Soul Mates - The Difference Between Promotion And Teachings

[TAO]

Sory for the confusion about the soul mate thing folks. I added this to the OP.

EDIT: I should note here that my problem is not about the idea of a "Soul Mate", which pertains to pre-destined marriages. The problem is the notion that there is not "one" that fits the bill or that the partner is replaceable and could have well have been anyone. This seems to grind against the way Eternal Marriage is portrayed.

Mmm... well I still disagree with that concept too. Eternal Mairrage is so because of two dedicated people. It isn't that you can only exclusively dedicate yourself to one person... it's that you choose to dedicate yourself to one person. So in a sense, it's not your 'only' possiblity, it's the one you chose =).

[Calm]

Not sure if this has been posted, but came across this looking for something else:

“This will be the most important decision of your life, the individual whom you marry. . . .

“. . . Marry the right person in the right place at the right time” (“Life’s Obligations,” Ensign, Feb. 1999, 2)

https://si.lds.org/bc/seminary/content/library/manuals/institute-student/eternal-marriage-student-manual_eng.pdf

There are more quotes on the subject under "Mate Selection", page 188

[bcuzbcuz]

The mother to my children passed away almost 20 years ago. I remarried five years ago. Does anyone think that I could have made my proposal sound better if I had said, "You're actually not my first choice but you'll have to do. I've already been married to my 'one perfect soul mate'. Sorry, but you're number two."

I can imagine that idea going over real well. LoL

[cinepro]

The mother to my children passed away almost 20 years ago. I remarried five years ago. Does anyone think that I could have made my proposal sound better if I had said, "You're actually not my first choice but you'll have to do. I've already been married to my 'one perfect soul mate'. Sorry, but you're number two."

I can imagine that idea going over real well. LoL

You could have sung her this song by Weird Al:

Oh, I couldn't live a single day without you

Actually, on second thought, well, I suppose I could

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, honey, you're the greatest

Well, at any rate, I guess you're...pretty good

Now, it seems to me I'm relatively lucky

I know I probably couldn't ask for too much more

I honestly can say you're an above-average lady

You're almost just what I've been looking for

You're sort of everything I ever wanted

You're not perfect, but I love you anyhow

You're the woman that I've always dreamed of

Well, not really...but you're good enough for now

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbFU6w7q3dQ

[Glenn101]

The mother to my children passed away almost 20 years ago. I remarried five years ago. Does anyone think that I could have made my proposal sound better if I had said, "You're actually not my first choice but you'll have to do. I've already been married to my 'one perfect soul mate'. Sorry, but you're number two."

I can imagine that idea going over real well. LoL

Okay, my cirrent wife is number 3, chronologically. I fell in love, head over heels, many years ago and the lady had actually agreed to marry me, before I ever asked her, then she cooled, because she had received a blessing in which she was told that her soulmate had been prepared for her and was currently at the college she was attending. I was not at that college. It took a long time to get over that.

Number two I marrried. It was a rocky marriage negatively influenced by some preconceptions and family influences. I really was not in love with her when we married, although I did love her. But I did truly fell in love with her. She became my soulmate. We were on the way to having a fantastic marriage, but she was felled by complications from lupus. Had she lived, she would still be my soulmate. She will be one in eternity.

A couple of years and after her death and during some intense therapy, I met my current wife. There is no reasoning with love. There was nothing logical about us getting together. She had been married twice before aand had six children from those marriages. She did not exactly hate men, but she had ample reason to distrust them completely. I had quite a bit of emotional baggage, but at the age of 44 I fell head over heels in love again, and she with me.

Even with all of the love that we had foreach other, combining two families with some very strong personalities was no picnic. We applied Gospel principles to our problems and the rough edges smoothed out. She at first was insecure knowing that I had been sealed to my first wife and that we would be together in eternity. Now, I am sealed to the second wife. She is my soulmate here on this earth, and will be in eternity. She knows that she is number one right now and we will let eternity take care of itself when time is at an end.

So, what does it all mean? I wanted the first one to be my soulmate, but she had her own free agency to choose hers. It was not me. I have found two more, and they are truly my soulmates, including the full blown romantic feelings. Those are wonderful, and yet, the calm enduring love that was blossoming with my first wife and that is now in full bloom with my second is even more satisfying.

You can have your romantic cake and eat it too, but it is not necessary.

Just my two cents worth. (I recently got a pay raise. My wife used to offer me a penny for my thoughts, but yesterday she offered me a dime.)

Glenn

[Brenda]

Okay, my cirrent wife is number 3, chronologically. I fell in love, head over heels, many years ago and the lady had actually agreed to marry me, before I ever asked her, then she cooled, because she had received a blessing in which she was told that her soulmate had been prepared for her and was currently at the college she was attending. I was not at that college. It took a long time to get over that.

Number two I marrried. It was a rocky marriage negatively influenced by some preconceptions and family influences. I really was not in love with her when we married, although I did love her. But I did truly fell in love with her. She became my soulmate. We were on the way to having a fantastic marriage, but she was felled by complications from lupus. Had she lived, she would still be my soulmate. She will be one in eternity.

A couple of years and after her death and during some intense therapy, I met my current wife. There is no reasoning with love. There was nothing logical about us getting together. She had been married twice before aand had six children from those marriages. She did not exactly hate men, but she had ample reason to distrust them completely. I had quite a bit of emotional baggage, but at the age of 44 I fell head over heels in love again, and she with me.

Even with all of the love that we had foreach other, combining two families with some very strong personalities was no picnic. We applied Gospel principles to our problems and the rough edges smoothed out. She at first was insecure knowing that I had been sealed to my first wife and that we would be together in eternity. Now, I am sealed to the second wife. She is my soulmate here on this earth, and will be in eternity. She knows that she is number one right now and we will let eternity take care of itself when time is at an end.

So, what does it all mean? I wanted the first one to be my soulmate, but she had her own free agency to choose hers. It was not me. I have found two more, and they are truly my soulmates, including the full blown romantic feelings. Those are wonderful, and yet, the calm enduring love that was blossoming with my first wife and that is now in full bloom with my second is even more satisfying.

You can have your romantic cake and eat it too, but it is not necessary.

Just my two cents worth. (I recently got a pay raise. My wife used to offer me a penny for my thoughts, but yesterday she offered me a dime.)

Glenn

Love it. You are awesome. Your soulmate is your spouse. And you have been blessed with more than one. I love your perspective on eternity and how it will all work out. Your faith is showing. All the best to you and your family.

[Ahab]

... not because you could never have been happy with another, but because you chose to never be happy with another (unless special circumstances like death or divorce supercede your previous committment).

Evidence to me that you can choose to love more than just one person in that very special way you were talking about.

I think the point is to love who we love with all of our soul/heart/mind/might/strength, regardless of how many people we love that much. That's why I can see being happy with one wife as well as many wives, if I love each one of them that much, because of their own particular personalities and quirks and likes/dislikes. Just as we can love more than one child, we can also love more than one spouse, even though each one is different as their own person.

[Mola Ram Suda Ram]

“ ‘Soul mates’ are a fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price” (“Marriage and Divorce,” p. 146).

My wife and I get into this debate from time to time. She thinks there is soul mates I do not.

The one thing I have brought up to her is that the idea behind a soul mate is that it would limit your agency. I also told her that I could marry lots of different women and be happy. She did not like that too much. I tend to avoid the topic now.

[cinepro]

I also told her that I could marry lots of different women and be happy. She did not like that too much. I tend to avoid the topic now.

Some things that are true are not very useful.

[Ahab]

My wife and I get into this debate from time to time. She thinks there is soul mates I do not.

The one thing I have brought up to her is that the idea behind a soul mate is that it would limit your agency. I also told her that I could marry lots of different women and be happy. She did not like that too much. I tend to avoid the topic now.

It can help if you'll say things like "you're perfect for me" or "you complete me"... without mentioning whether or not any other woman could make you as happy. If your wife has emotions like my wife does, the main thing she wants to know is that she makes you happy in a particular way like no other woman does, and she can give you that with her own unique personality and life experiences which nobody else gives you.

[Yep]

My problem should be obvious....this is not how we promote this doctrine to potential converts. I am not mad at my missionaries because I know that they can only know so much about every subject. But yeah, no one says when talking about Eternal marriage these things. We allow people to believe the romantic part of it in their minds.

Even with this right in front of them I doubt most LDS students here at BYU-I think this way. They are thinking about a romantic version of eternal marriage. I doubt they think their partner could "just as well be someone else" . The idea is about "the one".

How much of this outlook on doctrine stems from polygamy? Where having this attitude would be prudent?

I have never felt that the concept of eternal marriage ever implied the concepts of "soul-mates" or "the one."

I have been divorced. My wife and I have children from previous marriages. It is nice to view my wife and I as being "the one" for each other, however, I believe that we should have never married in a perfect world. The idea of "the one" has serious problems given free agency. How many people missed their "one" because he/she chose someone else? The concepts of "the one" and "soul-mates" are terribly cruel when looking at the whole of the human family and the frequency of improper choices.

[Brenda]

My wife and I get into this debate from time to time. She thinks there is soul mates I do not.

The one thing I have brought up to her is that the idea behind a soul mate is that it would limit your agency. I also told her that I could marry lots of different women and be happy. She did not like that too much. I tend to avoid the topic now.

No, no, no. When you aren't married, you don't have a soul mate. Maybe someone out there does, but assume it is not you. AFTER you marry .... Bingo! You now have a soul mate. Your soul mate is your spouse and no one else. Done.

[Brenda]

If you don't feel like your spouse is your soul mate, treat him/her like your soul mate anyway. Act as if. Spend time together. Date. Court each other. Confide in each other. Listen to each other. Take care of each other. Love each other.

[bcuzbcuz]

You could have sung her this song by Weird Al:

I'm putting that song on my fav list for next Valentine's Day. (which I may be spending alone) hahahahaha

[bcuzbcuz]

Okay, my cirrent wife is number 3, chronologically. I fell in love, head over heels, many years ago and the lady had actually agreed to marry me, before I ever asked her, then she cooled, because she had received a blessing in which she was told that her soulmate had been prepared for her and was currently at the college she was attending. I was not at that college. It took a long time to get over that.

Number two I marrried. It was a rocky marriage negatively influenced by some preconceptions and family influences. I really was not in love with her when we married, although I did love her. But I did truly fell in love with her. She became my soulmate. We were on the way to having a fantastic marriage, but she was felled by complications from lupus. Had she lived, she would still be my soulmate. She will be one in eternity.

A couple of years and after her death and during some intense therapy, I met my current wife. There is no reasoning with love. There was nothing logical about us getting together. She had been married twice before aand had six children from those marriages. She did not exactly hate men, but she had ample reason to distrust them completely. I had quite a bit of emotional baggage, but at the age of 44 I fell head over heels in love again, and she with me.

Even with all of the love that we had foreach other, combining two families with some very strong personalities was no picnic. We applied Gospel principles to our problems and the rough edges smoothed out. She at first was insecure knowing that I had been sealed to my first wife and that we would be together in eternity. Now, I am sealed to the second wife. She is my soulmate here on this earth, and will be in eternity. She knows that she is number one right now and we will let eternity take care of itself when time is at an end.

So, what does it all mean? I wanted the first one to be my soulmate, but she had her own free agency to choose hers. It was not me. I have found two more, and they are truly my soulmates, including the full blown romantic feelings. Those are wonderful, and yet, the calm enduring love that was blossoming with my first wife and that is now in full bloom with my second is even more satisfying.

You can have your romantic cake and eat it too, but it is not necessary.

Just my two cents worth. (I recently got a pay raise. My wife used to offer me a penny for my thoughts, but yesterday she offered me a dime.)

Glenn

That may be a raise or it could just be inflation.

[bcuzbcuz]

I have never felt that the concept of eternal marriage ever implied the concepts of "soul-mates" or "the one."

I have been divorced. My wife and I have children from previous marriages. It is nice to view my wife and I as being "the one" for each other, however, I believe that we should have never married in a perfect world. The idea of "the one" has serious problems given free agency. How many people missed their "one" because he/she chose someone else? The concepts of "the one" and "soul-mates" are terribly cruel when looking at the whole of the human family and the frequency of improper choices.

I'm just glad we don't have polygamy any more. Then I would have had the chance to make bad choices several times over. LoL

[Stone holm]

Well...interesting discussion...I tend to discount what anyone else has to say about marriage, although I do agree with President McKay that you should keep your eyes wide open before you get married and half shut afterwards. My mother always said that the way to tell was if your mind kept coming back to that person even though you were separated for a period of time (talking about when you are dating). One of the better pieces of advice I have received, and the one that I have passed on to my kids is -- look at her mother and determine whether you can live with a person like that because chances are in 20 years you will be living with a person like that. I tend to believe in soul mates. My first wife, with whom I had all but one of my children, was and is a soul mate, but she died young and unexpectedly. My second wife, I think was probably a soul mate, but we parted ways because I basically was getting into a position of choosing between my kids and my wife and my kids didn't have anyone else -- so we ended the marriage, but are still good friends. My third wife, I think is also a soul mate -- although maybe she questions that at times. We are complete opposites on lots of things and are always rumbling, but that is what love is all about -- its not, in my estimation, about some syruppy stuff.

So go ahead and believe in soul mates and good luck to you!

[Mola Ram Suda Ram]

No, no, no. When you aren't married, you don't have a soul mate. Maybe someone out there does, but assume it is not you. AFTER you marry .... Bingo! You now have a soul mate. Your soul mate is your spouse and no one else. Done.

Right. Sometimes it takes me a bit to learn things.

[Questing Beast]

No, no, no. When you aren't married, you don't have a soul mate. Maybe someone out there does, but assume it is not you. AFTER you marry .... Bingo! You now have a soul mate. Your soul mate is your spouse and no one else. Done.

If only Joseph Smith had lived by that concept, but he did not.

I believe in soul-mates, but I also believe that in the eternal scheme we are all soul-mates in that we care about each other, no exceptions. That is how big our souls are made to be. So yes any marriage "here below" can turn into a soul-mate relationship as we concentrate on that "one and only" as if s/he were the most important person in the world to us. That is the ideal behind the concept of romantic love, which is probably the best "glue" for marriage that there is....

[Mola Ram Suda Ram]

If only Joseph Smith had lived by that concept, but he did not.

I think you missed the context in which she was speaking.

There is that word again. "Context".

[Questing Beast]

I didn't miss the context, the other context I pointed to was being passed over, it always is....

[ERMD]

Some things that are true are not very useful.

Cinepro agrees with Boyd K. Packer

[Stone holm]

personally i can go either way on Soul mates. But I do think in the pre existence, that we meet several several potential soul mates. I do think also that in the Christ's reign that those couldn't get married but want too, could get married during that time.

It seems unlikely to me that we would marry someone that we didn't have some kind of affinity to in the pre-existence. It just seems to make sense to me -- unless we are a complete cad and agree to marry someone we have really no affection for, I suppose there are people like that out there. However, the scene and song about "love" in Fiddler on the Roof also makes a lot of sense to me -- but I still have a bit of the romantic in me and believe in the pre-existence thing whether it is supported by doctrine or not.

[Milenial]

This reminds me of those soul mate theories that have caused such pain for several people that I care about.  Something about being married to one person, and then finding that marvelous one you are supposed to be married to.  . . . I had some pretty negative feelings about the mentality of those involved. . . Then one day I met a man for the first time who I continue to believe was my close friend in the world before.  His favorite comments after becoming a new convert were “he just couldn’t believe in the pre-exsistence.” until the day that he met me.  Then he admitted that he knew me, the day he met me; and he knew it.   . . . I would find this man to be a monster in many ways; and not a man that I would want to share my life (or anythng else) with;  but we always felt really close because of how long we’ve been friends, and it can be very confusing. . . 

So please be careful if you find yourself in this situation.   Know alot about what you are dealing with before you consider a sacred relationship with ANY one!  . If you are finding things that concern you, and that person says “I have revelation that we decided to be together in the pre-exsistence: do consider saying,  “I won’t make that mistake again!

[williamsmith]

I frankly have no idea what the OP is talking about......  He seems to be confusing the worlds version of "romantic" love with the doctrine of the Church to choose a good companion, stick by them no matter what (save abuse, etc.), and go forward together daily living the principles the Gospel teaches, growing together in love and wisdom and raising children in love and wisdom.

 

That's the doctrine.  Don't know where the OP get's this "soul-mate" idea.  Being together forever doesn't mean two people were "perfect" for each other, it means family's last, love lasts forever.