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Time For A New Ward


Messenger

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Yep, its time for a new ward. Totally sick of the home teacher I had last night, and some other past experiences. Wow. what is wrong with people anyways. Perhaps its time to say, "take these callings and shove it!"

Talk with your Bishop...my home teacher was my best friend until he was my home teacher.

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Pa Pa, I'm 2nd assistant in the High Priest group, we dont usually go to the bishop, we are supposed to handle it ourselves. I did let the HPGL know in an email just now. I just cant believe what was said. I try and instruct everyone according to the manual on how to home teach and how to build trust. But wow... its totally gone for me. I must have re-wrote my letter a dozen times ... this is the one I ended up with ....

"First of all, you should realize that I am having an ADHD day. So, my hope is that its not as bad as it seems in 24 hours, or that I really don't care (I'm hope that I simply end up not caring about it). When you get home you might want to read this instead of during work.

You know one of the things I battle in wards that I go to are the following ...

1) Why aren't you married?

2) Whats wrong with you? (ADHD)

3) How often do you see your kids?

4) And then there is the quiet accusation that I am gay...

5) And I must be watching porn.

6) Not to forget the real reason for my divorce.

7) where does your ex-wife live? City and State and her first name?

This list is long and very very boring.

I think Brother XXXXX hit every single one of those prejudices last night, and even wanted to know the first and last name of the last girlfriend I had in Rexburg. And, while trying to stay objective, I was very polite even when he asked what I thought about kissing another man and being a member at the same time in a calling. I never got angry or mad or asked him to leave. I wouldn't want the ward to go through that kind of turmoil over a gossip fest. But seriously, I really hope that our people aren't doing that to our members. If its true, I wouldn't be wanting home teachers over. I'm not sure what he was thinking, if anything at all. I was looking forward to a lesson and his perspective on a gospel topic, any gospel topic. And what I got was an intruder in my house bringing really bad images and prejudices instead. I cant for the life of me understand what he was thinking.

Its so disturbing to me right now, I'm not sure what to do. Hopefully I will have some ideas as my ADHD calms down."

I know it will get better tomorrow after my ADHD rolls away and this is how I feel right now. Also, tomorrow I will feel embolden to be a good example even to the most perditious (Damn, I created a new word!) people I know. But, I just have to get there and I am here until that happens. Its difficult not to condemn the guy to he11.

Edited by Messenger
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Actually I thought about punching him in the face last night, tazing his a$$ with 3 million volts, then dragging him out of my apartment, slashing is tires and leaving him in the snow. I probably wouldn't put his name on a forum though. The least I will do is have a meeting with the Stake President - I want to see where this is coming from. If he was asked to give me that line of questions by the stake, then we are going to the area Presidency. Suffice to say, that's the last home teacher I will ever have in my house again. How's that? Im in charge of 1/3 of the home teaching in my ward and I am about to request no home teaching visits. LOL nice! Man, we really have a long way to go.

Edited by Messenger
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Maybe you are there to retrain the HTers. Why didn't you just tell your HTer how offensive all that was? Or quit answering the questions? Or "where do you get the authority to ask me all that?" Better you gently teach than go elsewhere. (And has it occurred to you that he did it to get a reaction? And when he didn't, kept uping the ante? Maybe he wants to not be a HTer himself. Maybe he is gay and trying to identify others who are?

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RPN,

Using the manual (Handbook II) I tried to cover some of those bases a few months ago and it wasn't very successful. Trust is the biggest thing with home teaching, and once its violated, its next to impossible to get it back. If Heavenly Father wanted me to stay, I wouldn't even think twice about it. Like you said, the HT just kept up with the questions one after the other, and no I didn't react, I thought maybe this was going somewhere. But waking up this morning, and thinking about all of those questions, and then thinking why he was asking them.... I think its BS. First of all, he shouldn't have been asking them in the first place. You know if one of my really close buddies that I used to ride quads with asked me those, I'd be laughing my butt off. This is the Stake Sunday School President on his first visit to me, the first time I've had a home teacher in 5 years; Why? You know when I got divorced, the rumor mill started spitting out all the same crap, and there were several ex-friends of mine that were involved in that rumor mill. I wonder how many other members have their reputation ruined because it. I'm a man of integrity, I have a hard time fighting rumors like this, because the harder you fight, the more people believe the rumor. Because of that, I'm done with the ward. Already told the HPGL not to expect me in church anymore, I'll be going to another ward. I've got a lawyer if I need one.

The good thing is that when I request another stake, that goes to church HQ, and you better believe it will get someone's attention there. I plan on using that to lend assistance to people needing a little help with how to handle home teaching visits; what to say and definitely not what to say. I just wonder what goes through people's minds. Some people just don't get enough fishing in.

Edited by Messenger
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Duncan,

Part of the difficultly in calming down has to do with my ADHD. It can take longer than 24 hours. So, this is a real challenge for me but it is finally starting to ramp down. I Just lock myself in the apartment and watch a lot of church videos and try and think out the consequences of whatever choice I make. Hopefully, I'll just be left with a loss of respect for the guy. No calls from the ward or stake yet .... I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.

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16 hours, finally better. Not sure whats going to happen, but I will figure it out. I still don't like what my Home Teacher has done, probably ought to let him focus on his wife, and reassign his families. Sometimes people do stupid things without thinking. I suppose everybody need somebody to to cut them a little slack once in a while.

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That's the spirit Messenger... we do need to cut people slack... and I know it may be frustrating, but I think it's for the better.

In any case, I'm sorry you don't have great home teachers... when they are good, they are great, when they aren't, not so much =p.

Still, we can hope for a new great one =D.

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TAO,

I'm just happy I am out of the hyper-focus - That had to be one of the longest ones I have had for a while. At least I've taught myself enough to warn everyone and keep myself out of trouble. And while I'm probably not moving out of the ward (still on the table though), I really don't think he should be a home teacher. He is not in my group of High Priests that I work with, but he is in my ward. Personally I think we need to fundamentally shift our thinking when it comes to home teaching. I deal with a lot of families that have had home teachers that have crossed the line. over 15 years ago I was one of them and certainly was two days ago as well. Looking back it would seem to me its less about the numbers and more about the quality of home teaching. I mean if you cant have compassion on those that you home teach, maybe you shouldn't home teach. Maybe home teachers should be certified in some way, with a test of 20 questions or something. If they don't pass, they don't home teach. And maybe even consider this, if they cant show they have the basic skills to be a home teacher, maybe they shouldn't have any other callings until they do. Certainly one bad home teacher can do enough damage that 5 or 6 home teachers could only undo over years. Our list of 'do not contact' is huge, and I would say that historically, and also collectively we really suck at it. Certainly in my case, no home teacher is better than a bad one. I think we are too focused on the numbers rather than the quality.

Edited by Messenger
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Ya, it will be. I'm going to work with the bishop on how to vote in the negative on his stake calling without creating a big mess.

The first thing you do is go to the Stake President and tell him about your experience and feelings. This situation is over the bishop's head and is a stake matter.

As an aside, my personal opinion is that a Stake Sunday School president is a position with nothing to do. He has no authority, does very little, and, frankly, I have no idea why it remains a calling in the operation of a stake.

I guess that I have never cared enough about these type of callings to motivate me to raise my hand except in blind support of the stake president and his chosen team. This is all the more reason taht I would go talk to him about one of his team members rather than anyone else.

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The first thing you do is go to the Stake President and tell him about your experience and feelings. This situation is over the bishop's head and is a stake matter.

As an aside, my personal opinion is that a Stake Sunday School president is a position with nothing to do. He has no authority, does very little, and, frankly, I have no idea why it remains a calling in the operation of a stake.

I guess that I have never cared enough about these type of callings to motivate me to raise my hand except in blind support of the stake president and his chosen team. This is all the more reason taht I would go talk to him about one of his team members rather than anyone else.

StormRider,

I agree. But, a stake calling I think represents a minimum set of skills demonstrated. He is in fact over all the teachers and ward Sunday School presidents and gives direction on how they do their callings. He should be a teaching expert. He is not. I also realize that its a stake matter. But I respect my Bishop enough that I don't want him blind-sided by this. No doubt, this will go to the next level .... at least. Probably area presidency, and if ultimately I end up going to another ward in another stake, that will go to S.L.C. I'm ok with that if that's where it goes. I do believe there should be a set of minimum requirements to be a home teacher. If they are not met, I think church policy should consider them unable to serve in callings that teach other people. Its a position of trust, and there is far more work involved in undoing that type of damage than meeting the requirements before hand. I realize this may be highly visible and put a lot of attention on me and the bishop. I think I'm ready for that.

On a side note, its nice not to be angry and pissed off anymore. All I see now are facts and steps to correct them. Further, I am open to the fact that my home teacher may be having other issues so large to deal with that it may be difficult to do any home teaching. I have A.D.H.D., and I know when i cant do my job, I excuse myself. I also let those around me know when my worst A.D.H.D. symptoms occur and what it means. If someone is having a bad day, or a bad week, or even a bad year, they should voluntarily excuse themselves from Home Teaching if its going to affect their families. If they don't, then someone should release them either temporarily or longer if needed. There have been times when someone has asked me to give the opening prayer in sacrament and I refused because I was having a bad A.D.H.D. day. I'm o.k. with that. It would have left a bad impression and affected a lot more people if I had said something that offended someone or took the spirit away from the meeting.

As also mentioned earlier, his wife has been involved with several surgeries, and its an ongoing thing. Its a lot to deal with. Maybe there are times when callings are just too much to handle - at least that's my point of view at this time. I certainly could be a bishop having my ADHD condition. I am way ok with that. But I think I make a pretty good 1st and 2nd councilor in various capacities.

Mark

Edited by Messenger
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Hello Messenger...

I'm glad you got through your episode and have better insight at this time. I scanned through this thread, and hope you won't be leaving your ward. I don't know that I saw where you had confronted HIM about your reactions to the questions he asked you. Is HE aware of your reaction and why? If not, he should be. Forget the SP and go directly to the man. If he can't see what he did, then since you've got input into the assignment of HTs, if I were you I'd just assign myself a new HT and then have a meeting with the bishop about the situation. If that doesn't work, then you can always go to the SP... but this to me is something that should be addressed locally first, then higher if necessary.

I would ask him where he got his questions, and why he was asking you such things, and did he realize how offensive he and his questions were??

Good luck.

GG

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Pa Pa, I'm 2nd assistant in the High Priest group, we dont usually go to the bishop, we are supposed to handle it ourselves. I did let the HPGL know in an email just now. I just cant believe what was said. I try and instruct everyone according to the manual on how to home teach and how to build trust. But wow... its totally gone for me. I must have re-wrote my letter a dozen times ... this is the one I ended up with ....

I was in class once taking about how I loved my Baptist upbringing and my Bishop and person I had known for 15 years quipped…”Then why don’t you go back”? I know how horrible people can be.

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