Theological Twinkies

[cdowis]

Stories about how a child see his / her baby brother / sister even though the parents don't yet realize they're pregnant. The story may be true and even visionary, but I find the stories heavy on sentiment and lacking in application.

This is real. Mission president told us this story from a neighbor who was a NON member. They did not know what to think about it.

[LifeOnaPlate]

President Faust may have used the story some time. But I heard it first from President Hinckley.

The Faust talk refers to Pres. Hinckley as giving it, but I believe it was written by a pastor of some sort.

This is real. Mission president told us this story from a neighbor who was a NON member. They did not know what to think about it.

See this post, second answer.

[consiglieri]

Saturday's Warriors

Calling Saturday's Warrior Saturday's Warriors.

Sorry. Couldn't help it.

I have no problem with him doing so; I'm just not sure he's responsible every time everyone gives him credit for it.

Along this line, some deep thinker (Truman Madsen?) once brought up the question of a God who answers a prayer to find reading glasses, but ignores the prayer of the blind man to have his sight restored.

[consiglieri]

I don't have the mind of Jesus....if I do, I wouldn't need pithy slogans.

I prefer "What would Cthulu do?" I have a shirt to that effect. It's easy to figure out what to do. Destroy all of creation. So much cleaner.

Which is, coincidentally, what Jesus has planned for his big finale.

[asbestosman]

I prefer "What would Cthulu do?" I have a shirt to that effect. It's easy to figure out what to do. Destroy all of creation. So much cleaner.

I just ask myself what I'd do, then I do the opposite.

[Connolly]

I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who gets agitated when someone attempts to synthesize or counterfeit the spirit. You cannot create the spirit, and when embellishment, or worse, outright false stories are taught, the spirit cannot bear witness.

A few others:

You must take the sacrament with your right hand.

Someone must pass you the sacrament, you shouldn't hold the tray yourself while you partake.

The sacrament should be white bread.

The wine that Jesus drank wasn't fermented (it was grape juice he got from the refrigerator)

9) There is no "hell" this one is stupid, because all our scriptures (standard works) speak of a "hell" in the spirit world before the resurrection and "outer darkness" or the "lake of fire" where the sons of perdition go.

The scriptures don't speak of hell in the sense in which so many traditionally view it and that view is expressely debunked in D&C 19. In other words, IMO, whem LDS people say hell doesn't exist, they mean that the the hell of Chick tracts does not exist. That version of hell is definitely rotten dried out theological twinkie.

++++++++++++++++++++++

The old "footprints in the sand" story. Person looks at his life and sees two sets of footpriints as the Lord is walking beside him. At one point there is only one set of footprints.

"Why did you abandon me at my greatest hour of need?"

"I did not abandon you, my son. I picked you up and carried you."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Personally, I like the Butt Prints version better.

[hearserve]

Years ago I frequently heard a "prophecy" that before the second coming Salt Lake City would become one of the wickedest cities on earth.

Oh, wait.

That one is true!

http://deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,695225569,00.html

[BCSpace]

The scriptures don't speak of hell in the sense in which so many traditionally view it and that view is expressely debunked in D&C 19. In other words, IMO, whem LDS people say hell doesn't exist, they mean that the the hell of Chick tracts does not exist. That version of hell is definitely rotten dried out theological twinkie.

Nevertheless, hell is a place/condition of extreme suffering in LDS theology.

[BCSpace]

Anyone already mention the notion that 8 cows makes a woman beautiful and/or of sunny disposition?

[CMZ]

Nevertheless, hell is a place/condition of extreme suffering in LDS theology

There's also different definitions of hell in LDS theology.

[CMZ]

The thing about these theological Twinkies is not whether they are true or not or whether they have a splinter or a chunk of truth to them but that they can very easily become the sole source of Gospel knowledge for many members who don't expend the effort to study the scriptures and the words of modern prophets and Apostles.

It might be a good time to reiterate President Packer's statement:

"True doctrine, properly understood changes attitudes and behaviors. The study of the doctrines of the Gospel will improve behavior quicker than the study of behavior will improve behavior. That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the Gospel." Note the word "study" which is in contrast to having a base of "gospel knowledge" that is merely accumulated hearsay.

[Connolly]

... which is in contrast to having a base of "gospel knowledge" that is merely accumulated hearsay.

Or, just as likely, accumulated heresy.

[juliann]

The story about the roudy boys who made the rule to whip rulebreakers without his coat on. A hungry boy steals lunch but only has a coat. The boy he stole from is whipped in his place. Now I grant that Jesus suffered for our sins, but even the Book of Mormon says that the just Nephite law cannot punish anyone save the murderer to appease justice except in the case of the atonement because the atonement was infinite. (Alma 34:11-12)

I have heard that so many times that it is top on my list now. I will be gagging in the corner the next time I hear it. I hope it has run its life. The moral of that story is the teacher should be brought up on child abuse charges.

[sean0scott]

Has anybody mentioned blessing donuts at youth service projects so they will nourish and strengthen our bodies?

[Trencher7]

Maybe I missed it but I didn't see the one about the girls who had to get away from some killer and drove away realizing later their car battery had been taken out. I remember someone telling a similar story like that in sacrament meeting when I was about 8 yrs old. I rolled my eyes even back then.

[LifeOnaPlate]

Good stuff, people.

[charity's child]

I have no problem with him doing so; I'm just not sure he's responsible every time everyone gives him credit for it.

We lost our car key on Sunday. At church. And we prayed to find it. Monday we got new car keys made from the spare we had at home.

Oh, and I never heard the licked cupcake story. But I do have a couple

The touch of the master's hand (the old violin poem)

The Ambulance down in the valley poem

[battlefieldboy]

How about Satan controls the water but only when you are on your mission???? Why can't they just say we don't want elders swimming because drowning would be a liability that we don't want to cover. Plus allowing Missionaries to swim would make missionaries called to less than desirable places like Oklahoma or Idaho have some spiritual jealousy of those called to Jamica or Hawaii if those Elders were allowed to swim/surf.

Another one that has annoyed me in the past that was brought up in the past is that you will receive Gross blessing on tithings paid on the gross and "net blessings" on tithing paid on the net.

[sean0scott]

Plus allowing Missionaries to swim would make missionaries called to less than desirable places like Oklahoma or Idaho have some spiritual jealousy of those called to Jamica or Hawaii if those Elders were allowed to swim/surf.

Hey! I served in Boise and we swam all the time...

How about that Utah Mormons are apostate and California Mormons are more righteous because they have non-members all around them... I've also heard that Utah Mormons are bad Mormons because we are so judgmental... then again I also hear from Utah Mormons the same attacks on Un-Utah Mormons.

[Tsuzuki]

How about that Utah Mormons are apostate and California Mormons are more righteous because they have non-members all around them... I've also heard that Utah Mormons are bad Mormons because we are so judgmental... then again I also hear from Utah Mormons the same attacks on Un-Utah Mormons.

Anything that makes California look better than Utah is fine with me.

[Doctor Steuss]

Evidently I was wrong. G-d does indeed help find car keys. Itâ??s the folks with the faith of a mustard seed that ask for suffering to stop, or to have food, or to stop the voices that taunt towards self extermination that he doesnâ??t seem to help.

Anything to prevent one of His true believers from having to take the bus I suppose.

[consiglieri]

I have heard that so many times that it is top on my list now. I will be gagging in the corner the next time I hear it. I hope it has run its life. The moral of that story is the teacher should be brought up on child abuse charges.

It sounds sort of like a rip-off from Tom Sawyer, when Tom takes Becky's licking for her.

All the Best!

--Consiglieri

[urroner]

Anyone already mention the notion that 8 cows makes a woman beautiful and/or of sunny disposition?

I have been deemed a 5 cockroach man.

[Hammer]

I don't know about warriors or ghosts, but I saw an Angel once in the Temple (and now I'm married/sealed to her)

Hey I had that same experience.

Evidently I was wrong. G-d does indeed help find car keys. Itâ??s the folks with the faith of a mustard seed that ask for suffering to stop, or to have food, or to stop the voices that taunt towards self extermination that he doesnâ??t seem to help.

Anything to prevent one of His true believers from having to take the bus I suppose.

You know it takes a sound mind to gain experiences of successful faith. I wouldn't make light of what I haven't received. It will just make it take longer for you to find your keys next time.

[Luigi]

I think this has some validity (until someone has reached 25+ they think they know everything and when they attain that age they often realize how much their parents really knew and how little they themselves knew.) However the modern psycho-babel has tried to excuse everyone from everything and tries to get us to not hold anyone accountable for their actions. Children can and should be taught in their youth to keep the commandments of God, it has been and can be done.

Well, I guess it depends on what you mean by 'commandments of God' since that seems to vary according to who you ask but I'm not suggesting we allow children/teenagers to do whatever they want and not have consequences but I am suggesting that you can't hold young people to the same expectations as adults because they don't have the same capacity to think long-term or fully evaluate consequences. You can and should drill into young people the consequences of their actions (and impose some consequences as well) but the focus should be on more immediate consequences since those are what they will understand best. That is part of my concern with religious 'consequences'. They are often so far off and 'invisible' that they are often ineffective in deterring teens when many of those religious rules have consequences that even an atheist can appreciate(WoW, chastity, honesty all effect one's physical health and/or the trust/relationships one has with others). Teaching teens these consequences ensures that regardless of what religion or even non-religions they choose they understand that there are consequences here and now for immoral behavior-not just some invisible hereafter consequences.

Hell is for those who live a Telestial law and do not repent. Denying the justice of God is not tolerance.

Intolerance in my view sprouts at least in part from people feeling they 'know' what God's justice is when they really don't. Accepting/admitting that they are taking their idea of 'God's justice' on faith and that it is by no means certain would allow for a lot more tolerance between religions in my opinion.