Giving kids up for adoption and temple Recommends

[Duncan]

I can't recall the exact phrasing but when you get your Temple Recommend you're asked if you up to date with family obligations or how are you with child custody situations. Question I have is what about people who have to give up a child or children for adoption. There are so many situations in life that come about that would prevent the birth parent(s) from raising the child, how do they answer that question or how does all that come about in terms of getting a recommend? It gets sticky when the adopted parents don't want the birth parents from having contact or anything of that kind

[thesometimesaint]

   Once the adoption is finalized the birth parents have no financial responsibility to the child. Even the Birth Certificate is changed.

[Thinking]

1 hour ago, Duncan said:

There are so many situations in life that come about that would prevent the birth parent(s) from raising the child

Are unwed mothers still encouraged to give up their children for adoption?

Quote

When the unwed parents are unable or unwilling to marry, they should be encouraged to place the child for adoption, preferably through LDS Social Services.

First Presidency Letter (February 1, 1994)

 

Edited November 26, 2017 by Thinking

[Bernard Gui]

43 minutes ago, Thinking said:

Are unwed mothers still encouraged to give up their children for adoption?

 

LDS Family Services no longer serves as an adoption agency, but rather it serves in a consulting role.

https://providentliving.lds.org/lds-family-services/adoption?lang=eng

Quote

LDS Family Services offers free consultation for prospective adoptive couples referred by their bishop regarding adoption resources in your area. If prospective adoptive couples meet eligibility criteria, they will have the option to publish a profile on an LDS Family Services website (maintained by Adoption.com/LDS).... LDS Family Services is available for consultation if prospective adoptive couples would like assistance in identifying resources....

LDS Family Services provides the following services for single expectant parents:

• Free professional counseling to all single expectant parents who are referred by their bishops.
• Help for single expectant parents who are looking for an adoptive couple. Single expectant parents will have access to the LDS Family Services site. 

These services are provided regardless of the single expectant parents' decision to place their child for adoption, marry, or single parent.

https://www.lds.org/topics/unwed-pregnancy?lang=eng

Quote

Remember that whatever you decide for you and your child, some people will agree with your decisions and others will not. Every individual’s situation is different, so the answer for one person may not work for another. One thing you can be sure of is that no one will have given as much time, effort, and thought to the unique circumstances of your situation as you and the Lord. Trust in the divine counsel you receive from Heavenly Father as you make your decision.

The scriptures teach us how to make decisions through study and prayer: “Behold, you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me. But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right” (D&C 9:7–8).

Studying a decision out in your mind includes researching the information available for each of the challenges you face. Consider the following questions:

• What direction are your parents, bishop, and other trusted individuals giving you?
• What are the rewards and challenges for both you and your child associated with each decision?
• If I were to place the needs of the child above the needs of everyone else (including my own), how might this influence my decision?

These are just a few of the questions you may want to explore prior to taking your decision to the Lord for His counsel. Remember, He cannot assist you in making your decisions unless you invite Him to be part of them.

 

Edited November 26, 2017 by Bernard Gui

[ksfisher]

1 hour ago, Duncan said:

I can't recall the exact phrasing but when you get your Temple Recommend you're asked if you up to date with family obligations or how are you with child custody situations. Question I have is what about people who have to give up a child or children for adoption. There are so many situations in life that come about that would prevent the birth parent(s) from raising the child, how do they answer that question or how does all that come about in terms of getting a recommend? It gets sticky when the adopted parents don't want the birth parents from having contact or anything of that kind

The interview question is

“Do you have financial or other obligations to a former spouse or children? If yes, are you current in meeting those obligations?”

[Thinking]

1 hour ago, Bernard Gui said:

LDS Family Services no longer serves as an adoption agency, but rather it serves in a consulting role.

You didn't answer my question.

Are unwed mothers still encouraged to give up their children for adoption?

[The Nehor]

2 hours ago, Thinking said:

Are unwed mothers still encouraged to give up their children for adoption?

 

By whom?

[Thinking]

25 minutes ago, The Nehor said:

By whom?

By the LDS Church.

[Guest]

10 hours ago, Duncan said:

I can't recall the exact phrasing but when you get your Temple Recommend you're asked if you up to date with family obligations or how are you with child custody situations. Question I have is what about people who have to give up a child or children for adoption. There are so many situations in life that come about that would prevent the birth parent(s) from raising the child, how do they answer that question or how does all that come about in terms of getting a recommend? It gets sticky when the adopted parents don't want the birth parents from having contact or anything of that kind

When adoption occurs, then it is the role of the adoptive parents to care for their (now) children. If is an open adoption then they may be responsibilities, between both parents. I was a adopted along with my brother and sister. For the fist eight years of my life, I was "Bill Nation", and my bio-father abandoned our entire family, for another. Thankfully I had a wonderful childhood, due to my Father who adopted me, and I became, "Bill Lee". I adopted my oldest daughter, her bio-father abandoned her before she was born. Thankfully because of the wonderful example of my adoptive Father, I did the same for my oldest daughter. It is odd to be thankful for the bad examples of others, but most of my greatest moments in life, came to be because someone did the wrong thing, that both my Father and myself, gained families that we might have never had. 

[Duncan]

7 minutes ago, Bill "Papa" Lee said:

When adoption occurs, then it is the role of the adoptive parents to care for their (now) children. If is an open adoption then they may be responsibilities, between both parents. I was a adopted along with my brother and sister. For the fist eight years of my life, I was "Bill Nation", and my bio-father abandoned our entire family, for another. Thankfully I had a wonderful childhood, due to my Father who adopted me, and I became, "Bill Lee". I adopted my oldest daughter, her bio-father abandoned her before she was born. Thankfully because of the wonderful example of my adoptive Father, I did the same for my oldest daughter. It is odd to be thankful for the bad examples of others, but most of my greatest moments in life, came to be because someone did the wrong thing, that both my Father and myself, gained families that we might have never had. 

That's powerful! 

[Bernard Gui]

8 hours ago, Thinking said:

You didn't answer my question.

Are unwed mothers still encouraged to give up their children for adoption?

The second quote answers your question. It is an individual choice. You may wish to visit the LDS Family Services link that I provided. https://providentliving.lds.org/lds-family-services/adoption?lang=eng

Edited November 26, 2017 by Bernard Gui

[Bernard Gui]

Handbook 2: 21.4.12

Quote

Church members who are single and pregnant are encouraged to go to their bishop. By virtue of his priesthood office and calling, he can counsel with them as they make important decisions that affect their own well-being and that of the child. He can also help them begin the process of repentance, where appropriate. Instructions for the bishop are provided in Handbook 1,17.3.12.

When a man and woman conceive a child outside of marriage, every effort should be made to encourage them to marry. When the probability of a successful marriage is unlikely due to age or other circumstances, the unmarried parents should be encouraged to give prayerful consideration to what would be in the best interests of their child.

Adoption is an unselfish, loving decision that blesses both the birth parents and the child in this life and in eternity. For unmarried parents wishing to place children for adoption or for married couples who are hoping to adopt, LDS Family Services may be of assistance in identifying reputable, licensed adoption services. Licensed services are designed to protect the interest of the child, screen adoptive couples before placement, and provide needed supervision and counseling.

Birth parents who do not marry should not be counseled to keep the infant as a condition of repentance or out of a sense of obligation to care for one’s own. Additionally, grandparents and other family members should not feel obligated to facilitate parenting by unmarried parents, since the child would not generally be able to receive the blessings of the sealing covenant. Further, unmarried parents are generally unable to provide the stability and the nurturing environment that a married mother and father can provide. Unmarried parents should give prayerful consideration to the best interests of the child and the blessings that can come to an infant who is sealed to a mother and father (see First Presidency letter, June 26, 2002).

If an expectant parent decides to parent the child, Church leaders and other members should treat the parent and child with care and compassion and seek to strengthen parenting skills. LDS Family Services may help in these circumstances. Leaders encourage the parent to have the child given a name and a blessing (see 20.2).

For information about whether a pregnant young woman should attend Relief Society or Young Women meetings, see 10.12.4.

LDS Family Services has established a toll-free help line for single expectant parents and others to obtain help regarding pregnancies and related matters (1-800-537-2229). The help line is available in all areas of the United States and Canada. Members and nonmembers may call it directly or call the local LDS Family Services office. If leaders do not know the number of the local office, they may call the help line or go to itsaboutlove.org. That Web site provides helpful information for those who are single, pregnant, and considering their options.

 

Edited November 26, 2017 by Bernard Gui

[Thinking]

51 minutes ago, Bernard Gui said:

Adoption is an unselfish, loving decision that blesses both the birth parents and the child in this life and in eternity.

Thanks for the quote. It seems that the Church has moved from encouragement to persuasion. Note that adoption was the first option listed and is described as unselfish and loving.

[Bernard Gui]

5 minutes ago, Thinking said:

Thanks for the quote. It seems that the Church has moved from encouragement to persuasion. Note that adoption was the first option listed and is described as unselfish and loving.

Are you seeing that as a negative influence? I’m not sure you can jump to that conclusion given the full context of the various sources I provided. 

Edited November 26, 2017 by Bernard Gui

[JAHS]

12 hours ago, Thinking said:

Are unwed mothers still encouraged to give up their children for adoption?

Quote

When the unwed parents are unable or unwilling to marry, they should be encouraged to place the child for adoption, preferably through LDS Social Services.

First Presidency Letter (February 1, 1994)

Your quote also includes the following:

"When deciding to place the baby for adoption, the best interests of the child should be the paramount consideration"

In other words it is still a decision and not an absolute. Lately they have included adoption as only one possible resolution.

"Choosing to marry, single parent, or place your child with adoptive parents may be one of the more important decisions you will make in your life and the life of your child.
When making important decisions like these, gather as much information as you can, ponder its significance, and prayerfully take it to the Lord. "
Single Expectant Parent Counseling

The mother's family (especially the grandparents) can be an excellent resource in helping to raise the baby. 

[thesometimesaint]

1 hour ago, JAHS said:

Your quote also includes the following:

"When deciding to place the baby for adoption, the best interests of the child should be the paramount consideration"

In other words it is still a decision and not an absolute. Lately they have included adoption as only one possible resolution.

"Choosing to marry, single parent, or place your child with adoptive parents may be one of the more important decisions you will make in your life and the life of your child.
When making important decisions like these, gather as much information as you can, ponder its significance, and prayerfully take it to the Lord. "
Single Expectant Parent Counseling

The mother's family (especially the grandparents) can be an excellent resource in helping to raise the baby. 

What happens far too often is that Grandma and Grandpa end up raising the child. While I certainly can't speak for all grandparents. My wife and I raised our Grandnephew.

[Bernard Gui]

1 hour ago, JAHS said:

Your quote also includes the following:

"When deciding to place the baby for adoption, the best interests of the child should be the paramount consideration"

In other words it is still a decision and not an absolute. Lately they have included adoption as only one possible resolution.

"Choosing to marry, single parent, or place your child with adoptive parents may be one of the more important decisions you will make in your life and the life of your child.
When making important decisions like these, gather as much information as you can, ponder its significance, and prayerfully take it to the Lord. "
Single Expectant Parent Counseling

The mother's family (especially the grandparents) can be an excellent resource in helping to raise the baby. 

Apparently very few single mothers are choosing the adoption route. Rather they are more and more intent on raising the child themselves which is one reason LDS Family Services discontinued its adoption program. Whether the decision to keep the child is best for the child or not  remains to be determined. 

[Thinking]

3 hours ago, Bernard Gui said:

Are you seeing that as a negative influence?

No.

Having been born in 1963, I have seen the change over the years in how an unwed pregnant girl is treated - from shipping her off to live with relatives and making up a story about her absence, to strongly encouraging her to marry the father or giving the baby up for adoption, to the current softer approach. I think the leaders of the Church still feel that adoption is preferred when the girl doesn't marry the father, but I think a softer approach for achieving that goal has been adopted (pun intended).

[theplains]

16 hours ago, Duncan said:

I can't recall the exact phrasing but when you get your Temple Recommend you're asked if you up to date with family obligations or how are you with child custody situations. 

Is there a scriptural reference for the origin of the Temple Recommend?  Can a divorced person get one?

Thanks,
Jim

[Duncan]

32 minutes ago, theplains said:

Is there a scriptural reference for the origin of the Temple Recommend?  Can a divorced person get one?

Thanks,
Jim

I'm divorced, I got one! it's in the book of KMB 1:7

[Bernard Gui]

56 minutes ago, Thinking said:

No.

Having been born in 1963, I have seen the change over the years in how an unwed pregnant girl is treated - from shipping her off to live with relatives and making up a story about her absence, to strongly encouraging her to marry the father or giving the baby up for adoption, to the current softer approach. I think the leaders of the Church still feel that adoption is preferred when the girl doesn't marry the father, but I think a softer approach for achieving that goal has been adopted (pun intended).

I think the emphasis is doing what is right for the child. And so it should be. Every child deserves to have a loving, supportive, and involved mommy and daddy. Hence the emphasis placed on parenthood in the Family Declaration. We should strive for the ideal.

[JAHS]

5 hours ago, Bernard Gui said:

Apparently very few single mothers are choosing the adoption route. Rather they are more and more intent on raising the child themselves which is one reason LDS Family Services discontinued its adoption program. Whether the decision to keep the child is best for the child or not  remains to be determined. 

It certainly worked for my daughter. She and her baby continued to live with me and my wife.  Her daughter is a beautiful  blessing to our family. She eventually found a husband and they were sealed in the temple and she had 6 more kids with him and the entire family remains active in the church. 

[rpn]

Parents don't give up their children for adoption.   They chose for them the best option and place them with adoptive parents.    And the TR question is "Do you have financial or other obligations to a former spouse or children? If yes, are you current in meeting those obligations?"    Neither of these have anything to do with adoption.

And unwed parents who cannot get married, are urged to prayerfully consider what is best for their child.  Some feel that is raising the child themselves, some not.   Family services doesn't counsel them what to do, just walks them through the options.    Bishops sometimes do counsel adoption when the parents cannot or will not marry.  

[The Nehor]

17 hours ago, Thinking said:

By the LDS Church.

No, not generally though individuals in it may advise that course. Some inspired, some not.

The previous adoption advice was given regarding unwed teens but was sometimes generalized with mixed results.

7 hours ago, thesometimesaint said:

What happens far too often is that Grandma and Grandpa end up raising the child. While I certainly can't speak for all grandparents. My wife and I raised our Grandnephew.

This is also a problem. Some people just want to play at being a parent.

[Bernard Gui]

3 hours ago, JAHS said:

It certainly worked for my daughter. She and her baby continued to live with me and my wife.  Her daughter is a beautiful  blessing to our family. She eventually found a husband and they were sealed in the temple and she had 6 more kids with him and the entire family remains active in the church. 

I remove my hat and bow my head before a man who will do that wonderful thing. Were that all fatherless babies were so blessed! One of my sons did the same thing. He is an example of charity and grace to the whole family, as is his beautiful wife.