In Praise Of Full Time Moms

[HeatherAnn]

Advise from lds church leaders about having a parent take care of their children (when possible), is something I passionately agree with.

I've worked several different jobs & the most difficult one is parenting, but it's also most rewarding.

And I think, would I rather be raised by paid day-orphanage workers, or would, I rather be raised by one who brought me into this world, or chose to adopt me?

What would you choose?

Dr. Laura Schlessinger... In Praise of Stay-At-Home Moms

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpgDLPnMQxg

[Questing Beast]

We have been blessed to have my wife as a continual at-home mom. She's never had to work at a paying job, much less away from home. Since I retired the last of the children have a full-time dad too. Funny thing is, the workload doesn't seem to have lessened where my wife's mothering is concerned. And I have enough to do as support. My days are packed....

[BlueDreams]

Honesty....

I preferred when my mom was working. When I was younger I had babysitters, usually islamic, which was interesting to get to see another view in life not my own and to see how very similar we all are in the end. But mostly I was a latch key kid through and through. It did have its down sides. Because both parents were working I was the stay at-home sister who only got paid for it during the summers. But it was far easier to have my mother at work than at home. When she was home with a new baby it was great for a while, but by the end of the leave we were glad to see her go back to work. It evened her out a little bit. Plus I have little fear about having kids, care wise sense much of my childhood entailed watching my brothers of all ages (from 8 months to 15) up to 8 or so hrs a day.

Personally, I have a hard time imagining staying home full time for years (a year or 3 is one thing but beyond kindergarten is hard to fathom). I think the women who do are great. But it's hard for me to imagine it for myself cuz I never saw it. Ideally I wouldn't want my kids in daycare. But I was. I really didn't mind it. Most of the time I enjoyed it. My youngest siblings absolutely loved their day-care and preschool....so it's not that bad of an option in my mind.

With luv,

BD

Edited September 20, 2011 by BlueDreams

[bluebell]

It was my experience in day cares when i was little that has made me the 'no daycare ever for my children' nazi in the family. Stuff went on that my parents had no idea about and that i didn't ever think about disclosing for some reason. Nothing super horrible but bad enough.

When i was finally old enough to be on my own after school, i also remember how much i hated coming home to an empty house, so that has also made me the 'my kids won't be latch-key kids' nazi as well. I support the teachings of the prophets on this subject and believe that, as a rule, the best situation is one where the mother can be in the home full time.

However, i fully realize that being a stay at home mom is not always possible. It wasn't for my mother when i was growing up, though i know she would have preferred to have been able to do that. I also realize that for some women who have certain personalities, it's also not possible. Some women are better mothers when they have a career outside of the home-some women literally cannot emotionally or mentally be stay at home moms and thrive (and therefore, their children won't thrive either).

I don't really see the point in being antagonistic about the topic. I would never want to make a mother feel badly about a choice that she is forced to make, and it's not my job to make a mother feel badly about a choice she chooses to make, especially considering that i don't have all the facts and i don't know her heart or what Heavenly Father has said to her on the subject.

If a mother is being selfish in her work choices, she'll suffer the consequences of that and she'll have to answer for it, both to her kids and to the One who put those kids in her care. Thankfully, since none of us are perfect parents and we all mess up sometimes, i believe that Heavenly Father is as merciful as possible in understanding our choices and i know that loving our kids and helping them to know that can make up for a lot of mistakes along the way.

Edited September 20, 2011 by bluebell

[thesometimesaint]

My mom returned to work after her youngest was in school. and my wife returned to work after our youngest was in school. It has worked out well.

[randyj]

My wife and I met in 5th grade, I fell in love with her the very first time I "square danced" with her. We got married very, very young, have six grown children...and 17 grandbabies. We been married almost 39 yrs. We both just turned 54. I share this because I AGREE ONE BILLION percent.....that "full time stay at home Mom's" are incredible in every possible way.

Let me just say this....I am a former Air Traffic Controller...and I went to work to RELAX! ....and that ain't no lie!! A mother's job literally NEVER ends. I thought..."good night.....I need to get to work to get some rest"!

[KevinG]

When I was teaching I noticed the kids who were most well adjusted had parents who focused their energy on them. Even for moms who had to work the effort made to be involved and spend as much time as they could was noticed and kids responded well to that kind of dedication and love.

In the best of all possible worlds (insert Voltaire pun) we would have all the time we wanted for our children. Short of that kids know when you are doing your best, even when you are prevented from doing everything you want to do for them.

I know lots of Moms (working and working at home) who wholly dedicate their lives to their families. I am with the OP in saying they deserve the highest praise.

[Zakuska]

This thread calls for a song...

Praise to the woman who puts up with my Father!

Jesus sustains that angel with his wings.

Blessed to deal with me and my siblings,

Calls out our full names, and we all run in fear.

Chorus:

Hail to the Mom, who changed my dirty diapers.

Wipped my run nose, and cured my common colds.

Mingling with sisters, she trades receipes for jello.

Sleep cannot conquer the heroen again.

Any one like to take a stab at the second verse?

Edited September 20, 2011 by Zakuska

[Mola Ram Suda Ram]

Nothing is funnier when parents choose to put their kids in day care and then complain about how crappy their day care is for their kids.

The saddest thing is when kids start calling the day care people "mom". I will do everything in my power to make sure that never happens with my kids.

I wished my mom was home when I was younger. I would have done better in school. My wife stays home with the kids and

I can tell it is a huge blessing in their lives.

I agree with every word Dr Laura says.

Edited September 20, 2011 by Mola Ram Suda Ram

[HeatherAnn]

Thanks for your thoughtful replies.

Questing Beast,

That's great! They say the reason why women sometimes outive men is because "a woman's work is never done."

I think it's great that you're involved like that.

BlueDreams,

I'm sure you & your older sister grew up fast, needing to take care of everyone.

And your mom did what she felt was best.

BlueBell,

I wasn't raised in day-care, but I worked in one & I can relate. The owner had, not terrible, but inappropriate (IMO) methods of discipline. And I felt bad for those who were first to be dropped off (like 6am) & last to be picked up (like 6pm).

Yet, as you mentioned, there is no reason to make those mom's who put their children in day-care, feel bad.

So often, its the other way around though... women are praised for their career accomplishments, but overlooked for taking care of their own children.

Of course, if we're keeping the eternal perspective in mind, we don't need praise, except from God.

Still, I think it's good to shed a light of appreciation on our own & other mothers who took care of their own children.

TheSometimesSaint,

That's my plan. Actually, now I work here & there, but when my husband can tend the kids.

RandyJ,

True! Before I had kids, a friend of mine started working at the same company as I did, & I asked her, "Isn't it hard to be a working mom?"

She said, "No, it's easier. This is my break."

DaddyG,

Great point.

Mothers who stay-at-home but watch soap operas, or shop all day won't be as positively influential in their childrens' lives.

And those who work, but make extra effort to be involved with their children can have more positive influence.

Zakuska,

Cute poem!

Now I'm curious about the 2nd verse.

MolaRamSudaRam,

Dr. Laura is very straight forward & there are a few things I view differently, but most is right on.

When I worked in day-care, some kids did call me "Mom."

That job was almost as tough & rewarding as parenting.

Edited September 21, 2011 by HeatherAnn

[BlueDreams]

Just a little clarification. I have no older sister. I'm the oldest sister...and the only sister on my mom's side. And I know she did what she thought was best. When I was young and she was single she had no choice. And when I was older and she was married she felt she had to work. I don't know if she necessarily had to. They probably could have budgeted her paycheck out of the picture. But, personally, I prefer her to work. It keeps her more balanced. It's not for everybody, but it's definately a help for my mom, though she sometimes might not realize it (I do wish she'd lower her work load, but not get rid).

I personally would prefer to not be a stay-at-home mom beyond the crucial first couple of years. Especially once they reach the age of 4 or 5 and can go to preschool or kindegarten. But it's mostly because it's out of my realm of understanding. Of course if the balance tips and I'm focusing more on my job than my kids I'd let go of the job.

With luv,

BD

[MorningStar]

Yeah, I decided a long time ago if anyone was going to mess up my children, it was going to be me!

Seriously, I have met way too many daycare providers who I couldn't imagine leaving my children with. I went to McDonald's years ago and this woman brought her daycare kids there to Playland and she would refer to them as "little monsters". Maybe it was a term of endearment, but it didn't sit right with me and she wasn't doing a whole lot to discpline anyone.

Another woman I knew who ran a daycare in her home had to make quite a bit of food, so she would usually make it easy on herself by throwing stuff in the oven like tator tots, chicken nuggets, etc. and rarely any fruit. She also expected the older children to nap when they just weren't tired.

Another woman hardly held the babies because she believed it was spoiling them. She even told me that my daughter had me wrapped around her finger because I would pick her up when she cried. She was two months old! Her own children were way out of control and my boys are considered pretty well adjusted. I picked them up when they cried too.

If I had to go to work, I would much rather have someone watch my kids in my home, but I still wouldn't be happy about it.

[HeatherAnn]

BlueDreams,

Thanks for clarifying that.

I too, plan on working while my kids are in school - if I can figure out a schedule to be there to get them off for school & be there when they get home.

I know from personal experience, teens also needs mom home when they get home.

MorningStar,

lol That's how I feel too! In fact, it's kept me hangin' on in our marriage when I really felt like giving up!

Just the thought of my children having a step-mom concerns me.

Those experiences you shared with day-care would also make me shy away from it more.

I know there are good day-cares - but even the best quality, the ratio of kids to adults is too much. Kids (especially babies) need much more attention than that.

I think it's good to remember that as moms & dads, we have so much influence on our children - & for such a temporary time.

[katherine the great]

Staying home with kids is better for the kids and worse for the mom. I stayed home with my kids for the most part--occasionally working part time--for twenty years. I literally thought I would die of depression and/or my brain would just shrivel up and die. I need to be around other adults and in an environment where I am learning and exchanging ideas with real, live (grown up) people. Now I'm back in school and I can't ever remember being happier. Looking back, it was a huge, huge sacrifice on my part, but I'm still glad I did it (for my children's sake.) Some amount of daycare/ preschool can be good for children, but I rarely think full time daycare is a good thing.

[Calm]

Staying home with kids is better for the kids and worse for the mom. .

I've known women who have thrived on it and who wilt when forced to leave, I don't think there is a one size fits all in this area. Edited September 23, 2011 by calmoriah

[katherine the great]

I don't think there is a one size fits all in this area.

True.

[Garden Girl]

I've told this story before on this board... but for those who have missed I'll repeat it because it is one of my cherished memories...

When I was in Jr. Hi and High School, my mom made extra money by keeping children in our home... she never kept over three at one time and they would range from babies to about 5 years old. And, the little children absolutely loved my mom because she took such loving care of them. When I'd come home from school, I'd help out by playing with the children, walking them in the stroller, etc. During summer I spent a lot of time with them and came to love some because mom would have some children from the time they were babies up to the time they were 4 - 5 years old.

Anyway, one summer my mom took in a new little boy about 3 yrs old named Johnny. The first day his mom brought him she had to drag him up to the front door kicking and screaming. Then he just stood against the wall with big tears, rubbing his little fists into his eyes. This went on every day for several days, and finally my sister and I got tired of it and decided we just had to do something... so we decided to try and make him laugh... so we'd get down on our hands and knees and peek around the corner at him and say... Hi Johnny!!... This one day we kept doing that and we could see this little smile start to appear and he'd look for us out of the corner of his eye... sure enough when we'd look around the corner and say Hi Johnny!! he finally gave in and laughed. After that he let me play with him and soon he was laughing and playing ball, etc etc. That night his mom picked him up and couldn't believe the difference.

The next morning when they arrived he literally ran up to the front door where my sis and I greeted him, just scooping him up in our arms and hugging him. He was with our family for several years. The mothers who were fortunate enough to place their children with my mom loved our family and were so thankful for the good home my mom provided for their children while they worked.

These are wonderful memories for me because these little chidren were so cute and were like little brothers or sisters.

GG

[HeatherAnn]

Thanks for the comments.

GardenGirl,

That's sweet. You're mom & those kids were lucky to have you & your sister.

Kids can sense if someone really cares or not & that makes a huge difference!