If past missionaries were perceived as being very lazy and not proselyting as they should have been, spending more time at members' homes could actually backfire and make the members think that they are just trying to waste time like the last ones.  We called it 'bucketing' in our mission when missionaries would go to members homes instead of doing what they should have been doing.  Other missions called it 'camping' i believe.

 

But the missionaries should definitely be trying to form relationships with members.  This can be done by standing at the doors to the chapel on Sundays and greeting members, remembering member names, bearing their testimonies often during testimony meetings, offering to teach in RS or priesthood meetings on a Sunday if they are looking for a sub, and participating in the other meetings on Sunday when possible and not just sacrament and gospel principles.

 

And of course when they do go over to dinners or for service at members homes, they must be beyond reproach.  They have to be able to interact with the family in a friendly way without being inappropriate.  It's really just basic manners but some missionaries honestly have no idea how to do it.  If needed, maybe you could invite them over for a practice dinner so you can help them understand some areas where they can improve.

 

I served in a ward that was convinced that we were up to no good even when it wasn't at all true (it was actually my most productive area on my mission and we baptized the most people there).  The mission president had to get involved and even then the ward still did not trust us.  

 

It's a long story but mostly involved the bishopric and ward mission leader who had their own ideas of what rules we should be following which had absolutely nothing to do with our actual mission rules.  Serving in the ward was so traumatic that when i left and my companion found out she was going to be staying and training a new sister (and thus be basically alone in dealing with the members) she actually had  a break down and had to be sent home for psychological reasons four days after i left.  She had been out for 14 months.  I had to be emergency transferred back in.  It was rough.

 

In the end they had to transfer both of us out though because the ward would not let it go.  They moved elders in, which the bishopric seemed to handle better (it was a weird bishopric.  The bishop would have nothing to do with us sisters, even when I first got there.  He never had us over for dinner or talked to us, and he would not allow us into ward council meetings-we had to rely everything thru our ward mission leader).  I have no doubt that that ward still thinks that we were horrible missionaries and that the best day ever was when the elders showed up.   

 

Sometimes, when a ward is being really stubborn, only something extreme can change things.  You can only do so much.

 

 

that's sounds rough!!!! Thank you for the share! I think our problem is we now lead the mission for having the most missionaries go home early so whenn new ones come in the members aren't excited about having much to do with them as 'why bother they only go home next week' plus we had a missionary here for 6 months who had brutal personality and then was replaced with someone who never spoke much and then the one who tells stories to members....so the other missionaries here reap the benefits of what past missionaries have done so I am taking all this good advice in!

Edited March 3, 2014 by Duncan

[The Nehor]

Settle it with a boxing grudge match.

[mfbukowski]

We have to realize that more and more young people are incapable of human interaction without an electronic device in their hands.

 

They don't know how to be polite, they have not learned table manners, and they are used to being electronically tuned into the HIVE at all times.

 

I think we are going to have to step up missionary prep so that at least they know how to hold a conversation, show up for appointments on time, cancel appointments instead of just not showing up, and just generally become civilized.

 

These kids are younger than ever- we have to remember that- many are now just 18 and might be a young 18 at that.  These kids barely know how to drive in many cases- these are teenagers still!  They are high school graduates straight out of the senior prom with no college or training in how to think.  They have never been away from home, never even spent a night in a college dorm or deal with the bureaucratic challenges of enrolling in college.  You learn a lot just going through all that.

 

I see kids in restaurants all the time, sitting at the same table with their phones in hand, texting instead of talking with the person they are having lunch with.  There might be no interaction at all for several minutes, except bumping into the other while they both reach for the ketchup at the same time.    And these kids are the same age as our missionaries, and of course our missionaries are as much a part of youth culture as they are.

 

We really need to have the Ward come together to teach them.  After all, it takes a village to raise a child.