Atheist Feminist Obsessed with Mormon Mommy Blogs

[smac97]

Here:

Why I can't stop reading Mormon housewife blogs

I'm a young, feminist atheist who can't bake a cupcake. Why am I addicted to the shiny, happy lives of these women?

By Emily Matchar

At first glance, Naomi and Stacie and Stephanie and Liz appear to be members of the species known as the "Hipster Mommy Blogger," though perhaps a bit more cheerful and wholesome than most. They have bangs like Zooey Deschanel and closets full of cool vintage dresses. Their houses look like Anthropologie catalogs. Their kids look like Baby Gap models. Their husbands look like young graphic designers, all cute lumberjack shirts and square-framed glasses. They spend their days doing fun craft projects (vintage-y owl throw pillow! Recycled button earrings! Hand-stamped linen napkins!). They spend their weekends throwing big, whimsical dinner parties for their friends, all of whom have equally adorable kids and husbands.

But as you page through their blog archives, you notice certain "tells." They're super-young (like, four-kids-at-29 young). They mention relatives in Utah. They drink a suspicious amount of hot chocolate. Finally, you see it: a subtly placed widget with a picture of a temple, or a hyperlink on the word "faith" or "belief." You click the link and up pops the official website of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Yep, Naomi and Stacie and Stephanie and Liz are Mormons. They're members of a large, close-knit network of Mormon lifestyle bloggers -- young stay-at-home-moms who blog about home and hearth, Latter-day Saint-style.

...

Their lives are nothing like mine -- I'm your standard-issue late-20-something childless overeducated atheist feminist -- yet I'm completely obsessed with their blogs. On an average day, I'll skim through a half-dozen Mormon blogs, looking at Polaroids of dogs in raincoats or kids in bow ties, reading gratitude lists, admiring sewing projects.

I'm not alone, either. Two of my closest friends -- both chronically overworked Ph.D. candidates -- procrastinate for hours poring over Nat the Fat Rat or C. Jane Enjoy It. A recent discussion of Mormonism on the blog Jezebel unleashed a waterfall of confessions in the comments section from other young non-religious women similarly riveted by the shiny, happy domestic lives of their Latter-day Saint sisters.

"They have lovely homes, picture-perfect kids, loving, super-attentive husbands, and things seem very normal and calm," writes a commenter named BrookeD, who admits to reading five Mormon blogs daily.

"I thought I was the only one!!" responds another commenter.

"THANK YOU," adds a third. "I'm another closet non-Mormon reader of Mormon mommy blogs."

So why, exactly, are these blogs so fascinating to women like us -- secular, childless women who may have never so much as baked a cupcake, let alone reupholstered our own ottomans with thrifted fabric and vintage grosgrain ribbon?

...

Well, to use a word that makes me cringe, these blogs are weirdly "uplifting." To read Mormon lifestyle blogs is to peer into a strange and fascinating world where the most fraught issues of modern living -- marriage and child rearing -- appear completely unproblematic. This seems practically subversive to someone like me, weaned on an endless media parade of fretful stories about "work-life balance" and soaring divorce rates and the perils of marrying too young/too old/too whatever. And don't even get me started on the Mommy Blogs, which make parenthood seem like a vale of judgment and anxiety, full of words like "guilt" and "chaos" and "BPA-free" and "episiotomy." Read enough of these, and you'll be ready to remove your own ovaries with a butter knife.

"It seems that a lot of popular culture wants to portray marriage and motherhood as demeaning, restrictive or simple, but in the LDS church, motherhood is a very important job, and it's treated with a lot of respect," says Natalie Holbrook, the New York-based author of the popular blog Nat the Fat Rat. "Most of my readers are non-LDS women in their late 20s and early 30s, college educated, many earning secondary degrees on the postgraduate level, and a comment I often get is, 'You are making me want kids, and I've never wanted kids!'"

Indeed, Mormon bloggers like Holbrook make marriage and motherhood seem, well, fun. Easy. Joyful. These women seem relaxed and untouched by cynicism. They throw elaborate astronaut-themed birthday parties for their kids and go on Sunday family drives to see the fall leaves change and get mani-pedis with their friends. They often have close, large extended families; moms and sisters are always dropping in to watch the kids or help out with cake decorating. Their lives seem adorable and old-fashioned and comforting.

"I've gotten e-mails from readers thanking me for putting a positive spin on marriage and family," Holbrook says. "It's important to acknowledge the hard parts -- and I think we all do -- but why not focus more on the lovely and the beautiful? That positive attitude is a very common theme throughout all aspects of the Mormon faith."

...

There's been a lot of talk in recent years about "the New Domesticity" -- an increasing interest in old-fashioned, traditionally female tasks like sewing, crafts and jam making. Some pundits see this as a sign that young women yearn to return to some kind of 1950s Ozzie and Harriet existence, that feminism has "failed," that women are realizing they can't have it all, after all. That view is utterly nonsense, in my opinion, but I do think women of my generation are looking to the past in an effort to create fulfilling, happy domestic lives, since the modern world doesn't offer much of a road map.

...

Enter the Mormon bloggers, with their picture-perfect catalog lives. It is possible to be happy, they seem to whisper. We love our homes. We love our husbands.

Of course, the larger question is, are these women's lives really as sweet and simple as they appear? Blogs have always been a way to mediate and prettify your own life; you'd be a fool to compare your real self to someone else's carefully arranged surface self. And Mormons are particularly famous for their "put on a happy face" attitude. The church teaches that the Gospel is the only authentic path to true happiness. So if you're a faithful follower, you better be happy, right?

...

For many LDS women, blogging about the domestic arts is a natural fit. As ex-Mormon designer Emily Henderson explains on her blog, The Brass Petal, growing up in large families engenders an attitude of make-do thriftiness -- homemade bread, recycled soda can Christmas ornaments, Salvation Army fashion. With the rise of DIY culture across secular America, all of a sudden those skills have become trendy, even bankable.

...

The bloggers I read may be as happy with their lot as they seem. Or not. While some Mormon women prosper under the cultural norms for wife- and mother-dom, others chafe. Utah is, after all, the state with the highest rate of prescription antidepressant use, a statistic the president of the Utah Psychiatric Association attributes to the pressure among Mormon women to be ideal wives and mothers. The creator of Seriously So Blessed, an anonymous Mormon woman, addresses this pressure in an online archive of Mormon women interviews called the Mormon Women Project: "In any highly homogeneous culture we all feel pressure to be and look and think and act a certain way," she says. "You start to think you need to be absolutely perfect in every area."

Clearly, life for the Mormon wife is not all crafts and cupcakes. Even if it were, I seriously doubt that crafts and cupcakes are all that much fun when you do them all day, every day.

But the basic messages expressed in these blogs -- family is wonderful, life is meant to be enjoyed, celebrate the small things -- are still lovely. And if they help women like me envision a life in which marriage and motherhood could potentially be something other than a miserable, soul-destroying trap, I say, "Right on."

Whew! This article sure makes atheistic feminism sound . . . not fun.

-Smac

[selek]

fool to compare your real self to someone else's carefully arranged surface self.

This is essentially true, but also false for a number of reasons.

First and foremost, it adopts a "sour-grapes" mentality which insists "I'm not happy, so they can't really be that happy- they must be lying". It's a defense mechanism used to avoid the unpleasant possibility that you might be wrong. It avoids a serious look at the very real possibility that those happy "others" might be precisely what they seem.

Second, it ignores the fact that the "faceless" nature of the internet tends to spawn too much "honesty" and too much sharing of the personal and intimate.

Those who are familiar with the internet know which of the two- they dystopian facade or the tendency to open up too much- is more likely.

Of course, it doesn't help matters that the author backs up her venomous insinuation with a series of extremely worn, extremely tired, and thoroughly discredited anti-Mormon chestnuts:

And Mormons are particularly famous for their "put on a happy face" attitude.

We are? Where and when did we garner this accolade and where is it canonized in the Church's teachings?

The church teaches that the Gospel is the only authentic path to true happiness. So if you're a faithful follower, you better be happy, right?

Really? Where does the Church teach that the lives of the faithful will be free from adversity, trial, or obstacle?

Sounds to me like this woman either doesn't know the Church as well as she thinks she does or- more likely- is allowing her prejudice and envy to overcome her common sense.

For many LDS women, blogging about the domestic arts is a natural fit. As ex-Mormon designer Emily Henderson explains on her blog, The Brass Petal, growing up in large families engenders an attitude of make-do thriftiness -- homemade bread, recycled soda can Christmas ornaments, Salvation Army fashion. With the rise of DIY culture across secular America, all of a sudden those skills have become trendy, even bankable.

First and foremost, why is this a bad thing? Or for that matter even suspect?

Contrary to modern ignorance and self-congratulatory ego, we've seen this trend many times throughout our history- and it's not even remotely a purely "Mormon" phenomenon.

The early 20th century (prior to the Great Depression) was essentially a use-it-and-throw-it-away culture, just as we see today. Our grandparents and great-grandparents learned thrift the hardway- in a Depression- and had the lesson really drilled into them supporting World War II.

The bloggers I read may be as happy with their lot as they seem.

Why do I smell a "but" coming on?

Or not. While some Mormon women prosper under the cultural norms for wife- and mother-dom, others chafe.

Ahhh, there it is. Right on schedule.

Utah is, after all, the state with the highest rate of prescription antidepressant use, a statistic the president of the Utah Psychiatric Association attributes to the pressure among Mormon women to be ideal wives and mothers.

Wow! a discredited, bigoted slander and an appeal to authority (in this case, authoritative yet untested and unproven speculation) all in one.

Clearly, the "thrift bug" has already bitten the author- she's learned to spread ignorant slander and conserve ink at the same time!

The creator of Seriously So Blessed, an anonymous Mormon woman, addresses this pressure in an online archive of Mormon women interviews called the Mormon Women Project: "In any highly homogeneous culture we all feel pressure to be and look and think and act a certain way," she says. "You start to think you need to be absolutely perfect in every area."

Ahhhh....the de rigeur anonymous source- making unproven allegations online.

Remember how the author told us that online facades were untrustworthy? She appears to have taken that one, at least, at face value.

Clearly, life for the Mormon wife is not all crafts and cupcakes.

And we claimed they were....where precisely?

Even if it were, I seriously doubt that crafts and cupcakes are all that much fun when you do them all day, every day.

Aesop's fox would recognize this sentiment....even after three thousand years or so...

Of course, this "crafts and cupcakes all day every day" characterization flatly contradicts her early characterization of the very blogs she admits to envying so much....

But the basic messages expressed in these blogs -- family is wonderful, life is meant to be enjoyed, celebrate the small things -- are still lovely.

They also have the virtue of being true. That beats the alluring, but false teachings of "if it feels good do it" by more than a boat length.

And if they help women like me envision a life in which marriage and motherhood could potentially be something other than a miserable, soul-destroying trap, I say, "Right on."

Perhaps if they were to abandon some of the misanthropic, self-destructive dogmas sold in the name of sisterly solidarity, they could embrace that reality, rather than merely "envision" it.

All in all, this article reminds me of a rather insidious practice I observed in my native South: in which "godly", Christian women could say the most hateful things about their brothers or sisters in Christ- so long as it was preceded by the phrase , "Bless her(his) heart..."

In my opinion, the envy and condescension in this article can be summed up with "Bless their hearts, those Mormon women seem so happy, and industrious, and fulfilled- but you know deep down they're really just fooling themselves about how miserable they really are."

And you though Harper Valley PTA and Peyton Place were just TV shows.

[bluebell]

I think it's awesome when people can see the good, and even envy it, in belief systems that they don't personally espouse. To me, such people come across mature and in-depth and like people I would want to be friends with.

[bluebell]

All in all, this article reminds me of a rather insidious practice I observed in my native South: in which "godly", Christian women could say the most hateful things about their brothers or sisters in Christ- so long as it was preceded by the phrase , "Bless her(his) heart..."

In my opinion, the envy and condescension in this article can be summed up with "Bless their hearts, those Mormon women seem so happy, and industrious, and fulfilled- but you know deep down they're really just fooling themselves about how miserable they really are."

And you though Harper Valley PTA and Peyton Place were just TV shows.

I didn't get that impression from this article at all. I though it sounded very sincere and honest.

[Senator]

I didn't get that impression from this article at all. I though it sounded very sincere and honest.

I agree bluebell.

I was nodding my head in agreement through most of it.

Well expressed article!

[Whiskeypete]

I thought it was interesting to read through the comment; how many people thought that these blogs were "too professional" and that they were sure that they were just part of a Salt Lake PR campaign.

[nicolasconnault]

I didn't get that impression from this article at all. I though it sounded very sincere and honest.

You're right, bluebell, most of it does, as long as you don't read anything past:

"Of course, the larger question is, are these women's lives really as sweet and simple as they appear?"

I too, was pleasantly surprised with the whole article up to that point, and despite misgivings about why on earth a self-confessed atheist feminist would paint such a positive picture of LDS women, I was almost ready to send the link to my wife so she could see how having her own blog could be a good missionary tool.

Unfortunately, that last quarter of the article happens to reveal its rationale. If you summarise it very succinctly, it could look like this:

1. I'm atheist and feminist, but I'm addicted to these blogs written by women who have completely different values from mine
2. These women are LDS, and they seem really happy
3. However, they may really just be pretending to be happy out of cultural, normative pressure. After all, doing wify things all day can only make you miserable
4. These blogs are still lovely, and they "almost persuade me to be a mother" (paraphrasing famous lovely-message-but-no-thanks King Agrippa)

Selek's knee-jerk reaction (which I share to some extent, though not so strongly), is because of the dose of poison being injected within such a lovely message. You cannot accept this article's message without at least considering the possibility that LDS mothers-at-home tend to be miserable but put on a happy face to appear righteous. The intent of the article is not 100% clear, but it strongly hints of condescension and a desire to misinform.

In simpler words: this is sugar-coated vitriol, with a very thick sugar coating, and we all just love sugar!

[DH]

I get the impression that believing LDS people can be a little on the defensive side, expecting everyone who isn't totally "wowed" by LDS teachings and culture to be out to get us. Maybe the author really does like a lot of what she sees in those blogs. And maybe her questions are sincere. Frankly, I grew up in the Church, and I take the virtually perfect life images with a grain of salt, too.

[Senator]

I get the impression that believing LDS people can be a little on the defensive side, expecting everyone who isn't totally "wowed" by LDS teachings and culture to be out to get us. Maybe the author really does like a lot of what she sees in those blogs. And maybe her questions are sincere. Frankly, I grew up in the Church, and I take the virtually perfect life images with a grain of salt, too.

[nicolasconnault]

I get the impression that believing LDS people can be a little on the defensive side, expecting everyone who isn't totally "wowed" by LDS teachings and culture to be out to get us. Maybe the author really does like a lot of what she sees in those blogs. And maybe her questions are sincere. Frankly, I grew up in the Church, and I take the virtually perfect life images with a grain of salt, too.

Well that is true, I do too. I don't think, however, that these blogs all portray a perfect life of bliss and joy. Anyway, I suppose I should give the author the benefit of the doubt. I just think that, even though these women may not be as happy as they would like to portray on their blogs, it's very unlikely that they are actually conversely miserable, as the author suggests.

[Mellybug]

I too really enjoyed reading this. It didn't come across as insulting but a relatively well-written set of musings. I think she is doing her best to look at this from a couple of different angles in trying to figure out what it is that draws her to these blogs and the lifestyle and beliefs expressed behind them in a way that seems genuine from her worldview. At least she is wondering, asking questions, and debating about it with herself.

[Stargazer]

I get the impression that believing LDS people can be a little on the defensive side, expecting everyone who isn't totally "wowed" by LDS teachings and culture to be out to get us. Maybe the author really does like a lot of what she sees in those blogs. And maybe her questions are sincere. Frankly, I grew up in the Church, and I take the virtually perfect life images with a grain of salt, too.

I've ran into this kind of thing, you know, how-wonderful-it-all-appears-to-be-BUT-it probably-masks-a-dreary-reality, enough times that when I start reading one of these little articles I can identify the exact moment the BUT will be arriving, and rarely am I disappointed. You can accuse us of "defensiveness" all you like, DH, but when it become all so predictable, it goes from being defensive to bracing oneself for the inevitable denouement. It's virtually formulaic, like the detective novel archetype. I keep wanting to write these people a note, saying: "You think you're being clever, but you're not. This has been done to death, aren't you tired of ploughing the same field over and over again like ten thousand others before you? Without ever having an actual harvest?"

It's pathetic.

[bluebell]

Well that is true, I do too. I don't think, however, that these blogs all portray a perfect life of bliss and joy. Anyway, I suppose I should give the author the benefit of the doubt. I just think that, even though these women may not be as happy as they would like to portray on their blogs, it's very unlikely that they are actually conversely miserable, as the author suggests.

Could you point out where the author suggested that the women were actually miserable? I'm not being snarky, i just honestly didn't see that part and would like to read it for myself to see if i misunderstood something.

[bluebell]

I've ran into this kind of thing, you know, how-wonderful-it-all-appears-to-be-BUT-it probably-masks-a-dreary-reality, enough times that when I start reading one of these little articles I can identify the exact moment the BUT will be arriving, and rarely am I disappointed. You can accuse us of "defensiveness" all you like, DH, but when it become all so predictable, it goes from being defensive to bracing oneself for the inevitable denouement. It's virtually formulaic, like the detective novel archetype. I keep wanting to write these people a note, saying: "You think you're being clever, but you're not. This has been done to death, aren't you tired of ploughing the same field over and over again like ten thousand others before you? Without ever having an actual harvest?"

It's pathetic.

I guess maybe i'm not seeing it in the same way that other people are is because, as women, we verbalize the BUT in these kinds of conversations all the time.

Maybe men don't, so hearing it honestly does annoy them but I can't remember a conversation that i've had with women on this subject where it's not pointedly brought up that things are never as rosey as they appear in pictures but that's o.k., or where we remind ourselves not to compare our weaknesses with other women's well polished public personas. I'm not exaggerating when i say that it comes up almost weekly in RS meetings.

When we, as women, bring up and remind ourselves that no life is perfect, it's not to denigrate other women, but to keep ourselves from trying to achieve a life that doesn't actually exist. I think that's why it only made sense to me that this women author would point out that a blog of the sort she was talking about cannot be seen as 'real life'-it's the exact same kind of point i would have made if i were writing the article and it's the exact kind of comment i hear from women all the time.

Perhaps this is why some of the men find cause to be offended by it, but as far as i have seen, the women on thread do not find it the least bit threatening.

[thesometimesaint]

bluebell:

"Utah is, after all, the state with the highest rate of prescription antidepressant use..."

[frankenstein]

Quote:The church teaches that the Gospel is the only authentic path to true happiness. So if you're a faithful follower, you better be happy, right?

selek: Really? Where does the Church teach that the lives of the faithful will be free from adversity, trial, or obstacle?

selek you seem too eager to find a fault. how did you jump from happiness to a live devoid of adversity? Are you suggesting one can not be happy and have adversity, trial or obstacle?

[blackstrap]

Give the author a break! She is an atheist feminist after all. I think she did quite a balanced article and ,as bluebell rightly points out, touched on concerns expressed by many women in the church with feelings of inadequacy .

Sure she threw in the obligatory " BUTS " ,but(me too) given her entrained world view it was not quite as bad a knee jerk reaction as some. Overall ,admirably positive.

[juliann]

I thought it was a cute yet self-revealing article. However, I don't think these blogs have anything to do with showcasing Mormonism. As the author says, you have to look to find that. These women would be blogging regardless just as they would be doing everything else they do. What interested me was the question begging premise:

Of course, the larger question is, are these women's lives really as sweet and simple as they appear? Blogs have always been a way to mediate and prettify your own life; you'd be a fool to compare your real self to someone else's carefully arranged surface self.

Where is she getting the idea that blogs are to prettify lives? One of those "sweet and simple" bloggers had been burned over 80% of her body in a plane crash and says she will be having surguries for life. The trick in making a readable blog is making the mundane look interesting. A lot of it depends on how good of a photographer the author is. Most of the young adults I know keep blogs. They talk about a variety of things not just pretty stuff. That is going to depend on where one is in life anyway. A lot of these blogs are about making it through the student years on minimum wage jobs and student loans. It is a wonderful medium to communicate to family and friends in a very immediate and interesting way. If you can make money out of that is gravy.

So I get the fascination with them. What I don't get is an idea that they aren't a slice of real life. She wouldn't be so obsessed with them if that was true.

[Libs]

I think it's nice and even normal to appreciate (and think you might even want) certain aspects of another person's life. It goes along with the old adage, the grass is always greener...

The young woman expressed herself well, even if she did throw in some stereotypes. I'm sure she does have some envy for this Mormon lifestyle, just as a "Mormon Mommy" might have envy of certain aspects of her lifestyle. I was a stay at home mom and that is not an easy job. I did, at times, envy those women who were out there in the world making careers for themselves and led, what seemed to me to be, a much more exciting life.

We all envy, at times, and wonder if the "other" isn't having a more fulfilling life. Truth is, there are advantages and disadvantages to both.

[DH]

Well that is true, I do too. I don't think, however, that these blogs all portray a perfect life of bliss and joy. Anyway, I suppose I should give the author the benefit of the doubt. I just think that, even though these women may not be as happy as they would like to portray on their blogs, it's very unlikely that they are actually conversely miserable, as the author suggests.

Fair enough--those blogs don't necessarily always portray a life of perfect bliss and joy. Still, a number of them come pretty close. I think of it kind of like going to Church. When I'm at Church, I don't typically spill my guts about all my problems. I'm also happy to see my Church friends, and so I tend to be cheerful there. So what other people see is my public "Church face," instead of a complete picture of my life. I'm not trying to deceive anybody into thinking my life is happier than it actually is, it's just how it works out. It may depend on the blogger, but I suspect many of them are similar to me in that they don't necessarily "put it all out there" for everybody to see.

Our feminist atheist friend does not come across to me as judgmental, but as a person who is curious about this Mormon Mommy blogging phenomenon. Or maybe she has sugar-coated her criticism so well I've been completely misled.

[DH]

I've ran into this kind of thing, you know, how-wonderful-it-all-appears-to-be-BUT-it probably-masks-a-dreary-reality, enough times that when I start reading one of these little articles I can identify the exact moment the BUT will be arriving, and rarely am I disappointed. You can accuse us of "defensiveness" all you like, DH, but when it become all so predictable, it goes from being defensive to bracing oneself for the inevitable denouement. It's virtually formulaic, like the detective novel archetype. I keep wanting to write these people a note, saying: "You think you're being clever, but you're not. This has been done to death, aren't you tired of ploughing the same field over and over again like ten thousand others before you? Without ever having an actual harvest?"

It's pathetic.

It's quite possible she is following a formula. However, it may be a formula for writing an article, as opposed to a formula for criticizing Mormons. I'm sorry, but I simply don't interpret her article as an attack on the Church. She acknowledges the women may be as happy as they seem, and the "or not" is not necessarily an attack, but could be a simple acknowledgment of reality.

You talk about running into this kind of thing all too often. Well, I run into the "Us vs. Them," The-World-Is-Out-To-Get-Us mentality all the time, practically every week at Church. I used to think that way, too, but as I've gotten older, experience has shown me that there are a lot of darn good people out there who are not LDS. They may ask questions, and they may not always agree with our point of view, but they are friendly and decent people. I'm just saying, don't jump to conclusions about this author just because she's a feminist atheist and doesn't think the LDS Church is the greatest thing since sliced bread.

[DH]

Wow! a discredited, bigoted slander and an appeal to authority (in this case, authoritative yet untested and unproven speculation) all in one.

Would you care to offer us some citations here? The studies I am aware of that indicate Utahns consume a lot antidepressants did not seem bigoted to me, and I've not heard that they were discredited.

Just because Church headquarters are located in Utah doesn't mean that everything in Utah is absolutely perfect in every way. Believe it or not, believing Mormons do get depressed! (My mother works in the mental health field in Utah, so I know that for a fact.)

[Calm]

Would you care to offer us some citations here? The studies I am aware of that indicate Utahns consume a lot antidepressants did not seem bigoted to me, and I've not heard that they were discredited.

Just because Church headquarters are located in Utah doesn't mean that everything in Utah is absolutely perfect in every way. Believe it or not, believing Mormons do get depressed! (My mother works in the mental health field in Utah, so I know that for a fact.)

There were a few problems with drawing conclusions from the study itself. It was done by only one company about one particular drug, IIRC, that was used not only for antidepression but other othings (I had been prescribed it myself for my sleep disorder---inappropriately). All it really does is show use of drugs, which may or may not be signficant in demonstrating level of depression in comparison to other areas as other variables, such as use of alcohol or illegal drugs to self medicate were not controlled for nor was tendency of doctors to use a particular drug in comparison to others (Utah doctors getting similar training and drug information would likely lead to similar choices in treatment which may have led to an overdependence on this one drug among Utah doctors).

Anyway, that study just was too limited to draw any real conclusions from though it would have been a good starting place for further research. Unfortunately this did not stop people from doing so in a very wide range of arenas, from what I remember so it's not surprising to me that she was aware of the study and believed it had some signficance that it doesn't really have.

And speaking of further research, a study that directly measured level of happiness rated Utah high (maybe highest can't remember) in this area compared with the rest of the US. I think the "bigoted" claim comes from the repeating of the prior study while neglecting this more relevant claim. I'm not sure if the "bigot" applies, that would depend on whether or not she knew of the more recent, more applicable study and ignored it. From the rest of the article, I would suspect that the term "uninformed" is more accurate than bigoted....at least for the usage of that study.

Women do tend to ask themselves 'how does she do that when I can't manage the same thing?' in my experience, pointing to the use of antidepressants could be a result of her looking for an answer to that question that is understandable to her. From just the article, I get the feeling that she sees that kind of life as an ideal, but in reality doesn't really enjoy those kinds of activities enough that it would become fun as opposed to a chore for her and she likely is projects this feeling on to the mothers so she doesn't get---at least in her gut---that they find such things rejuvenating and satisfying in and of themselves so they not only do them over and over again, but want to do them over and over again.

[DH]

Women do tend to ask themselves 'how does she do that when I can't manage the same thing?' in my experience, pointing to the use of antidepressants could be a result of her looking for an answer to that question that is understandable to her.

Heh, I'm a guy, and I ask that question all the time! "How does he do that, when I can't?" Maybe it's my anima speaking? LOL

From just the article, I get the feeling that she sees that kind of life as an ideal, but in reality doesn't really enjoy those kinds of activities enough that it would become fun as opposed to a chore for her and she likely is projects this feeling on to the mothers so she doesn't get---at least in her gut---that they find such things rejuvenating and satisfying in and of themselves so they not only do them over and over again, but want to do them over and over again.

My late wife was an intellectual type (and a feminist), working on her PhD when she got sick. She would've gotten tired of all the craftsy stuff, and would have preferred to have high falutin' intellectual talks about obscure German or Russian literature. (Frankly, a lot of that stuff would've gone over my head, as she was a lot smarter than I!) My sister-in-law, on the other hand, is really into crafts. To each her own! My SIL is one of those "Mormon Mommy bloggers." She does a great job with her blog, and it does make her life look virtually perfect. But the blog is about her crafts and her family, not about airing her dirty laundry. (Actually, SIL's life is pretty good. She does have her struggles, to be sure (what mother doesn't?), but she's a pretty happy person.)

[Calm]

Heh, I'm a guy, and I ask that question all the time! "How does he do that, when I can't?" Maybe it's my anima speaking? LOL

Guys don't talk to girls about it that much....I don't know if girls talk to guys in general all that much about it as I haven't asked that question.

I talk to everyone about everything in my life, my daughter has been appointed to kick me when I really get going so I don't see myself as a good 'test case'.

I'm a mix, I love the intellectual stuff, but I also like to create stuff with my hands. I do get bored faster with the second than the first though.