The "ask Nehor" Column

[The Nehor]

Dear Nehor,

 

     CFR "panhandling is ... not very lucrative".  And be sure to tell us where the research was done, because maybe that is the problem.

 

Dear Rippled Pencil Nub,

 

I subscribe to the Cave Johnson school of scientific research. His successful career at Aperture Science creating things like repulsion gel and quantum tunneling guns proves the value of his words. Sadly he died of moon rock poisoning. His words:

 

"They say great science is built on the shoulders of giants - not here. At Aperture we do all our science from scratch; no hand holding."

 

With those words in mind I proceeded to panhandle. I got solicited as an escort a few times but in ten days work I made $12.57. Way below minimum wage in my state. Someone must have realized what I was doing as they quoted Cave Johnson at one point:

 

"Hey, listen up down there! That thing's called an elevator - not a bathroom."

 

So, science is based on tests. Test proved.

 

NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[The Nehor]

The meaning of life?

 

Dear Mr. Pa,

 

Life is a complicated series of events that converts dust into a lifeform and then eventually back into dust. The time in between for some reason involves lots of e-mail checking and watching television for reasons science cannot yet explain.

 

Hope this helps.

 

NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Bill “Papa” Lee]

Dear Mr. Pa,

 

Life is a complicated series of events that converts dust into a lifeform and then eventually back into dust. The time in between for some reason involves lots of e-mail checking and watching television for reasons science cannot yet explain.

 

Hope this helps.

 

NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the "Game of Life"?

[ERMD]

Dear Morningstar,

 

Are you named after the blunt instrument for crushing skulls or is that an allusion to Lucifer being the Son of the Morning? I commend you for avoiding mayo. Pretty sure that stuff will kill you. This question mostly hinges on how much you like the people in your ward. If you want to impress I would go with a recipe I saw on TV once: 

 

Use only the finest baby frogs, dew-picked and flown from Iraq, cleanse them in the finest quality spring water, lightly kill them, and then seal them in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope and lovingly frost with glucose.

 

If you don't like them stay home and watch TV. Life is too short for that sort of thing.

 

Hope this helps.

 

NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CRUNCHY FROG!!

[ERMD]

Dear Nehor,

Paper or plastic?

[DarkScythe]

Dear Nehor,

                 My Science Officer Delilah is looking at me strangely. After the Infliration Mission on a Dalek Cruiser, I am wondering if I should go to see if I should get myself check out by  Dr  Chackwas in the Normandy's medbay..

 

               Your Truly,

                      Commander Marcus Addler

[The Nehor]

And the "Game of Life"?

 

The game is mostly luck. The secret is to intimidate your opponents until they concede. That and don't have children:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WH70T721uV0

 

Also insist on house rules allowing you to cash in your children for more money.

 

NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edited August 25, 2013 by The Nehor

[The Nehor]

Dear Nehor,

Paper or plastic?

 

Dear Earth Raping Mad Demon,

 

Use reusable bags you monster. Either that or join the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement.

 

Thanks for your question.

 

NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[The Nehor]

Dear Nehor,

                 My Science Officer Delilah is looking at me strangely. After the Infliration Mission on a Dalek Cruiser, I am wondering if I should go to see if I should get myself check out by  Dr  Chackwas in the Normandy's medbay..

 

               Your Truly,

                      Commander Marcus Addler

 

Dear Commander Addler,

 

Your science officer is waiting for you to fall asleep so she can chop off your hair and sap you of your strength. I would space her. I would make sure that you upgrade the med-lab (requires 50,000 palladium) in case you need to repair facial scarring before getting that checkup from Dr. Chakwas. I am sorry to hear about what must be a Dalek/Reaper alliance. The galaxy is doomed. I would suggest seppeku.

 

Die with honor.

 

NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Bill “Papa” Lee]

The game is mostly luck. The secret is to intimidate your opponents until they concede. That and don't have children:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WH70T721uV0

 

Also insist on house rules allowing you to cash in your children for more money.

 

NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grasshopper, from whence cometh thy wisdom?

[The Nehor]

Grasshopper, from whence cometh thy wisdom?

 

My wisdom comes from the sacred Book of Bokonon, the first verse of which reads:

 

All of the true things that I am about to tell you are shameless lies.

 

That and the Necronomicon which reads:

 

Nor is it to be thought that man is either the oldest or the last of earth's masters, or that the common bulk of life and substance walks alone. The Old Ones were, the Old Ones are, and the Old Ones shall be. Not in the spaces we know, but between them, they walk serene and primal, undimensioned and to us unseen. Yog-Sothoth knows the gate. Yog-Sothoth is the gate. Yog-Sothoth is the key and guardian of the gate. Past, present, future, all are one in Yog-Sothoth. He knows where the Old Ones broke through of old, and where They shall break through again. He knows where They had trod earth's fields, and where They still tread them, and why no one can behold Them as They tread. By Their smell can men sometimes know Them near, but of Their semblance can no man know, saving only in the features of those They have begotten on mankind; and of those are there many sorts, differing in likeness from man's truest eidolon to that shape without sight or substance which is Them. They walk unseen and foul in lonely places where the Words have been spoken and the Rites howled through at their Seasons. The wind gibbers with Their voices, and the earth mutters with Their consciousness. They bend the forest and crush the city, yet may not forest or city behold the hand that smites. Kadath in the cold waste hath known Them, and what man knows Kadath? The ice desert of the South and the sunken isles of Ocean hold stones whereon Their seal is engraver, but who hath seen the deep frozen city or the sealed tower long garlanded with seaweed and barnacles? Great Cthulhu is Their cousin, yet can he spy Them only dimly. Iä! Shub-Niggurath! As a foulness shall ye know Them. Their hand is at your throats, yet ye see Them not; and Their habitation is even one with your guarded threshold. Yog-Sothoth is the key to the gate, whereby the spheres meet. Man rules now where They ruled once; They shall soon rule where man rules now. After summer is winter, after winter summer. They wait patient and potent, for here shall They reign again.

 

Master these two texts and you also shall find wisdom.

 

NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[DarkScythe]

Dear Commander Addler,

 

Your science officer is waiting for you to fall asleep so she can chop off your hair and sap you of your strength. I would space her. I would make sure that you upgrade the med-lab (requires 50,000 palladium) in case you need to repair facial scarring before getting that checkup from Dr. Chakwas. I am sorry to hear about what must be a Dalek/Reaper alliance. The galaxy is doomed. I would suggest seppeku.

 

Die with honor.

 

NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Dear Nehor,

                I will regenerate faster than I can kill myself repeatly. Well Here at the Normandy, I Do think I might have a solution with A temporal feedback device to stop the Dalek/Reaper Alliance. As for Delilah, Only reason she is alive for she happily betrayed the Daleks and the Reapers with important information about them.

 

               The Space Ninja with a healing Factor,

                      Captian Marcus Addler.

[Tacenda]

Dear Nehor,

What were you like as a kid?

I'm going to bet you were an only child or a very lonely kid because you have an incredible imagination. I have this weird habit where I compare people with famous people, and sight unseen I compare you to Robin Williams who was an only child.

[volgadon]

Dear Nehor,

What were you like as a kid?

I'm going to bet you were an only child or a very lonely kid because you have an incredible imagination. I have this weird habit where I compare people with famous people, and sight unseen I compare you to Robin Williams who was an only child.

 

Tacenda, he IS Robin Williams.

[ERMD]

Dunwich Horror...

[Tacenda]

Tacenda, he IS Robin Williams.

Nice story about Robin......."One week after Christopher Reeve's tragic horse riding accident, Robin visited him in the hospital. However, he was dressed from head to toe in scrubs, spoke with a Russian accent, and had a surgical mask on. He was acting as if he was a real doctor and did a bunch of wacky antics. After he took off his mask, Reeve stated that, "That was the first time he laughed since the accident!".

 

Robert, I'm sure Nehor isn't Robin and think Nehor is probably a little smarter, but still funny like Robin.  How's that for giving compliments out? 

 

PS:  I mentioned in my previous post that Robin was an only child, I just read that he has a half brother, but when he was younger he was overweight and nobody would play with him.  So he would talk in different voices to entertain himself. 

[The Nehor]

Dear Nehor,

What were you like as a kid?

I'm going to bet you were an only child or a very lonely kid because you have an incredible imagination. I have this weird habit where I compare people with famous people, and sight unseen I compare you to Robin Williams who was an only child.

 

Dear kitty cat,

 

I am the oldest of seven children. I was geeky but never truly lonely. I am both smarter and more deadpan then Robin.

 

Thanks for your question.

 

NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[The Nehor]

Dunwich Horror...

 

Dear Emergency Renal Medical Doctor,

 

Fear the Dunwich Horror:

 

 

 

Thank you for your question.

 

NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[DarkScythe]

Dear Nehor,

                 When is the return of Cthulu?

                 

              A Dark Robed Priest,

                   Jon Quin

[The Nehor]

Dear Nehor,

                 When is the return of Cthulu?

                 

              A Dark Robed Priest,

                   Jon Quin

 

Dear Wise Cultist of Darkness,

 

The correct answer of course is when the stars are right. Some believe that cultists can accelerate the process. I know that Hastur sought to return by bringing Carcosa back. Nyarlathotep attempted to break the elder signs sealing his power and augmented the escape with a stolen rocket back in the 20s.

 

To awaken Cthulhu you must first raise Ry'leh from the ocean floor. Consult a Mythos grimoire to find the appropriate ritual. Then another ritual combined with the breaking of the elder sign over his tomb should awaken him. I advise not going during one of the normal rhythmic risings of Ry'leh where Cthulhu awakens for a short while. He is as likely to devour you as he is to assist you.

 

If you are looking for immortality Cthulhu worship is a bad way to go about it. The wise way to survive is to study forbidden grimoires and join the otherworldly powers by becoming one yourself. Beware subordinating yourself to the Great Old Olds or the more dread entities like Azathoth and Yog-Sothoth. While they might seem a path to power they care nothing for your survival. If you are already insane and care nothing for survival then just have fun with it.

 

Thanks for your question Jon Quin (aka Leonard Nimoy)

 

NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[DarkScythe]

Dear Great And Powerful Nehor,

                              Thank you. May Great Cthulu break your chains that bind.

                 The Dark High Priest of Cthulu,

                            Jon Quin

[Bill “Papa” Lee]

My wisdom comes from the sacred Book of Bokonon, the first verse of which reads:

 

All of the true things that I am about to tell you are shameless lies.

 

That and the Necronomicon which reads:

 

Nor is it to be thought that man is either the oldest or the last of earth's masters, or that the common bulk of life and substance walks alone. The Old Ones were, the Old Ones are, and the Old Ones shall be. Not in the spaces we know, but between them, they walk serene and primal, undimensioned and to us unseen. Yog-Sothoth knows the gate. Yog-Sothoth is the gate. Yog-Sothoth is the key and guardian of the gate. Past, present, future, all are one in Yog-Sothoth. He knows where the Old Ones broke through of old, and where They shall break through again. He knows where They had trod earth's fields, and where They still tread them, and why no one can behold Them as They tread. By Their smell can men sometimes know Them near, but of Their semblance can no man know, saving only in the features of those They have begotten on mankind; and of those are there many sorts, differing in likeness from man's truest eidolon to that shape without sight or substance which is Them. They walk unseen and foul in lonely places where the Words have been spoken and the Rites howled through at their Seasons. The wind gibbers with Their voices, and the earth mutters with Their consciousness. They bend the forest and crush the city, yet may not forest or city behold the hand that smites. Kadath in the cold waste hath known Them, and what man knows Kadath? The ice desert of the South and the sunken isles of Ocean hold stones whereon Their seal is engraver, but who hath seen the deep frozen city or the sealed tower long garlanded with seaweed and barnacles? Great Cthulhu is Their cousin, yet can he spy Them only dimly. Iä! Shub-Niggurath! As a foulness shall ye know Them. Their hand is at your throats, yet ye see Them not; and Their habitation is even one with your guarded threshold. Yog-Sothoth is the key to the gate, whereby the spheres meet. Man rules now where They ruled once; They shall soon rule where man rules now. After summer is winter, after winter summer. They wait patient and potent, for here shall They reign again.

 

Master these two texts and you also shall find wisdom.

 

NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Great Nehor, when will this be pinned, and will you always be with (for) us? Having seen thy greatness in all things, draw near and leave us not alone!

[DarkScythe]

Dear Nehor,

                 Why did Lord Vitate wrote the awful novel about Revan? It was poorly written and non factual. Also I wasn't blown up either.

                  From,

                       T3-M4

[Calm]

Revan?  As in the Sith Lord?  

 

If so, that is our dog's name.

[DarkScythe]

To Calmoriah, 

                  Yes My Master was a sith lord but his former apprentice attempted to kill him and gave him anmesia and captured by the Jedi Padawan, Bastila Shan. They both found me on Taris. 

                   Bye,

                          T3-m4