Chum Posted October 3, 2020 Author Posted October 3, 2020 Speaking of adversity that needs preperation
Chum Posted October 3, 2020 Author Posted October 3, 2020 AIRPLANE METAPHOR [down shot of sarsaparilla] 1
The Nehor Posted October 3, 2020 Posted October 3, 2020 24 minutes ago, Chum said: Suffering in righteousness, without relief or respite, gets kind of old after a decade or two. This has also been my experience. 1
Chum Posted October 3, 2020 Author Posted October 3, 2020 Quote And he said unto them, Cast the net on the right side of the ship, and ye shall find. Some days I feel like the fish in that miracle. 1
Chum Posted October 3, 2020 Author Posted October 3, 2020 8 minutes ago, The Nehor said: This has also been my experience. Council on hardships often seems to assume the challenge has already ended (or will soon). There's no recognition that challenges that last years are a wholly different animal - and require different strategies. ex: Directly caring for a parent w/ dementia for 6 months can be a privilege. Six years, thought, is something quite different. 1
Chum Posted October 3, 2020 Author Posted October 3, 2020 We've got different ads between sessions. Sweet. If I saw that kid+ball+fence one more time I was going to beat that kid myself. 2
The Nehor Posted October 3, 2020 Posted October 3, 2020 10 minutes ago, Chum said: We've got different ads between sessions. Sweet. If I saw that kid+ball+fence one more time I was going to beat that kid myself. You do know you can turn it off between sessions right? 2
Chum Posted October 3, 2020 Author Posted October 3, 2020 1 hour ago, The Nehor said: You do know you can turn it off between sessions right? I was enduring to the end. 2
Calm Posted October 4, 2020 Posted October 4, 2020 On 10/3/2020 at 4:05 PM, Chum said: Directly caring for a parent w/ dementia for 6 months can be a privilege. Six years, thought, is something quite different. Close to starting my year six. In some ways it is much easier because I have given up trying to modify her behavior to do healthier things. In other ways it is worse because she is now paying for the choice of being independent and there is really nothing I can do about it because we can’t renovate the house now and she is much worse off because I haven’t been right there forcing her to move and eat right for five years and she will likely be in need of more professional care soon (I can not give her 24/7 care or be able to lift her out of bed, etc). Thankfully she is at a good place that also has memory facilities when she needs it. Unfortunately even though she is getting enough quality care, she is lonely and thinks they are inefficient...since she has no real sense of time, even traveling from the other side of the building seems like too long for her. But she also doesn’t want to make the effort to socialize to the limits they are allowed. She wants to sit in her room and have everything and everyone come to her. She is in a lot of pain, so it isn’t being selfish. Sorry for detail, you triggered a vent. 2
Calm Posted October 4, 2020 Posted October 4, 2020 On 10/3/2020 at 2:04 PM, Chum said: re: Casual setting. It's be awesome if we caught them tossing a beachball back and forth. I really love your commentary (out of points, but I am laughing too hard to skip it). 1
Calm Posted October 4, 2020 Posted October 4, 2020 (edited) On 10/3/2020 at 3:18 PM, Chum said: Food storage is complex if we don't want to waste it. Only some food stores. It needs to be food we'd want to eat. Without any calamity, we have to eat it before it expires. We need money to buy it and places to store it which gets tricky when you have 7 people in a 3 bedroom - and who are earning 80% of the bills. Food Storage for the Clueless is the best ever reference on food storage I have seen (granted not something I studied much). Excellent for eliminating waste and keeping costs down and some help with storage. Though you likely need the under the bed, bottom of closet, and behind the couch for other stuff already. Edited October 4, 2020 by Calm 1
Calm Posted October 4, 2020 Posted October 4, 2020 On 10/3/2020 at 3:31 PM, Chum said: I could use some examples about what members ought to leave behind from cultures Drinking games probably 1
Tacenda Posted October 5, 2020 Posted October 5, 2020 On 10/3/2020 at 1:59 PM, Rain said: Private message me and I will post (within reason) what you want. Very kind of you Rain, and I remember a PM post to me a while back that if I ever needed to talk to please call and you offered your number, Christlike love right there! Also, I'm sorry about your husband having Covid, hope he gets well soon and that the rest of the family doesn't get it.
Tacenda Posted October 5, 2020 Posted October 5, 2020 2 hours ago, Calm said: Close to starting my year six. In some ways it is much easier because I have given up trying to modify her behavior to do healthier things. In other ways it is worse because she is now paying for the choice of being independent and there is really nothing I can do about it because we can’t renovate the house now and she is much worse off because I haven’t been right there forcing her to move and eat right for five years and she will likely be in need of more professional care soon (I can not give her 24/7 care or be able to lift her out of bed, etc). Thankfully she is at a good place that also has memory facilities when she needs it. Unfortunately even though she is getting enough quality care, she is lonely and thinks they are inefficient...since she has no real sense of time, even traveling from the other side of the building seems like too long for her. But she also doesn’t want to make the effort to socialize to the limits they are allowed. She wants to sit in her room and have everything and everyone come to her. She is in a lot of pain, so it isn’t being selfish. Sorry for detail, you triggered a vent. The hardest thing ever to see a loved one go through. My mom suffered over 10 years, she had signs as early as 62! Wish me luck, I'm 58. Chum, did you have a loved one you cared for that had it?
Rain Posted October 5, 2020 Posted October 5, 2020 2 minutes ago, Tacenda said: Very kind of you Rain, and I remember a PM post to me a while back that if I ever needed to talk to please call and you offered your number, Christlike love right there! Also, I'm sorry about your husband having Covid, hope he gets well soon and that the rest of the family doesn't get it. Thank you. We don't know he has it yet. He just has fever, coughing, headache, nausea etc. but at the moment he is feeling much better than he has all weekend so maybe it's just the flu. We are still waiting on test results.
Chum Posted October 5, 2020 Author Posted October 5, 2020 2 hours ago, Calm said: Close to starting my year six. sidebar: If you will ever consider placing her in a medicaid funded facility, consult an estate attorney now. It's not at all obvious how assets need to be handled. Some things require extended planning. (source: couple of years working for est att) Quote Sorry for detail, you triggered a vent. Behold, God's plan for me.
Chum Posted October 5, 2020 Author Posted October 5, 2020 (edited) 30 minutes ago, Tacenda said: The hardest thing ever to see a loved one go through. My mom suffered over 10 years, she had signs as early as 62! Wish me luck, I'm 58. Chum, did you have a loved one you cared for that had it? My mom had persistent post-op dementia, following cancer surgery. She passed about 6 months later. I was 21. A little of that time it was just her and I & I was none too bright. My sister's mom had it for something like 10 years. Her mom lived with her & her husband for 7 or 8 of them. Very long road. Even so, it tore her up to to put her mom in a facility. Edited October 5, 2020 by Chum Clarity. I could use some more if there's any extra
Chum Posted October 5, 2020 Author Posted October 5, 2020 25 minutes ago, Rain said: Thank you. We don't know he has it yet. He just has fever, coughing, headache, nausea etc. but at the moment he is feeling much better than he has all weekend so maybe it's just the flu. We are still waiting on test results. That's scary. Really unnerving. You haven't mentioned smell or taste, which is encouraging.
Calm Posted October 5, 2020 Posted October 5, 2020 (edited) 43 minutes ago, Tacenda said: The hardest thing ever to see a loved one go through. My mom suffered over 10 years, she had signs as early as 62! Wish me luck, I'm 58. Going by Mom, I have probably 15 for minor stuff like temper or self centered ness, for serious stuff 20 years. Her mom was rather loopy before that, but I remember her being that way all the time. She was just very different from Mom, so I saw her as flighty and shallow, but it was probably just Mom’s reaction to her mother’s choices (Grandma was a career woman and Mom saw the family as suffering). Her grandmother died in a mental institution, but iirc she was quite old. I figure I may luck out with medicine solving enough of the issues to make it easier. But given my issues with sleep and not taking care of myself as much as Mom did I might get hit earlier. Edited October 5, 2020 by Calm
Tacenda Posted October 5, 2020 Posted October 5, 2020 3 minutes ago, Calm said: Going by Mom, I have probably 20 years. Her mom was rather loopy before that, but I remember her being that way all the time. Her grandmother died in a mental institution, but iirc she was quite old. I figure I may luck out with medicine solving enough of the issues to make it easier. But given my issues with sleep and not taking care of myself as much as Mom did I might get hit earlier. Nope nope nope, not gonna happen. And Calm, I'm sure counting on there being the right protocol one day for you to feel better and get the help you need. 🤗
Calm Posted October 5, 2020 Posted October 5, 2020 37 minutes ago, Chum said: sidebar: If you will ever consider placing her in a medicaid funded facility, consult an estate attorney now. It's not at all obvious how assets need to be handled. Some things require extended planning. (source: couple of years working for est att) Behold, God's plan for me. My youngest brother is in charge of that. My dad set it up ages ago as his parents taught him to be careful (Depression was hard on them) and he basically wouldn’t let Mom touch the banking or estate stuff because he liked the control (Mom was very frugal and had a fine mind as she was constantly studying so she could have handled it, bought quality stuff or did it from scratch, only bought clothing at sales, I am using their bedroom furniture and have passed on my childhood furniture to my grandkids). He would give us gifts with conditions because he just couldn’t hand it out no matter how generous he was...and then Mom would come along and tell us don’t worry about it. For example, he bought us a piano, but if my kids didn’t practice at the end of a year we would have to pay back half. He paid off my student loans with the condition we set aside the money for me to go back to school. We used it for health and house renovations instead after a few years when we figured he had forgotten. Unfortunately Dad convinced Mom she couldn’t do that kind of stuff and honestly, she didn’t want to learn, so I took over the day to day stuff. We can’t get her to even use a CD player to listen to scriptures or music when a stroke took out some of her eyesight. Thankfully the dementia has made her more interested in stuff on TV, so she entertains herself with that and looking out her window during the day. They have a nice family of ducks and a garden area right in front of her glass back door and she faces the front entrance, so she sees people come and go. But she sits a lot and stares into space now she doesn’t have to clean or cook.
Calm Posted October 5, 2020 Posted October 5, 2020 13 minutes ago, Tacenda said: Nope nope nope, not gonna happen. And Calm, I'm sure counting on there being the right protocol one day for you to feel better and get the help you need. 🤗 This next year is working on my back since I found out my foot pain is probably caused by that and it is not two separate things (so solving one wouldn’t get me out of bed much more). I think it will help a lot to keep moving. I also think having the board to read and talk and give me things to research probably helps. Mom read and studied a lot, but she only had my sister and I to really talk to about it as Dad wasn’t a talker...he liked projects, running the HOA and woodworking were his hobbies ...also changing his credit card for the latest deal.
Chum Posted October 5, 2020 Author Posted October 5, 2020 7 minutes ago, Calm said: My youngest brother is in charge of that. Just to clarify, I'm not talking about careful management of funds. Super clarify: this isn't legal advice/info/etc. Just some internet rando who's blathering on. Rando thinks that Medicaid does not like assets and especially does not like assets that are transferred instead of being liquefied and firehosed to Medicaid. With enough time (months or years) there may be options. Rando advises consulting an estate attorney and not listening to some rando.
Chum Posted October 5, 2020 Author Posted October 5, 2020 20 minutes ago, Calm said: This next year is working on my back since I found out my foot pain is probably caused by that and it is not two separate things (so solving one wouldn’t get me out of bed much more). My mother in law had a similar scenario. Also, back problems suck. Mine went out this morning & I'm about ½ doubled over. It really aches. I also get it all the time. But, on the 1-10 scale of possible back problems, it's about a zero. I've seen too, too many folks w/ real back issues. I'll take mine all day long.
Rain Posted October 5, 2020 Posted October 5, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Chum said: That's scary. Really unnerving. You haven't mentioned smell or taste, which is encouraging. Oh! You reminded me you ask him! I haven't paid much attention because his sense of taste and smell isn't that great anyway, but he did just tell me he hasn't noticed a change. The inside of his now burns sometimes - not sure what that means. Edited October 5, 2020 by Rain
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