Single Men, Marriage And Pre-Adult Limbo

[mercyngrace]

Reposting so that it doesn't get missed:

Let us presume you have been fully obedient to the commandments. You have been perfected in Christ, and retain a remission of your sins from day to day.

Let us presume, in other words, that the "work on yourself" bit has already been done.

What's the Lord's part in your obtaining eternal companionship?

Based on D&C 82:10, I think it's a safe presumption that no blessings will be withheld. I think the issue is when the promised blessings will come.

This is really no different than the righteous barren couple wondering whether God will send a child or faithful Abraham wondering when exactly his family would inherit the Promised Land.

Part of faith is trusting God's timetable and learning to be content with His plan for your life.

Edited March 18, 2012 by mercyngrace

[Calm]

Reposting so that it doesn't get missed:

Let us presume you have been fully obedient to the commandments. You have been perfected in Christ, and retain a remission of your sins from day to day.

Let us presume, in other words, that the "work on yourself" bit has already been done.

What's the Lord's part in your obtaining eternal companionship?

The Lord will provide opportunities for developing relationships, including using the Spirit to influence the individuals involved, the potential partner will show up eventually and the Spirit will tell the ones involved that this relationship is approved of by the Lord.

I agree with selek though that the process of preparation for receiving blessings is never done, I assume you meant someone kept at it by your "day to day". Perfection (as in salvation and exaltation) will only be 'finalized' when resurrection and judgment occurs, until then as Joseph Smith says, we have a long ladder of learning to climb up.

Edited March 18, 2012 by calmoriah

[GingerRed]

I get sick when I see sometimes people saying in effect that they are more blessed or its some kind of a badge of honour to get married so quick out of high school or just off the mission, some but not all!

Yeah I hear ya. I work in an office with a lot of 20 something gals and they are either already married , married and pregnant, or engaged. To me the youth have it made! They don't have nearly as many problems with finding a match at their age! Good looking, worthy LDS YOUNG men and women are a dime a dozen! We older ones are the one who can't find someone! And I've been to enough Single LDS Dances ( for the 31 and over) , that I've heard it ALL! When they called us a 'peculiar people'? They were talking about us older un-married LDS folks! LOL Unfortunately we really are a pathetic bunch. LOL

Edited March 18, 2012 by GingerRed

[Mormonme]

Granted though I think you could miss out on people. I have a brother, 40.5, who has a great job, education, RM and he has met some wonderful girls in his life but he has never ever had a girlfriend, doesn't have any friends and prefers his own company, I don't want to rag on the guy but I think he is missing out on some great people. Once when he was in Edmonton which is FULL of lds women, his bishop had him over for dinner and sat him across the table from 3 girls and all he mentioned was how good the meal was. My Mum hit the roof, the meal wasn't the point! Now, it's his perogative not to ask any of them out but he doesn't get people or relationships and I think he is past the point of people trying to get him into one. He just doesn't like people, he wants to be single and left alone

Perhaps he's gay? (And I mean that as a compliment!) Have you ever asked him?

[selek1]

Once when he was in Edmonton which is FULL of lds women, his bishop had him over for dinner and sat him across the table from 3 girls and all he mentioned was how good the meal was. My Mum hit the roof, the meal wasn't the point!

Now, it's his perogative not to ask any of them out but he doesn't get people or relationships and I think he is past the point of people trying to get him into one. He just doesn't like people, he wants to be single and left alone

If that is where he wishes to be, then more power to him.

If, however, he changes his mind later in life, he has no one to blame but himself for those missed opportunities.

[Duncan]

Perhaps he's gay? (And I mean that as a compliment!) Have you ever asked him?

yes, and he says he isn't but I would've thought something, anything would've manifested itself by now, we think he is just asexual. My parents blame themselves, but my Mom had an Aunt-Huldah who was basically the same so maybe it's in something swimming in the gene pool

[Duncan]

If that is where he wishes to be, then more power to him.

If, however, he changes his mind later in life, he has no one to blame but himself for those missed opportunities.

We are banging ourselves on the wall when we found out he passed up an opportunity, a few to be exact, when someone from Ardeth Kapp's family was interested in him and he did nothing about it-we know this because a ward member told us what she had done to get his attention and he didn't reciprocate. lso from some other sources. I have heard from others that you couldn't do better here then to get into that family and she came to him? ack, gack, splickety spack!

[bluebell]

I'm going to stop you there and ask "what is this 'it' that the Lord won't completely do?"

It is "all". He won't do "everything".

[selek1]

yes, and he says he isn't but I would've thought something, anything would've manifested itself by now, we think he is just asexual. My parents blame themselves, but my Mom had an Aunt-Huldah who was basically the same so maybe it's in something swimming in the gene pool

Duncan, don't feed the troll in his attempt to pervert the thread to his own agenda.

[selek1]

We are banging ourselves on the wall when we found out he passed up an opportunity, a few to be exact, when someone from Ardeth Kapp's family was interested in him and he did nothing about it-we know this because a ward member told us what she had done to get his attention and he didn't reciprocate. lso from some other sources. I have heard from others that you couldn't do better here then to get into that family and she came to him? ack, gack, splickety spack!

Ironically- I find this troubling on several levels.

First and foremost- I despise the idea of "the right families". Latter-day Saints- on principle- should try to avoid aristocracies of any kind, let alone status/social heirarchies within our wards.

I'm not suggesting that your family would put status ahead of your brother's happiness- but I'm sure you can see how such a statement might look to an outsider.

[Duncan]

Ironically- I find this troubling on several levels.

First and foremost- I despise the idea of "the right families". Latter-day Saints- on principle- should try to avoid aristocracies of any kind, let alone status/social heirarchies within our wards.

I'm not suggesting that your family would put status ahead of your brother's happiness- but I'm sure you can see how such a statement might look to an outsider.

know I know what you mean and apologies!

[Log]

To begin with, I don't believe repentance and exaltation are ever "done"- there's always room for improvement. Nor do I believe we reach a point (at least in this life) where we're "perfected" and can stop "polishing the cannonball".

So, on that basis, I reject your premise, as written.

Ah, one of the "nobody can be perfected" crowd. That's another thread. As an aside, Moroni chapter 10 is quite emphatic on the contrary position, as are others.

For the sake of argument, however, I would posit that once we achieve a certain level of preparedness, the Lord's obligation would be limited to "arranging an introduction" and promptings from the Spirit (to both parties) that "this might be the one."

Interesting. Thank you for swallowing your doctrinal distaste for the premise long enough to answer the question.

As stated above, God cannot and will not violate our agency.

Whatever that means. And I'm being serious - I have no idea what you think you mean by that.

Edited March 18, 2012 by Log

[Log]

It is "all". He won't do "everything".

Ah. I thought you had something specific in mind. My mistake.

[selek1]

know I know what you mean and apologies!

No apologies owed, friend.

Ironically, I understand the impulse to meddle and to matchmake for those we care about.

Having daughters, I also understand the obverse impulse.

Fortunately, there are lots of places to hide bodies in Utah.

[selek1]

Ah, one of the "nobody can be perfected" crowd. That's another thread.

Agreed. We'll reserve that argument for another day.

Whatever that means. And I'm being serious - I have no idea what you think you mean by that.

I mean just what I said: God will not violate our agency.

The choices we make in this life (and the attendant consequences) are ours to make.

Heavenly Father will not force us to be with someone when we do not wish to be (nor will he shackle some poor wandering innocent to unrepentant monsters such as you and I).

God will not wave a magic wand, nor apply a caveman-style club to make us fall idiotically in love with someone or her to fall goofily in love with us.

All such wounds are self-inflicted.

As "matchmaker", (and as illustrated by Duncan's brother above) God will provide the circumstances and opportunity for us to find suitable mates- including the head-over-heels, writing-insipid-poetry, and staring-goofily-into-her-eyes sort of arrangment.

But it is up to us to either take the leap into the rapids or remain safe and dry on the shore.

Or to put in the terms of a documentary I watched last night: God will give us the airplane, the target, and the parachute: but he isn't going to push you out the door.

Whether you make the jump or not is up to you.

Edited March 18, 2012 by selek1

[blackstrap]

The longer I live,the more I read about and see the results of disfunctional people and families, the more I understand the reluctance of some to engage in any human relationships and prefer cats or whatever.

[Log]

The choices we make in this life (and the attendant consequences) are ours to make.

Heavenly Father will not force us to be with someone when we do not wish to be (nor will he shackle some poor wandering innocent to unrepentant monsters such as you and I).

If you simply meant God will not compel anyone, yes, I would have to agree. Agency is another doctrinal issue we possibly do not see eye to eye on, and which has been treated in threads of yore.

Edited March 18, 2012 by Log

[Log]

Part of faith is trusting God's timetable and learning to be content with His plan for your life.

That is true.

What do YOU believe is the Lord's part in YOU obtaining an eternal companion?

Not to put too fine a point on it, but: everything I cannot do, everything I don't know to do, and any other thing which furthers his purposes in my life towards that end.

Why are YOU still single?

I do not know.

What is the Lord not doing for YOU?

I do not know.

Let's hear YOUR thoughts.

I think (some of) you guys have a very interesting view (with respect to eternal marriage) of what the Lord is doing, what he intends to do, and why, as well as what is in your power, and what is not in your power.

Edited March 18, 2012 by Log

[Kenngo1969]

... Part of faith is trusting God's timetable and learning to be content with His plan for your life.

Aye, there's the rub!

Edited March 18, 2012 by Kenngo1969

[Calm]

I think (some of) you guys have a very interesting view (with respect to eternal marriage) of what the Lord is doing, what he intends to do, and why, as well as what is in your power, and what is not in your power.

I don't see any significant difference in view myself. Edited March 18, 2012 by calmoriah

[bluebell]

Ah. I thought you had something specific in mind. My mistake.

Yeah, sorry my "he won't do it all" statement wasn't more clear.

[Log]

Yes, I thought you were speaking of some specific things the Lord wouldn't do, specifically relating to eternal marriage in the context of this thread, rather than offering up ... that.

Edited March 18, 2012 by Log

[bluebell]

Yes, I thought you were speaking of some specific things the Lord wouldn't do, specifically relating to eternal marriage in the context of this thread, rather than offering up ... that.

Well, THAT was the topic of the discussion i replied to (since i was simply clarifying GingerRed's words), so if it wasn't what you were looking for, then you probably misunderstood the discussion.

[Log]

Since I missed anyone saying life was a puppet theater with God playing all the parts, I guess now I must indeed have misunderstood the discussion.

[Duncan]

That is true.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but: everything I cannot do, everything I don't know to do, and any other thing which furthers his purposes in my life towards that end.

I do not know.

I do not know.

I think (some of) you guys have a very interesting view (with respect to eternal marriage) of what the Lord is doing, what he intends to do, and why, as well as what is in your power, and what is not in your power.

in my case someone will have to move here and want to stay here or at least close by, which isn't out of the realm of possibilty, but I can't control who moves here, but i can control me and how I live my life so that should sister waa waa wee waa moves here I will be a possibility for her to marry. Is that happening? on my side I think so as I am in a much better position to get married today then last year but I don't know if its happening or not on the Lord's side but i have to move forward in the event that it is