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Moving on, now what. Advice?


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After this year my education will be done for now, also moms retiring.  She's up there age wise and well, it's dawning on me just how much time has passed.  Better part of the last decade was spent on bitter family infighting followed by mental anguish once the death of the offending party happened.  Pointless needless infighting that took death to make it all stop.  It's a messed up but true thing to say, my fathers death was the best thing that ever happened between us.  Now the reality of all the time spent, mental damage and my own shaky mental health and isolation is sinking in. 

Now what?

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Posted (edited)
32 minutes ago, poptart said:

After this year my education will be done for now, also moms retiring.  She's up there age wise and well, it's dawning on me just how much time has passed.  Better part of the last decade was spent on bitter family infighting followed by mental anguish once the death of the offending party happened.  Pointless needless infighting that took death to make it all stop.  It's a messed up but true thing to say, my fathers death was the best thing that ever happened between us.  Now the reality of all the time spent, mental damage and my own shaky mental health and isolation is sinking in. 

Now what?

I read the other day how trauma can chemically or organically, not sure, change us humans. I believe that is so dang true thinking about it. I hope you take this new trauma free life and live life w/o those messages or memories bothering you. I hope each day you can wake up like the character in the Christmas movie "It's a Wonderful Life" where Jimmy Stewart realizes his life touched others and it was good he was born.

Take today, need to listen to my own advice, and make the minutes count the way that makes others and yourself happiest. But no pressure, be a slob and be lazy if that's what's needed, lol. I do that very often, maybe too often.

Anyway, I'll just shut up and just say... if you're young, I'm going on 60, and healthy, I hope you can live some of your dreams before you're unable to mentally or physically.  

Edited by Tacenda
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6 minutes ago, Tacenda said:

I read the other day how trauma can chemically or organically, not sure, change us humans. I believe that is so dang true thinking about it. I hope you take this new trauma free life and live life w/o those messages or memories bothering you. I hope each day you can wake up like the character in the Christmas movie "It's a Wonderful Life" where Jimmy Stewart realizes his life touched others and it was good he was born.

Take today, need to listen to my own advice, and make the minutes count the way that makes others and yourself happiest. But no pressure, be a slob and be lazy if that's what's needed, lol. I do that very often, maybe too often.

Anyway, I'll just shut up and just say... if you're young, I'm going on 60, and healthy, I hope you can live some of your dreams before you're unable to mentally or physically.  

 It does, mental and physical trauma very much changes us.  It's one reason why people who go through traumatic things often  can't pick up where they left off, damage is done.

Good idea...

I'm a ways off but still, it's dawning on me i'll likely have mental issues down the road.  Thing is, how do I handle it?  As I am now if it was to hit me all at once i'd be so screwed.

 

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Trust in God, walk with Him.  The power of the Atonement will heal you and help you let go of the pain.  Be sure to read your scriptures every day so you can commune with Him.

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26 minutes ago, longview said:

Trust in God, walk with Him.  The power of the Atonement will heal you and help you let go of the pain.  Be sure to read your scriptures every day so you can commune with Him.

I'm good bible wise, this thing is a joy to read.  Finished Matthew, Bishop Barron really emphasized the greatest commandment part.  

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5 minutes ago, bluebell said:

Is therapy an option?

I'm considering it.  At this point i've taken big steps away from a lot of things, covid made it easy.  Thing is now I've had time to really look things over and ask do I want this in my life?  Is it worth the stress and headache?  How many of the people in these orgs were there for me when I needed help/support?  I don't see people getting along much with politics being what they are and TBH I've had it with peoples petty bickering.  That being said, if I go through therapy I'm going to be even more careful with whom and what I associate/affiliate with.

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1 minute ago, poptart said:

I'm considering it.  At this point i've taken big steps away from a lot of things, covid made it easy.  Thing is now I've had time to really look things over and ask do I want this in my life?  Is it worth the stress and headache?  How many of the people in these orgs were there for me when I needed help/support?  I don't see people getting along much with politics being what they are and TBH I've had it with peoples petty bickering.  That being said, if I go through therapy I'm going to be even more careful with whom and what I associate/affiliate with.

I think that therapy, if you can find a therapist you relate well too, would be a really healthy way to move forward.  We all need a little help sometime, why not get a professional to navigate the journey with?

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Just now, bluebell said:

I think that therapy, if you can find a therapist you relate well too, would be a really healthy way to move forward.  We all need a little help sometime, why not get a professional to navigate the journey with?

I've been thinking that too.  Jesus had good advice on that too, let tomorrow worry about itself.  The world is going nowhere, I can step out for a bit and focus on me.

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3 hours ago, poptart said:

After this year my education will be done for now, also moms retiring.  She's up there age wise and well, it's dawning on me just how much time has passed.  Better part of the last decade was spent on bitter family infighting followed by mental anguish once the death of the offending party happened.  Pointless needless infighting that took death to make it all stop.  It's a messed up but true thing to say, my fathers death was the best thing that ever happened between us.  Now the reality of all the time spent, mental damage and my own shaky mental health and isolation is sinking in. 

Now what?

I can't or even no what to tell you to do because everyone experiences life differently. But I can share with you what I do, maybe you can take something from my life experience and help with your mental anguish, that's what I do, I use other people's experiences and life details to help me figure out if I'm on the right track or not. 

   One of the biggest problems for me to overcome in my daily life is I have a tendency to dwell on the past and let it consume me negatively. I have a sign in my garage that hangs on the wall that says " hey dum dum, if you're overwhelmed fix it." Every once in a while I'll just be doing something and out of nowhere I'll have a panic attack. Actually a had one a couple months ago, the day it happened is when I came on here and started a post and said, hey, thanks everyone for helping me out on here, I'm leaving, good by. Right after that I messaged Nemisis and told him to shut down my account. I actually withdrew from a lot on that day not just this board. My panic attacks get so bad I start wanting, an planning to find a quiet place to hike to, leaving everything behind, kinda becoming a hermit, up in the mountains or possibly hiking to Florida, I don't know why Florida, it's crazy! Fortunately, I have never followed through.

   So what really triggered me to write this, is you said, " my own shaky mental health and isolation is sinking in" I just want to tell you, you're not alone brother. Let me share with you what I do when I start feeling overwhelmed.

   First thing I do is write down everything I need to do that day from the minute I wake up to the minute I go to bed. If I don't, I'll sit and dwell on all kinds of stuff that I can't control because they're in the past. I'll write down things like, 'take ten minutes at lunchtime to just think about positive thoughts". Also, " realize your fortunate for what you have". I'll take 10 to 20 minutes once or maybe four or five times a day to sit in my truck and just repeat fraises like the two I gave you, over and over for twenty or so minutes. For some reason it works for me, it's like the time I'm doing it, I'm actually fighting the negative thoughts with positive thoughts, it works for me. 

   I feel fortunate because once I have a panic attack or get depressed, I've worked out a system that works for me and I know there's a good chance that if I follow what I write down, I'll eventually get back to normal in a month or so. Most people will need a lot more time than that, even with medication. 

Anyways, I hope you can take one small nugget from my rambling, I can tell you're a smart guy, stay positive as much as possible, it will work out for the best, love ya Buddy.

 

 

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5 hours ago, AtlanticMike said:

I can't or even no what to tell you to do because everyone experiences life differently. But I can share with you what I do, maybe you can take something from my life experience and help with your mental anguish, that's what I do, I use other people's experiences and life details to help me figure out if I'm on the right track or not. 

   One of the biggest problems for me to overcome in my daily life is I have a tendency to dwell on the past and let it consume me negatively. I have a sign in my garage that hangs on the wall that says " hey dum dum, if you're overwhelmed fix it." Every once in a while I'll just be doing something and out of nowhere I'll have a panic attack. Actually a had one a couple months ago, the day it happened is when I came on here and started a post and said, hey, thanks everyone for helping me out on here, I'm leaving, good by. Right after that I messaged Nemisis and told him to shut down my account. I actually withdrew from a lot on that day not just this board. My panic attacks get so bad I start wanting, an planning to find a quiet place to hike to, leaving everything behind, kinda becoming a hermit, up in the mountains or possibly hiking to Florida, I don't know why Florida, it's crazy! Fortunately, I have never followed through.

   So what really triggered me to write this, is you said, " my own shaky mental health and isolation is sinking in" I just want to tell you, you're not alone brother. Let me share with you what I do when I start feeling overwhelmed.

   First thing I do is write down everything I need to do that day from the minute I wake up to the minute I go to bed. If I don't, I'll sit and dwell on all kinds of stuff that I can't control because they're in the past. I'll write down things like, 'take ten minutes at lunchtime to just think about positive thoughts". Also, " realize your fortunate for what you have". I'll take 10 to 20 minutes once or maybe four or five times a day to sit in my truck and just repeat fraises like the two I gave you, over and over for twenty or so minutes. For some reason it works for me, it's like the time I'm doing it, I'm actually fighting the negative thoughts with positive thoughts, it works for me. 

   I feel fortunate because once I have a panic attack or get depressed, I've worked out a system that works for me and I know there's a good chance that if I follow what I write down, I'll eventually get back to normal in a month or so. Most people will need a lot more time than that, even with medication. 

Anyways, I hope you can take one small nugget from my rambling, I can tell you're a smart guy, stay positive as much as possible, it will work out for the best, love ya Buddy.

 

 

I've had to distance myself from a lot of things, besides conflics and issues it's also politics.  You're right, in the end it's on us to fix our own problems, for me I'm at the point where i'm just walking away gracefully and calling it good.  I think a lot of smarter people are, think the USA is at the point where a lot of us have just had it with the politics.  Expression I learned, if you don't like the rules of the game don't play.

I do self journaling, have for years.  I find it interesting and scary how many people i've known who are on psyche meds now.  They're obsessed with what's happening, how things are and won't bother to intelligently read into why.  The mental health crisis in this country is real, i'm finding the best thing for me is to just limit my intake of what's going on and be very, very careful whom I assoicate with anymore.  I've been through enough, I don't need anymore.

You're very lucky there, most people can't recover that quickly.  Can't help but think being a latter day saint helps, you guys have a very good support network, possibly the best in this country.

Appreciate the concern friend, I really do.

9 minutes ago, strappinglad said:

Nature is therapeutic . Go for a daily walk and try to occasionally visit a quiet park or woodlands. For some folks, a pet can be comforting, for others they would just add to the stress. 

Going to disappear in the woods in a few weeks for a few days.  Picked up a light weight surplus backpacking tent, going to go probably 10ish or so miles in the mountains, pitch the thing a few miles past treeline and just stay there for a few days, away from everything. 

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9 hours ago, strappinglad said:

Don't forget the bug repellant !!!

At that altitude it's not so much bug spray you need it's sunscreen.  I bring it anyway, the ticks are really bad this year.

Edited by poptart
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On 6/7/2021 at 9:08 AM, poptart said:

After this year my education will be done for now, also moms retiring.  She's up there age wise and well, it's dawning on me just how much time has passed.  Better part of the last decade was spent on bitter family infighting followed by mental anguish once the death of the offending party happened.  Pointless needless infighting that took death to make it all stop.  It's a messed up but true thing to say, my fathers death was the best thing that ever happened between us.  Now the reality of all the time spent, mental damage and my own shaky mental health and isolation is sinking in. 

Now what?

Certain family dynamics are poisoned (can be) by certain family members.

Dealing with a schizophrenic member is much easier than dealing with a sociopathological or narcissistic person.

We deal with this in our own family.

You are on the other side now. Don't feel guilt. Don't accept the baggage the other person tried to load you with.

Live your life and be careful of how you treat others. Best to you and your future!

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1 hour ago, JamesBYoung said:

Dealing with a schizophrenic member is much easier than dealing with a sociopathological or narcissistic person.

This is probably highly dependent on how strong dysfunctions or each are.  There are sociopaths who are not abusive, same with narcissists, and while it is much, much more like for a schizophrenic to be safe or only a danger to themselves, there is a small percentage that have harmed others.

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Posted (edited)
On 6/9/2021 at 4:12 AM, JamesBYoung said:

Certain family dynamics are poisoned (can be) by certain family members.

Dealing with a schizophrenic member is much easier than dealing with a sociopathological or narcissistic person.

We deal with this in our own family.

You are on the other side now. Don't feel guilt. Don't accept the baggage the other person tried to load you with.

Live your life and be careful of how you treat others. Best to you and your future!

I'd say about half the family is like that, I paid for it growing up around it.  It's funny, this country complains about it's societal problems as well as millenial adults who just don't seem to care enough about what the more privileged people with children, families and resources run their mouths off about yet when the causes of these things come up it's always the same thing, i've got mine.  I'm old enough to know now just sitting back and laughing as people deal with a more violent society, white flight and the impact it has on their lives does me no good but at the same time, It's hard not too when people who've had it that good seem like they're either too dumb or blinded by privilege to get it.

Edited by poptart
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