I Hate The Holidays, Anyone Else Feel The Same?

[Guest]

I like Bob Newhart's approach.

 

Comedy is all about timing...his was perfect!

[Avatar4321]

I used to be very depressed and didn't enjoy the holidays much. But when I started to focus on the meaning of the holidays and my walk with Christ I began to enjoy the holidays more.

I do get annoyed with the over commercialism and people who seem to think the meaning of Christ.as is anything but Christ.

if you haven't gotten a blessing yet, I recommend asking the bishop for one.

[Kenngo1969]

... Interestingly enough, the past couple of years, she has almost been over the top in regards to Christmas, especially decorating for it. I'm glad that time has as least partially healed some of those wounds. 

I am too, Buzzard; I am too.

[Kenngo1969]

... if you haven't gotten a blessing yet, I recommend asking the bishop for one.

I second the sentiment that a blessing will help, but I would suggest: (1) asking your Home Teachers; or, failing that, (2) asking two members of your Elders Quorum Presidency first.

[Kenngo1969]

... I can spot those people a mile off.  It's easy to put on a happy face when you have a good support network, something I lack. 

 

With due respect, my point is that there's a difference between putting on a happy face and actually being happy.  The people in the former position aren't that much better off than you, no matter how much you might think they are.

[Kenngo1969]

For whatever little they may be worth, here are some of my thoughts on the subject: https://greatgourdini.wordpress.com/2014/12/02/favorite-christmas-things/

[Avatar4321]

I agree with the order. I simply suggested the bishop since I know he has had contact with the bishop and is only recently coming into activity and may not have home teachers or know the elders quorum president much yet.

[poptart]

With due respect, my point is that there's a difference between putting on a happy face and actually being happy.  The people in the former position aren't that much better off than you, no matter how much you might think they are.

Yeah, guess there's that.  Also, I do have a different take on things.  All for Christ, but I prefer a more penitent and meaningful holiday.  Christmas in the states is just revolting so I never really bothered with it.  Black friday is a prime example, people picking fights for shoes.  Wish it was legal to toss people like that clubs so they would just kill eachother and remove themselves from the gene pool.

Why can't people just celebrate Christmas like it is in Germany or one of the Nordic countries, reflective, family oriented, and just plain nice.  Shame really.

 

I agree with the order. I simply suggested the bishop since I know he has had contact with the bishop and is only recently coming into activity and may not have home teachers or know the elders quorum president much yet.

I'll probably pick one of the people I know already.  The Bishop is a nice guy, but I have issues relating to a lot of people who have not seen real suffering.  Even the guy I really get along with said the same thing, most haven't had to deal with what I have.  He's worked with prisoners and is a victims advocate so he has a pretty good idea of what I've had to deal with.  Know it's a hastle but after being tossed under the bus trust is a very very hard thing for me and I do tend to not care for a lot of people.  Sorry to sound so spiteful, but thats why I'm going back to therapy. 

[Calm]

You might look into a liturgy book that will have you focus on different spiritual aspects to study each day and then just avoid the commercial stuff. Maybe find a number of different foods that have spiritual significant and cook them for Christmas activity. If you decorate at all, do it naturally from things found on walks, things that smell good.

[strappinglad]

Christ said " if you have done it to the least of these thy brethren , ye have done it unto me" .Find a way to serve even just one other person during this season and you will honor Christ.

[saemo]

Due to having had a pretty miserable childhood and well, life I really tend to hate the holidays for the bad memories, and I'm starting to notice sacrament meeting adding to it.  Sorry to sound mean here, but I just have such a hard time relating to all the people so overjoyed at having happy holiday times with relatives, loved ones and friends, something i've never had.  Anyone else have this issue?  Debating just dropping out till after new years so I'm not just miserable on Sunday.

After one particular day at church, where I felt out of place and wondering why I was there or would ever go again, a friend asked what I liked about that particular day at church. I liked the prayers, the hymns, the sun shining through the stained glass, the nice woman who said hello.. He suggested that I focus on what I liked. I did, and did go back.

I have those days, once in a while, and so I focus on what I do like. Also, I try to remember there is probably another person or persons feeling the same, and be the person who says hello. Sometimes, I just want to be to myself, and that's ok too. We don't always need to be, or have to be, the same on every Sunday. Just be yourself.

[Spammer]

All for Christ, but I prefer a more penitent and meaningful holiday.  Christmas in the states is just revolting so I never really bothered with it.  Black friday is a prime example, people picking fights for shoes.  Wish it was legal to toss people like that clubs so they would just kill eachother and remove themselves from the gene pool.

Why can't people just celebrate Christmas like it is in Germany or one of the Nordic countries, reflective, family oriented, and just plain nice.  Shame really.

 

I lived in Germany for a couple of years and couldn't agree more.  There are many people in the US who find American Capitalist Christmas to be revolting.  You can participate in the effort to turn this around by celebrating Christmas as originally intended.  As Christians, we're called to be in the world but not of the world. Someone else suggested picking up a liturgical book. That's a good idea.  You can also find what you need online. All you really need is a church calendar and guidance for putting some spiritual principles into practice. As in the ancient church, the month before the Christmas feast in Catholic and Orthodox churches is penitential in nature. This period is called Advent in the West and Nativity in the East. Advent includes the four Sundays before Christmas and began two days ago. Nativity for the Eastern churches in the Byzantine tradition began on November 15.  During this period, we prepare ourselves for the coming of our King through increased prayer, confession, fasting, almsgiving, reading of spiritual books, and attendance at Mass or Divine Liturgy.  

 

I'm an Orthodox Christian, so I follow the calendar used by Eastern Christians. Our Nativity fast began 40 days before Christmas (November 15). The patron saint of my parish is Santa Claus - St. Nicholas.  His real name is Nikolaos of Myra and he was a Greek bishop who lived in what is now Turkey and attended and voted at the Council of Nicea. His feast day in both East and West is this Saturday, December 6, and on that day we will celebrate Divine Liturgy in his honor.  Our icons of St. Nicholas depict him properly in the vestments of ancient Greek bishops. His feast day falls in the middle of the Nativity fasting period and his life reminds us of the true meaning of Christmas - penance, service, and charity.  Catholics follow a different calendar, but the purpose of and what happens during Advent is the same.

 

As Christians, we're engaged in spiritual combat against the passions and the ancient Church established these practices to help us in our struggle to put God and our neighbor first.  Even under the most trying circumstances (deprivation, isolation, or persecution), the saints of God over the centuries have been able to find joy and solace through these practices.  In addition to counseling, incorporating some of these practices into your LDS spiritual life might be a good way to help you cope with the stress of the holiday season. 

 

May the peace of Christ be with you this holiday season, Poptart.  Lord, have mercy!

Edited December 2, 2014 by Spammer

[Guest]

I have had the same problem over the years and with the passing of my wife and granddaughter this year it is difficult.  To counter this I have made it a practice to ignore the festivities and concentrate on him whose birth we celebrate.

I think what people instinctively avoid is the emotions of the seasons which makes us feel more tenderly and that it will bring next the watershed of emotion of loss than will be almost unbearable. I could only imagine what you feel. If I lost my wife, I am sure I would do the same...and then the war with my wonderful children who would seek to pull their dad from his loneliness. God bless you my brother ERayR.

[3DOP]

I lived in Germany for a couple of years and couldn't agree more.  There are many people in the US who find American Capitalist Christmas to be revolting.  You can participate in the effort to turn this around by celebrating Christmas as originally intended.  As Christians, we're called to be in the world but not of the world. Someone else suggested picking up a liturgical book. That's a good idea.  You can also find what you need online. All you really need is a church calendar and guidance for putting some spiritual principles into practice. As in the ancient church, the month before the Christmas feast in Catholic and Orthodox churches is penitential in nature. This period is called Advent in the West and Nativity in the East. Advent includes the four Sundays before Christmas and began two days ago. Nativity for the Eastern churches in the Byzantine tradition began on November 15.  During this period, we prepare ourselves for the coming of our King through increased prayer, confession, fasting, almsgiving, reading of spiritual books, and attendance at Mass or Divine Liturgy.  

 

I'm an Orthodox Christian, so I follow the calendar used by Eastern Christians. Our Nativity fast began 40 days before Christmas (November 15). The patron saint of my parish is Santa Claus - St. Nicholas.  His real name is Nikolaos of Myra and he was a Greek bishop who lived in what is now Turkey and attended and voted at the Council of Nicea. His feast day in both East and West is this Saturday, December 6, and on that day we will celebrate Divine Liturgy in his honor.  Our icons of St. Nicholas depict him properly in the vestments of ancient Greek bishops. His feast day falls in the middle of the Nativity fasting period and his life reminds us of the true meaning of Christmas - penance, service, and charity.  Catholics follow a different calendar, but the purpose of and what happens during Advent is the same.

 

As Christians, we're engaged in spiritual combat against the passions and the ancient Church established these practices to help us in our struggle to put God and our neighbor first.  Even under the most trying circumstances (deprivation, isolation, or persecution), the saints of God over the centuries have been able to find joy and solace through these practices.  In addition to counseling, incorporating some of these practices into your LDS spiritual life might be a good way to help you cope with the stress of the holiday season. 

 

May the peace of Christ be with you this holiday season, Poptart.  Lord, have mercy!

 

Spammer, hi. You might be interested to note a post by Valentinus in a thread he started about this ward where the bishop is trying to lead his flock to observe Advent by readings from the modern Roman Rite. I have been intending to make a post from a sixteen volume work I have by a great Benedictine liturgist called Dom Gueranger, who comments primarily on the Latin Rite but also tells us what is going on in the oriental liturgies. I had just been reading about your own manner of beginning in mid-November to prepare for the coming of the King. Anyway, It seems like we have these same discussions with dissatisfied Mormons every year around Christmas and Easter.

 

What they are learning to understand is that neither holiday "works" isolated from the season of penance and feasting which should precede it. A feast without a fast might be pleasant to the body, but the soul is dissipated because it enjoys much more a feast that has been "won" through diligent effort. Mormons haven't been around that long. Not 200 years. I think they are growing receptive to moving away from their inherited Protestant style of celebrating single holidays without a structured calendar. They are correctly sensing the need for the church to lead the soul by the liturgy through a more psychologically uplifting culminating event.

Edited December 2, 2014 by 3DOP

[saemo]

The whole reason for the season, which, doesn't begin until Christmas Eve. Now, it is Advent, a counter to the commercial world.

The commercialism is advantageous for purchasing items needed for the homeless , refugees and hungry. That's how I see it. I am enabled to donate more for the same dollar.

There are many LDS who come to our Christmas Eve midnight Mass. So crowded, the parish gives out tickets (free). I go for the Mass after vespers, which is crowded, but not crazy crowded like midnight. Yes, it is one of the highlights of Christmas for me. The only time my family goes to Mass with me, and they are atheists. I love the time worshipping with them there, with my parish family. The church all lit up with many bright candles and our annual singing of Silent Night, on our knees. It is what my soul hungers for, and the Advent preparation makes it all the more meaningful.

Maranatha!

[Silhouette]

I despise the holiday season. In September about 3 years ago, my son's girlfriend, his best friend, and two siblings drowned when their car flipped and landed upside down in an irrigation ditch.

In November in the mid 1980's, my dad was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and given 6 months to live.

That same November, my husband at the time left me with no warning and filed for divorce. I found out when I came home from somewhere one day and the electricity was turned off.

In December of that same year, my brother committed suicide. We had his funeral 2 days before Christmas, then had to turn around Christmas morning and do "Santa" for his 4 year old son, who kept asking, "Where's daddy?"

So yeah. Pretty much the whole of Winter sucks for me.

[Guest]

I despise the holiday season. In September about 3 years ago, my son's girlfriend, his best friend, and two siblings drowned when their car flipped and landed upside down in an irrigation ditch.

In November in the mid 1980's, my dad was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and given 6 months to live.

That same November, my husband at the time left me with no warning and filed for divorce. I found out when I came home from somewhere one day and the electricity was turned off.

In December of that same year, my brother committed suicide. We had his funeral 2 days before Christmas, then had to turn around Christmas morning and do "Santa" for his 4 year old son, who kept asking, "Where's daddy?"

So yeah. Pretty much the whole of Winter sucks for me.

Here is my prayer...every winter from now on be blessed. You have earned it!

Let me tell you a wonderful story. When I was three 55+ years ago (I only have two memories of when I was three) I lost my Grandmother Nation, I remember it because I was terrified when my father made me look and her despise me screaming uncontrollably. Later on that year, the same man left my mother and his three kids to marry another woman with whom he had recently married and had a child by without my mother knowing; yes, my bio-father turned out to be a bigamist. He fled the State to escape the law. So we were evicted a week before Christmas from our home. As were were walking down the street to a shack of a house, I looked up at my (then 26 year old mother) and asked; how will Santa Clause find us, mommy? Her husband and father of her children was gone and she is walking with her three children and mother in tow to a house with one small space heater in the front room. She looks down at me with a look that was seared into my brain to this day! I can not speak of it to this day without becoming filled the the horror in her face. You see, there would be no tree, no Santa Clause, no nothing but doubt and pain. I was named after my bio-father...William Edward Nation, Jr. For the next three years after that winter we ended up in public housing.

Now the wonderful stuff...my mother met a man (my Father in every way that matters) a 30 year old Baptist minster who was divorced, because of the sins of a very adulterous wife. The two of them married and he adopted all three of us children and I became, William Edward Lee (Bill Lee). He had grow up poor, but from a very loving family. However, growing up during the depression, he too had many disappointing Christmas's and was determined to make our wonderful experiences. The most precious gift he gave us was not his name, but his unconditional love. He also used example and the scriptures and prayer to help the three of us forgive our bio-father. I never spoke to him again, as he was always running from something, but at last I had to let the hate go. I lost my Father (Albert Lee) nine years ago and miss him so much. I lost my Mama this year and will be missing her this Christmas, my first in 57 years without her. But when I think about the wonderful life I had with them both, I praise God for it. Because of my Father's example, I adopted my wife's daughter at 18 months old and know that if for no other reason, God has got to let me into heaven! My Mother died of Alhiemers and I never told her how sorry I was for the question about Santa Clause. I know, just as with every Christmas, I can hardly hold back the tears, this Christmas will be even harder. But one day, I will plead for her forgiveness for having asked...yes she will tell; "Bill, you were three years old!". But, I will still tell her.

God bless you this Christmas, may you be filled with joy this year and beyond.

Edited December 3, 2014 by Pa Pa

[saemo]

I despise the holiday season. In September about 3 years ago, my son's girlfriend, his best friend, and two siblings drowned when their car flipped and landed upside down in an irrigation ditch.

In November in the mid 1980's, my dad was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and given 6 months to live.

That same November, my husband at the time left me with no warning and filed for divorce. I found out when I came home from somewhere one day and the electricity was turned off.

In December of that same year, my brother committed suicide. We had his funeral 2 days before Christmas, then had to turn around Christmas morning and do "Santa" for his 4 year old son, who kept asking, "Where's daddy?"

So yeah. Pretty much the whole of Winter sucks for me.

An annual singing of Silent Night, also brings to mind a father who died on Christmas Eve. He asked one of his young children to sing Silent Night for him. Nearly 90 years later that is the Christmas memory of a dear family member. In the meantime, a family of his own, many children, and while that memory is always there he has many more happy memories to go with it.

 

I'm one to keep the dead in mind during the holidays, because I miss people. Related to the liturgical calendar, it may be having All Souls relatively shortly before Advent helps out with that. We remember and pray for our dead, end the liturgical year in celebration of Christ the King and move into Advent. The first Sunday of Advent, this past Sunday, our All Souls shrine in the church was still up, so sometimes liturgical times cross over each other.

 

The wood of the manger to the wood of the cross. It's all tied together.

[Guest]

An annual singing of Silent Night, also brings to mind a father who died on Christmas Eve. He asked one of his young children to sing Silent Night for him. Nearly 90 years later that is the Christmas memory of a dear family member. In the meantime, a family of his own, many children, and while that memory is always there he has many more happy memories to go with it.

 

I'm one to keep the dead in mind during the holidays, because I miss people. Related to the liturgical calendar, it may be having All Souls relatively shortly before Advent helps out with that. We remember and pray for our dead, end the liturgical year in celebration of Christ the King and move into Advent. The first Sunday of Advent, this past Sunday, our All Souls shrine in the church was still up, so sometimes liturgical times cross over each other.

 

The wood of the manger to the wood of the cross. It's all tied together.

I remember that we all got up to open Christmas, and my parents were crying. One of our Aunts died on Christmas morning leaving a husband (my Father's brother) and 8 children under 18, down to the new infant.

[saemo]

Well shoot, I got married during the Christmas season so I kind of like the time of year. If I went through all the tragedies of my life and hated a month or a whole season for the tragedy, I'd have nothing left to love. I can't live that way. Life is both bitter and sweet, no way around that. I prefer to focus on the sweet, recall the bitter now and then as to not forget, but not let it become a personal litany to always keep me down.

 

Maybe it's from my mom, who always told me, pick myself up and keep moving.

Edited December 3, 2014 by saemo

[Yirgacheffe]

Well shoot, I got married during the Christmas season so I kind of like the time of year. If I went through all the tragedies of my life and hated a month or a whole season for the tragedy, I'd have nothing left to love. I can't live that way. Life is both bitter and sweet, no way around that. I prefer to focus on the sweet, recall the bitter now and then as to not forget, but not let it become a personal litany to always keep me down.

 

Maybe it's from my mom, who always told me, pick myself up and keep moving.

I never thought about this but it is a very thought provoking post.  Like everyone I've suffered loss and pain in a month or a season and I'd always be miserable if I focused on that. 

[saemo]

I never thought about this but it is a very thought provoking post.  Like everyone I've suffered loss and pain in a month or a season and I'd always be miserable if I focused on that. 

Ha! Yeah, mine would be summer. Deaths, suicides and all Bad Things seem to happen in summer, oh, and November. Well crap. I love summer. November is just ok.

[Jeanne]

In 1984..Dec 8th, my eleven year old niece drowned at Stansbury Park in an ice skating incident.  That evening she was in a dance group putting on a Christmas show for a rest home..thankfully that was taped.  Some hard Christmases after because you always knew someone was missing..always. 

 

On New Years Day, 1996, this little girls mother committed suicide (my sister).  In 1997, Oct. Mom died in her sleep and after the funeral my son took my husband in for radiation treatments.  My husband was a pall bearer that day and three months later was gone. 

 

I haven't had a tree for almost 16 years.  My husband got out of bed one night..looked at the lit up tree and said that was the most beautiful tree..how could I top the most beautiful tree in all these years??? On Christmas Eve, I laid on the bed with him and we planned his funeral..then my kids help me with a special Christmas program with his favorite songs, photos and I wore my wedding dress.  All we could give him was his memories..

 

This coming year, I will have my first tree..a REAL one.  My children are with me..and I hold on to the things that are more precious than anything.  The memories..and the hope.

 

Merry Christmas everyone...moving home..to Logan.

[saemo]

In July of 84 my cousin drowned at Lake Powell

In June of 85, my husband's brother committed suicide.

In July of 98, my 16 year old nephew died in a rollover (no seatbelt).

 

In 1984..Dec 8th, my eleven year old niece drowned at Stansbury Park in an ice skating incident.  That evening she was in a dance group putting on a Christmas show for a rest home..thankfully that was taped.  Some hard Christmases after because you always knew someone was missing..always. 

 

On New Years Day, 1996, this little girls mother committed suicide (my sister).  In 1997, Oct. Mom died in her sleep and after the funeral my son took my husband in for radiation treatments.  My husband was a pall bearer that day and three months later was gone. 

 

I haven't had a tree for almost 16 years.  My husband got out of bed one night..looked at the lit up tree and said that was the most beautiful tree..how could I top the most beautiful tree in all these years??? On Christmas Eve, I laid on the bed with him and we planned his funeral..then my kids help me with a special Christmas program with his favorite songs, photos and I wore my wedding dress.  All we could give him was his memories..

 

This coming year, I will have my first tree..a REAL one.  My children are with me..and I hold on to the things that are more precious than anything.  The memories..and the hope.

 

Merry Christmas everyone...moving home..to Logan.

So sad. I hope you have a Merry Christmas this year.

Edited December 3, 2014 by saemo

[Tacenda]

In 1984..Dec 8th, my eleven year old niece drowned at Stansbury Park in an ice skating incident. That evening she was in a dance group putting on a Christmas show for a rest home..thankfully that was taped. Some hard Christmases after because you always knew someone was missing..always.

On New Years Day, 1996, this little girls mother committed suicide (my sister). In 1997, Oct. Mom died in her sleep and after the funeral my son took my husband in for radiation treatments. My husband was a pall bearer that day and three months later was gone.

I haven't had a tree for almost 16 years. My husband got out of bed one night..looked at the lit up tree and said that was the most beautiful tree..how could I top the most beautiful tree in all these years??? On Christmas Eve, I laid on the bed with him and we planned his funeral..then my kids help me with a special Christmas program with his favorite songs, photos and I wore my wedding dress. All we could give him was his memories..

This coming year, I will have my first tree..a REAL one. My children are with me..and I hold on to the things that are more precious than anything. The memories..and the hope.

Merry Christmas everyone...moving home..to Logan.

Jeanne, I'm glad you shared this, it gave me a lot of insight to your world. Your family is so fortunate to have you as their mother, sister, wife etc. You made me want to work on not taking my family for granted.

Hope you enjoy your REAL tree. For some reason I want a real one vs. the fake ones I've had in the past.  

BTW, my son and daughter in law are in Logan! Are you from Logan?

Edited December 4, 2014 by Tacenda