Tlc To Air Program On Married Mormon Men With Ssa

[Daniel2]

The show is called, "My Husband's Not Gay"

TLC to Air ‘My Husband’s Not Gay’ Special in January

By Alicia Banks on December 19, 2014

The show follows married Utah Mormon men who are attracted to the same sex despite being married to women

TLC will air a special in January called “My Husband’s Not Gay” that follows four men living in Salt Lake City, Utah, who don’t identify themselves as homosexual despite having an attraction to men.

The show focuses on three married couples: Jeff and Tanya, Pret and Megan, and Curtis and Tera. Joining the cast is 35-year-old Tom, the bachelor of the group who enjoys fishing and baseball and served as a missionary in Long Beach.

All cast members are devout Mormons belonging to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The special will follow the cast as they navigate life while explaining to outsiders their unique marriages.

“I get a little defensive when somebody calls my husband gay,” one wife says in the debut trailer.

You can watch the preview at the link:

http://www.thewrap.com/tlc-to-air-my-husbands-not-gay-special-in-january-video/

Edited December 20, 2014 by Daniel2

[JLHPROF]

Oh...wow.  

 

The things that pass for entertainment and spectacle these days.

[Calm]

Given the disbelief and animosity that sometimes appears when couples in this situation claim they are happy (I've seen comments claiming the wife is being deceived, taking bets on how long the marriage will last, etc), this may not be a bad idea to show that these marriages can be successful as well as help other such marriages with ideas on how to help their own relationship and be realistic about what can be accomplished (mainly from what I've heard from individuals, the SSA never goes away even though the husband can be sexually attracted to his wife because he has nurtured that love…but then there are plenty of men who are attracted to women outside of their marriage and must continue to work at controling those feelings and focusing only on their wife so it is a temptation that many men share, the trigger is different though).

 

It may also help bring a sensitivity to how to support these individuals and couples.  Often there is a lack of realization that someone who has SSA may find the usual physical stuff between men that goes on at church sports events as uncomfortable, such as identifiying the teams by one keeping shirts on and the others taking them off and this could easily be solved by finding some other option.

[Ham Clam]

I hate the title of the show. It insinuates the women are delusional. 

[rockpond]

I hate the title of the show. It insinuates the women are delusional. 

 

I agree.

 

I also think it highlights the LDS usage of the term "gay".  In the clip, you'll notice that they don't refer to themselves as gay, only as SSA or "attracted to men".  In my experience, many Mormons prefer to use the word gay to describe someone who has chosen to live in accordance with their sexual orientation.

[rockpond]

Given the disbelief and animosity that sometimes appears when couples in this situation claim they are happy (I've seen comments claiming the wife is being deceived, taking bets on how long the marriage will last, etc), this may not be a bad idea to show that these marriages can be successful as well as help other such marriages with ideas on how to help their own relationship and be realistic about what can be accomplished (mainly from what I've heard from individuals, the SSA never goes away even though the husband can be sexually attracted to his wife because he has nurtured that love…but then there are plenty of men who are attracted to women outside of their marriage and must continue to work at controling those feelings and focusing only on their wife so it is a temptation that many men share, the trigger is different though).

 

It may also help bring a sensitivity to how to support these individuals and couples.  Often there is a lack of realization that someone who has SSA may find the usual physical stuff between men that goes on at church sports events as uncomfortable, such as identifiying the teams by one keeping shirts on and the others taking them off and this could easily be solved by finding some other option.

 

I agree... I think it is good to tell these couples' stories.  I'm a bit surprised that they want to be so open given their situation but I honor them for making a choice consistent with their beliefs and for being willing to share it with the world.

 

I hope, given the dismal success rate of mixed-orientation marriages, that the show will also provide insight into the challenge of their decision and explain that these couples are in the minority.  I just don't want to see us go back to the day when we believed that heterosexual marriage was the "cure" for homosexuality.  The consequences of that have been tragic, IMO.

[Ham Clam]

It's a game of semantics with the word "gay."

I think it's great that more conservative people are going public. I think people could learn to be more accepting. LGB in/for same-sex relationships and those in Mixed orientation marriages are probably greater allies than they know.

[Tacenda]

I agree... I think it is good to tell these couples' stories.  I'm a bit surprised that they want to be so open given their situation but I honor them for making a choice consistent with their beliefs and for being willing to share it with the world.

 

I hope, given the dismal success rate of mixed-orientation marriages, that the show will also provide insight into the challenge of their decision and explain that these couples are in the minority.  I just don't want to see us go back to the day when we believed that heterosexual marriage was the "cure" for homosexuality.  The consequences of that have been tragic, IMO.

I agree that it's good that they are willing to share, secrecy is never good.  And hey, maybe these types of marriages can work and have worked, just don't want people thinking it's this or the highway as you put forth rockpond!

[The Nehor]

At the risk of making it all about me whenever I hear about SSA/gay guys doing better at dating women then me I wonder if maybe I need to rethink my life.

[Tacenda]

At the risk of making it all about me whenever I hear about SSA/gay guys doing better at dating women then me I wonder if maybe I need to rethink my life.

I thought you had a date?

[VideoGameJunkie]

I'm with Nehor!

[TOmNossor]

Hello Rockpond and Daniel and all,

Hope to not make you too upset with this post. As always I could be wrong in my thoughts on this issue!

 

I agree... I think it is good to tell these couples' stories. I'm a bit surprised that they want to be so open given their situation but I honor them for making a choice consistent with their beliefs and for being willing to share it with the world

I think such openness is quite RARE indeed.

In today's society it is common at least increasingly common to be open about ones decisions to express their attractions to the same sex through coupling with the same sex.

I will be interested to see if the decision of these couples will receive celebration or derision?

If such was celebrated with the same passion same sex relationships are celebrated, perhaps we would see that success in this direction is not so rare as some suggest.

I hope, given the dismal success rate of mixed-orientation marriages, that the show will also provide insight into the challenge of their decision and explain that these couples are in the minority. I just don't want to see us go back to the day when we believed that heterosexual marriage was the "cure" for homosexuality. The consequences of that have been tragic, IMO.

I will agree with you that I hope we never suggest that "marriage" is the cure for homosexuality.

That being said, "the consequences of that have been tragic" is inseparably connected with the society into which such efforts have been inserted. The same could be said for the mental health indicators (consequences) of those who have entered into same sex relationships in the 80's, "the consequences of that have been tragic." But this also is inseparably connected with the society into which such efforts were inserted. I have as of yet been unable to determine what raw science would say is the more effective state for those in this situation. I view it as quite possible that more folks who celebrate their same sex relationships would be happier in a different world where they deal with their attractions and enter opposite sex relationship not so focused on their sexual desires and how these desires shape them. But scientific data for such different worlds is impossible to derive as best I can tell.

Those with ADHD, OCD, and any number of different ways of interacting with the world than "normal" folks have seen great success with many different therapies and coping strategies (with and without drugs). Suggesting that marriage is the cure for homosexuality is like suggesting that concentrated study is the cure for ADHD. Concentrated study is important. Folks with ADHD do not get to declare that the rest of society must stop concentrating, stop feeding them data in packets greater than 2 minutes in duration, stop ... instead folks with ADHD must learn to be productive in a society where the majority of folks do not have ADHD. It is the exaltation of sex as opposed to "desired concentration duration" that makes similar advice for the homosexual unpalatable.

Charity, TOm

Edited December 22, 2014 by TOmNossor

[Ahab]

At the risk of making it all about me whenever I hear about SSA/gay guys doing better at dating women then me I wonder if maybe I need to rethink my life.

Doesn't sound like a bad idea to me.

I rethink my life pretty much daily, doing the best I can do until I learn to do even better at everything good.

[The Nehor]

I thought you had a date?

Yeah, no luck there.

 

Doesn't sound like a bad idea to me.

I rethink my life pretty much daily, doing the best I can do until I learn to do even better at everything good.

I was thinking more rethinking like getting a sidearm and doing the honorable thing but your suggestion has merit too.

Edited December 23, 2014 by The Nehor

[rockpond]

Hello Rockpond and Daniel and all,

Hope to not make you too upset with this post. As always I could be wrong in my thoughts on this issue!

I think such openness is quite RARE indeed.

In today's society it is common at least increasingly common to be open about ones decisions to express their attractions to the same sex through coupling with the same sex.

I will be interested to see if the decision of these couples will receive celebration or derision?

If such was celebrated with the same passion same sex relationships are celebrated, perhaps we would see that success in this direction is not so rare as some suggest.

I will agree with you that I hope we never suggest that "marriage" is the cure for homosexuality.

That being said, "the consequences of that have been tragic" is inseparably connected with the society into which such efforts have been inserted. The same could be said for the mental health indicators (consequences) of those who have entered into same sex relationships in the 80's, "the consequences of that have been tragic." But this also is inseparably connected with the society into which such efforts were inserted. I have as of yet been unable to determine what raw science would say is the more effective state for those in this situation. I view it as quite possible that more folks who celebrate their same sex relationships would be happier in a different world where they deal with their attractions and enter opposite sex relationship not so focused on their sexual desires and how these desires shape them. But scientific data for such different worlds is impossible to derive as best I can tell.

Those with ADHD, OCD, and any number of different ways of interacting with the world than "normal" folks have seen great success with many different therapies and coping strategies (with and without drugs). Suggesting that marriage is the cure for homosexuality is like suggesting that concentrated study is the cure for ADHD. Concentrated study is important. Folks with ADHD do not get to declare that the rest of society must stop concentrating, stop feeding them data in packets greater than 2 minutes in duration, stop ... instead folks with ADHD must learn to be productive in a society where the majority of folks do not have ADHD. It is the exaltation of sex as opposed to "desired concentration duration" that makes similar advice for the homosexual unpalatable.

Charity, TOm

The tragic consequences I was referring to are children being brought into marriages that do not last because of opposing sexual orientation of the husband and wife. Can we agree that that is tragic? And that we should seek to avoid it?

[stemelbow]

I agree... I think it is good to tell these couples' stories.  I'm a bit surprised that they want to be so open given their situation but I honor them for making a choice consistent with their beliefs and for being willing to share it with the world.

 

I hope, given the dismal success rate of mixed-orientation marriages, that the show will also provide insight into the challenge of their decision and explain that these couples are in the minority.  I just don't want to see us go back to the day when we believed that heterosexual marriage was the "cure" for homosexuality.  The consequences of that have been tragic, IMO.

Yes. Putting a show on looking into your marriage, even for straight couples, is very difficult. If these marriages want to make it, they would not do the show, I'd think. it may not be this year or next, or even five years from now, but at some point, it is quite likely that each marriage will dissolve, just considering the success rate alone. Add a prying viewing audience, many wanting to dissect and evaluate your personal lives, seems to be about the worst thing you could do for a marriage.

[TOmNossor]

The tragic consequences I was referring to are children being brought into marriages that do not last because of opposing sexual orientation of the husband and wife. Can we agree that that is tragic? And that we should seek to avoid it?

We definitely agree such is tragic.

As is the difficulties faced by homosexuals in the 80's and even today.

I think we only disagree on the best method to avoid such tragedies. At some point I may cease to advocate what I advocate in the name of practicality, but that day is not today.

I have discovered the term SSA is not a Mormon thing but does seem to be a conservative Christian thing (which I had not supposed before, I thought it was quite clinical and even embraced by those who claim to be gay). I am at a loss for proper vocabulary as such I will use ATSS - Attraction to Same Sex & ATOS - Attraction to Opposite Sex.

I still believe that if society was not so saturated with unhealthy sex attitudes, if marriage was viewed in the way some believe the CoJCoLDS is successful at teaching it (I think we are more successful than most, but far from as good as we could be were society to support marriage), if we respected those who were different than us as children of God without elevating tolerance to the level we have (tolerance is the last virtue of a totally degenerative society ... and all that), and ... that with proper support and counselling folks with ATSS would be as successful or more so in their opposite sex marriages as folks with ATOS. I have ATOS and yet it impacts my relationship with my wife only rarely AND my relationship with other woman almost never. I also believe that in such a society, folks with ATSS who choose to enter into same sex relationships would experience difficulties at a higher rate than their brothers and sisters even their brothers and sisters who have ATSS.

Now, we do not live in such a society. In the 80's and today folks with ATSS have many more problems than folks without ATSS. It is popular today to attribute this to the bigotry of those who do not have ATSS and do not "respect" those with ATSS. It is clear to me that this is at least part of the problem, but is there something more fundamental??

Today folks with ATSS who enter into opposite sex marriages are more likely to get divorced than couples where neither spouse has ATSS. It is popular today to attribute this to the fact that folks with ATSS are homosexuals and to marry the opposite sex is to "live a lie," "hate oneself," or .... ; and these are the reasons these marriages frequently dissolve. It is clear to me that the difficulties faced by these couples is at least partly caused by societies reaction to them, but is there truth to this statement that they just ARE homosexuals??

Anyway, I should just agree with you that the dissolving of marriages, especially when kids are part of the marriage, is horrible; but I think it quite unlikely I agree with you on all the particulars.

Charity, TOm

Edited December 23, 2014 by TOmNossor

[rockpond]

I have ATOS and yet it impacts my relationship with my wife only rarely AND my relationship with other woman almost never.

 

I don't even know how to make sense of that statement.

 

I don't think making up another term for sexual orientation (ATOS/ATSS) is going to help the issue.

 

And if you think that being heterosexual only "rarely" impacts your relationship with your wife than we have vastly different understandings of sexual orientation.

[Calm]

 

And if you think that being heterosexual only "rarely" impacts your relationship with your wife than we have vastly different understandings of sexual orientation.

Sexual orientation (whatever that actually is) varies greatly.  People have different levels of sexual awareness.  I can easily see a heterosexual relationship that is a very strong companionship but has sexual interaction, even minor, on a very low or even absent level.  My grandparents had likely moved to that level in the last twenty years of their lives.  Add in culture and the dynamics it adds to a relationship that can promote or suppress the sexual attraction side of things. And some people just aren't that interested in sex or interested at all.

[Ahab]

I think we need to stop talking in terms of being "attracted" or even "sexually attracted" to someone of some particular sex because I believe that on some level all of us are or at least should be attracted and even sexually attracted to people of both sexes. And I also believe there isn't anything wrong with that attraction, as if we should try to extinguish that attraction.

All we need to concern ourselves with is doing the right thing, and the best thing, for each other, which is why in some cases we should not have "sexual relations" (involving the genitals of a particular sex) with someone when we are attracted to them. But the problem is not with the attraction, even when it is mutual. The problem is that it wouldn't be the right and best thing to have that type of sexual relations with that person.

Edited December 23, 2014 by Ahab

[HappyJackWagon]

 

The tragic consequences I was referring to are children being brought into marriages that do not last ... Can we agree that that is tragic? And that we should seek to avoid it?

 

I fixed it for you. Yes, it is always tragic when children face the consequences of marriages that don't last. This applies to all marriages, not just mixed orientation marriages.

 

But how is this avoided? The divorce rate inside the church is virtually the same as the divorce rate outside the church.

[rockpond]

I fixed it for you. Yes, it is always tragic when children face the consequences of marriages that don't last. This applies to all marriages, not just mixed orientation marriages.

But how is this avoided? The divorce rate inside the church is virtually the same as the divorce rate outside the church.

But the divorce rate for mixed orientation marriages is higher. That's why I think we need to be careful in recommending that course of action.

[rockpond]

Sexual orientation (whatever that actually is) varies greatly. People have different levels of sexual awareness. I can easily see a heterosexual relationship that is a very strong companionship but has sexual interaction, even minor, on a very low or even absent level. My grandparents had likely moved to that level in the last twenty years of their lives. Add in culture and the dynamics it adds to a relationship that can promote or suppress the sexual attraction side of things. And some people just aren't that interested in sex or interested at all.

There are probably a small percentage of people like that and obviously the number increases with age. But, as a general rule, I think it is incorrect to say that sexual orientation rarely affects one's relationship with their spouse.

And, despite the nomenclature, sexual orientation seems to go beyond just sex. It's about companionship and other forms of intimacy as well. Those are a significant part of marriage.

[Ham Clam]

I know have been many stories out about people coming out and leaving MOM, but how visible have the lives of people currently in MOM been in the mainstream?