My Wife's Encounter with some Lovely Ex-Mormons

[Bill “Papa” Lee]

The reason she started going back to Church isn't because she likes it, but rather because of expectations she feels from her children.

She said she didn't feel she could, not only because of our 21-year old daughter, but also because of our 24-year old son who is a senior at the Air Force Academy, who was an AP on his mission to Scotland, and who is on fire with enthusiasm for the Church.

My wife felt that if she left the Church, she would disappoint him.

My wife also felt it would be confusing to our 12-year old, who we have raised LDS.

All the Best!

--Consiglieri

Don't discount these things...just like a marriage there are many reasons to stay the course. Sometimes it is passion (a good one), sometimes it is respect, sometimes it is duty and at other times commitment. Each of these things in their season. You are a student of the scriptures (especially the BoM) remember the two groups separated from the other Nephites, for one their burdens "were grievous to be borne", while the second group with the same (maybe even heavier) burdens they did bear them with joy. Stay the course, the seasons change. Every time I start feeling this way, I realize that I have my eye on the members, and not (as MLK put it) on the prize.

[Alf O'Mega]

My wife believes the Church is true, but hates attending Church so much that she regularly tells me she "hates Sundays."

My wife would not attend Church except she feels compelled to because of her children.

As we talked, I had to muse out loud why anybody would go to Church when they hated it so much.

And so I thought I would muse out loud to you good folks on this board.

I'll muse back from the other side of the fence. I am in almost precisely the opposite position with regard to the Church. I doubt to the point of operational certainty that the Church is true. And yet I am there almost every week, playing the piano in Primary. Like your wife, I often find it stultifying, and I relish my occasional free Sundays (like this weekend). And yet . . .

I recognize that life is healthier, safer, and happier lived within a strong community. Attending church is a shared activity with my family, and spending time with them strengthens that micro-community. But I spend plenty of time with them outside of church. What I'd be missing is regular contact with other people outside my family community who feel a deeper loyalty to each other than simple neighborliness. (And I have fine, admirable neighbors too, but it's not the same.) The fact is that I am deeply wired for loyalty. Even though fellowship with the Saints is no longer a covenant imperative for me, I feel a genuine commitment to them. I believe that they could call on me for an LDS level of sacrifice, and I would be as ready to offer it now as before, when it was a divine mandate. I trust them reciprocally.

I'll admit that my family's devoutness makes this a path of somewhat less resistance than if we were all ideological outsiders. It's likely that if my wife and children no longer believed, we would drift out of the community, or settle on a more casual relationship. And I recognize that many of the benefits of community citizenship would evaporate with such a shift. But as long as there is an organic connection between my family and that community, I continue to feel genuinely a part of it, and I try to pull my own weight, to the extent that my handicaps allow.

I have no advice for you or your wife, but I can confirm that there is a lot of Sunday fatigue, even among the spiritually converted. Although I've never gone inactive, even after losing my faith, I can certainly understand the impulse to do so. Whatever path you choose, it helps to have a strongly independent personality. So many proposed solutions to problems of LDS life boil down to finding your own way against the cultural and doctrinal currents. Weaker swimmers often do not have these solutions available to them, and I worry more about them than about strong-willed people like you and your wife.

[Tarski]

You and your wife will rise or fall to the kingdom you are most comfortable in.

Oh brother. What kingdom is like going to Mormon church?

Nehor just got through explaining that the celestial kingdom is more or less the opposite of attending church.

So if thats right, who will be comfortable where?

[sleepyhead]

Hello consig,

I thought the 11th article of faith would be appropriate here.

11 We claim the aprivilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the bdictates of our own cconscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them dworship how, where, or what they may.

I see no reason why this shouldn't apply to you and your wife. With regards to your 12 year old daughter I don't really think changing churches will be a problem for her.

[sevenbravo]

It is hard to believe that she really believes the church to be true. I hate going to church, but that is because I don't believe it is 100% true. If I thought it was truely the Lord's only true church on the earth, I would be willing to put up with anything. Thats just me though. Good luck..I empathize with you.

[oats]

She is independent in a lot of ways, it sounds. Sometimes those of us who are fiercely independent find it hard to accept any spiritual help or nourishment - provided that is what we are seeking. Self sufficiency and independence is a spiritual gift to an extent; however it takes a lot of humility to accept that we can't save ourselves and that we have to rely on others for spiritual aid sometimes.

But everyone gets stuck in ruts at times. It's hard to see that it entraps our minds and takes away our independence. When I think of how you describe the wife, and based on my own experiences, I think the following:

- If someone is so independent they should be a rock that stands influenced, but instead influences.

- Does she truly want to be lifted? Or is it just a a superficial desire?

- If she doesn't want to be lifted and grow closer to Christ, then I doubt any different form of Church meeting will truly help. If the whole intent of attending church is to be influenced, rather than to help influence others for the better, then I think our spiritual state is lacking and forever will be until our own desires are repaired. That is a very personal endeavor but it requires chinking away at the independence shield because it can't be done alone.

But then again maybe it's a pathology that makes a person feel that way? Maybe it's a mental block and a therapist can help?

[consiglieri]

Thanks again for all the responses, everyone!

Another thing I wanted to add was that I somewhat jokingly told my wife last night that we could become "Book of Mormon Believing Baptists."

She said she didn't like Baptists (no offense anyone, she pretty much doesn't like Mormons, either).

She also said that she would be really pissed off if she were at another church and they thought they had won a prize or something by catching a former Mormon.

And if I haven't made it clear enough yet, although my wife doesn't really like a lot of people (even me most of the time), she absolutely adores this older couple she saw yesterday; and her very best friend is their incredibly active daughter who is the RS president in a neighboring ward within our stake.

I think that, if nothing else, this should put to rest the canard that all Mormons who leave the LDS Church do so either because they want to sin, or because of doctrinal problems.

All the Best!

--Consiglieri

[emeliza]

I think that, if nothing else, this should put to rest the canard that all Mormons who leave the LDS Church do so either because they want to sin, or because of doctrinal problems.

I thought we already had.

[alter idem]

Thanks everybody for your posts. I really appreciate them.

In order to direct this thread toward what is really going on, I will add a few comments.

First, as far as my wife is concerned, this isn't about the Church expecting too much from her. She is pretty independent (okay, very independent) and has no problem doing only as much as she wants to do.

It also isn't doctrinal. She believes the Church is true, to coin a phrase.

Her problem is that attending Church is a drab and inglorious experience . . . every time . . . all the time . . . every Sunday . . . for three hours.

She hates it.

It is because of her fiercely independent spirit that she just stopped going to Church for a number of years.

The reason she started going back to Church isn't because she likes it, but rather because of expectations she feels from her children.

I know this may sound strange, but our 21-year old daughter who is a junior at college started going inactive because of issues she has with how the LDS Church deals with women members. My wife had long talks with her about how she needed to be going to Church, which ended up "reactivating" my wife because she felt she couldn't really be telling her daughter to go to Church when she was not; in fact, I think it was kind of a quid pro quo thing; my wife would go to Church if our daughter would, too.

And so they are both going to a Church they don't enjoy or even like.

Last night, I asked my wife if she wanted to go to a different Church.

She said she didn't feel she could, not only because of our 21-year old daughter, but also because of our 24-year old son who is a senior at the Air Force Academy, who was an AP on his mission to Scotland, and who is on fire with enthusiasm for the Church.

My wife felt that if she left the Church, she would disappoint him.

My wife also felt it would be confusing to our 12-year old, who we have raised LDS.

So I am dealing with the following situation:

My wife believes the Church is true, but hates attending Church so much that she regularly tells me she "hates Sundays."

My wife would not attend Church except she feels compelled to because of her children.

As we talked, I had to muse out loud why anybody would go to Church when they hated it so much.

And so I thought I would muse out loud to you good folks on this board.

All the Best!

--Consiglieri

Your wife sounds like my grandfather who always had "headaches" on Sunday. That's how he handled it without having confrontation and others respected it and left him alone.

Some people lose the fire of the gospel--or if they were a member all their lives, they never caught the fire in the first place. They feel no reason to be there on Sundays and possibly, they never had an experience in their lives that really tested their faith and commitment...they just go out of habit.

If a person hates Sundays and church and it doesn't have to do with having doubts about the church, then it's probably a combination of not wanting to be bothered--not wanting to have to give up a perfectly good day to do things they want to do and the fact that they don't like being around the people at church--which can be because of many different reasons.

I guess you need to have more of a heart to heart with your wife to find out why she doesn't want to attend. Is it the people? If so, what's wrong with them? If she can articulate her problems with the other members, that is a starting point for figuring out what to do about it. If it's the fact that she feels she'd rather do other things with her day, then I guess she's got to figure out why the Lord asked his followers to worship together on the Sabbath. And I think she's got to realize that the gospel does need to get us out of our comfort zones if it's going to help us grow.

But she'd better recognize that whatever she chooses, it will have consequences. We can't avoid the consequences for our choices.

[Mudcat]

The LDS Church seems to strictly enforce a policy of attending the ward where you live. (We have run into that in the past.)

My wife mentioned perhaps being interested in going to another stake to the north, as our entire stake is not to her liking (due to things probably too complicated to go into here . . . unless you want me to).

But she said that wouldn't be allowed.

I told her I would be happy to go with her to a ward in the stake north of here, and they wouldn't bar us from attending, though they might not "like" it.

She asked about my Gospel Doctrine class.

I told her we could go to a ward up north in the afternoon, and I could shoot over in the morning here to teach Sunday school.

She said she didn't like that idea because then everybody in our ward would think she and our daughter had gone inactive.

It is a strange situation, or perhaps not so strange.

I think it is an interesting phenomenon of continuing to attend a Church even though you dislike doing so, simply and solely because of societal pressures when, absent those societal pressures, you wouldn't go at all.

I think what makes it more interesting is she has a testimony of the Church she hates attending.

All the Best!

--Consiglieri

Hey Consig,

Sorry about the difficulties you seem to be having on this subject. There have been occasional times when I have had to take the kids with me to church when my wife was not well and it was difficult... getting them ready alone and so forth. I applaud your ability to successfully do so with your daughter on a regular basis. I am sure it is tough sometimes.

Sounds like your girl is a bit older than they, but I imagine Sunday morning could be a bit of a struggle for you. I know that wasn't point of your thread. Just wanted to recognize the efforts you make for what they are.

Even if moving were an option, do you think that would change the situation? are people the problem?

What do you think your wife feels she needs that she isn't getting. Is it just boredom, monotony, duty?

I suppose my thought would be given the uniformity of worship from one ward to the next, a shift in wards wouldn't make much difference... but what do I know, I have only been to a handful of LDS services and they were all at the same branch.

If she is as choleric as you seem to portray, I suppose inserting herself into a situation where she felt compelled by others to do things out of a sense of duty or calling would be more socially oppressive than she could stand for on a regular basis.

Just my thoughts and thanks for sharing yours on the board. Hope you had a successful week.

Mudcat

[Bsix]

I agree with the older lady. I felt a HUGE weight off my shoulders after I left the LDS Church. In the place of that weight Jesus has given me love, freedom, liberty and grace. If you and your wife are having these feels about going to a church, this should be a red flag to you. Nobody should feel like they are in bondage to a religion. Jesus is freedom from all bondage. Whether that be sin, the law/ordinances, or controlling religions.

I guess everyone has a different experience. For me, I found the true love of Jesus Christ and his Gospel in the LDS Church. It has brought me love, freedom, liberty, and grace. I found traditional Christian Churches to be bondage-like and controlling.

The fact is, traditional Christianity is apparently shrinking in those who claim to be members and attendance. it seems that the only traditional Christian churches that are growing are those associated with Pentacostal churches.

I'll be honest, my impression as a someone who participated in traditional Christian churches...and now as a Mormon observer...some traditional Christian churches pander to the social and entertainment aspect of attracting and keeping members active.

I accept that for many, traditional Christianity is deeply meaningful and engaging. I believe that traditional Christian churches strive to provide authentic Christian love, Spirit, and non-boring services.

However, to associate boredom with the LDS doctrine, control, sin, etc. is kinda insulting. I think it is a little bit of a cheap shot. There are millions of non-participating or former traditional Christians who will pretty much say the same thing about their traditional Christian experience.

Regards,

Six

[William Schryver]

IMNSHO, SS and RS/P meetings are extra stuff. Nothing wrong or sinful or anything similar about blowing off Sunday School and Relief Society. Not everybody's built the same.

Callings are another issue . . . and the duty to "give back" for all get. Temple covenants and all that.

USU "Feed my sheep" 78

I concur ... to a point.

Sacrament Meeting is the most important meeting. And, quite frankly, I never tire of attending that meeting, even when the speakers are boring -- which is fairly often. Fact is, at least once or twice a month there is a very moving speaker, or a moment in a speaker's talk, that makes it all worthwhile; that makes it edifying; that binds me to them and them to me in a unity of the faith.

Sunday school can be hit or miss, depending on the subject matter and depending on the instructor. When I teach the class, it's almost always good.

Same with our priesthood meetings. I view my attendance at priesthood meeting as being a way to keep some of the more radical nut cases from going completely off the rails.

But USU78 is right -- your mileage may vary. Attend your sacrament meetings and seek to find satisfaction in doing that.

[Jeff K.]

Oh brother. What kingdom is like going to Mormon church?

Nehor just got through explaining that the celestial kingdom is more or less the opposite of attending church.

So if thats right, who will be comfortable where?

Thank you Tarski, you have provided an excellent example of allowing your faith to overcome any semblence of objective logic.

It is a rather asinine assumption to presume that attendence or outward obedience is what ensures some sort of entrance into the celestial kingdom. Nehor for his posting, is almost irrelevant to what Paul said so eloquently to the Corinthians 2,000 years ago.

The key, if you ever paid attention to the points already raised, is that the window and window dressing are two different issues. It seems the wife complains because church is long, well gee, breathing is also a laborious process if you always think about it. On the other hand you have people who share testimonies, people who support one another, people who are learning and growing and becoming more than they were. Its not simply about sitting for three hours. She is so worried about herself she has forgotten about being of service to others.

I can understand your feeling the way you do Tarski, the concepts mentioned here are alien to you. But one if free to retreat to incredulous claims of some sort of unrelated discipline. But I think it means we both know at the point, you have again lost sight of the argument.

Again, thank you for providing your excellent example of the least cognitive position that a man can take. You may now return to your genuflections.

Yes we all rise or fall to the kingdom we are most comfortable with. I am sure there is some kingdom of self, which has your name on it.

[alter idem]

The LDS Church seems to strictly enforce a policy of attending the ward where you live. (We have run into that in the past.)

My wife mentioned perhaps being interested in going to another stake to the north, as our entire stake is not to her liking (due to things probably too complicated to go into here . . . unless you want me to).

But she said that wouldn't be allowed.

I told her I would be happy to go with her to a ward in the stake north of here, and they wouldn't bar us from attending, though they might not "like" it.

She asked about my Gospel Doctrine class.

I told her we could go to a ward up north in the afternoon, and I could shoot over in the morning here to teach Sunday school.

She said she didn't like that idea because then everybody in our ward would think she and our daughter had gone inactive.

It is a strange situation, or perhaps not so strange.

I think it is an interesting phenomenon of continuing to attend a Church even though you dislike doing so, simply and solely because of societal pressures when, absent those societal pressures, you wouldn't go at all.

I think what makes it more interesting is she has a testimony of the Church she hates attending.

All the Best!

--Consiglieri

Okay, so it sounds like it's a problem with the members of your particular stake. You'll have to decide for yourselves how important this is, but if it was me, I'd start attending the stake where your wife has a friend (the RS pres) and see if this helps--and not worry about what the ward and stake members in your area think. Yes, your actions will be frowned on because you aren't following the program, but I think your wife's and your family's spiritual welfare takes precedent. Attending in the ward where you live is the general rule, but if a situation is desperate, we have to consider the exception. If your wife is so miserable at church that she hates it and it's because of the people, which she has no control over, then I'd say it's time to take control over what you have control over.

Consig, this could involve a sacrifice on your part though. They will let you teach for awhile, but you've got little control over what the leadership will do. They may be inspired to leave you guys alone and let things be and just look the other way....or someone will insist that either you and your family come back to your own ward, or they'll release you from your GD calling.

For the sake of your wife, I think it's worth it though. Is there anyone in a leadership position with whom you could discuss this situation? If it was me, I'd just try attending the other stake first and see if it works--'cause it may not. However, If it does, then I'd go talk to someone to let them know what is going on with your family.

[Daniel Peterson]

I find that I pretty much get out of church what I put into it. If I don't actively seek nuggets from a lackluster speaker, I won't get any. If I come cynical, I leave cynical. If I sit there bored during the sacrament, the sacrament does nothing for me. If I don't actively seek to serve, my passivity doesn't serve me at all.

As for being a passive spectator in an undemanding church, well, I guess that's a possibility, too. Watching television is much easier than performing in a play; sitting in the stands is considerably less demanding than playing football. I've recently been reading again about the earliest Christians, though, and I don't think that they would have recognized such a comfortable thing as Christianity at all. Peter, James, John, Paul, Stephen, St. Justin Martyr, Ignatius of Antioch, St. Polycarp -- all of them were actively committed.

Have I often found the three-hour block fairly long? Yep. And I'm now a bishop. I've already been there for at least a couple of hours before the block, and I'm typically there for several hours after the block. But guess what. I feel energized by serving as a bishop. Even after very long days and very late nights, I feel that I've done something good. I've accomplished something, helped somebody. I could do it for hours more. It's much better than just sitting there, grousing, has ever been for me.

Finally, a testimony: Other churches may have better preachers, trained for public speaking. But the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and it alone, has the fulness of the saving gospel and the authority to perform the ordinances required for salvation. What keeps me going, when my spirits are low, is my conviction that it's true. This isn't about taste. It's about truth. The religion of ancient Rome had polished religious professionals, lavish ceremonies, and spectacular buildings, and it made very few demands on those who professed it. The poor, relatively uneducated Christians, hick bumpkins for the most part, meeting in caves and homes, couldn't really compete. Except that Christ had risen from the dead, and Jupiter had never lived at all.

[Senator]

she has a testimony of the Church she hates attending.

--Consiglieri

Yes, this statement is what interests me as well. I would be interested in probing that thought.

I wonder if it is just that certain personality types react adversely to times being "easy", relatively speaking in regards to our religious devotion. We really do not have much by way of trial or hardship in living our religion. (Yet) They don't handle the doldrums well.

But when times really get tough, I believe it will be individuals like your wife that will shine and be the victors of the day.

The Special Forces aren't deployed to serve traffic tickets. She has her calling and her time will come.

[revelation]

My wife said she agreed with them; that she also hates going to the Mormon Church, where basically nobody seems happy to be there, and everybody seems to be laboring under a huge burden. And she knows for sure that she is not happy there.

Jesus said in Mathew 11:28 ""Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest "

The true church removes burdens from people's shoulders and gives people rest.

[Mola Ram Suda Ram]

Jesus said in Mathew 11:28 ""Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest "

The true church removes burdens from people's shoulders and gives people rest.

Yawn*

Nice proof text. This is almost laughable.

[newgirl]

I also suffered from church boredom. I came to see a side of people at church that seemedâ?fake". There were members who would smoke but still go to the temple, people who would go to the pew on fast Sunday and poor out their guts and ask us all to forgive them, once- fine, but every fast Sunday the same person would be up there with the same apology- honestly! I saw people be the "perfect" person at church but knew they weren't being the same at home, my old bishop use to drink beer for goodness sakes, while he was bishop!

Once something happens to you at church; you're hurt by someone, you see someone doing something they shouldn't be and they don't feel guilt, anything, you begin to feel a little discouragement and every time that memory returns or you see that person, you feel a little more discouraged, eventually your heart begins to harden and the spirit begins to leave. This is when the meetings begin to get boring. I left the church for 9 years because of this reason.

I have come to realize that I believed in the church, I believe Joseph Smith was a prophet of God and that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the only true and living church on the earth today and who am I to reject it. Excuse me, I am not good at quoting versus but I know that I was taught: those who were never taught the gospel but would have excepted it had they been taught would be excepted into the kingdom of Christ but those who were taught and chose to ignore or not live by the gospel would have been better off to have never known- this has been expressed to me as being the greatest sin, to deny Christâ??s true church.

My suggestion is to try and soften your heart, next time you attend church, do so with an open mind and heart. Church is what we make of it- since returning to church I get ignored by my relief society sisters, I never get invited to their activities but I don't let it get me down. The people in the church aren't perfect, it's the gospel of the church that is perfect which is why I go, not for social enjoyment- though it would be a little more fun. I don't let it get me down; I go with an open heart and take in the lessons that the Holy Ghost has inspired my teachers to teach me. That is all that can be expected of us, do your best with what you are given.

If you truly find it unbearable, I suggest you speak to your bishop/branch president. Though church hopping isn't typically supported, I know that exceptions have been made to members who would otherwise fall away from the church. Honestly, it won't help if the issues that are causing your hearts to harden aren't resolved. I will keep your family in my prayers. Oh and by the way- the nice elderly couple, sure they are polite and I'm sure genuinely kind people but be warned, Satan has made his church easier to attend, by not expecting much from their members- no word of wisdom, no callings, no temples to strive worthiness for, but what will you tell Heavenly Father when he asks why you denied the truth "this church was easier and my burden lighter" ..... Just a thought.

[Teri]

Thanks again for all the responses, everyone!

Another thing I wanted to add was that I somewhat jokingly told my wife last night that we could become "Book of Mormon Believing Baptists."

She said she didn't like Baptists (no offense anyone, she pretty much doesn't like Mormons, either).

She also said that she would be really pissed off if she were at another church and they thought they had won a prize or something by catching a former Mormon.

And if I haven't made it clear enough yet, although my wife doesn't really like a lot of people (even me most of the time), she absolutely adores this older couple she saw yesterday; and her very best friend is their incredibly active daughter who is the RS president in a neighboring ward within our stake.

I think that, if nothing else, this should put to rest the canard that all Mormons who leave the LDS Church do so either because they want to sin, or because of doctrinal problems.

All the Best!

--Consiglieri

I can understand your wife's feelings. I believe strongly in the restored gospel of Jesus Christ but my personality makes going to church less than great. It's hard for me to be a sarcastic, cynical, wall flower in a building full of social butterflies. I wish they would remove the regular attendance of church meetings from the temple recommend requirements

[mledbetter]

Thanks everybody for your posts. I really appreciate them.

In order to direct this thread toward what is really going on, I will add a few comments.

First, as far as my wife is concerned, this isn't about the Church expecting too much from her. She is pretty independent (okay, very independent) and has no problem doing only as much as she wants to do.

It also isn't doctrinal. She believes the Church is true, to coin a phrase.

Her problem is that attending Church is a drab and inglorious experience . . . every time . . . all the time . . . every Sunday . . . for three hours.

She hates it.

It is because of her fiercely independent spirit that she just stopped going to Church for a number of years.

The reason she started going back to Church isn't because she likes it, but rather because of expectations she feels from her children.

I know this may sound strange, but our 21-year old daughter who is a junior at college started going inactive because of issues she has with how the LDS Church deals with women members. My wife had long talks with her about how she needed to be going to Church, which ended up "reactivating" my wife because she felt she couldn't really be telling her daughter to go to Church when she was not; in fact, I think it was kind of a quid pro quo thing; my wife would go to Church if our daughter would, too.

And so they are both going to a Church they don't enjoy or even like.

Last night, I asked my wife if she wanted to go to a different Church.

She said she didn't feel she could, not only because of our 21-year old daughter, but also because of our 24-year old son who is a senior at the Air Force Academy, who was an AP on his mission to Scotland, and who is on fire with enthusiasm for the Church.

My wife felt that if she left the Church, she would disappoint him.

My wife also felt it would be confusing to our 12-year old, who we have raised LDS.

So I am dealing with the following situation:

My wife believes the Church is true, but hates attending Church so much that she regularly tells me she "hates Sundays."

My wife would not attend Church except she feels compelled to because of her children.

As we talked, I had to muse out loud why anybody would go to Church when they hated it so much.

And so I thought I would muse out loud to you good folks on this board.

All the Best!

--Consiglieri

Are you sure it's not your ward? Aside from Pa Pa and a few others, I can't stand my ward.(Too many trasplanted yankees) However, I feel much better when I've attended some other wards in the Atlanta area. Perhaps it's just Utah. No offense, but I can't stand being around most of the Utah mormons who come out this way. They all have a strange attitude that I don't quite understand, I guess. Just different culture, or is there a problem with the church in Utah as apposed to wards outside the state? I'm not sure.

I'm not saying everybody from Utah has that attitude, but it just seems more prevalent with people from that region.

I know, now... it's sort of an "up with the jone's" attitude. You're never good enough for these people. They're always critisizing the way things are done here as apposed to the way things are done out there. Maybe that's it.

My last ward was much more relaxed. We were just one big goofy family. (Very diverse, as well, but I liked that part for some reason. I guess because we were members of the ward first, mormons second, and everything else after that.)

Thanks for allowing me to think out loud and reveal some of my personal prejudices. Makes me feel better.

-Matt

[Bsix]

There is an old story...

A visitor walks into local ward for the first time, and is welcomed by the greeter at the door.

The visitor asks, "What is this ward and its members like?"

The greeter asks, "What is your home ward like?"

The visitor replies, "Oh it is terrible, the people were not friendly, the leaders were aloof, and the meetings were not very interesting."

The greeter responded, "Well, that pretty much describes this ward."

A few minutes later, another new visitor walks in the door of the same ward, and is welcomed by the same greeter.

The second visitor asks, "What is this ward and its members like?"

The greeter asks, "What is your home ward like?"

The man replies, "Oh its great! The people are nice, the Bishop is wonderful, and the Spirit is really strong."

The greeter responded, "Well, that pretty much describes this ward."

No doubt that every ward and stake has its strengths and weaknesses. (We are not perfect!) It is the obligation for every LDS congregation to be kind, spirit-filled, engaging, and welcoming.

However, oftentimes...the experience we have at Church has as much to do with us as it does with the Church or congregation. I am sure that in almost every ward on the planet, there are ward members who LOVE their ward...and those who HATE the ward.

I will also go so far as to say this is true of ANY religion and ANY congregation.

Regards,

Six

[Bill “Papa” Lee]

Are you sure it's not your ward? Aside from Pa Pa and a few others, I can't stand my ward

-Matt

You watch this "Pa Pa" guy...I know him, bad seed.

[alter idem]

Jesus said in Mathew 11:28 ""Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest "

The true church removes burdens from people's shoulders and gives people rest.

As an active, believing member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday saints, I can attest that this is absolutely true. The good news of the true gospel does lift our burdens! When we come to Christ and accept his atonement, we enjoy the comfort, peace and rest that he offers from our own inadequacies, as well as the struggles and trials of this world.

Whatever was causing those lovely ex-LDS people to feel burdened and in need of being "free"--it had to have come from something else within their own lives and their situation.

[mfbukowski]

Bishops are never bored at church. If you are bored, you are not doing enough. If you feel you are doing too much, think of the savior. If that doesn't inspire you, leave. It's that simple.