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My boyfriend just died but I want to still be with him for eternity


Mikaela

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Hi brothers & Sisters, I hope you could answer my questions. I have a boyfriend for 13 years who died just  a month ago at the age of 30. We have a child but we are not married because my parents had us separated when I got pregnant, and we were not living together since then. We're planning to get married next year but he passed away.  I am in so much pain because he is my first and great love and we dreamed to be together as a family with our daughter. He was a member of our church for 14 years but was inactive, but before he died, he was planning to come back to church. He was a good person though, he had just difficulty in following the word of wisdom. Actually, My questions are:

1. Does he still have a chance to repent in the spirit world or spirirt prison tho he already heard the gospel here on earth but wasn't obedient? 

2. Is there a chance for us to get married in the temple even though he is already deceased? 

3. If we will be both worthy and will make it in the millenium, and we still love each other, can we have our chance to be together to be a family in the millenium? 

I'm willing to wait and take our chances ib the millenium even if that means I will no longer love another man and get married in mortality. 

Thank you so much!

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Oh Mikaela, I'm so sorry.  I can't imagine how tough it is for you right now.  

I don't know that your questions can be answered by us. We cannot know your hearts and states of repentance. We know so very little about about what Heavenly Father means by having the oportunity for hearing and living the gospel. I suspect it is very individual which is why Christ judges and not us, but I do know that because he loves us He will give us every chance that He can. 

 I have heard of couples who have been sealed who were not married,  but because of specific circumstances were given special permission (for example they were driving to the temple to be marrried and sealed), but I do not have any first hand knowledge of that so cannot know if it is truth or not.  I think it is unlikely though, permission would be given in most cases in this life, at least until the milenium. 

So the best thing to do is to get close to the Lord. Listen for his guidance. Let Him help you find peace through this whole grief process. 

I wish you well. *hugs*

 

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If you had a common law marriage (you held yourself out to others are being married, maybe you referred to him as dh on your social media, maybe you called yourself his wife), and you are in a state that recognizes common law marriage, then you can be sealed to him and have your child sealed to you.    But absent that (which isn't necessarily easy and might require you seek and obtain a court order saying you were married), there is presently no mechanism where you could be sealed to him on earth.   It is possible that your child might be able to seal his parents together after both their deaths, and then be sealed to them.

We just don't know how this all plays out in the eternities.   What we do know is that as comforting as it would be to know for certain, the most important thing is to work out our own salvation on earth, to more and more become like our Savior now, in our mortal existence, so we are prepared to live eternally with our Heavenly Parents and Him.    We can be sure that They love us, that when we learn how to completely love and submit our will to Their's ,we will be able to accept how it all works out.

I am sorry for your loss.

 

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Thank you so much Rain. Indeed, this is very tough for me and I consider this the hardest time of my life. When I find myself crying, I pray to Heavenly Father to give me comfort and strenght. I'm so thankful that I have the gospel in my life. 

 

But I really dont know what to do right now, My bishop told me that I should not close my heart if someone comes along and love me. I know I should listen to him, but I really love my boyfriend (his name is Jessie, by the way) and I couldn't see myself loving another man. I don't know what to do. I want to be with Jessie again. If we didn't have the chance to be together in this world, all I'm hoping is that we could have our chance in the next life. 

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Hi RPN! Thank you for your reply. Yes, I do heard about the common law marriage. but it does not apply in our country, the Philippines. Me and Jessie (my boyfriend who passed away), never experienced to live together in the same house. And also, our daughter is not named after my boyfriend or even I, In fact my parents adopted our daughter. In my daughter's birth certificate, her parents are my parents name. My parents did that bec I was 19 when I got pregnant and they want me to forget my boyfriend that time. It is complicated.

So it is also not possible that  our daughter can seal us if I die.

Yes RPN, I'm trying my very best now to be better and be worthy. I know that Heavenly Father has better plans for us. but sometimes it just hurts too much, esp when I think abt all the plans and dreams that we have together that will no longer happen. 

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Adopted children can do proxy work for biological parents I believe, though if sealed to adopted parents already I don't think they can change the sealing to biological ones...and my opinion is it won't matter as the important part of the sealing is to place us in Heavenly Father's family and once we are sealed to someone, we will be sealed to all (as we will all one with God, will we not).  

It sounds to me like this could be an exceptional case and I would suggest in a year after his death you talk to his or your bishop about possibly getting an exception for you being sealed in marriage to him, no guarantees though of course.  Your child might have more success submitting a request after you die and if that is rejected, there is still a possibility that during the millennium when the Spirit World is in more direct communication with those still living, that those who desire to be sealed but did not have the chance due to mortal limitations (missing records, early deaths or other interferences, decision by the one who is doing the research not to seal for some reason...perhaps confusion over multiple marriages being acceptable for both men and women in sealings, etc.).  You should document everything, including his desire to be married and hold on to that in order to demonstrate the relationship if the time comes where you or your child feel it is right to apply for an exception.

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A somewhat similar discussion was held here with a phone number to call to find out possibilities:

https://tech.lds.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=12086

"Call headquarters and ask to speak to the temple department they have a temple policy handbook with all the policies written and where needed get clarification from the First Presidency. Even the Family History Department gets their information from the Temple Department and when patrons ask question or desire clarification on policy they are transferred to the Temple Department. Try this number in the US and ask for the temple Department. 1-866-406-1830"

You may need a different number since you are in the Philippines.  Talk to the temple president of your temple to get it.

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Because your feelings are raw...and very real and key here, just let time and little goals help you heal.  Remain close with your daughter and live the life that you want in the church and time will somehow clear out some personal answers. My heart breaks for you...and yet..you have known love and believe in that love..what a gift.  Be open to the love and care of others and hopefully an internal guide/spirit will direct you in dealing first with a great loss...and a future that brings many good things inspite of it.  God loves you..you do what you feel in your heart is right and the promises that we make on this earthly journey, can still be a part of our quest for eternity.

My husband passed away and we were not sealed.  My hope and desire comes with the personal knowledge that we loved..and can love again.

God Bless You!

 

 

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Your child's daughter's dad, your boy friend, has only be gone a month.   Of course you cannot now fathom being with anyone else.   But in a year or two, or maybe  just when you are living close to God and are in the right place, your heart may be willing to be open to loving someone else.   

Take as much time as you need.

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Mikaela - you said your bishop said to keep your heart open to someone else.  That is good advice for many people,  but it is still very early on.  One month really is not a lot of time in the grieving process. Whether you ever choose to find someone else or be sealed to Jessie if you are allowed it is a good thing to need to wait this year.  There is a reason they say to wait a year for big decisions. 

Sometimes people want us to be ready to move on before we are.  Don't let people talking to you about moving on make you hold tighter to the idea of being sealed to Jessie. Just let the sorrow river take its course.  That waiting/grieving  will help you make the best choices for eternity.

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Kamusta Mikaela? Talagang malungkot ako pag makinig ang iyong kuwento. Taga saan ka?  Nagmission ako doon sa Bicol Region. Hindi ko alam ang sagot sa iyong mga katanungan, pero alam ko na kung panatilihin ang iyong puso bukas so direksiyon ng Diyos, punan siya ang iyong ligalig na puso na may pagibig.  

Sorry, mahina na ang Tagalog ko!

 

Edited by pogi
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I'm not sure but it seems possible. With his current wife acting as proxy in 1950 Ezra Taft Benson was sealed to his cousin because she had died before she was able to marry. I don't know the eternal state of that sealing but Ezra Taft Benson certainly thought his cousin deserved a sealing ordinance even though she was never married to President Benson and was sealed to him with his living wife acting as proxy. Look it up. There are exceptions it seems don't give up hope.

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15 hours ago, Jeanne said:

............................................................

My husband passed away and we were not sealed.  My hope and desire comes with the personal knowledge that we loved..and can love again.

.................................   

If you wish to do so, it is possible for you to be sealed to your husband.  Check with your local family history specialist.  I have seen it done.

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22 hours ago, Mikaela said:

1. Does he still have a chance to repent in the spirit world or spirirt prison tho he already heard the gospel here on earth but wasn't obedient? 

2. Is there a chance for us to get married in the temple even though he is already deceased? 

3. If we will be both worthy and will make it in the millenium, and we still love each other, can we have our chance to be together to be a family in the millenium? 

I'm willing to wait and take our chances ib the millenium even if that means I will no longer love another man and get married in mortality. 

Thank you so much!

So sorry for your loss. Hear are the answers to your questions.

1. Yes, we all will have the chance to further better oneself, if we have heard the gospel or not.. Repentance is possible. Some leaders have written it is somewhat more difficult (not having a body), but of course your boyfriend will have that chance.

2. Yes, absolutely, hence temple work.

3. Yes, of course.

Oh and you can love and marry another man (in this life too) and still be eternally married to your boyfriend who has passed. Don't keep blessings away, don't live below your privileges.

The gospel is a very wonderful thing.

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6 hours ago, Robert F. Smith said:

If you wish to do so, it is possible for you to be sealed to your husband.  Check with your local family history specialist.  I have seen it done.

Thank you for your thoughts and care. 

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On 11/16/2016 at 8:41 PM, Calm said:

Adopted children can do proxy work for biological parents I believe, though if sealed to adopted parents already I don't think they can change the sealing to biological ones...and my opinion is it won't matter as the important part of the sealing is to place us in Heavenly Father's family and once we are sealed to someone, we will be sealed to all (as we will all one with God, will we not).  

It sounds to me like this could be an exceptional case and I would suggest in a year after his death you talk to his or your bishop about possibly getting an exception for you being in marriage.

Calm, my daughter is not sealed to my parents yet but they are already working on it, maybe next year, my parents said.

Sure, I will talk to our temple President once I came home to the Philippines. I am working in Saudi Arabia for 3 months now, so I cannot make any inquiry abt the temple ordinances that I can do for Jessie or for us. I'll come home next year. It really hurts everytime I remember that I wasn't there when he died and during his funeral. But I'm very thankful now for all your help and answers to my questions. Now I'm seeing hope that we can still be together again. 

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On 11/16/2016 at 9:04 PM, Jeanne said:

Because your feelings are raw...and very real and key here, just let time and little goals help you heal.  Remain close with your daughter and live the life that you want in the church and time will somehow clear out some personal answers. My heart breaks for you...and yet..you have known love and believe in that love..what a gift.  Be open to the love and care of others and hopefully an internal guide/spirit will direct you in dealing first with a great loss...and a future that brings many good things inspite of it.  God loves you..you do what you feel in your heart is right and the promises that we make on this earthly journey, can still be a part of our quest for eternity.

My husband passed away and we were not sealed.  My hope and desire comes with the personal knowledge that we loved..and can love again.

God Bless You!

 

 

Thank you so much for your heartfelt message Jeanne. I was so touch. I will follow your advices. I am  so grateful that I have a daughter who looks exactly like her father, my great love. Our daughter is a living memory of him and the love that we shared. 

I'm sorry for your loss as well. I hope all is well now with you. God bless you and your family always! 

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On 11/17/2016 at 2:41 AM, pogi said:

Kamusta Mikaela? Talagang malungkot ako pag makinig ang iyong kuwento. Taga saan ka?  Nagmission ako doon sa Bicol Region. Hindi ko alam ang sagot sa iyong mga katanungan, pero alam ko na kung panatilihin ang iyong puso bukas so direksiyon ng Diyos, punan siya ang iyong ligalig na puso na may pagibig.  

Sorry, mahina na ang Tagalog ko!

 

Hello brother Pogi! Maraming salamat sa mensahe mo at sa pagsubok na magsalita ng Tagalog ulit. Magaling ka pa din naman mag Tagalog! Ako ay taga Zambales, sa Luzon. Philippines Olongapo Mission. Anong taon ka nagmission sa Pilipinas?  

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On 11/17/2016 at 3:06 PM, Anijen said:

So sorry for your loss. Hear are the answers to your questions.

1. Yes, we all will have the chance to further better oneself, if we have heard the gospel or not.. Repentance is possible. Some leaders have written it is somewhat more difficult (not having a body), but of course your boyfriend will have that chance.

2. Yes, absolutely, hence temple work.

3. Yes, of course.

Oh and you can love and marry another man (in this life too) and still be eternally married to your boyfriend who has passed. Don't keep blessings away, don't live below your privileges.

The gospel is a very wonderful thing.

Anijen, thank you so much for answering my questions one by one.  Now I'm feeling better knowing that we still do have a chance. I will not give up on him and on our love. 

But regaring your message that I can still love and marry another man in this life too, I can, but I cannot be sealed to that man right? Because if I did, I can no longer be sealed to Jessie, is that right? Someone told me that for women, we can only be sealed once. 

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3 hours ago, Mikaela said:

Hello brother Pogi! Maraming salamat sa mensahe mo at sa pagsubok na magsalita ng Tagalog ulit. Magaling ka pa din naman mag Tagalog! Ako ay taga Zambales, sa Luzon. Philippines Olongapo Mission. Anong taon ka nagmission sa Pilipinas?  

Nagmission ako noong 1998-2000.  Matanda na ako eh!  Talagang namimiss ko ang Pilipinas.  Pag-asa ako para sa pinakamahusay na para sa iyo at sa iyong anak.

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7 hours ago, Mikaela said:

I'm sorry for your loss as well. I hope all is well now with you. God bless you and your family always! 

Thank you...and you are in my thoughts always.  This first year is tough..so many hugs.

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10 hours ago, Mikaela said:

Anijen, thank you so much for answering my questions one by one.  Now I'm feeling better knowing that we still do have a chance. I will not give up on him and on our love. 

But regarding your message that I can still love and marry another man in this life too, I can, but I cannot be sealed to that man right? Because if I did, I can no longer be sealed to Jessie, is that right? Someone told me that for women, we can only be sealed once. 

I think, in the future, Heavenly Father isn't going to allow an unhappy marriage. My advice is if you have the opportunity to get sealed in this life and he would make you happy then go for it. Your happiness is what matters and in the future where a choice needs to be made you will make the one that makes you the most happiest.

Plus who knows, perhaps one day, a woman may be able to be sealed to more than one man.

 

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12 hours ago, Mikaela said:

Anijen, thank you so much for answering my questions one by one.  Now I'm feeling better knowing that we still do have a chance. I will not give up on him and on our love. 

But regaring your message that I can still love and marry another man in this life too, I can, but I cannot be sealed to that man right? Because if I did, I can no longer be sealed to Jessie, is that right? Someone told me that for women, we can only be sealed once. 

They are making some exceptions now for living women (it is being passed around by word of mouth so your bishop may not have heard about it, it is still pretty rare I am guessing) not having to cancel sealings if a husband died and they wish to get remarried without reading the sealing, but also having a new sealing...usually pretty young individuals involved, but heard of one older woman if I remember correctly.  They seal women to all husbands after all are dead though (and while they used to have comments saying this only meant the woman would have to choose one pin the next life, that has now been removed...though there's no hint on what that means save we are trusting the Lord to make everything perfect for us eventually).

You would probably need to be sealed to Jesse prior to having a relationship to someone else as that might cause your bishop (who writes the request for exception) or other leaders to think it best to simply let it be.  Also since you weren't married to him, it wouldn't be automatic after death...though if it is meant to be, you both can come back in the Millennium and give instructions for it to be done for you along with likely the majority of humanity that don't have records or didn't get the chance or some other interference. :)

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1. Does he still have a chance to repent in the spirit world or spirit prison tho he already heard the gospel here on earth but wasn't obedient?
Yes, that is possible, but only God can be the judge of that.

2. Is there a chance for us to get married in the temple even though he is already deceased?
Normally if you were not married civilly and the deceased person was not active in the church and temple worthy, you cannot be sealed to that boyfriend. But First Presidency approval can be obtained for quite a number of unusual circumstances. 

3. If we will be both worthy and will make it in the millennium, and we still love each other, can we have our chance to be together to be a family in the millennium?
This is a definite possibility.

Edited by JAHS
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