Theological Twinkies

[Mola Ram Suda Ram]

I think the majority of contemporary Christological art is twinkie fodder.

Twinkie fodder huh, Are you claiming that twinkie's eat, burp, and poop, how about procreate. If that is the case then I could have 2 twinkies and at the end of the day have 12.

[auteur55]

Nobody mentioned my favorite:

Two missionaries go to one of those charismatic born again churches where they perform healings. One of the missionaries has a broken arm. At the meeting his arm is miraculously healed by the preacher after laying hands on his head.

The missionary is stunned.

He is even more stunned when he goes to the mission president to share the experience and the MP uses the Priesthood to rebuke the evil spirit in his arm. The missionaries arm is suddenly broke again.

This story was all over my mission.

[LifeOnaPlate]

Boo to Mola Ram for making it appear twice.

Twinkie fodder huh, Are you claiming that twinkie's eat, burp, and poop, how about procreate. If that is the case then I could have 2 twinkies and at the end of the day have 12.

I almost said "Twinkielicious" but I am really opposed to putting together two words in that way; I loathe it. Like "ginormous" for example.

[Mola Ram Suda Ram]

Nobody mentioned my favorite:

Two missionaries go to one of those charismatic born again churches where they perform healings. One of the missionaries has a broken arm. At the meeting his arm is miraculously healed by the preacher after laying hands on his head.

The missionary is stunned.

He is even more stunned when he goes to the mission president to share the experience and the MP uses the Priesthood to rebuke the evil spirit in his arm. The missionaries arm is suddenly broke again.

This story was all over my mission.

Oh mine was all about the voodoo witch doctor in jamacia and it was his leg he broke will swimming in the ocean. That is what is even funnier. Break your leg while swimming in the ocean.

[LifeOnaPlate]

Oh mine was all about the voodoo witch doctor in jamacia and it was his leg he broke will swimming in the ocean. That is what is even funnier. Break your leg while swimming in the ocean.

Happens all the time.

[Scottie]

-Any 2 people living righteously can be happily married

-The knife that was found in the tree in Oregon with the egyptian symbols for Mohr and Ohni etched into the handle. The experts had no idea what it meant...

-The missionaries that shook the dust from their feet from the restaurant/laundromat/gas station/etc and the next day it was destroyed in a tornado

-The river in New Zealand that runs clear except for 1 small section where the missionaries cursed it

-That you can only be truly happy as a member of the LDS church

-The BoM is being used by archaeological experts to learn things about mesoamerica

-There is overwhelming evidence being found all the time in South America that further proves the BoM true

-You should be buried facing east because the Savior will return from the east and when you are resurrected, you will want to be facing him

-JS refused to drink alcohol when he had his leg operated on because he refused to break the WoW

Edited to add:

-Anything and everything a Prophet says should be obeyed, just because the prophet said it and we are taught to follow the prophet in all things

[LifeOnaPlate]

-That you can only be truly happy as a member of the LDS church

Devils are miserable in the Church, and are most happy out of it, so I fully agree.

-JS refused to drink alcohol when he had his leg operated on because he refused to break the WoW

I totally agree with this one.

[Scottie]

Devils are miserable in the Church, and are most happy out of it, so I fully agree.

Or if you were traumatized by the Licked Cupcake lesson.

[cinepro]

Awesome, I found a very different tale in a BYU Studies I purchased just this week. Oops. I guess I ought to just take your word for it.

Did no apostles mention the transfiguration? I think you know better.

Which BYU Studies? I wasn't asking you to take my word for it; I posted a summary of the reasons some might consider the tales "Twinkies", and I certainly am not aware of any contemporaneous apostles mentioning seeing the transfiguration until the story had become Utah lore.

[LifeOnaPlate]

Which BYU Studies? I wasn't asking you to take my word for it; I posted a summary of the reasons some might consider the tales "Twinkies", and I certainly am not aware of any contemporaneous apostles mentioning seeing the transfiguration until the story had become Utah lore.

I'm greatly disappointed in you, the answer is in a very accessible place, but I wouldn't wanna cast any pearls before the swine, eh?

[Mola Ram Suda Ram]

-Any 2 people living righteously can be happily married

-The BoM is being used by archaeological experts to learn things about mesoamerica

-There is overwhelming evidence being found all the time in South America that further proves the BoM true

-JS refused to drink alcohol when he had his leg operated on because he refused to break the WoW

Edited to add:

-Anything and everything a Prophet says should be obeyed, just because the prophet said it and we are taught to follow the prophet in all things

Uh I dont think these are twinkies. Do you deny that people who live what they think is righteous that they cant be happy?

JS never claimed to not have had alcohol because it was againt the WoW, that (the WoW) came way after this surgery. Come on you know this.

As for the other 2 I think they are true. But they may be twinkies in the broadest term as I wouldnt base my testimony on them.

[asbestosman]

That The North Sea Flood of 1953 was caused by missionaries who cursed the province of Zeeland in the Netherlands. (My, how God's aim must suck if that were true).

The story of missionaries who washed their laundry at a loundromat and returned to find some of their clothes hanging in the windows with attention being drawn to it. The missionaries left the place, dusted off their feet, and then the laundromat burned down.

[Lachoneus]

-JS refused to drink alcohol when he had his leg operated on because he refused to break the WoW

The story of Joseph's operation when he was a boy (about 1812-1813) was the topic of the first talk I ever gave in Church. I have never heard that his refusal to take liquor had anything at all to do with the Word of Wisdom. This is the way I remember the story.

Following known practices, the boy was offered liquor for pain. At that solemn moment he avoided what many religious people then branded evil. Likewise, he opposed orders that he be bound. Preserving physical liberty, he insisted that he could best endure pain in the arms of his trusted father. Sensitive to his mother's feelings, the boy requested that she leave the room.

73 Improvement Era (#10) 88 (Oct 1970)

If certain persons have chosen to embellish the story, that is too bad. Nevertheless, the story of his refusal to take liquor appears to be true.

[LifeOnaPlate]

The story of Joseph's operation when he was a boy (about 1812-1813) was the topic of the first talk I ever gave in Church. I have never heard that his refusal to take liquor had anything at all to do with the Word of Wisdom. This is the way I remember the story. 73 Improvement Era (#10) 88 (Oct 1970)

If certain persons have chosen to embellish the story, that is too bad. Nevertheless, the story of his refusal to take liquor appears to be true.

Exactly, it is a great story about love and trust, fear, etc. It isn't about the Word of Wisdom, though.

[mocnarf]

Thus, people were born black based on their conduct in the premortal existence.

John W. have you not learned anything? Don't you know knowthing a dead prophet has said means anything if the current living prophet says that is not so. It seams to me that the old dead prophets where blowing smoke in the hats much of the time. I guess that was for the smoke and mirrors effect.

[LifeOnaPlate]

John W. have you not learned anything? Don't you know knowthing a dead prophet has said means anything if the current living prophet says that is not so. It seams to me that the old dead prophets where blowing smoke in the hats much of the time. I guess that was for the smoke and mirrors effect.

NAIL IN THE COFFIN

[Mola Ram Suda Ram]

John W. have you not learned anything? Don't you know knowthing a dead prophet has said means anything if the current living prophet says that is not so. It seams to me that the old dead prophets where blowing smoke in the hats much of the time. I guess that was for the smoke and mirrors effect.

Hopefully your not trying to say that is what I think. Becuase I dont.

[LifeOnaPlate]

Hopefully your not trying to say that is what I think. Becuase I dont.

When francom speaks, the thinking has been done.

[cinepro]

I'm greatly disappointed in you, the answer is in a very accessible place, but I wouldn't wanna cast any pearls before the swine, eh?

Ahhh...the irony. I guess you want me to just take your word for it?

[LifeOnaPlate]

Ahhh...the irony. I guess you want me to just take your word for it?

cinepro, you poor devil.

[MormonMason]

Nobody mentioned my favorite:

Two missionaries go to one of those charismatic born again churches where they perform healings. One of the missionaries has a broken arm. At the meeting his arm is miraculously healed by the preacher after laying hands on his head.

The missionary is stunned.

He is even more stunned when he goes to the mission president to share the experience and the MP uses the Priesthood to rebuke the evil spirit in his arm. The missionaries arm is suddenly broke again.

This story was all over my mission.

FYI, the story has been embellished with the retelling but it is based upon truthful happenstances. I myself experienced something similar. I was just visiting another Church, minding my own business with a broken bone. They brought me up to the front to try to prove to me that I was in the wrong Church. The guy anointed me with some oil and blessed me and the bone was healed. I was astounded but could not sleep for a couple days afterward. I had with me a horrible feeling all during that time from the "healing" afterward. I finally asked the Lord to release me from it and got a blessing from a priesthood leader. As soon as I did the bone fell loose again and never did heal right.

There is also one that has been spread far and wide about a missionary that went into a house and was thrown across the room by an unclean spirit. In spite of the fact that this story has been embellished with the telling, however, that story is based upon an event that really happened in my mission, during my mission. I saw with my own eyes what happened that day. It was the freakiest thing I have ever seen. However, the missionary who was the victim was not hurled through the air. What really happened is that he made some smart-alecky comment about the easiness of kicking satan's butt out of the house with the priesthood. He got lifted a few inches into the air, turned 180 degrees and was then dropped on the floor where he stood. He panicked so bad he almost abandoned his companion before they could go down and cast the spirit out of the house. That was very real and there are more than one witness to that event.

Moral of the stories? Not every one of these kinds of stories is necessarily a theological twinkie but they all certainly can be made into one with considerable ease.

[Mola Ram Suda Ram]

I thought of one that even if it is true what diffrence does it make, I heard this someany times on my mission. It is that you can count all of the sons of perdition on one hand.

Lol, Im sure there will be no duaghters of perdition becuase as we all know, women are more righteous than man and that is why there is polygamy in heaven.

[mocnarf]

Does anyone think that there are any Theological Twinkies hidden in the hymn book?

If so, which hymns would you point to?

[Scottie]

Uh I dont think these are twinkies. Do you deny that people who live what they think is righteous that they cant be happy?

Yes, I believe that 2 people that are absolutely not compatible cannot be in a happy marriage, no matter how righteous.

JS never claimed to not have had alcohol because it was againt the WoW, that (the WoW) came way after this surgery. Come on you know this.

That's the point of what a twinkie is...that people teach this in class, even though it's completely false doctrine. Keep up here...

As for the other 2 I think they are true. But they may be twinkies in the broadest term as I wouldnt base my testimony on them.

Which other 2?

[Bernard Gui]

"I was in the Church Office Building elevator. President/Elder [fill in the blank] got on the

elevator with me. I was so shocked. He looked at me and said, 'If you knew what

I knew, you would [fill in the blank...do your genealogy, get your food storage, etc.].'"

Bernard