Rain

I've only had it come up when I first come to the board. Probably every 2nd or 3rd visit. Once I do it at the beginning of a session it doesn't come up again.

The timing of you talking about this hits me. I never liked the brother and sister thing. I recognize that it is a doctrinal reminder of our relationship with each other as literal children of God, but it has always felt like forced closeness with members of the chuch meerly because of membership in the church. It hit me pretty hard this weekend. My son was married and a few hours later was sealed. Afterwards, the sealer came out to talk with me. He called me "Sister _____" and like I've done for years before my church struggles started because it always felt fake, I said my first name. He grimaced and then went on with what he planned to say, never acknowledging what I preferred to be called. It felt performative and controlling, not looking on my heart and seeing me. Anyway, like calm says it will vary on who is saying it, but in my experience, brother and sister are used to enforce fake closeness because of membership in the church.

I'm glad there is only one. Hopefully he will get lonely and just leave!

Yes, but accepting those claims requires a private spiritual feeling/subjective inward impression. So, while what you talk about here is not quite the same as what Navidad talks about, it still hinges on private inspiration.

I hope things are going better than you worried about.

The problem is that everything in your church also hinges on private experience.

I should have been more clear. I was not talking about John, but the parts around the part with John: "it seems to me that podcasters are all about getting more clicks and subscribers. It is all about the money. I am sure that John maybe making money from all this. On a side note if the money was taking away from most podcasters, they would fold like a house of cards. It would not be worth the time spent."

Yes. Since I've stopped believing, things church members say have hit me in a whole new way, but over this weekend with my son getting married it has hit even harder with so many things said. I actually think this is an every person problem, as evidenced in my time with working with charities, but I think it hits harder in the church, because it is so much about much about gathering.

Couldn't you say the same about any job or side hustle?

by a maid

It's not strictly a moral issue.

I'm curious about the defenders. Those chairs sound rather dangerous folding all over the place. Are you sure they need defending?

You may only be able to see this on Instagram. Sorry, I tried finding it elsewhere. "The Young Men General Presidency trying to come up with equally whimsical names." https://www.instagram.com/reel/DXYc7A6gRtA/?igsh=MWdqdTltZHZkcDh5Yg==

That is good to know. It felt a little like a hammer of "you should do this thing that I'm doing" so it is good to know it is a reminder for yourself. I get that it is a good thing (the book is now on my list of books to read) and you're excited to share what you're learning and I'm good with that. Incidentally, I know I bring this book up a lot, but 7 Habits of Highly Effective People go right along with what you have quoted here, specifically habits 4 and 5 of thinking win-win and seek first to understand and then be understood, though those habits build on the first 3.

Does "deacon" have a meaning? Or "priest"? Teacher does. I go back and forth of whether priest does, mostly because the meaning I have in my mind seems to fit better outside the church than in. But then very little of what teachers in the church do today is teach. So it kind of feels like the YW titles are reminders of how they should act, but AP are job titles.

It's interesting to me that he felt that the "decided are always gentle" means calmness and tranquility. To me, calmness and tranquility are things you feel inside yourself for yourself. Others may feel it in you and may start to feel it in themselves because of you, but it is definitly a way one feels within for themselves. Gentleness, on the other hand is a way to treat others (often because of the calmness inside). I think sometimes people feel calm (or think they do when they may just feel "right"), but are not gentle to others. So one should be decided because of the peace they feel inside, but gentle with others affected.

I spent last Tuesday with an Afghan woman learning to make Afghan food. She had an electric coffee carafe that she used several times for making the meal that had nothing to do with coffee. After seeing how quickly she was getting the water hot, I was thinking of getting one of those for myself! I've occasionally thought of getting a tea kettle for the same reason, but this was even better! I know that's not what you were talking about, but saying something about not having to drive 20 min reminded me of how convenient coffee and tea items can be!

Personally, I think it has always been a mixed message, but people just didn't recognize it. There have been so many things said back in patriarchal blessings over the years (check your grandparent's and great grandparent's) about the worth of women and the gifts given to them. If someone truly believes theirs came from God they ought to be open to what God wants them to do outside the home as well as inside. I can tell you mine never says anything close to something like "only in the home or as a mother" and I would be surprised if there was more than a handful that did if any. Then there are so many lessons on finding your talents or gifts and magnifying them in some way. I'm pretty creative and could probably easily connect any gift to motherhood, but do people really think that's what those lessons are saying?

It is not just older people making those kind of comments.

I just looked it up on Instagram (couldn't see it here). Some people are saying this makes motherhood sound less important. Others are saying "we" shouldn't have a lot of professional women, but should be emphasizing motherhood. Others are saying the church needs more messaging like this.

What are the comments saying?

Yes. I actually just got done writting a very long text to someone about this. She is teaching Elder Stephenson's talk on Peacemaking and asked if I would say something in class or write something. Basically I told her peacemaking isn't just playing nice and not making waves. Peacemaking is both sides trying to truly understand and see the other's heart and then try to work it out with that understanding. Stephen Covey talks about both sides winning. In most cases of things that matter, if only one side wins, then both sides actually lose. I find if I go in trying to understand my husband better that it helps him to trust me enough to try to understand me better when I speak up for how I'm feeling too. He knows I'm not just in it for the win. And vice versa.

To be clear, I'm no longer a believing member. I was just trying to help. I'm really the wrong person to ask because long before I no longer believed I saw the devastating affects of alcohol on family members and friends and while I am ok with others drinking I won't provide it for anyone. However, I have bought a lot tea and coffee for non members when I was a believing member. Honestly, like calm said, these questions are really only questions your wife can answer. Different members will feel different ways. Be patient with her as she may not be aware herself of why she feels certain ways. I hope you get some understanding of why she feels how she feels and that she gets some understanding of where your heart is with this gift.

Is there any chance your brother doesn't handle alcohol well? Could thatbe the reason? Or perhaps it is because you approached it together with the kids, but you left her out of the choice for your brother?

Here in Tempe ASU has a place where they sell stuff they are not using - computers, monitors, chairs, file cabinets, office things and then random things like mugs, balls or who knows. You might check any college near you to see if they have something like that.