Ministering issue

[MustardSeed]

I have two topics today, this is my second and last.
 

I have a hefty Ministering assignment load. Three of them do not come to church at all. One does and all she wants is an occasional text which I respect.
One of the three and I have become friends that we’ve never met. We regularly and support each other sweetly. She is barely 20. I’m 57. But I think a real love exists for us.

The one I’m asking about is one that does not post any contact information on the church site and only has a home address.

My instinct is to simply send a letter indicating that I will be sending letters and if she does not want them to send back in the form of “ return to sender”

I have zero interest in knocking on a strangers door.

Does anybody have any other ideas? It is out of my comfort zone to force anybody into a relationship with me. In fact, I can say confidently that that would be operating outside of my particular value system and I’m not willing to push. Sending letters teeters on that- but I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do. The president has requested specially that be the Ministering assignment for this young woman because she trusts me. I also don’t want to let her down.
 

Open to those thoughts, thanks

[SeekingUnderstanding]

15 minutes ago, MustardSeed said:

I have two topics today, this is my second and last.
 

I have a hefty Ministering assignment load. Three of them do not come to church at all. One does and all she wants is an occasional text which I respect.
One of the three and I have become friends that we’ve never met. We regularly and support each other sweetly. She is barely 20. I’m 57. But I think a real love exists for us.

The one I’m asking about is one that does not post any contact information on the church site and only has a home address.

My instinct is to simply send a letter indicating that I will be sending letters and if she does not want them to send back in the form of “ return to sender”

I have zero interest in knocking on a strangers door.

Does anybody have any other ideas? It is out of my comfort zone to force anybody into a relationship with me. In fact, I can say confidently that that would be operating outside of my particular value system and I’m not willing to push. Sending letters teeters on that- but I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do. The president has requested specially that be the Ministering assignment for this young woman because she trusts me. I also don’t want to let her down.
 

Open to those thoughts, thanks

Compared to most church contact, this is a very light touch and knowing you from your posts here, I am sure that your messages will be kind too. I think it’s a great idea. 

[rpn]

I'd consider postcards, sent monthly (and on birthday and if you know it baptism date), that have a scripture or a link to a talk you heard and thought of her when reading it.   Each contact should include your email address, text number and suggestion of times to call you if they need anything, and maybe info about some activity if you are so inspired.   (So there is no reason they can't identify you when they do need you to help with something.)   And I'd tell them I was praying for them, and you'd like to get to know them and their family so if they need your help you'll know them enough to be able to help without doing unhelpful  things.   The first one, I might send in a letter, with a fridge magnet with my contact info on it, and a family photo.    And then listen to the spirit of what to send at least once a month thereafter.

[Tacenda]

I'd count myself lucky to have a Ministering Sister such as yourself. Not only because interacting or reading things you say on the board, but because you care about this sister enough to know the right approach and not because you've been assigned but you actually care what she thinks. A letter, IMO, is just fine! And you can explain how you did on this thread. That you basically want to respect her wishes, my words. 

I've asked my ministering sisters to text or call but all I get are drop offs with them at the door. And I hate for them to spend money. Also, they are neighbors that live three doors down. 

[bluebell]

I think the letter idea is a great one.  Knowing you, you are probably already going to do this, but my one thought was focusing more on personal and general topics than churchy stuff might help the potential for a real friendship feel more sincere?

[rpn]

I once sent letters for a very long time.   Maybe three or so years in, the woman returned to church, saying, everytime she threw away the envelope without opening it, but she returned because she knew that someone  acting for God had sent them, thinking of her. 

Letters cost more (and it's not a small number now that US stamps are 73 cents), but also give space to share anything the Lord is prompting you to share.

 

[Dario_M]

??

I thought that i read somewhere that you're already married in 1 of your topics? Yesterday or so. 

Edited February 14, 2025 by Dario_M

[Calm]

36 minutes ago, Dario_M said:

??

I thought that i read somewhere that you're already married in 1 of your topics? Yesterday or so. 

She is. What makes you think she isn’t?

[Dario_M]

1 hour ago, Calm said:

She is. What makes you think she isn’t?

Huh? 

Okay...well then this topic really confuses me. But never mind. 😁

Edited February 14, 2025 by Dario_M

[Calm]

I assume you know what ministering is?  Then my guess is the confusion is from her comment “real love”.  English, as you know, uses the same word for love based on deep friendship, romance, parent-child, love for all humans in abstract etc where other languages may use multiple words for these different types of caring relationships. It can get confusing. She is simply saying she has a deep sisterly love towards the woman, she really cares about her.

Which means it’s a good fit for ministering imo even if they have never met in person.

Edited February 14, 2025 by Calm

[Teancum]

On 2/12/2025 at 5:27 PM, MustardSeed said:

I have two topics today, this is my second and last.
 

I have a hefty Ministering assignment load. Three of them do not come to church at all. One does and all she wants is an occasional text which I respect.
One of the three and I have become friends that we’ve never met. We regularly and support each other sweetly. She is barely 20. I’m 57. But I think a real love exists for us.

The one I’m asking about is one that does not post any contact information on the church site and only has a home address.

My instinct is to simply send a letter indicating that I will be sending letters and if she does not want them to send back in the form of “ return to sender”

I have zero interest in knocking on a strangers door.

Does anybody have any other ideas? It is out of my comfort zone to force anybody into a relationship with me. In fact, I can say confidently that that would be operating outside of my particular value system and I’m not willing to push. Sending letters teeters on that- but I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do. The president has requested specially that be the Ministering assignment for this young woman because she trusts me. I also don’t want to let her down.
 

Open to those thoughts, thanks

I suggest the letter. Let her know who you are and why you are reaching out. Tell her you would love to meet but respect her boundaries so could she let you know either way whether she wants contact or not.

[Dario_M]

22 hours ago, Calm said:

I assume you know what ministering is?  Then my guess is the confusion is from her comment “real love”.  English, as you know, uses the same word for love based on deep friendship, romance, parent-child, love for all humans in abstract etc where other languages may use multiple words for these different types of caring relationships. It can get confusing. She is simply saying she has a deep sisterly love towards the woman, she really cares about her.

Which means it’s a good fit for ministering imo even if they have never met in person.

Ooh okay. I was already confused. I thought that she was talking about romance love. Never mind. My mistake.🤡 I was already questioning myself. I thought this can not be true. 

[Buckeye]

On 2/12/2025 at 3:27 PM, MustardSeed said:

I have two topics today, this is my second and last.
 

I have a hefty Ministering assignment load. Three of them do not come to church at all. One does and all she wants is an occasional text which I respect.
One of the three and I have become friends that we’ve never met. We regularly and support each other sweetly. She is barely 20. I’m 57. But I think a real love exists for us.

The one I’m asking about is one that does not post any contact information on the church site and only has a home address.

My instinct is to simply send a letter indicating that I will be sending letters and if she does not want them to send back in the form of “ return to sender”

I have zero interest in knocking on a strangers door.

Does anybody have any other ideas? It is out of my comfort zone to force anybody into a relationship with me. In fact, I can say confidently that that would be operating outside of my particular value system and I’m not willing to push. Sending letters teeters on that- but I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do. The president has requested specially that be the Ministering assignment for this young woman because she trusts me. I also don’t want to let her down.
 

Open to those thoughts, thanks

Better advice will come from your EQ presidency than this board. Have a quarterly interview with them. Ask about your families - who visited them before, what worked, what do they know about the families situations, what do they think about the letter plan. All good points to discuss. 
 

If any of the families have ministering sisters, also discuss and coordinate with them. Often the sisters know a lot the brothers don’t (and vice versa). 

Edited February 15, 2025 by Buckeye

[bluebell]

5 hours ago, Buckeye said:

Better advice will come from your EQ presidency than this board. Have a quarterly interview with them. Ask about your families - who visited them before, what worked, what do they know about the families situations, what do they think about the letter plan. All good points to discuss. 
 

If any of the families have ministering sisters, also discuss and coordinate with them. Often the sisters know a lot the brothers don’t (and vice versa). 

Mustard Seed is a ministering sister.  She's female. 

[Buckeye]

On 2/15/2025 at 10:26 AM, bluebell said:

Mustard Seed is a ministering sister.  She's female. 

Sorry! I’m not as frequent on this board as I used to be. 

[Calm]

41 minutes ago, Buckeye said:

Sorry! I’m not as frequent on this board as I used to be. 

And that is unfortunate, imo, even if understandable.

Edited February 18, 2025 by Calm

[MustardSeed]

3 hours ago, Buckeye said:

Sorry! I’m not as frequent on this board as I used to be. 

No problem.  When I was a child everyone thought I was a boy because dad took me to his barber for convenience. I roll with whatever lol