why me Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 I have just read this article below and it made me think about the church's stance on chasity. When reading the article I realized just how 'old fashioned' the law on chasity is for many young people, especially outside the church. Also, I realized just how frivolous sex has become: http://nypost.com/2014/05/26/sex-lists-arent-just-for-lilo-new-yorkers-are-keeping-them-too/ It seems from the article that sex has become a commodity, sort of like going out for take out food and keeping a list of the calories. At least this is the feeling that I got after reading the idea of keeping sex lists. And what effect does this have on the spirituality of the lds young adults?
Duncan Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 (edited) it depends on who you local leaders are. Some are hardliners and some are softies and balance is needed. Par example in ward council on sunday a RM, grew up in the Church went inactive after his mission, hasn't been to church in years lives with his girlfriend and she's pregnant, anyways they are engaged and he wants to come back to Church which is great. Some Bishops I know would excommunicate him others would not and move him forward and hopefully he's learned from his past and move ahead Edited May 27, 2014 by Duncan
The Nehor Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 The wearing of chastity belts is left entirely to the conscience of the individual churchgoer. 1
frank_jessop Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 A very absurd article. One group of friends makes a list of all the people they have sex and consider it "therapeutic" because they each think their number is too high, but then realize they have the same number of sex partners. Another person interviewed feels guilty and inadequate because of her "not high enough" number of sex partners when compared to her friends.
why me Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 A very absurd article. One group of friends makes a list of all the people they have sex and consider it "therapeutic" because they each think their number is too high, but then realize they have the same number of sex partners. Another person interviewed feels guilty and inadequate because of her "not high enough" number of sex partners when compared to her friends.Strange things are happening these days. But I think that the trend among the young is sex commodification. Sex becomes just a commodity attached to a relationship. I believe that the church teaches a different concept about sex. The idea of keeping lists for memory sake or for nostaligia seems trite. But if one is sexually active, a list can certainly help if a serious std is found: herpes, hiv, etc. But why treat sex as a commodity is an issue.
why me Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 The wearing of chastity belts is left entirely to the conscience of the individual churchgoer.If I were a young adult church member these days and my non member friends were keeping sex lists and asked me for mine and I showed them no names and I was 25 and confess to being a virgin, I wonder what would happen.
Ahab Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 (edited) If I were a young adult church member these days and my non member friends were keeping sex lists and asked me for mine and I showed them no names and I was 25 and confess to being a virgin, I wonder what would happen.It would be better if you told them you're waiting until you find the right person and get married before you have wild passionate sexual relations, rather than just "confess to being a virgin".Otherwise they might think you are a bit weird. Edited May 27, 2014 by Ahab
readstoomuch Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 The current is strong and my teenage kids have a lot of pressure about wearing revealing clothing and being part of the have 'having sex' crowd. On the other hand we have had or been involved in at least ten nonmembers in their teens who were baptized because of the Mormon youth. They can be a powerful force for good 2
cdowis Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 From my observation, it has become part of the dating ritual, similar to going to a movie or a restaurant, as long as you take proper precautions.
Raharu Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 Practice safe sex with someone you love. What else is there to know?
Kenngo1969 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 The current is strong and my teenage kids have a lot of pressure about wearing revealing clothing and being part of the have 'having sex' crowd. On the other hand we have had or been involved in at least ten nonmembers in their teens who were baptized because of the Mormon youth. They can be a powerful force for goodWhich, of course, couldn't happen if they were just "doing it because everyone else is doing it."
Kenngo1969 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 Practice safe sex with someone you love. What else is there to know?Get married first? 4
Bikeemikey Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 If I were a young adult church member these days and my non member friends were keeping sex lists and asked me for mine and I showed them no names and I was 25 and confess to being a virgin, I wonder what would happen.They might stab you out of sudden and overwhelming confusion??
why me Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 It would be better if you told them you're waiting until you find the right person and get married before you have wild passionate sexual relations, rather than just "confess to being a virgin".Otherwise they might think you are a bit weird.If I would have given that explanation that you suggested, I think that I would be laughed out of town. Most people today would say that if you like each other or love each other one should have sex with that person. And it seems that most who are keeping lists may just believe that that person at that moment is the right person.
why me Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 The current is strong and my teenage kids have a lot of pressure about wearing revealing clothing and being part of the have 'having sex' crowd. On the other hand we have had or been involved in at least ten nonmembers in their teens who were baptized because of the Mormon youth. They can be a powerful force for goodI believe that the article is speaking of people in their twenties and older. Not easy being a virgin when one is twenty-five and their friends are keeping sex lists. I can see non-members keeping fake lists to keep up with their friends. My point is just how commodified sex has become now. One would think that with the herpes virus in full steam and HIV one would think of such sex relations as dangerous. And instead of being proud of the list, one should be worried.
wenglund Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 I Believe that Chastity has changed her name to Chaz. Thanks, -Wade Englund- 4
omni Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 I Believe that Chastity has changed her name to Chaz.Thanks, -Wade Englund-Oh snap!
Ahab Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 If I would have given that explanation that you suggested, I think that I would be laughed out of town.The response I suggested was intended to provoke some laughter, but the key point still would have been given. Waiting to find the right person AND get married. If they don't understand why it is best to wait until then then that might be a good time for a teaching moment, to explain it to them.Most people today would say that if you like each other or love each other one should have sex with that person. And it seems that most who are keeping lists may just believe that that person at that moment is the right person.That person would be the right person only if that was the person you married, though, as you had just told them earlier. Don't you understand English?
Kenngo1969 Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Get married first? We have a winner.Thank you! Thank you very, very much, ladies and gentlemen!
Maestrophil Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 I have so many thoughts and concerns around this topic regarding my expectations and struggles with sexuality in the church my entire life (not blaming the church, but feel confused often) ... I probably do need to seek some mild therapy. Not kidding. I do fear that the discourse of the common worldly feelings toward sexuality are even more present that ever with members of the church. And I feel that young people who are sympathizing/struggling with the SSA issue can't help but feel a confusion about why chastity is important, as part of them feeling "open minded" is having to allow that people should be able to have sex with whomever makes them happy. Don't know exactly what to do about it, as some of the teens in my house are dealing with this mental struggle currently (not SSA, but the deep sympathy and association with SSA people)
Ahab Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 I have so many thoughts and concerns around this topic regarding my expectations and struggles with sexuality in the church my entire life (not blaming the church, but feel confused often) ... I probably do need to seek some mild therapy. Not kidding. I do fear that the discourse of the common worldly feelings toward sexuality are even more present that ever with members of the church. And I feel that young people who are sympathizing/struggling with the SSA issue can't help but feel a confusion about why chastity is important, as part of them feeling "open minded" is having to allow that people should be able to have sex with whomever makes them happy. Don't know exactly what to do about it, as some of the teens in my house are dealing with this mental struggle currently (not SSA, but the deep sympathy and association with SSA people)True love involves doing for another person what will help them to be happy, not just doing whatever will make you happy, or whatever they want you to do. Men with SSA who also realize a man needs a woman to attain the full measure of happiness will show their true love for other men by helping them to find a good woman, rather than selfishly indulging in their same sex desires. The ignorant just don't know any better.
Maestrophil Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 (edited) True love involves doing for another person what will help them to be happy, not just doing whatever will make you happy, or whatever they want you to do. Men with SSA who also realize a man needs a woman to attain the full measure of happiness will show their true love for other men by helping them to find a good woman, rather than selfishly indulging in their same sex desires. The ignorant just don't know any better. Totally agree! I have heard many people, when talking about sexual intimacy during marriage, say that if they were told they could no longer have those relationships, that they don't think they could stay in the marriage, or that it would be hard to do so? This blows my mind. As someone who believes in my temple sealing, I see the intimacy involved as a great blessing, but if, heaven forbid, something were to happen that prohibited my wife from being able to 'participate' in such activities, I could NEVER imagine even thinking about leaving her so that I could "be happy" by fulfilling my sexual intimacy 'needs' elsewhere. I feel society at large feels too much entitlement to 100% sexual satisfaction - don't know that that is guaranteed anywhere in canon! :-) Edited to add: keeping this on topic - this 'entitlement' mentality that exists in the world contributes to existing LDS positions on chastity seeming old fashioned. The more members buy in, the more they will feel frustrated with the church, and find little resolution to the distress they may feel over SSA issues Edited May 28, 2014 by Maestrophil
halconero Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 (edited) Yeah, it's crazy. When I tell people I'm a 24 year old virgin the reactions are amusing. Most shock, but a surprising number actually admit that they wished they weren't as promiscuous as they are. Edited May 28, 2014 by halconero
Ahab Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Yeah, it's crazy. When I tell people I'm a 24 year old version the reactions are amusing. Most shock, but a surprising number actually admit that they wished they weren't as promiscuous as they are.A 24 year old version, huh. Yeah I still get a few odd looks when I tell people that I'm a 53 year old vision. And happily married to a beautiful woman too!
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