Emotional Resilience vs. Emotional Independence / Stoicism

[nuclearfuels]

My ward recently started teaching this class. Have any of you taken it? What did you think of it? I'm planning on taking it next time around. 

As a generally skeptic person I'm having trouble reconciling:

1. Emotional Resilience, Happiness is a decision / what happens within us vs what happens to us / etc.

2. Happy wife, happy life. (this suggests happiness is not what happens within us but based on our spouse's actions, and only those actions that are, in our opinion, good, helpful, obedient, etc.) This makes me wonder about Overcoming Anger as a lesson - if others like spouses act out of line and that makes you angry, accountability is the answer - not meditation.

3. General Conf. Priesthood sessions - back when they were held - to me, could mostly be summed up as: step up, lengthen yoru stride, expand yoru vision, magnify your calling, etc. General Conf. Sessions for Women generally seem to suggest: You are enough, Relax. Take it easy, Don't over do it. 

4. I'm not a fan of modern American medicine, based on data (https://imprimis.hillsdale.edu/americas-broken-health-care-diagnosis-and-prescription/)  So if this class suggests Rx as a way to be emotionally resilient, I'll have feedback the instructors may not appreciate.  "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” - Krishnamurti.

Would you think this class would help reconcile these things?

Chapter 1: Building Emotional Resilience

• My Self-Reliance Group [4:01]
• Exercise Faith in Jesus Christ [1:43]
• He Is Building a Palace [1:19]
• Mountains to Climb [5:05]
• Grateful in Any Circumstance [1:06]

Chapter 2: Healthy Thinking Patterns

• Our True Identity [3:39]
• Am I Good Enough? [3:28]

Chapter 3: Our Body and Emotions

• God's Greatest Creation [2:51] 

Chapter 4: Managing Stress and Anxiety

• The Gift of Time [2:26]
• Reach Up to Him in Faith [3:54]
• Perfectionism: Will I Ever Be Good Enough? [4:34]

Chapter 5: Understanding Sadness and Depression

• Of Regrets and Resolutions videos [1:25]
• Like a Broken Vessel Part 1 [1:38]
• Christ's Atoning Love Heals Grieving Hearts [3:22]
• Like a Broken Vessel Part 2 [1:46]

Chapter 6: Overcoming Anger

• A Bigger Truck? [0:58]
• Forgiveness: My Burden Was Made Light [8:24]

Chapter 7: Managing Addictive Behaviors

• What Shall a Man Give in Exchange for His Soul? [2:04]
• What Is Addiction? [1:31]
• Why Is It so Hard to Quit? [2:01]
• What Is Addiction Recovery? [2:08]
• What I Know Now: Spouses [3:52]
• What I Know Now: Parents [3:55]
• Adolescent Addiction [2:18]

Chapter 8: Building Healthy Relationships

• Creating Lift [1:55]
• Enduring Love [4:16]

Chapter 9: Providing Strength to Others

• In the Lord’s Way [1:55]
• What Matters Most [1:35]

Chapter 10: Moving Forward with Faith

• Doing What Matters Most [1:41]
• Come What May, and Love It [3:31]

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/self-reliance/course-materials/emotional-resilience-self-reliance-course-video-resources?lang=eng

[MustardSeed]

If taught by a competent leader I can’t see how it would hurt anyone.  A client of mine took the class and it really started some good conversations for her. 

[JustAnAustralian]

I haven't done it, but my stake is currently on it's 4th or 5th cycle. (inc. sessions specifically for youth). I haven't heard any negative feedback about it.

[MustardSeed]

Circling back to actually address each of your concerns- 

1.  If you’re interested in this topic, there’s a good newish book called “What Happened To You.” It addresses resilience.  It attempts to replace the thought ‘what is wrong with you’ to the more insightful ‘what happened to you ‘ and takes a very layperson friendly look at the science of the brain.  Written by a neuroscientist , you can ignore the fact that Oprah co authored (I’m not a fan)

 2. IMO - Not meditation but mindfulness is very helpful in moving past anger in a moment- in fact it’s crucial .  And yes it’s challenging when a spouse is miserable.  But you are correct- accountability for one’s part, rather than blame, is crucial. 
 

3.Where’s the problem? Men and women are different and need different messages. IMO. 

4.  Please, Be kind to your instructor.  They are untrained and have “been” volunteered for the assignment. If meds are brought up, share your thoughts kindly.  Meds and therapy together saved me and my marriage at one time- everyone is different. 

[Navidad]

I guess I'll get in trouble for asking this . . .  🙃 but this topic makes me want to ask! How does being so very dependent on one organization for identity, status, culture, salvation, eternal destiny, this-world relationships (marriage, etc), and meaning create either emotional resilience or independence? To be fair, I would ask the same question of some conservative Mennonites and even those I have met in tight-knit Masonic traditions.

[Smiley McGee]

13 hours ago, nuclearfuels said:

So if this class suggests Rx as a way to be emotionally resilient, I'll have feedback the instructors may not appreciate.

Since this class is likely NOT taught by qualified medical professionals, I hope medication is not discussed, nor debated with similarly unqualified individuals. 

Edited April 16, 2023 by Smiley McGee

[MustardSeed]

1 hour ago, Navidad said:

I guess I'll get in trouble for asking this . . .  🙃 but this topic makes me want to ask! How does being so very dependent on one organization for identity, status, culture, salvation, eternal destiny, this-world relationships (marriage, etc), and meaning create either emotional resilience or independence? To be fair, I would ask the same question of some conservative Mennonites and even those I have met in tight-knit Masonic traditions.

That’s fair enough, I suppose.  I would agree that we may have a tendency to limit our resources. This is only my experience and my opinion, no CFR. I think we have a tendency to hire from within, to socialize within, and there is so much on the outside that we could benefit from.

[Navidad]

6 minutes ago, MustardSeed said:

This is only my experience and my opinion, no CFR.

On this kind of topic I  personally much prefer folks' experiences and opinions to references. I am very interested in what you folks have to say!

[Kenngo1969]

Do I get anything out of the organizations of which I am a member?  After all, there must be some reason I have chosen to affiliate myself with them.  If so, does that mean I am "dependent" upon them?  Did Jesus Christ establish a church during his mortal advent here upon the earth?  Is that church still extant, whether it has persisted since he established it or whether it has been restored?  Are the answers to these last two questions important?  If so, I should think that people might wish to know those answers.

Do I "depend" on the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?  To the extent that I believe that the Church possesses authority that is important and cannot be found elsewhere, I suppose I do.  Do I believe the Church of Jesus Christ is inhibiting my personal relationship with God, or facilitating it?  If the former, is one of us "doing it wrong"?  

Yes, I do think the Church of Jesus Christ possesses things that are vital to me that cannot be found elsewhere.  However, the responsibility for the state of my personal relationship with God rests with one person: me.  I think there have been important changes in how the Church of Jesus Christ operates in recent years that reflect the increasing emphasis on importance of one's personal relationship with God.  As the old saying goes, "If you're not as close to God today as you were yesterday, who moved?"

I think there needs to be a balance struck between being resilient oneself and relying on others to an inordinate degree.  This may seem overdramatic, but it is true: If I weren't resilient, I would have been dead long ago.  On the other hand, I would be neither who I am nor what I am today if it were not for some critical contributions of others at various key points in my life.

Edited April 16, 2023 by Kenngo1969

[bsjkki]

1 hour ago, Smiley McGee said:

Since this class is likely NOT taught by qualified medical professionals, I hope medication is not discussed, nor debated with similarly unqualified individuals. 

The course is designed to be strictly followed. Class members read the manual and watch videos and have discussion. There is not a teacher but a facilitator. The facilitator is not supposed to talk more than other class members. Basically, you call on people to read and make sure the discussions stay inbounds and are not dominated by a few. It is emphasized this is not ‘therapy’ or group counseling.  

[bsjkki]

15 hours ago, nuclearfuels said:

My ward recently started teaching this class. Have any of you taken it? What did you think of it? I'm planning on taking it next time around. 

As a generally skeptic person I'm having trouble reconciling:

1. Emotional Resilience, Happiness is a decision / what happens within us vs what happens to us / etc.

2. Happy wife, happy life. (this suggests happiness is not what happens within us but based on our spouse's actions, and only those actions that are, in our opinion, good, helpful, obedient, etc.) This makes me wonder about Overcoming Anger as a lesson - if others like spouses act out of line and that makes you angry, accountability is the answer - not meditation.

3. General Conf. Priesthood sessions - back when they were held - to me, could mostly be summed up as: step up, lengthen yoru stride, expand yoru vision, magnify your calling, etc. General Conf. Sessions for Women generally seem to suggest: You are enough, Relax. Take it easy, Don't over do it. 

4. I'm not a fan of modern American medicine, based on data (https://imprimis.hillsdale.edu/americas-broken-health-care-diagnosis-and-prescription/)  So if this class suggests Rx as a way to be emotionally resilient, I'll have feedback the instructors may not appreciate.  "It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” - Krishnamurti.

Would you think this class would help reconcile these things?

Chapter 1: Building Emotional Resilience

• My Self-Reliance Group [4:01]
• Exercise Faith in Jesus Christ [1:43]
• He Is Building a Palace [1:19]
• Mountains to Climb [5:05]
• Grateful in Any Circumstance [1:06]

Chapter 2: Healthy Thinking Patterns

• Our True Identity [3:39]
• Am I Good Enough? [3:28]

Chapter 3: Our Body and Emotions

• God's Greatest Creation [2:51] 

Chapter 4: Managing Stress and Anxiety

• The Gift of Time [2:26]
• Reach Up to Him in Faith [3:54]
• Perfectionism: Will I Ever Be Good Enough? [4:34]

Chapter 5: Understanding Sadness and Depression

• Of Regrets and Resolutions videos [1:25]
• Like a Broken Vessel Part 1 [1:38]
• Christ's Atoning Love Heals Grieving Hearts [3:22]
• Like a Broken Vessel Part 2 [1:46]

Chapter 6: Overcoming Anger

• A Bigger Truck? [0:58]
• Forgiveness: My Burden Was Made Light [8:24]

Chapter 7: Managing Addictive Behaviors

• What Shall a Man Give in Exchange for His Soul? [2:04]
• What Is Addiction? [1:31]
• Why Is It so Hard to Quit? [2:01]
• What Is Addiction Recovery? [2:08]
• What I Know Now: Spouses [3:52]
• What I Know Now: Parents [3:55]
• Adolescent Addiction [2:18]

Chapter 8: Building Healthy Relationships

• Creating Lift [1:55]
• Enduring Love [4:16]

Chapter 9: Providing Strength to Others

• In the Lord’s Way [1:55]
• What Matters Most [1:35]

Chapter 10: Moving Forward with Faith

• Doing What Matters Most [1:41]
• Come What May, and Love It [3:31]

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/self-reliance/course-materials/emotional-resilience-self-reliance-course-video-resources?lang=eng

I suggest you read the manual if you have concerns. It’s all there. That is the whole class.

Edited April 16, 2023 by bsjkki

[bsjkki]

If you have an anti medication bias, this class is not the place to share your opinion. I can’t remember if they are ever brought up at all but in a class that is supposed to build trust with members, many of whom might take a medication, it would not help them to know your opinion on that subject. 

[CV75]

2 hours ago, Navidad said:

I guess I'll get in trouble for asking this . . .  🙃 but this topic makes me want to ask! How does being so very dependent on one organization for identity, status, culture, salvation, eternal destiny, this-world relationships (marriage, etc), and meaning create either emotional resilience or independence? To be fair, I would ask the same question of some conservative Mennonites and even those I have met in tight-knit Masonic traditions.

Being part of an organization that fosters voluntary, active participation as an expression of unity yields many benefits, including emotional resilience and independence.

[Smiley McGee]

38 minutes ago, bsjkki said:

The course is designed to be strictly followed. Class members read the manual and watch videos and have discussion. There is not a teacher but a facilitator. The facilitator is not supposed to talk more than other class members. Basically, you call on people to read and make sure the discussions stay inbounds and are not dominated by a few. It is emphasized this is not ‘therapy’ or group counseling.  

Thanks; appreciate the clarification.

[InCognitus]

3 hours ago, bsjkki said:

The course is designed to be strictly followed. Class members read the manual and watch videos and have discussion. There is not a teacher but a facilitator. The facilitator is not supposed to talk more than other class members. Basically, you call on people to read and make sure the discussions stay inbounds and are not dominated by a few. It is emphasized this is not ‘therapy’ or group counseling.  

2 hours ago, bsjkki said:

I suggest you read the manual if you have concerns. It’s all there. That is the whole class.

I was going to say the same things you said (including linking in the entire manual), but ran out of time before I had to leave for church today  

I was a facilitator for two different courses for the self-reliance groups (Starting and Growing Your Own Business, and Personal Finance), and I found the subject matter to be very well done. 

[BlueDreams]

13 hours ago, Navidad said:

I guess I'll get in trouble for asking this . . .  🙃 but this topic makes me want to ask! How does being so very dependent on one organization for identity, status, culture, salvation, eternal destiny, this-world relationships (marriage, etc), and meaning create either emotional resilience or independence? To be fair, I would ask the same question of some conservative Mennonites and even those I have met in tight-knit Masonic traditions.

May be an equally troubling opinion....but I honestly think we over-conflate independence with emotional resilience in many western cultures, but particularly an american one. We don't even recognize the contradictions in our own words because of it. So for example the first video is titles "my self-reliance group" and the one following is about relying on Jesus.  You can wrangle the definition of independent to somewhat fit these phrases. But it's a wrangle and several definitions of the word simply don't fit the idea of group support and collaboration and/or relying on a higher power for support and development. 

I would submit that independence isn't really needed and can actually be an impediment to emotional resilience. Rather emotional resilience is more possible in communities invested in the development and growth of others for the purpose of becoming a greater whole together. Organized/culturally ingrained ones may have more staying power than more loosely affiliated ones IMHO.

I would also state that there can be a point where in-groups to an extreme can become a different form of unhealthy. Seen it plenty. But I've also seen plenty of unhealthy on those who lean too hard on independence and find themselves isolated and with little to no meaningful supports in their lives. Highly don't recommend it. On the lighter end of problems with an independent mind-set is that it can make a person blind to just how much who they've become was very much reliant on others to get there. 

 

With luv,

BD