Gillebre

Thank you, Ken! I appreciate having you and others here as my brothers and sisters in the Lord. It makes all the difference! Looking back at it all...I was deeply torn by life and the consequences of other's choices, but then at that point who better to minister to me than One who too was torn by His life and literally crucified by the choices of His own people. He and I are very close now that I see Him as He is, and that He never, ever left me. I share what I do because I want others to realize His faithfulness in their own lives. If I can grow in such soil with His nourishment, then any of us can too if we'll hearken to He who knows our pain so intimately and completely. My parents have changed, truly, but we don't have the close relationship they want, and as I don't want to make them suffer more than they already do (being aware and repenting of their own sins in the deepest abyss of parental torment), I have decided to let my Redeemer show them my life when they reach the other side in a handful of years. For now I'm focused on preparing to be sealed to my beloved in just under 2 months. I've been doing proxy sealings for deceased family in the Ogden Temple this entire Easter week, and it's been a truly Celestial experience. I highly recommend it! I am truly exalted by His tender mercies and lovingkindness. All is well because of Him! I will praise and serve Him for delivering me all the days of my life, and in Zion when the time comes. Your Brother, Brett

I figure I'll contribute a bit to this thread where I can. As a teenager I experienced fantasies of suicide regularly on the bus to and from school when I was away from family and not engaged in schoolwork. The pain I felt came from being exposed to nudity and sexuality at the age of 8, and then addicted to pornography a short while later. Many issues at home coalesced and feelings of same gender attraction manifested in what I was looking at. An abusive home life made everything much more challenging. I remember being 14 and feeling so alone, so vile and worthless, and in the midst of these fantasies about it being better for others if I were gone, how I wouldn't be missed, I met the Lord in these darkest moments of my life. I remember clinging for dear life to Gospel hymns on CD, this was probably around 2003, because nothing else helped. It was when I was listening to I Know That My Redeemer Lives that I first felt His presence. I somehow knew at that moment that the words of the hymn were literally true. He really does live to wipe away my tears. He lives to impart *all* blessings. He lives to bring me safely back into His presence. Life was still incredibly difficult with a homophobic and abusive father, but I now knew that I wasn't alone in enduring such things. My personal Savior was preparing the way before me, the way of His deliverance, so that I could not only survive, but thrive. Part of my challenge was not being taught about how the Atonement of Jesus Christ really works. I didn't understand that He didn't see me the way I saw myself and my problems and fears. He didn't see me as a drain on His love or divine resources. He simply needed me to realize that nothing I could do would change how He felt about me, or deter Him from trying to rescue me as often as possible. I now know the Lord personally, and I can witness with confidence that He is and will always be faithful to us even when it doesn't always seem that way in the moment. He really does feel after us. He reaches out and invites us to bind ourselves to Him through holy covenants, and by virtue of those covenants I am closer to Him than ever. Hope and happiness are possible through Him, by Him, and of Him.

For me personally I seek out those who have felt the same attractions I have, as well as who have a desire to develop a greater covenant connection to God, and together we minister and counsel about life, hopes, fears, and how we've come to know the Lord better through our trials. I place a heavy emphasis on leaving them space to be themselves, and to try to understand where they're at, without fear of condemnation or chastisement. We follow the Spirit in our discussions. I call it hot tub institute because we end up discussing the Gospel as well as sharing experiences and testimony while enjoying the hot tub at my apartment complex.