Marriage Problem

[Yirgacheffe]

This is a very complicated situation, but I would go by what the scriptures say and that is to put God first.  She will be mad, but be consistent about your activity and maybe she'll become less negative about it? 

Why would she become less negative about it, it wasn't part of the deal at the beginning.  The man dated her for a year without even telling her he was a member, why is she going to be anything but negative about a church that has the time requirements that the LDS church has?  Especially since he gave no hint that a time consuming church was going to be part of their future.  From her point of view it was "bait and switch", who's pleased with that?

[Calm]

Rpn has some great ideas, but you also need to realistically appraise the situation as well.

First: "I've prayed a lot about this and I still feel that I do not know what to do.  If I do what God wants me to do"

If you've prayed about but still don't know what to do, how are you certain you are doing what God wants you to do and not what you think God wants you to do. Don't assume he wants you to do something, you must cultivate the Spirit to know.

Second: be realistic about your relationship and how much it means to you. You appeared at the time to lack commitment or loyalty to it, essentially had emotionally moved on anyway when you went on a dating site. You need to ask yourself why you did that and if your feelings have changed. You need to examine if she only limits her reactions to you to Church aspects or if this type of behaviour is throughout your relationship. And you need to evaluate if it is in reaction to your actions or part of her personality that might never change no matter what you do.

Third: what kind of mother has she been...this should be your first question actually, your obligation first is not to yourself but to the child the two of you created and are responsible for. He needs stability and not his parents doing a yoyo act so you need to decide on a course of action that is best for him and stick to it and do so cheerfully and with love for him and his mother.

Fourth: my response to your description about your therapy and much you have written here is you are putting most of the focus on her as the problem rather than your own actions and reactions. If you keep blaming her for your problems you will never be able to solve them even if you get a divorce. You are where you are at because of the decisions you've made, good, bad and stupid (the dating site). Figure out what you don't like about what you are doing and how even your seemingly good decisions might result in a bad situation and be realistic about. Then think of where you want to be and how to get there with first changing behaviours your wife will respond to in a positive way. And stick to those. And take it slow, you won't change over night and she won't trust the new you for a long time...but that is no excuse for you to give up because this is something you need to do for yourself even if she disappeared from your life tommorrow.

Fifth: hopefully by the time she trusts you ( could be years) and you've learned for a certainty in your mind, heart and soul what God wants you to do, both of you will be ready to take the next step the Spirit directs you to take, whether it is to become the best Saint possible even without attending meetings but with making efforts to contribute there by paying tithing and offerings in a way that doesn't place any burden on your wife until she is good with it; whether that means negotiating to give her equivalent me time by caring for your son while she does something that she believes will help her in some way (maybe a night class to improve a resume or just for fun) for anytime you spend at church while being very consistent on what you are doing and when, such as just attending fast and testimony meeting once a month and meeting with your home teachers then at church so there are no surprises...and then studying the manuals at home for SS and PH meetings. If that works for a year or so, at the prearranged negotiating table ( arrange to discus possible changes no more than 3 times a year and once a year may be better so she knows it is not just an attempt to manipulate her but to really learn what she wants, to let her know what you want and to figure out the best way to get it for both) if she is happy with what has been going on, ask her if she is comfortable yet with making changes ( and anything you add to your time away from home should be equal time for her). Maybe she will be more okay with you going to church if you take you son so it gives her free time for example.

Whatever you do, do not get your child in the middle of it.

Things to think about remembering this is a message board of total strangers you haven't told the whole story to plus we have no info from your wife or child which may completely change our ideas.

You should only use these ideas to go and help find out what the Lord wants you to do...and you have no guarantee that even if you are perfectly obedient to him, it will fix your problems for you. All it may do is fix you, help you become a better man, your wife and child still have their choices to make.

[zionslight]

Very well said.  With that, a consideration is that in a real relationship or marriage, both parties needs must be addressed for it to be a real relationship with real communion.  Christ requires all of our hearts, minds, and spirit.  He is the one that we are also "married" to first and foremost.  With that, all other things are possible.  It really is the bottom line.

[Mola Ram Suda Ram]

Why would she become less negative about it, it wasn't part of the deal at the beginning.  The man dated her for a year without even telling her he was a member, why is she going to be anything but negative about a church that has the time requirements that the LDS church has?  Especially since he gave no hint that a time consuming church was going to be part of their future.  From her point of view it was "bait and switch", who's pleased with that?

Get a divource and be done with her then.

[MorningStar]

Why would she become less negative about it, it wasn't part of the deal at the beginning.  The man dated her for a year without even telling her he was a member, why is she going to be anything but negative about a church that has the time requirements that the LDS church has?  Especially since he gave no hint that a time consuming church was going to be part of their future.  From her point of view it was "bait and switch", who's pleased with that?

Well, I had friends whose family was very against them getting baptized, but once they saw the positive changes in them, they were happy.  It just depends. 

[Jeanne]

To me, it sounds like it has become a contest..do you love her as much as you love the church?  That kind of thing and is

understandable to a point.  Patience is a virtue but both of you really need to talk.

 

Many hugs and good luck.

 

Jeanne