Stargazer Regrets To Report...

[Meadowchik]

Congratulations on being there when she needed you.  It sounds like you had a life together that helped and enhanced you both.  That makes me happy. I hope you continue to feel strength and hope through this loss.  I miss my husband when he's at work!  You will miss her but I pray that you'll still feel her presence at times.

[TheSkepticChristian]

I'm so sorry to hear that. May you and your family be blessed with peace and comfort.

 

I agree. 

 

 

Believe me, arguing with thesometimesaint, TheSkepticChristian, canard78, and the rest of you,

 

Thanks for mentioning me. 

[ALarson]

I'm so sorry for your great loss, Stargazer.  Your story about your dear wife above was very touching and I admire your incredible strength and faith.  Condolences to you and your family.

Edited September 23, 2015 by ALarson

[emeliza]

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet heart here on earth and so grateful that you will have the opportunity to be with her again.  She sounds like an awesome lady with a great sense of humor.  Prayers for you as you regain yourself in your new reality.

[Dgal]

My condolences, Stargazer. Prayers for you and your family at this time.

[oMtonic]

My heart, thoughts, and prayers are with you. Keep that eternal perspective and faith on the Lord! May His peace and a hope in Him continue to abide with you and support you.

[BlueDreams]

I'm sorry to hear that stargazer. I send my prayers and well-wishes to your and your family. Take care of yourself.

 

WIth luv,

BD

[JAHS]

It's hard to believe when your spouse is taken from you. My wife of 40 years also died of cancer back in February. I was her sole care provider and it was pretty much a 24/7 thing for several months. At the time I didn't know she was going to die as quickly as it happened. We all handle these things in different ways but for me it's stil hard to accept that she is gone. Her faith was strong and she  had no fear of death. Almost every dream I have now has her in it as if she is still alive and healthy.  Hope other things in your life go well for you in your time of grief.

Edited October 5, 2015 by JAHS

[Tacenda]

It's hard to believe when your spouse is taken from you. My wife of 40 years also died of cancer back in February. I was her sole care provider and it was pretty much a 24/7 thing for several months. At the time I didn't know she was going to die as quickly as it happened. We all handle these things in different ways but for me it's stil hard to accept that she is gone. Her faith was strong and she  had no fear of death. Almost every dream I have now has her in it as if she is still alive and healthy.  Hope other things in your life go well for you in your time of grief.

Sorry for your loss JAHS. I'm sure Stargazer and you can be a great comfort for each other.

[Stargazer]

It's hard to believe when your spouse is taken from you. My wife of 40 years also died of cancer back in February. I was her sole care provider and it was pretty much a 24/7 thing for several months. At the time I didn't know she was going to die as quickly as it happened. We all handle these things in different ways but for me it's stil hard to accept that she is gone. Her faith was strong and she  had no fear of death. Almost every dream I have now has her in it as if she is still alive and healthy.  Hope other things in your life go well for you in your time of grief.

 

I haven't had any dreams since she passed.  In fact, I don't remember having any dreams for a couple of months now.  Like you, I was her caregiver for the last few months, but it didn't become a 24/7 experience until about a month before the end, when she didn't have the strength to walk upstairs to our bedroom any longer, even with help.  I slept with her in the same room downstairs, on the couch mainly, but sometimes on other overstuffed chairs in the neighboring room.  I'm still catching up on sleep, which I suspect is the reason I'm not having dreams.  I may not yet have recovered the ability to enter that stage of sleep.

 

I am looking forward to those positive dreams, where she is in them with no more illness, that's for sure.  Like your sweetheart, mine didn't have any fear of death.  She told me that the only thing she was worried about was how I would take it when she was gone.  This is because I've exhibited a certain degree of being a basket-case when she was away for extended periods.  And I believed that this would be the case this time, too, but worse.  And it is, sort of, except that my thoughts of her (several times per day) are growing more positive.  Which is a good thing.  Don't anyone get worried about Stargazer for my saying this, but I never used to understand how some people could wish for death themselves after a loved one's passing, but this experience opened my eyes big time.  There was this elderly couple in my ward, extremely strongly attached to each other, and the wife became ill from cancer and died.  I once sat next to him as he waiting to get his temple recommend renewed, and he confided in me as to how much he wished Heavenly Father would take him, too, because he missed her so badly.  I told him "That's OK, Don, I understand," but I didn't understand, not really.  Now I do.

 

And it's hard to type while doing so through a veil of tears, let me tell you. 

[JAHS]

I haven't had any dreams since she passed.  In fact, I don't remember having any dreams for a couple of months now.  Like you, I was her caregiver for the last few months, but it didn't become a 24/7 experience until about a month before the end, when she didn't have the strength to walk upstairs to our bedroom any longer, even with help.  I slept with her in the same room downstairs, on the couch mainly, but sometimes on other overstuffed chairs in the neighboring room.  I'm still catching up on sleep, which I suspect is the reason I'm not having dreams.  I may not yet have recovered the ability to enter that stage of sleep.

 

I am looking forward to those positive dreams, where she is in them with no more illness, that's for sure.  Like your sweetheart, mine didn't have any fear of death.  She told me that the only thing she was worried about was how I would take it when she was gone.  This is because I've exhibited a certain degree of being a basket-case when she was away for extended periods.  And I believed that this would be the case this time, too, but worse.  And it is, sort of, except that my thoughts of her (several times per day) are growing more positive.  Which is a good thing.  Don't anyone get worried about Stargazer for my saying this, but I never used to understand how some people could wish for death themselves after a loved one's passing, but this experience opened my eyes big time.  There was this elderly couple in my ward, extremely strongly attached to each other, and the wife became ill from cancer and died.  I once sat next to him as he waiting to get his temple recommend renewed, and he confided in me as to how much he wished Heavenly Father would take him, too, because he missed her so badly.  I told him "That's OK, Don, I understand," but I didn't understand, not really.  Now I do.

 

And it's hard to type while doing so through a veil of tears, let me tell you. 

 

I also understand why people who have lost their spouse want to go with them. She was my main purpose for living, and now that she's gone I don't know what to do with myself; and I could live for at least another 20 years.  About a year before she died I was laid off from my work, almost as if God planned it that way so I could stay home and take care of her. But now it would help if I could get back to work again to keep myself going. I am considering myself sort of semi-retired now. I have a bunch of little grandkids living with me now that helps keep me active. 

I actually didn't start having those dreams until several months had passed. I think our brains are kind of numb at first still dealing with the shock. I still have moments of great sadness that she is not with me; hopefully those moments will get fewer as time goes on.

[JAHS]

*Hugs* I can only imagine it, but I can see why you would feel that way.

It is why I worry about my husband sometimes. We both know I will go before he does. I'm guessing your feelings about Elder Scott passing away are different than many, because you would understand.

JAHS - my thoughts and prayers go with you as well.

Thank you Rain. You mentioned Elder Scott. When he died I saw an interview he gave talking about the death of his own wife and he said pretty much the same thing I feel now:

 

"First of all, . . . I didn’t lose her. She’s on the other side of the veil. We’ve been sealed in that holy ordinance of the temple, and we’ll be together forever. And at critical times in my life when I need help, I can feel impressions come through the veil in such a real way that often I just [think,] “Thank you, Jeanene.” So there isn’t that loss. The second is that when you get it right the first time, you don’t want to mess it up with a second time. We are so close and love each other so very much that I don’t have any feeling of need to remarry. I recognize that for some men there’s a very strong support they require from a wife, and so they remarry, and I don’t question that for them. Jeanene and I prepared each other in all the ways we could think of for being able to survive well when one of us passed through the veil, and I wish she hadn’t been the first one, but that’s the way it worked out."

[ERayR]

I haven't had any dreams since she passed.  In fact, I don't remember having any dreams for a couple of months now.  Like you, I was her caregiver for the last few months, but it didn't become a 24/7 experience until about a month before the end, when she didn't have the strength to walk upstairs to our bedroom any longer, even with help.  I slept with her in the same room downstairs, on the couch mainly, but sometimes on other overstuffed chairs in the neighboring room.  I'm still catching up on sleep, which I suspect is the reason I'm not having dreams.  I may not yet have recovered the ability to enter that stage of sleep.

 

I am looking forward to those positive dreams, where she is in them with no more illness, that's for sure.  Like your sweetheart, mine didn't have any fear of death.  She told me that the only thing she was worried about was how I would take it when she was gone.  This is because I've exhibited a certain degree of being a basket-case when she was away for extended periods.  And I believed that this would be the case this time, too, but worse.  And it is, sort of, except that my thoughts of her (several times per day) are growing more positive.  Which is a good thing.  Don't anyone get worried about Stargazer for my saying this, but I never used to understand how some people could wish for death themselves after a loved one's passing, but this experience opened my eyes big time.  There was this elderly couple in my ward, extremely strongly attached to each other, and the wife became ill from cancer and died.  I once sat next to him as he waiting to get his temple recommend renewed, and he confided in me as to how much he wished Heavenly Father would take him, too, because he missed her so badly.  I told him "That's OK, Don, I understand," but I didn't understand, not really.  Now I do.

 

And it's hard to type while doing so through a veil of tears, let me tell you. 

 

My friend and brother having lost my dear wife just over a year before you did and then two months later losing a truly shining star in the form of my dear granddaughter, who lived with me,  I can say that I truly understand.  My wife was ready to go: as she put it "I just want to go home".

It is now to the point that I am finally moving on except for those times when a stray memory of some special time comes floating through my memory.  When that happens I stop for a moment then wipe away the tears and go on.  I suspect that will keep happening.  At least I am hoping I never forget those special things.

[ERayR]

 

I also understand why people who have lost their spouse want to go with them. She was my main purpose for living, and now that she's gone I don't know what to do with myself; and I could live for at least another 20 years.  About a year before she died I was laid off from my work, almost as if God planned it that way so I could stay home and take care of her. But now it would help if I could get back to work again to keep myself going. I am considering myself sort of semi-retired now. I have a bunch of little grandkids living with me now that helps keep me active. 

I actually didn't start having those dreams until several months had passed. I think our brains are kind of numb at first still dealing with the shock. I still have moments of great sadness that she is not with me; hopefully those moments will get fewer as time goes on.

 

 

I too have some grand kids living with me.  It certainly helps keep the house from becoming a chamber of sad, quiet loneliness. 

[ERayR]

 

Thank you Rain. You mentioned Elder Scott. When he died I saw an interview he gave talking about the death of his own wife and he said pretty much the same thing I feel now:

 

"First of all, . . . I didn’t lose her. She’s on the other side of the veil. We’ve been sealed in that holy ordinance of the temple, and we’ll be together forever. And at critical times in my life when I need help, I can feel impressions come through the veil in such a real way that often I just [think,] “Thank you, Jeanene.” So there isn’t that loss. The second is that when you get it right the first time, you don’t want to mess it up with a second time. We are so close and love each other so very much that I don’t have any feeling of need to remarry. I recognize that for some men there’s a very strong support they require from a wife, and so they remarry, and I don’t question that for them. Jeanene and I prepared each other in all the ways we could think of for being able to survive well when one of us passed through the veil, and I wish she hadn’t been the first one, but that’s the way it worked out."

 

 

I think if you will think about it you will probably be glad that she went first.  You wouldn't want her to be coping with what you are.

[Stargazer]

I think if you will think about it you will probably be glad that she went first.  You wouldn't want her to be coping with what you are.

 

Well, he was quoting Elder Scott, not saying it of himself, but it don't matter.  It's still true, I'm sure.

 

I am glad I have an adult daughter still living at home.  She's 38, and has taken the household in hand.  Today I came home from work and discovered that there had been a big rearrangement of furniture downstairs, such that it now looks normal, as opposed to things occupying convenient but puzzling places (due to a hospital bed and accouterments being in the den).  I am OK about keeping the downstairs looking good enough so that if Mom got out of the Spirit World early and made a visit, she wouldn't be too disappointed.  But with my little angel Angela on the job, the place actually looks Mom-ready!