Sacrament Meeting Gems

[volgadon]

I sort of lost track of most of it, but in the middle of a talk about the miracles of girl's camp, the speaker said the following.

"There is a quote by Saint Hilary. I don't really know who it is, but here is what she said in her quote..."

[Stormin' Mormon]

I once heard a nervous speak mix up "immoral" and "immortal." I wish I could remember the specific sentence in which it was used, to give you an idea of how amusing I found the statement.

[Gillebre]

A missionary who was laboring in our ward, when he gave his farewell talk, made quite a blunder haha.

He meant to say, "It is through Jesus Christ we gain resurrection."

Instead, he said, "It is through Jesus Christ we gain erection."

I'm totally serious. I couldn't believe it when he told me, but he stands by it as the embarrassing truth. Haha!

[jo1952]

I think I've shared this one before; but it is worth repeating. During a Fast & Testimony meeting a little boy went up with his older brother who went with him for moral support. The little boy started listing the things he was grateful for, which included the following:

"And I am grateful that daddy took a shower with mommy this morning."

Out of the mouth of babes...... hahahahahaha

jo

Edited August 1, 2011 by jo1952

[rongo]

A girl in my ward growing up in the Chicago area gave a talk about the 2,000 stripping warriors. She repeated this phrase over and over.

Also from the Chicagoland area: In an ASL branch, the branch president and his family were "hearing," but proficient in ASL. One of his daughters was giving a talk and expressing how much she has enjoyed working with the missionaries. Apparently, the sign for "working" and "fornicating" are very similar . . . Everyone knew what she meant, but it was funny just the same (hat tip: my home teaching companion my freshman year at BYU, who served ASL speaking in Chicago).

[cinepro]

A missionary who was laboring in our ward, when he gave his farewell talk, made quite a blunder haha.

He meant to say, "It is through Jesus Christ we gain resurrection."

Instead, he said, "It is through Jesus Christ we gain erection."

I'm totally serious. I couldn't believe it when he told me, but he stands by it as the embarrassing truth. Haha!

Thank goodness we don't

sacrament meetings.

[One Clear Voice]

I'm always amazed to hear converts give the opening or closing prayers in Sacrament meetings or elsewhere. Instead of In the name of Jesus Christ Amen, It's always in the name of Christ, Jesus Amen!

[LeSellers]

I'm always amazed to hear converts give the opening or closing prayers in Sacrament meetings or elsewhere. Instead of In the name of Jesus Christ Amen, It's always in the name of Christ, Jesus Amen!

Going as far back as the "original" Greek texts of many of Paul's writings (scriptures), we see the phrasing "Christ Jesus", so this is not unscriptural. It is not "the way" we Saints typically say it, but there's nothing wrong with it.

Lehi

[alter idem]

Going as far back as the "original" Greek texts of many of Paul's writings (scriptures), we see the phrasing "Christ Jesus", so this is not unscriptural. It is not "the way" we Saints typically say it, but there's nothing wrong with it.

Lehi

Lehi's right. One clear voice, it's not a mistake when a convert or anyone else uses 'Christ, Jesus' in that order. It's scriptural. Here are some examples--there are many more, but you get the idea.

Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God, according to the promise of life which is in Christ Jesus, 2 Tim. 1:1

For we preach not ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord; and ourselves your servants for Jesus’ sake. 2 Cor. 4:5

But now in Christ Jesus ye who sometimes were far off are made nigh by the blood of Christ. Ephesians 2:13

Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God, to the saints which are at Ephesus, and to the faithful in Christ Jesus: Ephesians 1:1

Paul and Timotheus, the servants of Jesus Christ, to all the saints in Christ Jesus which are at Philippi, with the bishops and deacons:Philipians 1:1

[LeSellers]

Lehi's right. One clear voice, it's not a mistake when a convert or anyone else uses 'Christ, Jesus' in that order. It's scriptural.

Thank you.

We ought to note, too, that "Jesus Christ" is a "name" only in the same sense that "Prince Harry" Is a name. "Jesus" (or a variant of "Yeshua") was His name. "Christ" is His title, the "Anointed [One]". It was/is a political title, and meant, as used in Hebrew scripture, "crown prince" or "king". In the title of his book, Elder Talmadge used the phrase correctly: Jesus the Christ.

Lehi

Edited August 2, 2011 by LeSellers

[David T]

Thank you.

We ought to note, too, that "Jesus Christ" is a "name" only in the same sense that "Prince Harry" Is a name. "Jesus" (or a variant of "Yeshua") was His name. "Christ" is His title, the "Anointed [One]". It was/is a political title, and meant, as used in Hebrew scripture, "crown prince" or "king". In the title of his book, Elder Talmadge used the phrase correctly: Jesus the Christ.

Lehi

Joseph Smith's journals often ended prayers by saying, "For Christ's sake, amen."

[nosmelone]

I served my mission in Kentucky and in one branch in particular we had a convert who was a previously a born again and had stumbled across the church through his ties with masonry. Anyways missionaries always cringed when he would be asked to give prayers especially when they had investigators present, because almost all of his prayers consisted of "Our dear ultimate reign supreme Father who art in Heaven" usually followed by similar phrases such as "who's grandeure surpasseth our mear mortal understandings" and on and on like so. It seemed like each prayer lasted a good 5-7 minutes of this type of speech. He was a very educated man with a deep belief and great understanding of the mission of the Savior and he made sure everyone knew it too. LOL! I still cringe when people start saying real long prayers just because of the thought of this mans prayers slipping into my mind.

[Pixelmonster]

One very tearful woman speaker apologized profusely for her tears with 'I'm sorry I'm crying, I'm such a big boob'.

After she sat the Bishop stood and addressed the congregation before the closing, saying 'Don't worry Sister, I love big boobs'.

[bluebell]

One very tearful woman speaker apologized profusely for her tears with 'I'm sorry I'm crying, I'm such a big boob'.

After she sat the Bishop stood and addressed the congregation before the closing, saying 'Don't worry Sister, I love big boobs'.

That must happen a lot because i've heard that story many times before.

[Scott Lloyd]

This happened while I was growing up in the south end of Salt Lake Valley. The population was smaller then, and surrounding LDS Church units were more heavily involved in supporting the community Pioneer Day celebration in the neighboring town of Draper. The Sunday before Pioneer Day, one of the bishop's counselors was announcing the carnival-like festivities that would be held at the park. Speaking of the concessions, he was endeavoring to say there would be "plenty of booths," but it came out sounding like there would plenty of booze.

[katherine the great]

This was a Stake conference and not Sacrament meeting but... Elder Hartman Rector Jr. was the special guest and the girl who gave the opening prayer asked the Lord to please bless "Elder Rectum." That is a TRUE story. I was there.

[Duncan]

We had a High Councilor a couple of months ago tell at the outset of his talk that he will talk about what it means to cleave unto your spouse, well, I think that woke some people up! Fortunately or unfortunately he talked about his dating experiences PRIOR to meeting his wife whose parents were in the congregation...

[Duncan]

This was a Stake conference and not Sacrament meeting but... Elder Hartman Rector Jr. was the special guest and the girl who gave the opening prayer asked the Lord to please bless "Elder Rectum." That is a TRUE story. I was there.

He toured the mission here in 1993 and long story short my older sister yelled at him and kicked him out of the kitchen. Suffice it to say sparks flew that day at our house!

[katherine the great]

He seems like a real gentleman. How did he handle that?

[Duncan]

He seems like a real gentleman. How did he handle that?

Oh, he was a Saint! unlike some of the Elders apparently. My Mom was awe-struck with him and was so beyond horrified about what happened-she and my Sister still talk about it even now! I know two true but funny automobiles wreck stories involving General Authorities, but another thread or time!

[Bill “Papa” Lee]

I sort of lost track of most of it, but in the middle of a talk about the miracles of girl's camp, the speaker said the following.

"There is a quote by Saint Hilary. I don't really know who it is, but here is what she said in her quote..."

Funny...