Singles Ward Questions

[poptart]

Soo, my friend suggested the singles ward.  Um, will they pressure me to get married?  I've kept quiet about it so far, but hetrosexual marraige is well, kinda icky to me.  Besides being, well, more interested in men (there is a sliiiiiight shred of hetrosexuality left, not much though)  the biggest thing is I hate marraige.  After the pain and suffering I had to go through the idea makes me cringe to no end.  I had a discussion with a sister who was remaired a while ago and well, she said single people should remarry.  I kept my mouth shut out of respect, but in the back of my mind i'm thinking hey lady, ever had a gun pointed at you?  Ever have your own biological father try to kill your own mother?  Ever have your own father lie to the cops, have you charged with a felony then have to serve a restraining order?  Ever have to fend for yourself like I have and not even have the chance to screw up?!  What about me?  I didn't count.  My fear is that they might try to force something like dating and marraige with someone who expects me to step up to the plate, and besides me believing in the European idea of equality considering the hell i've been through I've always been quite impatient and selfish since no one really ever looked out for me.  Honestly this could be a deal breaker if I ended up with a pushy singles ward Bishop.

[Darren10]

Poptart;

Dude, to make an u derstatement, your upbringing sucked big time; but you can only use the unfortunate events forced upon you to expect special treatment and expectations. Marriage is for everyone. If one is not ready for it, then OK but all should actively better themselves for it. You yourself will become a better, stronger oerson by doing so. Place your trust in the Father and He will guide you. Focus on his Son and strive to be like Him in all things. While It would be foolish to pretend that you will no longer hurt, it is equally foolish to think that if you follow Jesus Christ you will not be able to endure your pain and even become instrumental to aide others in equal or even worse pain. This is true for all, no exceptions.

As for the type of marriage you choose, I'll love you no matter what but choosing a homosexual relation will okace you in a position which you'll be cut off from the oresence of the Father forever. Exaltation is impossible to achieve from such a relationship whereas hetersosexual marriagecwoll place you on a path directly towards it. Whatever you need to do, do it. I wish I personally knew you as to be a more intimate person in your life and do what I could to help you in your ordeal.

Godspeed.

PS - How has therapy been going? Please provide updates.

[Garden Girl]

No one is going to "force" you into anything... however... one of the purposes of singles wards is to allow men and women to safely meet in a Church environment with Church standards.  So most women who attend singles wards are looking to find a husband, someone who shares their same values, including marriage and family.

It would not be fair to allow single women to think you are husband material when you are not... so my thought is that you should just go to a regular ward.  But be prepared that as a single male you would be viewed as a potential marriageable man in this marriage/family oriented Church... but forcing you?  No...

 

GG

[poptart]

Poptart;

Dude, to make an u derstatement, your upbringing sucked big time; but you can only use the unfortunate events forced upon you to expect special treatment and expectations. Marriage is for everyone. If one is not ready for it, then OK but all should actively better themselves for it. You yourself will become a better, stronger oerson by doing so. Place your trust in the Father and He will guide you. Focus on his Son and strive to be like Him in all things. While It would be foolish to pretend that you will no longer hurt, it is equally foolish to think that if you follow Jesus Christ you will not be able to endure your pain and even become instrumental to aide others in equal or even worse pain. This is true for all, no exceptions.

As for the type of marriage you choose, I'll love you no matter what but choosing a homosexual relation will okace you in a position which you'll be cut off from the oresence of the Father forever. Exaltation is impossible to achieve from such a relationship whereas hetersosexual marriagecwoll place you on a path directly towards it. Whatever you need to do, do it. I wish I personally knew you as to be a more intimate person in your life and do what I could to help you in your ordeal.

Godspeed.

PS - How has therapy been going? Please provide updates.

It's not so much me expecting to be  treated a certain way, but me barganing in a well, much more business like fashion.  I look at people in general as manipulative scum who bully the weak and are envious of the sucessful, and quite nasty all around.  After what I had forced upon me I look at marraige as more or less a business arangment.  I very much believe in the European idea of equality, I demand it and accept nothing less.  I had to fight for myself when no one would step up to the plate and I go to bat for no one unless I'm sure they're on equal footing.  I almost killed myself last year and no one cared and i'm still in a horrible place, It's totally unfair that people in general would not relate to me and to expect me to kneel to their demands is something I will never do.  I've been held down and just abused for no good reason, I will not allow it to happen again.  As it is I would trust a man waaaaay more in marraige since i've always gotten along better with them and of course the attraction issue. 

 

I had my intake yesterday, hopefully in a week I will have things set up.  They're treating me mostly for depression and anxiety and will have me on meds, again.

 

No one is going to "force" you into anything... however... one of the purposes of singles wards is to allow men and women to safely meet in a Church environment with Church standards.  So most women who attend singles wards are looking to find a husband, someone who shares their same values, including marriage and family.

It would not be fair to allow single women to think you are husband material when you are not... so my thought is that you should just go to a regular ward.  But be prepared that as a single male you would be viewed as a potential marriageable man in this marriage/family oriented Church... but forcing you?  No...

 

GG

You know, this is how I was looking at it, I agree with you 100%, it isn't fair to waste someones time who is looking for something i'm not.  I'll probably end up just telling the Bishop just that.  Honestly the only way I would ever consider it (and this is a remote chance) would be if they were well, super patient, worked as hard as I did and were willing to put up with me.  I'm used to being used, abused and discarded like a used klinex so there would be no way I would go above and beyond for anyone unless they were well, super kind and nuturing.  Even then I have extreme paranoia and abandonment issues that will take a lot of therapy so as it is, well, it would be very very difficult.

[rpn]

No one in leadership is going to tell you that dating is required as a condition of attending the singles ward.   But that doesn't mean that there won't be someone in the singles ward that takes it upon him or herself to encourage it.   Singles wards though are not designed for those who need a lot of support and instruction.   You will get a sort of "family" there (may even be assigned a "family" in which you participate in family home evening). 

 

  But a family ward is better to help with hard things.  They have older HTers with more life experience --- people who can better help you navigate the obstacles caused by your past and the baggage you carry because of it.   They have more funds to help those who may be near homelessness, without employment.   And they have women who may interact with you in ways that will help you learn how to treat women, without scaring you or leaving you feel pressured (because they are the spouse of your HTer or, someone with whom you are working in a calling, or someone who attends elder's quorum activities with their husbands --- women who can be sisters to you.

 

What I'd suggest is that you attend the singles ward for three months at which time you will know better where you need to be before you return.   Then go to a family ward if you need to, get the support you need to grow into where you need to be for the singles ward.

 

Better yet, find out from your Heavenly Father where He thinks you should be.  He may not give you an answer or you may not be able to hear it, but it is a good habit to get into to try always to be where He wants you to be.

Edited December 12, 2014 by rpn

[Darren10]

Poptart;

I am glad you are starting therapy. Medication can be an utter pain in the butt. Finding the right drug(s) and balancing the, in and of itself can cause depression and anxiety. That's what my wife experienced. But, in the end, it should prove beneficial.

I unconditionally support you in not allowing yourself to be used and abused. Good on you. Do what you can and need to in order to avoid such ugly situations.

I do not think you'll be forced into anything at a single's ward. In my singles branch there was a person who was gay and everyone loved him. Even after many years and miles of separation I still keep in touch with him via facebook. I don't know if he's still gay and really don't care. He's fun to be around and is an emptional wreck in his own right. Pray about whay is best for you and follow what the Holy Spirit prompts you to do. As for marriage, I understand your perspective but for me it still boils down to choosing what is right based on absolute truths.

God bless.

Edited December 12, 2014 by Darren10

[Guest]

Soo, my friend suggested the singles ward.  Um, will they pressure me to get married?  I've kept quiet about it so far, but hetrosexual marraige is well, kinda icky to me.  Besides being, well, more interested in men (there is a sliiiiiight shred of hetrosexuality left, not much though)  the biggest thing is I hate marraige.  After the pain and suffering I had to go through the idea makes me cringe to no end.  I had a discussion with a sister who was remaired a while ago and well, she said single people should remarry.  I kept my mouth shut out of respect, but in the back of my mind i'm thinking hey lady, ever had a gun pointed at you?  Ever have your own biological father try to kill your own mother?  Ever have your own father lie to the cops, have you charged with a felony then have to serve a restraining order?  Ever have to fend for yourself like I have and not even have the chance to screw up?!  What about me?  I didn't count.  My fear is that they might try to force something like dating and marraige with someone who expects me to step up to the plate, and besides me believing in the European idea of equality considering the hell i've been through I've always been quite impatient and selfish since no one really ever looked out for me.  Honestly this could be a deal breaker if I ended up with a pushy singles ward Bishop.

It took me almost a year to get a single response...so how to e-Maul them...patience . They are busy people.

[Avatar4321]

I was in a singles ward for years and I loved it because it gave me opportunities to grow. The purposes of a singles ward is to bring people to Christ. I don't think I went on more than a handful of dates. It was just nice to be in an environment where I could grow and get to know people.

[Stargazer]

You know, this is how I was looking at it, I agree with you 100%, it isn't fair to waste someones time who is looking for something i'm not.  I'll probably end up just telling the Bishop just that.  Honestly the only way I would ever consider it (and this is a remote chance) would be if they were well, super patient, worked as hard as I did and were willing to put up with me.  I'm used to being used, abused and discarded like a used klinex so there would be no way I would go above and beyond for anyone unless they were well, super kind and nuturing.  Even then I have extreme paranoia and abandonment issues that will take a lot of therapy so as it is, well, it would be very very difficult.

As you probably realize intellectually, most people haven't had the experiences you have had. I should think that if I had had these experiences I wonder if I wouldn't be in the exact same condition. So while I cannot understand, really, I can definitely sympathize.

I, too, would suggest that a singles ward is possibly not your best bet at this point, but what do I know? Like the others, I say pray about it. If you feel good about it, then go give it a try. If it feels OK, then you can stay awhile, and if not, go back to the family ward. I thought Darren's suggestion was excellent, by the way.

Edited December 12, 2014 by Stargazer

[3DOP]

Just a thought poptart. Ignore it if it doesn't resonate.

 

You need to stop projecting your early life experiences on those who had nothing to do with it. Other people are not your parents. It is unrealistic to expect everybody to be a saint. But it is equally unrealistic to expect everybody to be...scum. I would even suggest that a more balanced view would reveal that maybe your parents had reasons for why they were a little messed up. We are social creatures and since none of us can totally withdraw into ourselves, we can't view the people with whom we have to interact as "manipulative scum" without disastrous results. Whether it is through the Gospel, or medications, or therapy, or a determination to see life realistically, you have to find a way to change how you view people. 

[Rain]

It's not so much me expecting to be  treated a certain way, but me barganing in a well, much more business like fashion.  I look at people in general as manipulative scum who bully the weak and are envious of the sucessful, and quite nasty all around.  After what I had forced upon me I look at marraige as more or less a business arangment.  I very much believe in the European idea of equality, I demand it and accept nothing less.  I had to fight for myself when no one would step up to the plate and I go to bat for no one unless I'm sure they're on equal footing.  I almost killed myself last year and no one cared and i'm still in a horrible place, It's totally unfair that people in general would not relate to me and to expect me to kneel to their demands is something I will never do.  I've been held down and just abused for no good reason, I will not allow it to happen again. As it is I would trust a man waaaaay more in marraige since i've always gotten along better with them and of course the attraction issue.  

 

Interesting you feel this way since much of what you say happened in your parent's marriage came from abuse and lies by your father.

 

Not man bashing here in anyway.  You just blame a lot of things on your childhood and marriage of your parents so it seems like you would trust a woman more. Just something to think about.  Maybe it means something.  Maybe it doesn't.  

 

Anyway, you can't be forced into marriage and I would wholeheartedly say you shouldn't get married...yet. Instead, work on a relationship with the most trustworthy person who lived on earth -  Christ.   No matter what one does in this life, a distrust of all people will hurt any relationship one has. Work on trusting the Lord and then let him unfold to you line upon line what you are then ready for. 

Edited December 12, 2014 by Rain

[Garden Girl]

Just a thought poptart. Ignore it if it doesn't resonate.

 

You need to stop projecting your early life experiences on those who had nothing to do with it. Other people are not your parents. It is unrealistic to expect everybody to be a saint. But it is equally unrealistic to expect everybody to be...scum. I would even suggest that a more balanced view would reveal that maybe your parents had reasons for why they were a little messed up. We are social creatures and since none of us can totally withdraw into ourselves, we can't view the people with whom we have to interact as "manipulative scum" without disastrous results. Whether it is through the Gospel, or medications, or therapy, or a determination to see life realistically, you have to find a way to change how you view people. 

 

Hello poptart...

I agree with what 3DOP has said here... I hope as part of your therapy you will be able to see people more realistically... You have had some terrible experiences that are hard to even imagine dealing with, but there are literally millions of people who are good hearted, honest, fair-minded, and caring... and to lump us all as scum or whatever other detrimental term you use is simply unfair.  I, myself, wish there was something I could do to help you gain some faith in your fellow beings... I hope therapy will help with that because until you can let yourself believe that some of us actually have your well being at heart, you will be stunted  and unable to grow individually and develop genuine interactions and relationships with either men or women.  

As I type this, my mind and heart are filled with prayers for you... because I want you to have a valuable, productive life that will bring you happiness and the ability to see and react to the goodness in others...

 

GG

[Kenngo1969]

There's an old saying in recovery.  (I heard it with respect to substance abuse recovery, but I think it's more broadly applicable.)  I would say that, given what you've said here (and it's just one man's opinion), you're definitely not ready for (or receptive to) a relationship, anyway.  (I don't have your issues, but I'm a confirmed bachelor, so I can relate, at least to that small extent.)  If your outlook should change, and you start to wonder whether you might wish to pursue a relationship with someone, the saying I heard is, "If you think you are [or might be] ready for a relationship, get a plant; if the plant's still alive after a year, get a dog; if the plant and the dog are still alive at the end of two years, then you're ready for a relationship."

 

P.S.: People ... even the best people, and those with the best intentions, will let you down from time to time. God is the only One of whom that cannot be said.

Edited December 12, 2014 by Kenngo1969

[poptart]

Poptart;

I am glad you are starting therapy. Medication can be an utter pain in the butt. Finding the right drug(s) and balancing the, in and of itself can cause depression and anxiety. That's what my wife experienced. But, in the end, it should prove beneficial.

I unconditionally support you in not allowing yourself to be used and abused. Good on you. Do what you can and need to in order to avoid such ugly situations.

I do not think you'll be forced into anything at a single's ward. In my singles branch there was a person who was gay and everyone loved him. Even after many years and miles of separation I still keep in touch with him via facebook. I don't know if he's still gay and really don't care. He's fun to be around and is an emptional wreck in his own right. Pray about whay is best for you and follow what the Holy Spirit prompts you to do. As for marriage, I understand your perspective but for me it still boils down to choosing what is right based on absolute truths.

God bless.

I think just sticking with the ward I have is the best option for now.  Thanks for the good wishes.

 

Just a thought poptart. Ignore it if it doesn't resonate.

 

You need to stop projecting your early life experiences on those who had nothing to do with it. Other people are not your parents. It is unrealistic to expect everybody to be a saint. But it is equally unrealistic to expect everybody to be...scum. I would even suggest that a more balanced view would reveal that maybe your parents had reasons for why they were a little messed up. We are social creatures and since none of us can totally withdraw into ourselves, we can't view the people with whom we have to interact as "manipulative scum" without disastrous results. Whether it is through the Gospel, or medications, or therapy, or a determination to see life realistically, you have to find a way to change how you view people. 

That's going to take a long time.  See, the biggest obstacle, or wall if you will, is the fact that my whole life has been this way, where as a lot of you might have had the exact opposite.  It sucks.

 

Interesting you feel this way since much of what you say happened in your parent's marriage came from abuse and lies by your father.

 

Not man bashing here in anyway.  You just blame a lot of things on your childhood and marriage of your parents so it seems like you would trust a woman more. Just something to think about.  Maybe it means something.  Maybe it doesn't.  

 

Anyway, you can't be forced into marriage and I would wholeheartedly say you shouldn't get married...yet. Instead, work on a relationship with the most trustworthy person who lived on earth -  Christ.   No matter what one does in this life, a distrust of all people will hurt any relationship one has. Work on trusting the Lord and then let him unfold to you line upon line what you are then ready for. 

Mmmm you're half right.  Other thing is my mom went to BYUH so I suspect I had the wow imparted on me somewhat growing up.  She never smoked, doesn't drink and is super healthy and to top it off people here were super racist to her.  We look nothing alike, she looks hispanic and when she was in her 40's, even 50's she looked a lot younger, was in better shape and would give the shirt off her back to anyone and well, women tended to just hate her guts and view her as competion so she was just insulted to no end behind her back, but as a kid I sure saw a lot of it.  As an adult this still lingers so its nothing against women, just disgust at how a lot of people here treat those who are different.  Since you brought up genders I will mention one of my beliefs, I have almost no faith in millenials in the USA and the women here scare me.  It's terrible how so many women here have kids out of wedlock and just abuse their innocent children.  I try not to judge but when I see so many people here my age being that abusive to their kids and well, female options somewhat lacking at best for me guess what?  Men look like a waaaaaay better option.  Also, even though i'm not family oriented nothing angers me more than seeing someone use their kids or someone elses as pawns so I decided a while ago to just opt out.  I'm quite fragile emotionally anyway and well, culturally i'm a bit of a mess so I just do what is best for me.  No one else is there for me, no one else will be there to support me and as poor and well, as lacking as I am in family i'm the perfect target for the more vindicitive people out there so I do what I think is in my best interests.  Now if someone was willing to step up to the plate, look out for me and give me a reason to trust them, sure I would be more than willing to open up, slowly, regardless of gender. 

 

Hello poptart...

I agree with what 3DOP has said here... I hope as part of your therapy you will be able to see people more realistically... You have had some terrible experiences that are hard to even imagine dealing with, but there are literally millions of people who are good hearted, honest, fair-minded, and caring... and to lump us all as scum or whatever other detrimental term you use is simply unfair.  I, myself, wish there was something I could do to help you gain some faith in your fellow beings... I hope therapy will help with that because until you can let yourself believe that some of us actually have your well being at heart, you will be stunted  and unable to grow individually and develop genuine interactions and relationships with either men or women.  

As I type this, my mind and heart are filled with prayers for you... because I want you to have a valuable, productive life that will bring you happiness and the ability to see and react to the goodness in others...

 

GG

That's actually part of it.  So far the people I know in my ward are very nice, but even they have warned me.  It's going to take a long time for all this, but even the psychologist who did my intake for psychiatric care said that I have to move on and that psychotherapy and meds will help with that. 

Thanks for the prayers.

 

There's an old saying in recovery.  (I heard it with respect to substance abuse recovery, but I think it's more broadly applicable.)  I would say that, given what you've said here (and it's just one man's opinion), you're definitely not ready for (or receptive to) a relationship, anyway.  (I don't have your issues, but I'm a confirmed bachelor, so I can relate, at least to that small extent.)  If your outlook should change, and you start to wonder whether you might wish to pursue a relationship with someone, the saying I heard is, "If you think you are [or might be] ready for a relationship, get a plant; if the plant's still alive after a year, get a dog; if the plant and the dog are still alive at the end of two years, then you're ready for a relationship."

 

P.S.: People ... even the best people, and those with the best intentions, will let you down from time to time. God is the only One of whom that cannot be said.

Hmmmm, well I did know someone who grew marijuana, wow did he take care of that plant.  Talked to it every day, gave it good food, water, light.  Was like watching bob ross talk about happy little trees except in this case it was happy little cannabis plant lol.

Pretty sure thats not what you had in mind, just having some fun here.

[Garden Girl]

 

Hmmmm, well I did know someone who grew marijuana, wow did he take care of that plant.  Talked to it every day, gave it good food, water, light.  Was like watching bob ross talk about happy little trees except in this case it was happy little cannabis plant lol.

Pretty sure thats not what you had in mind, just having some fun here.

 

I chuckled at "Bob Ross" and his happy little trees... I used to watch him occasionally with his 2" brush... do you paint?

 

GG

[poptart]

I chuckled at "Bob Ross" and his happy little trees... I used to watch him occasionally with his 2" brush... do you paint?

 

GG

Tried a bit in HS.  I like impressonism.  When I can afford paint and supplies will probably take a few classes and get back into it.  I used to think I was bad at it, but after seeing what passes for modern art nowadays I don't feel so bad anymore.

[Garden Girl]

Tried a bit in HS.  I like impressonism.  When I can afford paint and supplies will probably take a few classes and get back into it.  I used to think I was bad at it, but after seeing what passes for modern art nowadays I don't feel so bad anymore.

 

You can say that again about the cost of supplies... I can't believe the jump in prices the last few years... and the cost of canvas has sky rocketed... I've painted on mason board occasionally, so may have to resort to that more often... but to me there's nothing like canvas.  And I paint pretty big, most often 24" x 36" up to 48" x 60".  I love to lose myself in a painting... being retired and alone, I can work at my easel without interuption for as long as I want.  Sometimes I'll do a small painting like a 9" x 12" for a change, particularly as a gift... or an 18" x 24"... like I'm working on a small one for my cousin that will be titled "Cottage by the Sea." 

I think painting would be  excellent for you... I always feel so good during the process as I see the painting take shape...mixing the colors... I think you should definitely give it a go...

I too am appalled at some of today's art, although I try and not be too critical of someone's expression or "statement." 

 

GG

[poptart]

You can say that again about the cost of supplies... I can't believe the jump in prices the last few years... and the cost of canvas has sky rocketed... I've painted on mason board occasionally, so may have to resort to that more often... but to me there's nothing like canvas.  And I paint pretty big, most often 24" x 36" up to 48" x 60".  I love to lose myself in a painting... being retired and alone, I can work at my easel without interuption for as long as I want.  Sometimes I'll do a small painting like a 9" x 12" for a change, particularly as a gift... or an 18" x 24"... like I'm working on a small one for my cousin that will be titled "Cottage by the Sea." 

I think painting would be  excellent for you... I always feel so good during the process as I see the painting take shape...mixing the colors... I think you should definitely give it a go...

I too am appalled at some of today's art, although I try and not be too critical of someone's expression or "statement." 

 

GG

I've always been a big fan of impressionism but I think for me the bob ross style would be my favorite.  Considering how much time I like to spend in the outdoors it would be thereputic.  Wow you do like to paint!  Nice you can do something like that and be good at it.

Yeah, what gets me even more is the price some of this modern "art" sells for.  There's a sucker born every day. 

[Kenngo1969]

...Hmmmm, well I did know someone who grew marijuana, wow did he take care of that plant.  Talked to it every day, gave it good food, water, light.  Was like watching bob ross talk about happy little trees except in this case it was happy little cannabis plant lol.

Pretty sure thats not what you had in mind, just having some fun here.

No, you're right; it wasn't what I had in mind ... but it was still dang funny!  Thanks for the laugh.

 

P.S.: Did you forget where I said I got the "get a plant, get a dog" saying from?  (Substance abuse treatment?)

Edited December 13, 2014 by Kenngo1969

[Garden Girl]

I've always been a big fan of impressionism but I think for me the bob ross style would be my favorite.  Considering how much time I like to spend in the outdoors it would be thereputic.  Wow you do like to paint!  Nice you can do something like that and be good at it.

Yeah, what gets me even more is the price some of this modern "art" sells for.  There's a sucker born every day. 

 

Poptart...

There's a book I want to recommend to you... that will help you immensely I know... it did me... and that is "Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain" by Betty Edwards.  If you can't afford to buy one, then you can get one from a library.  In it, the author teaches about right brain/left brain and the function of each hemisphere and how they affect our perceptions and creativity.  She also gives a number of exercises in drawing that will amaze you at what you can accomplish and progress in your ability.  If you follow her steps to "developing your mind's eye" you will soon be drawing better than you ever imagined you could.  This was the basis of my beginning years ago... I went from very rudimentary technique to quite accomplished in a very short time.  It became one of my best of times when I could sit with my drawing pad and create a beautiful drawing. 

I then moved ahead to painting... preferring oils to watercolor (to me watercolor is more difficult).  Oils take longer to dry and "season" but to me in the long run it is worth it.  Acrylics dry faster and so you have to learn to work with them... Drawing and painting gave me such a sense of accomplishment... You can take it as far as you want.   I eventually entered juried shows and won several awards for my paintings... and I sold almost everything I did.  I joined an art group and enjoyed "talking shop" with others, and learning...

I highly recommend this as an activity... as I said, you can take it as far as you want, participating in the art community as much or as little as you want while finding a great deal of personal satisfaction and accomplishment.

 

GG

[poptart]

Poptart...

There's a book I want to recommend to you... that will help you immensely I know... it did me... and that is "Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain" by Betty Edwards.  If you can't afford to buy one, then you can get one from a library.  In it, the author teaches about right brain/left brain and the function of each hemisphere and how they affect our perceptions and creativity.  She also gives a number of exercises in drawing that will amaze you at what you can accomplish and progress in your ability.  If you follow her steps to "developing your mind's eye" you will soon be drawing better than you ever imagined you could.  This was the basis of my beginning years ago... I went from very rudimentary technique to quite accomplished in a very short time.  It became one of my best of times when I could sit with my drawing pad and create a beautiful drawing. 

I then moved ahead to painting... preferring oils to watercolor (to me watercolor is more difficult).  Oils take longer to dry and "season" but to me in the long run it is worth it.  Acrylics dry faster and so you have to learn to work with them... Drawing and painting gave me such a sense of accomplishment... You can take it as far as you want.   I eventually entered juried shows and won several awards for my paintings... and I sold almost everything I did.  I joined an art group and enjoyed "talking shop" with others, and learning...

I highly recommend this as an activity... as I said, you can take it as far as you want, participating in the art community as much or as little as you want while finding a great deal of personal satisfaction and accomplishment.

 

GG

Hmm, you know that really might be a good thing for me.  I can do a lot of things with my left hand and this sounds like it could also help my coordination as well as painting.  Art is something i've always wanted to get into.  As of late been working on the creative side starting with improving my penmanship and when its neat enough move onto caligrapy with my fancy fountain pen.

 

Also update, a ward friend called to check up on me and I did ask him about dating, families and stuff.  He knows about what i've been though but I think I might have shot myself in the foot.  Years ago when I was still well, interested in women I did date one girl from Japan.  He asked what I would want in a woman and I figured I would throw something hard his way, I said someone who's never been married, has a job and runs, he said he would check out the Asian ward for someone.  Uh oh.........

Edited December 14, 2014 by poptart

[Garden Girl]

Hmm, you know that really might be a good thing for me.  I can do a lot of things with my left hand and this sounds like it could also help my coordination as well as painting.  Art is something i've always wanted to get into.  As of late been working on the creative side starting with improving my penmanship and when its neat enough move onto caligrapy with my fancy fountain pen.

 

Another thing I used to enjoy doing was pen and ink drawings... I actually got pretty good... in fact I have a couple of drawings hanging on my studio wall... I haven't done p&i in years and when I look at those drawings, I'm amazed at how I learned to do the hatch strokes for shading, etc.  I bought several different sized nibs to allow for heavier lines to fine lines. 

One thing I always struggled with was perspective... I was able to make things look "right" but not the correct way according to the rules.  Painting was a little freer...

 

GG

[seriously honestly]

Tried a bit in HS.  I like impressonism.  When I can afford paint and supplies will probably take a few classes and get back into it.  I used to think I was bad at it, but after seeing what passes for modern art nowadays I don't feel so bad anymore.

 

What?? You and Garden Girl don't look at this and think "Amazing!" ?   And yes, it's simply a black square.

[seriously honestly]

Soo, my friend suggested the singles ward.  Um, will they pressure me to get married?  I've kept quiet about it so far, but hetrosexual marraige is well, kinda icky to me.  Besides being, well, more interested in men (there is a sliiiiiight shred of hetrosexuality left, not much though)  the biggest thing is I hate marraige...Honestly this could be a deal breaker if I ended up with a pushy singles ward Bishop.

 

Kind of picked up on that.  The point of the singles ward is for those in the LDS church to meet and have fellowship with other singles who, among establishing friendships, are looking for a spouse.  No one can force you to date anyone, but you may encounter a pressure to do so unless you are upfront about being interested in men.

[poptart]

What?? You and Garden Girl don't look at this and think "Amazing!" ?   And yes, it's simply a black square.

Hmm, imagining that with some happy trees, maybe a happy cabin.

 

Kind of picked up on that.  The point of the singles ward is for those in the LDS church to meet and have fellowship with other singles who, among establishing friendships, are looking for a spouse.  No one can force you to date anyone, but you may encounter a pressure to do so unless you are upfront about being interested in men.

Guess I could always show up in a cute skirt and hit on the returned missionaries.