Appropriate to give a priesthood blessing to someone who doesn't believe in Jesus?

[Any-Street]

I know school doesn't start back up for a couple months but I'm thinking ahead. My son (who is in high school) only attends church because I've asked that he attend. I hope that something someone says in church someday will reach him in a way that I haven't been able to. He believes that Jesus was a good person but is not the Son of God. He doesn't take the sacrament. Each year on the night before the first day of school, I ask my kids if they want a father's blessing and I give a blessing to whichever ones say they want one. I expect that my son will decline this year, but I'm wondering if I should even offer it to him at all given that he doesn't believe that Jesus is the Son of God. Jesus Himself showed that faith is a prerequisite to miracles. See Matthew 9:27-29. See also Ether 12:12.

Imagine you asked your child if they wanted a father's blessing and they said yes. Then you ask "Do you believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God?" and the child said "No. It's the opposite. I believe that is a false statement." Would you proceed with the blessing? For instance, maybe they want it just because it's what they are accustomed to or they feel obligated or something.

[bluebell]

If your son said yes, but you are still concerned it wouldn't be appropriate, you could ask him why he wanted one I think, and then decide based on the answer to that question.  You could always preface the invitation with an explanation that you know he doesn't believe in Christ and though you want him to feel included and know that he is loved, there is no pressure to pretend or say yes this year.  That might help deter any 'false-positive' answer.

For me, I would offer (or rather have my husband offer) and then feel good doing it if my son wanted one.  I might still ask him why, but unless the answer was disrespectful in some way I would feel good going forward with the blessing.  Receiving a blessing is an act of faith (even if the person doesn't think of it that way), and blessings are also about the faith of those who are giving it.  It's a father's blessing and you are his father, whether he believes in Christ or not.  If he's willing I say do it (IMO).

[Kenngo1969]

I wouldn't say, necessarily, that, during His mortal sojourn, Christ ministered to those who didn't believe He is the Son of God, but He came awful darn close.  He ministered to a ton of people whose faith, in some way, was less than fully formed. Remember, for example, his encounter with the Canaanite woman:

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Matthew 15

22 And, behold, a woman of Canaan came out of the same coasts, and cried unto him, saying, Have mercy on me, O Lord, thou Son of David; my daughter is grievously vexed with a devil.

23 But he answered her not a word. And his disciples came and besought him, saying, Send her away; for she crieth after us.

24 But he answered and said, I am not sent but unto the lost sheep of the house of Israel.

25 Then came she and worshipped him, saying, Lord, help me.

26 But he answered and said, It is not meet to take the children’s bread, and to cast it to dogs.

27 And she said, Truth, Lord: yet the dogs eat of the crumbs which fall from their masters’ table.

28 Then Jesus answered and said unto her, O woman, great is thy faith: be it unto thee even as thou wilt. And her daughter was made whole from that very hour.

 

[I'm posting the above for your benefit.  I wouldn't necessarily compare your son to a dog.  I don't think that'd go over too well: "Ahhh, ya filthy cur, believe in Jesus, whydon'tcha?!!"  🤣 ]  I'm simply using this woman's example to illustrate how Christ ministered to people whose faith was in varying states and circumstances.

Remember too, what he told the man who besought Him to cast the devil out of his [the man's] son (see v. 23 below):

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Mark 9

15 And straightway all the people, when they beheld him, were greatly amazed, and running to him saluted him.

16 And he asked the scribes, What question ye with them?

17 And one of the multitude answered and said, Master, I have brought unto thee my son, which hath a dumb spirit;

18 And wheresoever he taketh him, he teareth him: and he foameth, and gnasheth with his teeth, and pineth away: and I spake to thy disciples that they should cast him out; and they could not.

19 He answereth him, and saith, O faithless generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you? bring him unto me.

20 And they brought him unto him: and when he saw him, straightway the spirit tare him; and he fell on the ground, and wallowed foaming.

21 And he asked his father, How long is it ago since this came unto him? And he said, Of a child.

22 And ofttimes it hath cast him into the fire, and into the waters, to destroy him: but if thou canst do any thing, have compassion on us, and help us.

23 Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.

24 And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.

25 When Jesus saw that the people came running together, he rebuked the foul spirit, saying unto him, Thou dumb and deaf spirit, I charge thee, come out of him, and enter no more into him.

26 And the spirit cried, and rent him sore, and came out of him: and he was as one dead; insomuch that many said, He is dead.

27 But Jesus took him by the hand, and lifted him up; and he arose.

 

Is it possible, perhaps, for your son to have faith as a mustard seed, one of the smaller objects that still is visible to the human eye?

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Matthew 17

14 ¶ And when they were come to the multitude, there came to him a certain man, kneeling down to him, and saying,

15 Lord, have mercy on my son: for he is lunatic, and sore vexed: for ofttimes he falleth into the fire, and oft into the water.

16 And I brought him to thy disciples, and they could not cure him.

17 Then Jesus answered and said, O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you? bring him hither to me.

18 And Jesus rebuked the devil; and he departed out of him: and the child was cured from that very hour.

19 Then came the disciples to Jesus apart, and said, Why could not we cast him out?

20 And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

21 Howbeit this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting.

 

Remember, too, what Alma told his listeners in Alma 32:

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Alma 32

26 Now, as I said concerning faith—that it was not a perfect knowledge—even so it is with my words. Ye cannot know of their surety at first, unto perfection, any more than faith is a perfect knowledge.

27 But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.

28 Now, we will compare the word unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves—It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me.

29 Now behold, would not this increase your faith? I say unto you, Yea; nevertheless it hath not grown up to a perfect knowledge.

30 But behold, as the seed swelleth, and sprouteth, and beginneth to grow, then you must needs say that the seed is good; for behold it swelleth, and sprouteth, and beginneth to grow. And now, behold, will not this strengthen your faith? Yea, it will strengthen your faith: for ye will say I know that this is a good seed; for behold it sprouteth and beginneth to grow.

31 And now, behold, are ye sure that this is a good seed? I say unto you, Yea; for every seed bringeth forth unto its own likeness.

32 Therefore, if a seed groweth it is good, but if it groweth not, behold it is not good, therefore it is cast away.

33 And now, behold, because ye have tried the experiment, and planted the seed, and it swelleth and sprouteth, and beginneth to grow, ye must needs know that the seed is good.

34 And now, behold, is your knowledge perfect? Yea, your knowledge is perfect in that thing, and your faith is dormant; and this because you know, for ye know that the word hath swelled your souls, and ye also know that it hath sprouted up, that your understanding doth begin to be enlightened, and your mind doth begin to expand.

35 O then, is not this real? I say unto you, Yea, because it is light; and whatsoever is light, is good, because it is discernible, therefore ye must know that it is good; and now behold, after ye have tasted this light is your knowledge perfect?

36 Behold I say unto you, Nay; neither must ye lay aside your faith, for ye have only exercised your faith to plant the seed that ye might try the experiment to know if the seed was good.

37 And behold, as the tree beginneth to grow, ye will say: Let us nourish it with great care, that it may get root, that it may grow up, and bring forth fruit unto us. And now behold, if ye nourish it with much care it will get root, and grow up, and bring forth fruit.

38 But if ye neglect the tree, and take no thought for its nourishment, behold it will not get any root; and when the heat of the sun cometh and scorcheth it, because it hath no root it withers away, and ye pluck it up and cast it out.

39 Now, this is not because the seed was not good, neither is it because the fruit thereof would not be desirable; but it is because your ground is barren, and ye will not nourish the tree, therefore ye cannot have the fruit thereof.

40 And thus, if ye will not nourish the word, looking forward with an eye of faith to the fruit thereof, ye can never pluck of the fruit of the tree of life.

41 But if ye will nourish the word, yea, nourish the tree as it beginneth to grow, by your faith with great diligence, and with patience, looking forward to the fruit thereof, it shall take root; and behold it shall be a tree springing up unto everlasting life.

42 And because of your diligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing it, that it may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure; and ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst.

 

I know it's easy for me, an Internet stranger, to sit here and spout scriptures off of my keyboard, especially considering that even in my ever-more-rapidly advancing years, still, I am my only child.  But I hope there's something in here that, even if it doesn't help your son, will help you.  I wish you well.  Besides, you never know where your son's "fickle faith" is gonna be in a few months!  (Teenagers!  )

Edited Wednesday at 03:38 PM by Kenngo1969

[manol]

8 hours ago, Any-Street said:

Imagine you asked your child if they wanted a father's blessing and they said yes. Then you ask "Do you believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God?" and the child said "No. It's the opposite. I believe that is a false statement." Would you proceed with the blessing?

Absolutely!

If we're supposed to bless even them that curse us, why would we not bless someone we love?

If your son asks for a fish, would you give him a serpent?  Of course not.  So, if your son asks for a blessing, would you give him a refusal?  I sure hope not.

It is our calling and our privilege to forgive everyone of everything (D&C 64:10), including our children whose beliefs and/or choices are not what we want or believe.

In my opinion.

If I were in your shoes and my son declined my offer, then I would bless him without reservation in my personal prayers.   

Edited Wednesday at 10:22 PM by manol

[Kenngo1969]

In conjunction with my previous comment, also, consider this from Elder-Later-President [now, Alas!, simlply "late": RIP, President Holland] Jeffrey R. Holland:

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A 14-year-old boy recently said to me a little hesitantly, “Brother Holland, I can’t say yet that I know the Church is true, but I believe it is.” I hugged that boy until his eyes bulged out. I told him with all the fervor of my soul that belief is a precious word, an even more precious act, and he need never apologize for “only believing.” I told him that Christ Himself said, “Be not afraid, only believe,” a phrase which, by the way, carried young Gordon B. Hinckley into the mission field. I told this boy that belief was always the first step toward conviction and that the definitive articles of our collective faith forcefully reiterate the phrase “We believe.” And I told him how very proud I was of him for the honesty of his quest.

Source: Elder Jeffrey R. Holland (April 2013), "Lord, I Believe," Ensign, accessed on line at the following address on July 1, 2026: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2013/04/lord-i-believe?lang=eng.  The entire address is worth a read.

Edited Wednesday at 09:48 PM by Kenngo1969

[let’s roll]

My son, do you believe I love you?

As your father, the desire of my heart is that you have a successful school year and I will demonstrate my love for you by doing all I can to help you do so.  I believe that includes asking God to bless you.

With your consent, I’d like to give you a father’s blessing to both tell you of my love and commitment and to invoke God’s aid for both of us as we work together for your benefit.  May I do so?

 

 

[Any-Street]

@bluebell @Kenngo1969 @manol @let’s roll 

Thank you, everyone, for your replies to my post. I truly appreciate it. This has given me some good info to think on.

Just to give some more back story, I am fully expecting my son to not want a blessing. He really dislikes the church. He thinks that it's most likely not true and said that even if it is true then he doesn't want to live with God because God does things that he is very strongly opposed to (assuming that what the church teaches matches reality). The biggest one is that the church teaches this (this is a direct quote):

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Marriage is an important part of God’s plan for our happiness. Eternal marriage between a man and a woman is essential (at some point) in our progression to reach exaltation, a state defined as living the kind of life our Heavenly Parents currently enjoy.

This means that someone who is deeply in love with someone of the same gender and chooses to marry that person and they live a life full of joy and do good things is not only sinning (because they acted on their feelings of same gender attraction) but they can never be exalted unless they split up with the person they love so deeply. My son finds this deeply troubling and repulsive. There are other things like this that trouble my son. He has been consuming content that is against the church and he plans to remove his name from the church's records the second he turns 18. So hopefully you have a better idea of my son's position. This is what makes me wonder if it's even appropriate to offer a blessing in the first place if he is of this mindset and has no faith in Jesus, nor a desire to have faith in Jesus.

[Kenngo1969]

That's a tough situation.  I would never dream of attempting to equate, to the least degree, our respective situations, but, as an Eternal Bachelor in a Family Church, and one who has crested the "hill of middle age" and is careening rapidly toward geezerhood, I'm not exactly sure what the Lord's plans for me are when it comes to eternal relationships outside my family of origin, but whatever they are, I'm OK with them.  (I realize, fully, that it's much easier to reach that level of equanimity for someone in my position than it is for someone in your son's position ...  Regardless, I wish you both well.)

[ZealouslyStriving]

If he wants one- it shows their is still a spark if faith, no matter how faint, somewhere. Don't quench it complete by refusing to bless him.

[manol]

1 hour ago, Any-Street said:

Just to give some more back story, I am fully expecting my son to not want a blessing. He really dislikes the church. He thinks that it's most likely not true and said that even if it is true then he doesn't want to live with God because God does things that he is very strongly opposed to (assuming that what the church teaches matches reality). The biggest one is that the church teaches this (this is a direct quote):

This means that someone who is deeply in love with someone of the same gender and chooses to marry that person and they live a life full of joy and do good things is not only sinning (because they acted on their feelings of same gender attraction) but they can never be exalted unless they split up with the person they love so deeply. My son finds this deeply troubling and repulsive. There are other things like this that trouble my son. He has been consuming content that is against the church and he plans to remove his name from the church's records the second he turns 18. So hopefully you have a better idea of my son's position. This is what makes me wonder if it's even appropriate to offer a blessing in the first place if he is of this mindset and has no faith in Jesus, nor a desire to have faith in Jesus.

Yup, I think you're right, he probably won't want a formal blessing.  

I have two transgender adult children and have good relationships with both of them.  My suggestion would be to consistently err on the side of unconditional love and infinite patience to the best of your ability in the moment.

Can you put yourself in your son's shoes, or close enough? 

Edited yesterday at 02:45 PM by manol

[MustardSeed]

If I was in a room of 20 people, and I was throwing a party and inviting everybody, I can’t imagine skipping one simply because I knew they didn’t like me. I would invite each person and let them make their own decisions.
If he doesn’t believe in Jesus, the blessing isn’t going to harm anybody. (?) 

When my father-in-law was dying, there was a group of 15 people in the room. My husband and his uncle were the only active members of the church. My husband announced he was going to give his dad a parting blessing. ** he invited every person in the room to stand in the circle with him.*** there was not a dry eye in the room. Every single person felt connected to each other throughout that deeply beautifully spiritual experience.

 

Do what you will with that story.

[Rain]

Recently, I was with someone who was going through a tough time.  I no longer believe in the church and am unsure of my feelings about Jesus, but I understand the doctrine.  Your son sounds like he may have feelings similar to this person.  My active, believing husband was in the room.  

I feel very stongly that God loves each of us.  I asked this person if they would like a blessing because it might bring them comfort. I expected they would say no and they did, but I can't imagine Heavenly Father saying no to a blessing like that when it might bring them comfort or understanding. 

Sometimes I think people  are too worried about the correct thing instead of the right thing.

More important than asking if it is appropriate though I think that it is more important to ask if you are offering out of love or out of changing him.  They are not the same thing.  You can want to change him because you love him, but change has to be his choice and if he feels your desire for change rather than your desire for love it will put a wedge between you.

 

Edited 19 hours ago by Rain

[MustardSeed]

1 hour ago, Rain said:

More important than asking if it is appropriate though I think that it is more important to ask if you are offering out of love or out of changing him.  They are not the same thing.  You can want to change him because you love him, but change has to be his choice and if he feels the desire for change rather than the desire for love it will put a wedge between you.

So important