Thoughtposting General Conference

[Calm]

2 hours ago, Chum said:

Just to clarify, I'm not talking about careful management of funds. Super clarify: this isn't legal advice/info/etc. Just some internet rando who's blathering on. Rando thinks that Medicaid does not like assets and especially does not like assets that are transferred instead of being liquefied and firehosed to Medicaid.  With enough time (months or years) there may be options. Rando advises consulting an estate attorney and not listening to some rando.

I will pass Rando's advice on.  There is one sibling that could use some inheritance and I might use mine to put a small pool for exercising in our next house...something I would never do otherwise probably (though don't know what the amount is now so I may be dreaming).  I think Dad left her well off enough we can go semi high end till she goes, I am assuming Medicaid funded aren't as comfortable.

Edited October 5, 2020 by Calm

[bluebell]

13 hours ago, Chum said:

sidebar: If you will ever consider placing her in a medicaid funded facility, consult an estate attorney now.  It's not at all obvious how assets need to be handled. Some things require extended planning. (source: couple of years working for est att)

Behold, God's plan for me.

Good advice. People don't realize how much of a pain dealing with medicaid for the final years can be. 

Full care facilities are so expensive ($7,000 to $12,000+ a month) that most people cannot do a nursing home type of place without medicaid, but medicaid requires no more than a couple hundred in the bank and no assets before you can get on it. And you can't give or gift the money away just so that you don't have it in the bank.  They want it.  Lots of rules.  And a lot of times people have to go into a care facility before they are approved for medicaid (since they will back pay) so making sure you are going to be approved before you end up having to pay $21,000 back to the facility for being declined after three months is really important!

[Calm]

It occured to me we might need to move her if she looks to live quite a bit longer once she gets to the point she needs help to move so that she can be closer for more frequent visiting.  My back won't handle a drive plus sitting any length of time so she needs to be 15 minutes or less and there are a number of facilities closeby.  So thank you for the advice so we can have prepare to have all options available to her.

[Chum]

On 10/5/2020 at 4:30 PM, Calm said:

 if she looks to live quite a bit longer once she gets to the point she needs help to move

Parents absolutely suck at dying. They either go way too soon or take so long about it you wonder why they ever bothered degenerating in the first place.

[Calm]

29 minutes ago, Chum said:

Parents absolutely suck at dying. They either go way too soon or take so long about it you wonder why they ever bothered degenerating in the first place.

Yes, Dad was a shock.  He got food poisoning or some bug and they didn’t call for help until it was too late and he has damaged his organs and would have been bedbound for six months, wheelchair after that and on dialysis permanently. It would have been hell for him (he was like the Energizer Bunny always going, they would come to visit for a week and he would be getting ready to leave by the second day and gone be the third), so we had them turn off the life support and let him go.   Basically gone in less than 24 hours though we waited for a few days so everyone could come and say goodby  

Mom has been asking ever since why isn’t she getting to join him.  Most days she is okay unless she gets too tired, but if anything gets out of whack it is “the worst day I have ever had!” and she really believes that. She took really good care of herself, so besides arthritis and dementia, she could last forever. There was a promotion where Smucker’s was having 100 year olds on their bottles apparently, for a year there she was saying she was thinking she might aim for that.  While she has a strong heart, etc. she is so sensitive and gets rashes along with her mouth stuff and her lower spine looks like gravel, I can’t imagine how much pain she is in because they can’t give her anything but Tylenol. 

[Chum]

27 minutes ago, Calm said:

Mom has been asking ever since why isn’t she getting to join him.

That's actually pretty sweet. Most of the women in my extended family were somewhere between "Oh, is he gone? When did that happen?" and "Thank you Jesus." I've shared the notion of eternal marriage and it hasn't garnered a lot of enthusiasm. Objectively, that's largely due to the quality of the men.

The curious exception has been my own brother. He will be lost and devastated if his wife precedes him. Now, he compulsively treats anyone from his birth family like hot buttered garbage but he is deeply connected with his spouse. It's not the worst outcome. 

Edited October 7, 2020 by Chum
splelng

[Tacenda]

39 minutes ago, Calm said:

Yes, Dad was a shock.  He got food poisoning or some bug and they didn’t call for help until it was too late and he has damaged his organs and would have been bedbound for six months, wheelchair after that and on dialysis permanently. It would have been hell for him (he was like the Energizer Bunny always going, they would come to visit for a week and he would be getting ready to leave by the second day and gone be the third), so we had them turn off the life support and let him go.   Basically gone in less than 24 hours though we waited for a few days so everyone could come and say goodby  

Mom has been asking ever since why isn’t she getting to join him.  Most days she is okay unless she gets too tired, but if anything gets out of whack it is “the worst day I have ever had!” and she really believes that. She took really good care of herself, so besides arthritis and dementia, she could last forever. There was a promotion where Smucker’s was having 100 year olds on their bottles apparently, for a year there she was saying she was thinking she might aim for that.  While she has a strong heart, etc. she is so sensitive and gets rashes along with her mouth stuff and her lower spine looks like gravel, I can’t imagine how much pain she is in because they can’t give her anything but Tylenol. 

My heart aches for what you're going through and your sweet mom. We have similar situations except your dad suffered so. My dad died suddenly of a heart attack unexpectedly, we thought mom would go first. I and my sister were at work that day, and his normal routine was to visit my mom at the care center, she was in the late stages of Alzheimer's. My dad had felt sick all day and thought it might just be the flu, he called both my sister and I to have us visit mom, but she and I both couldn't answer the phone. I was sub'g that day and didn't see that he had called. He was not one to go to the doctors let alone call 911, but finally he called my husband at his work and asked him to take him to the hospital. He knew something was terribly wrong. My husband took him and was in the ER with him and being my dad he was joking with the nurse and then all the sudden his heart stopped. My husband had called me just before, as I was getting off work. I raced to the hospital and my dad had just passed. I literally sob'd so loud and was so upset that the doctor couldn't save him, they tried, but in my mind, I blamed the doctor. 

My mom suffered pain as well in the care center and couldn't communicate it and was also strong as an ox and healthy, except for her mind.  I hope things look up for her, it's too bad covid is added to the scenario to make an already difficult situation worse. 

Edited October 7, 2020 by Tacenda