Question about sealing to children after divorce

[maj]

I have been thinking about a question the has been on my mind for some time.

A little background:

I was married and sealed in the temple on 2003 and had a son in 2007.

Without going into detail, my wife decided she no longer believed and didn't want to attend church anymore in 2018. 

In 2020 she decided that she did not want to be married anymore. As of last June, we are legally divorced. But, we are still sealed at the moment.

My son is still active and attends church with me.

The conversation has not yet come up, but in anticipation of when it does, I have been trying to think what to tell him if he asked about what happens to us all in the post mortal existence: I believe I am still sealed to him, as is my wife as she has not resigned her membership, but is completely inactive now.

My question is for advice on how to teach him where we hope to be in the eternities. I have no wish to "damn" my ex wife or anything like that. I know she may rebuild her testimony and return to full fellowship etc.

I suppose what I'm asking is what would be the kindest way to teach these things to my son when he begins to consider where he and his now individual parents may end up?

On a similar note: if I were to remarry, how would I teach him about the complexity of blended families in the Plan of Salvation?

Apologies for the lengthy post, I think it's my first time starting a topic...

 

[Calm]

The sealing is eternal between parent and child, even if not between the parents.  He can be secure that his relationship will be eternal with both his mother and father.  We just don’t know what kind of relationship that looks like especially if all get exalted….do gods need their moms and dads telling them what to do?  Seems more likely it would be a very deeply satisfying equal friendship with a family member type of relationship.  We are all brothers and sister in our relationships as children of God. So maybe like siblings you actually like to hang out with without any emotional baggage.

There have been a number of articles on the relationship of children to divorced parents by the church over the years.  I would use google if you want to read them as the church website search function is garbage, imo.  I use “divorce”, “children”, and “sealing” as search terms.

Here’s the top of my hits:

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/new-era/2015/08/to-the-point/if-my-parents-were-sealed-in-the-temple-and-then-got-divorced-which-one-am-i-sealed-to?lang=eng (PS:  I think it would have been better written “children can be only sealed to two parents” since they mean sealings don’t occur with only one parent.

I also wonder if adopted children will be forced to choose between sealings with adopted parents and bio parents if both sets of parents would be great parents in the next life.  Again, it’s not like we will be needing our parents to raise us to adulthood or be giving us the wisdom of their years versus our limited experience because we will all be practically the same age once a couple of hundred years go by.    So what purpose does parenthood to resurrected adults serve?

Edited December 26, 2022 by Calm

[JAHS]

Once we are sealed to someone it sticks forever unless canceled. When we are sealed we are not just sealed to our wife or children we are sealed into the patriarchal family of God, so we still enjoy the sealing blessings even though we might be divorced from our spouse.  
In the future, rather than worry about his parents, what your son needs to concern himself more about is who he is sealed to when he gets married. 

[blackstrap]

All covenants are temporary, unless and until sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise.

[JAHS]

2 minutes ago, blackstrap said:

All covenants are temporary, unless and until sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise.

That is true, but how do we know when that has happened? I would rather just call them eternal, stay faithful  and hope that it does happen at some point in time. 

[rpn]

He needs to know that nobody else or no one else's choices can cancel his own sealing covenants, except for him.  So all he needs to do is to live the best life of discipleship he can live..  

I would suggest that giving him Believing Christ by Stephen Robinson, which teaches fully how the atonement works, including that personal best (which gets better over time) and quick repentance of actual sin is ALWAYS enough for him to be perfect in Christ  ---- so that he doesn't get discouraged wrongly --- might also help him.

[CV75]

2 hours ago, maj said:

I have been thinking about a question the has been on my mind for some time.

A little background:

I was married and sealed in the temple on 2003 and had a son in 2007.

Without going into detail, my wife decided she no longer believed and didn't want to attend church anymore in 2018. 

In 2020 she decided that she did not want to be married anymore. As of last June, we are legally divorced. But, we are still sealed at the moment.

My son is still active and attends church with me.

The conversation has not yet come up, but in anticipation of when it does, I have been trying to think what to tell him if he asked about what happens to us all in the post mortal existence: I believe I am still sealed to him, as is my wife as she has not resigned her membership, but is completely inactive now.

My question is for advice on how to teach him where we hope to be in the eternities. I have no wish to "damn" my ex wife or anything like that. I know she may rebuild her testimony and return to full fellowship etc.

I suppose what I'm asking is what would be the kindest way to teach these things to my son when he begins to consider where he and his now individual parents may end up?

On a similar note: if I were to remarry, how would I teach him about the complexity of blended families in the Plan of Salvation?

Apologies for the lengthy post, I think it's my first time starting a topic...

 

I would teach that a man and a woman are voluntarily sealed to each other and to God by priesthood ordinance. All three have to be in agreement and the couple have to live by it if it is to have any value here or in heaven (exaltation). Each of their children join this sealing as a family member when they are born, and hopefully also agree to live by it as they come of age and contribute to and build the eternal family. Sealing will require a ratification at some point (Holy Spirit of Promise) for members of the family to proceed to exaltation together.

Not wanting to be sealed to a spouse or family anymore does not mean those involved cannot keep some kind of loving relationship outside of exaltation in this life or the next. We attain exaltation when we desire it for the Lord's sake, above any other family consideration, and this is the best way to bless our loved ones.

The ratified records in heaven and the reconciled records on earth will eventually match up. In the meantime, Church policy does the best it can to reflect the Lord's idealized, future state of the family and so requires priesthood keys (including revelation) to make any post-ordinance changes on earth.

So, his mother will always love him, and he will always love her as much as they are willing and able, no matter what happens with their sealing status. The same with you loving him and him you. Both mother and father may become sealed to someone else, and still the son will be sealed to them because God is party to the sealings.

 

Edited December 27, 2022 by CV75

[maj]

I really appreciate all your comments on this topic.

 

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and feelings - it's been really helpful.