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I want to say that I believe in our church; that Joseph Smith was a prophet; the Book of Mormon is true; have promised to be completely celibate and obey all other covenants as I know them. At my age the idea of marriage seems ludicrous. Every single Mormon I have met has been kind and loving to me in a way I have never experienced, and I am thankful for the love I have received. In return I have paid full tithe since I was baptized, done all callings, helped when asked and helped when not asked.

Yet, there are a few individuals in the upper ranks who seem bent upon wearing me down; challenging me when I least expect it; and shattering any feeling of security I have acquired. There should be some place where an individual can feel secure. The thing that makes me unique is a medically verifiable chromosome issue; yet getting them to accept it is like trying to feed a horse a pill with out the correct tool. Sometimes it just seems like the only way to convince them is for me to drive down to SLC and let them take a look at me.

Perhaps they just can't figure out how to deal with someone that does not fit in the "Normal Human" ranks, and most certainly does not fit in the GBLT population. Someone is locked in on the binary gender model, that has never existed. In the past, people like me were often just killed. I'm not planning on disrespectfully confronting anyone, but I would like to submit that the Missionaries taught me false doctrine when they said that the Atonement applies to all of us if we are contrite, repentant, and get baptised. Lately the very lame idea that for some of us, the Atonement would be fully carried out in the next kingdom. They played loosely with my trust and my affections, and I simply do not know how to survive now. Thankfully, my faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ is as firm as it ever was, but to find some of the church to be untrustworthy is awfully painful.

I just don't know what I will do? (Not talking suicide here). I've given some consideration to returning to Islam. How funny, a Muslim Hijabi that believes in Jesus Christ the christian way. Funny, the Missionaries could not get me out of my Hijab fast enough. I want to find a way to press for the idea that a person who will never be suitable to serve an Adult Mission, or go to the Temple, should never be baptized. I showed them all sorts of documentation to reveal my genetic issue before I was baptized, and now that I have applied to go on an Adult Mission, they want me to go through the whole thing again! Are they going to do this a third time to go to the Temple. What don't the various people in the higher ranks talk to each other?

I'm going to go pray, go to bed and see if the Holy Spirit has changed my feelings. I just can't imagine that the astonishing things that happened to me in the first year were not real.

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An older adult male is not allowed to go on a mission on his own (perhaps a widower can, I know a single male cannot), no matter how righteous he is. Nor can he serve in the temple past a certain age. It has nothing to do with access to the Atonement. I have no clue why they have the policy for males different than females...especially since older males were sent out on missions in the early church constantly and considering how GAs are sent out in their duties at times without their wives by their side, probably some cultural perception that could change quite quickly because it is a policy, not revelation. Senior single sisters can't serve in proselyting missions either ...has nothing to do with worthiness or access to the Atonement. ( https://www.lds.org/...es.pdf?lang=eng )

Women are not given the Priesthood...doesn't mean we don't have access to the blessings of the Priesthood and certainly doesn't affect our status in regards to the Atonement.

It is unwise to assume that any restriction to temple or mission or other church stuff is automatically seen as a worthiness issue or is making a statement about how the Atonement plays out in our lives.

Unless someone has stated that you are sinning and need repentance...which would be strange if the issue is simply a physical one...I think it would be much safer not to jump to the conclusion they think you are somehow unworthy of blessings or in need of repentance. There may be confusion over potential health issues due to lack of education about your particular chromosome issue (after all, there are chromosome abnormalities that are well known for causing significant health issues). There are many people who due to physical attributes are restricted from temple or mission attendance, some of which appear to be unnecessary but as I said before for some reason have been put into place, perhaps mostly because of overcaution on someone's part. If this issue is causing you to doubt your place in the Church, I would encourage you to seek information from higher authorities in your own case as you were thinking about for your friend.

The Atonement doesn't fully apply to anyone in this life, we all have to wait to receive the full effect of the Atonement (assuming we accept it). Until then we have to learn how to deal with the mortal consequences of our imperfections, whether they are inherited or acquired consciously through mistakes we have made in our lives.

What don't the various people in the higher ranks talk to each other?
It is a huge organization comprised of mainly volunteers. That means there may not be as efficient communication as one might find in business (I don't even know how governments manage to survive the way they manage to avoid communicating with each other in their departments). There may also be a high turnover rate depending on what type of volunteer fills a position (senior missionary couples may serve for only 6 months possibly, for example), leading to less trained individuals in certain positions.

I understand at least some of your frustration and resentment. It took us ten years to get our landed resident status in Canada due to lack of communication in the same department (a doctor didn't send in a form and no one informed us it was missing for a year, a consulate in the US burned down and we were required to start from scratch with another one, etc. etc.) and when we finally had enough of the runaround and my husband complained to our MP, it took less than six months starting from zero again to process everything and get us official...they even allowed my husband to walk around the flag at the local US embassy instead of going down to the border to do it, IIRC, so it was obvious the delays were totally unnecessary. Because of those delays, we missed out on getting our Canadian citizenship (due to having to come back to the US unexpectedly) which we wanted because our kids had spent more years as Canadian than American in their youth plus there is a strong sense of home and connection to Canada that we would like to keep, if only symbolically. And we spent a lot of extra time and money on Visas that we wouldn't have needed to if the government people we were dealing with had been halfway on the ball.

Edited by calmoriah
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For physical reasons I cannot serve in certain capacities in the temple. I'm OK with that. Rest assured, my sister Ellan Macsoud, that Heavenly Father loves you very much as well as His Son. The Atonement of the Son of God is very real and very much applies to you. Keep serving fully in your capacities and I'm confident that many blessings will be yours, including that of peace and comfort. I do not know the details of your medical conditions or what exactly is the source of confusion regarding your local leaders but I do know that dealing with local leaders can at times be frustrating. We all need to l.earn during this mortal life and serving in where we are now is a excellent way to keep moving forward towards God.

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For physical reasons I cannot serve in certain capacities in the temple. I'm OK with that. Rest assured, my sister Ellan Macsoud, that Heavenly Father loves you very much as well as His Son. The Atonement of the Son of God is very real and very much applies to you. Keep serving fully in your capacities and I'm confident that many blessings will be yours, including that of peace and comfort. I do not know the details of your medical conditions or what exactly is the source of confusion regarding your local leaders but I do know that dealing with local leaders can at times be frustrating. We all need to l.earn during this mortal life and serving in where we are now is a excellent way to keep moving forward towards God.

What I should have said....
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The Lord gave a revelation to Joseph Smith where, talking about those called to leadership positions in the Church he stated that "Many are called but few are chosen". Then the Lord goes on to state why they are not chosen and the things the Lord states apply to probably about 50% of those I know in leadership positions and the higher the people get in leadership, the higher the percentage seems to be. In your case it appears that it's easier for them to follow written policy rather than humble themselves enough to receive the revelation they are supposedly entitled to. It's easer the believe that if someone is outside what is considered the "Norm" that it's because of some fault they have rather than the way they were born. We know the Lord will judge you by the desires of your heart. Unfortunately he will also judge us for the way we treat those that we don't consider to be normal.

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It seems like your patience with imperfect people at all levels is on the line. Of course "God" is just as real outside as inside any church/religion, and it appears from your descriptions of yourself that you have a deepening, conscious relationship with "God" that transcends any church/religion. If Mormons engage your affections better than any other group or culture where you are, why would you walk away from them? If you need to be solitary, you don't have to leave in order to be alone (cut ties) when necessary....

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I wish I could go in and fix this for you. It's incomprehensible that you aren't able to serve in the capacities you've mentioned. I'm flabbergasted myself. I don't understand how the way you were born has any forebearance in this situation. This is all new to me and maybe I have to do some searching into the matter before I speak. I hope you can hold on until the situation is figured out. I'm sure there is a way for it to work out! I can't believe I'm saying this, but when a door closes another opens, could this be the case, does the Lord have something else in mind? Could your case be fairly rare that the church needed to become aware of policies in the church that need to be changed and maybe the leaders are praying for guidance to change what may have been wrongly put in place? I'm rambling sorry, but maybe you were sent to this church for a reason. :)

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How do the higher levels of leaders get involved? IME, sometimes it is better to just truthfully answer the questions asked (because when we disclosure more than that, sometimes we create problems that don't really exist.

What I know absolutely is that Heavenly Father does run the LDS church, and He doesn't let listening leaders mess it up. So either He approves of what they do, or He has some reason for not intervening that will somehow inured to the good of those affected. Sometimes dealing with things that seem unfair is part of our own refiner's fire. Please do not give up living the gospel because of short term thinking. It may hurt, but it won't always hurt.

Outliers, in the church, as in other enterprises, have to confront lack of understanding, and lack of charity, and lack of place that sometimes is more than just not knowing where to put people. But that doesn't mean they should quit participating in church, and holding onto the hope that somehow it will all work out in God's time, no matter how difficult it is to endure in the present.

I'm sorry you are experiencing a trial of you faith.

Edited by rpn
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Thank you all for your support and tolerance of an old woman who was laying on the floor, kicking and screaming angry. I knew I was going to obey, but it took some time for that to feel comfortable.

It can be hard at times...I have been in my new Ward for 6 months now. I have not been asked to teach, pray, speak, nor Home Teaching assignments. It is a small. Ward and people get up to teach saying they were asked just before Sacrament. My Bishop seldom ever speaks to me, but I am not going to let this neglect effect my salvation...I even asked to Home Teach, as a former High Priest Group Leader, that would have been music to my ears for someone to ask to Home Teach. :) My home Teacher has never shown up. Edited by Bill “Papa” Lee
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It can be hard at times...I have been in my new Ward for 6 months now. I have not been asked to teach, pray, speak, nor Home Teaching assignments. It is a small. Ward and people get up to teach saying they were asked just before Sacrament. My Bishop seldom ever speaks to me, but I am not going to let this neglect effect my salvation...I even asked to Home Teach, as a former High Priest Group Leader, that would have been music to my ears for someone to ask to Home Teach. :)

I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing neglect. I am sure that there are people in your ward that would be quite pleased to hear from you. I do not know if it is acceptable in Mormon culture, perhaps you could bring your concerns up in the priesthood meeting; couching it in terms so that it comes out in the form of a prayer request?

My ward is tiny also; perhaps not even meeting the membership requirements to be a ward now days. Visiting teaching practices are far below par here. It seems to be the sort of universal lament, so I finally started sending out monthly cards and did not ask permission. There must be a Godly way to get round those who block Heavenly Father's work. :)

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Ellen-most of us are not trying to block Heavenly Father's work, we are just plain blockheads. We want to do it right, but keep messing up, repenting, and trying a little harder next time. Eventually, we get a few things right. But usually not everything.

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It can be hard at times...I have been in my new Ward for 6 months now. I have not been asked to teach, pray, speak, nor Home Teaching assignments. It is a small. Ward and people get up to teach saying they were asked just before Sacrament. My Bishop seldom ever speaks to me, but I am not going to let this neglect effect my salvation...I even asked to Home Teach, as a former High Priest Group Leader, that would have been music to my ears for someone to ask to Home Teach. :) My home Teacher has never shown up.

They may think they are helping you out because you have enough to deal with right now in your personal life. The same thing has happened to me, I volunteered for visiting teaching last year after not being called for years (I had asked for a year off way back when we first came into the ward, but had been a VT since then for a few years), but they still decided not to use me. The bishopric did come up with a calling I could handle (bulletin person), but that may be only because my husband was right there to consult with and even he came home and asked me if it would work. Edited by calmoriah
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PaPa, come to my ward. I have four callings, and I could let you have one of them. :D

Two stake callings, two ward callings. They just keep piling them on. They asked me if wanted out of any of them and I said Heck No.

Stake Emergency Communications Specialist (Ham radio)

Singles Branch Finance Clerk (a stake calling)

Ward Website Administrator

HP Group Secretary

I spent 7 years as the ward clerk once, and all four of those above don't come close to the time committment of clerk.

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