smac97 Posted September 7, 2012 Posted September 7, 2012 Here: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2197073/The-wait-thats-worth-New-couples-delay-sex-longest-happiest.htmlIt seems mother was right after all. Relationships that start slowly are more satisfying in the end.A study of hundreds of couples found those who waited to have sex were happier in the long-run.Women particularly benefited from not leaping into bed at the first opportunity. Marriage also seemed to make them happier than co-habiting.The researchers said delaying sex gave couples time to get to know each other and work out just how compatible they were.Without this period of courtship, judgment can be clouded, leading to couples falling into unfulfilling long-term relationships. The study’s authors said: ‘Precocious pre-marital sexual activities may have lasting effects on relationship quality.‘Courtship is a time for exploration and decision-making about the relationship, when partners assess compatibility, make commitments and build on emotional and physical intimacy.‘The rapid entry into sexual relationships may, however, cut short this process, setting the stage for “sliding” rather than “deciding” to enter co-habiting unions.’In one of the first studies of its kind, the research team from Cornell University in the US asked almost 600 married and co-habiting couples how happy they were together. They were asked how committed they were to the relationship, how emotionally involved they were and how well they communicated, as well as about how often they argued and about their level of sexual satisfaction.They were also asked how long they had waited before sleeping together and money worries and other factors that could have skewed the results of the study were taken into account.Around a third of the men and women said they’d had sex within the first month of dating, while about 28 per cent waited at least six months, the Journal of Marriage and Family reported.Analysis of the data clearly showed the women who had waited to have sex to be happier. And those who waited at least six months scored more highly in every category measured than those who got intimate within the first month. Even their sex lives were better.The link was weaker for men. However, those who waited to get physically involved had fewer rows.The researchers said couples may benefit from taking things slowly.‘A strong sexual desire may thwart the development of other key ingredients of a healthy relationship such as commitment, mutual understanding or shared values,’ the report said. ‘Good sex is sometimes confused with love; some couples overlook problematic aspects of their relationship that ultimately matter more in the long run.’I think the Restored Gospel's treatment of sexuality is enlightened and healthy. I am grateful to have these teachings in my life.Thanks,-Smac 4
KevinG Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 One of the happy side effects of my conversion to Mormonism was a much healthier relationship with all women in my life.
blueadept Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 While I totally agree with this research and that LDS are known for waiting until marriage, I don't believe you're known for very long engagements and definitely encourage young couples to marry rather young.My youngest and her bf took a vow of waiting until marriage 3 1/2 years ago and I don't envision getting any wedding invites for at least another 3 years. I don't give LDS much credit for being patient and getting to know their significant other in my experience.
thesometimesaint Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 There has to be at least some sexual interest in people or we wouldn't reproduce. That being said waiting for a recognized union is much better for long time commitments than not waiting.
cinepro Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Are there any studies about sex after marriage I can pass along to my wife?
KevinG Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 (edited) While I totally agree with this research and that LDS are known for waiting until marriage, I don't believe you're known for very long engagements and definitely encourage young couples to marry rather young.My youngest and her bf took a vow of waiting until marriage 3 1/2 years ago and I don't envision getting any wedding invites for at least another 3 years. I don't give LDS much credit for being patient and getting to know their significant other in my experience.I got married at the age of 22 to a woman who I had known for 6 months. Her cousin took the cautious route and had a 3+ year engagement. My wife and I got to know each other real well in the context of a marriage covenant that has lasted almost 25 years and will last eternally. Her cousin was divorced within a year of her wedding.Of course my matchmaker was the Holy Spirit so I was on pretty steady ground when I made the decision to marry.While this is only my experience the data on temple marriages within the LDS church shows a greater chance of long term success. That tells me maturity and the ability to keep covenants and delay personal gratification has much more to do with success in marraige than chronological age. Edited September 8, 2012 by KevinG
KevinG Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Are there any studies about sex after marriage I can pass along to my wife? I'm sure it involves a decrease in frequency and an increase in expertise.
KevinG Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 (edited) dup Edited September 8, 2012 by KevinG
Tacenda Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 (edited) I believe there is a bond that will form if you marry before being too established or well enough off before marriage. Maybe that's why when blueadepts wife's cousin waited 3yrs. they weren't hurting as much for money. Edited September 8, 2012 by Tacenda 1
KevinG Posted September 8, 2012 Posted September 8, 2012 Tacenda I agree completely. The formative years of our young adulthood were completed together and I believe this strengthened us for challenges we faced later in life. The single biggest factor for me is viewing marriage as a covenant where you both grow and work together despite circumstances or failures and successes. If the relationship is seen as a trial basis then a contract where it can be dissolved when someone doesn't get what they want out of it the chances for divorce are much higher. We are human beings and sometimes fall short and at those times being covenanted to support and sustain each other is much more valuable than any initial compatibility.
bcuzbcuz Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 Here: http://www.dailymail...t-happiest.htmlWell, if the Daily Mail says it, it's got to be true.
cursor Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 The article nowhere mentions age ranges considered, what the ratio of men to women might have been (were all couples heterosexual?), or who might have sponsored (financed) the study. The author (and her editor) misspelled "cohabiting" [as "co-habiting"] three times (100% of the time). Reference to the published study results:Sharon Sassler, Fenaba Addo, and Daniel T. Lichter. 2012. "The Tempo of Sexual Activity and Later Relationship Quality."Journal of Marriage and Family, 74, 708-725.A better written article on the study (with more detail) can be found at PsychologyToday.com
smac97 Posted September 9, 2012 Author Posted September 9, 2012 While I totally agree with this research and that LDS are known for waiting until marriage, I don't believe you're known for very long engagements and definitely encourage young couples to marry rather young.My youngest and her bf took a vow of waiting until marriage 3 1/2 years ago and I don't envision getting any wedding invites for at least another 3 years. I don't give LDS much credit for being patient and getting to know their significant other in my experience.I knew my wife-to-be for six months before I proposed, and then we had a six-month engagement.I would be interested in sociological data about the length of pre-marriage relationships of Mormon couples.-Smac
cursor Posted September 9, 2012 Posted September 9, 2012 My father knew my mother for only a couple of months before they were married. Very shortly thereafter he went on a 30 month LDS mission to the Cook Islands. When done, he met his first son (of eight) when he was more than 20 months old. Against the odds suggested by the research work referenced by the OP, my folks were married for 43 years--only to be interrupted by my mother's premature passing at 64 years old.
The Nehor Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Are there any studies about sex after marriage I can pass along to my wife? 1
thesometimesaint Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 I was 20 and my wife 19 when we got married. 40 years and counting towards eternity.
Verum Posted September 10, 2012 Posted September 10, 2012 Yes, I am glad my wife and I both waited to have sex until marriage because I take a lot of comfort in the fact that she has nothing to compare it against. 1
blueadept Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 I knew my wife-to-be for six months before I proposed, and then we had a six-month engagement.I would be interested in sociological data about the length of pre-marriage relationships of Mormon couples.-SmacSince this is all part of the LDS culture, I suspect the statistics would be favorable. Within my LDS family, the success of my generation (and younger) would reflect well about the success of their marriages. For my father's generation and older within my family tree, the success of these marriages do not reflect well which IMHO does not represent the proper LDS concept in regards to marriage.My 2 cents
USU78 Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 The author (and her editor) misspelled "cohabiting" [as "co-habiting"] three times (100% of the time).It might be British usage . . .
The Nehor Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 The author (and her editor) misspelled "cohabiting" [as "co-habiting"] three times (100% of the time). That the Daily Mail used some source to back up an article is cause for celebration. Hoping that the article is well-written and the sources well-used is like expecting the winner of the Special Olympics to win the regular Olympics.
Calm Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 The author (and her editor) misspelled "cohabiting" [as "co-habiting"] three times (100% of the time). As far as I can tell, it is an acceptable spelling. See for instance:http://quotes.dictionary.com/search/co-habithttp://dictionary.reference.com/browse/co-habit?s=t
cassieblanca Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 While I totally agree with this research and that LDS are known for waiting until marriage, I don't believe you're known for very long engagements and definitely encourage young couples to marry rather young.My youngest and her bf took a vow of waiting until marriage 3 1/2 years ago and I don't envision getting any wedding invites for at least another 3 years. I don't give LDS much credit for being patient and getting to know their significant other in my experience.I think some couples believe in waiting for marriage but have a really hard time waiting, which is why they get married really fast. My best friend growing up got married to a guy she had known for only 3 months. I thought she was crazy. They have had some struggles but they are still together after close to 15 years I think. My husband and I dated for a year before getting engaged and then we were engaged for another year before getting married. We waited so that we could finish our college degrees before getting married. I was working on my master's degree and I knew (and I think I was right!) that it would hamper my studies if I got married in the middle of it. I think it also helped that we were older than many LDS couples who get married at 19 or 20. We were in our mid-twenties and we are on our 10th year now
Calm Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 (edited) We waited so that we could finish our college degrees before getting married. I was working on my master's degree and I knew (and I think I was right!) that it would hamper my studies if I got married in the middle of it.Took me five years to finish the two classes that I needed to graduate....one was an English class, the other was the Fitness for Life PE course which required daily jogging, IIRC, or at least a physical fitness test that required significant speed at the end of the course....something that always ended with me on a couch violently ill. Give me a good long walk anytime. I have weird reactions to more enthusiastic forms of exercise, blood sugar is one problem though I had no clue about it at that time. I wanted to wait until I was done just on principle especially since I had started college a year earlier than most, but my husband to be refused...and it was not like I wasn't ignoring my classes anyway. I discovered I could either be a student at that time or engaged/married as I couldn't manage to drop the analytical approach when I walked through the door of our apartment. If I hadn't dropped out of school until I managed more selfcontrol, we wouldn't be married now, 32 years later.I also discovered it would be completely stupid for me to become a practicing psychotherapist because there was no way I could leave my work at work....which was okay as research always interested me more...not that I was able to actually do that either due to discovering that pregnancy kicked a genetic disorder I had into major overdrive....so all that is now something I get to look forward to in my next life. Okay, I can tell I need to get some more sleep...sharing way too much personal information that no one will be interested in again....just typing for the sake of typing. Need to go find something of substance I can pontificate on. Edited September 11, 2012 by calmoriah
cursor Posted September 11, 2012 Posted September 11, 2012 As far as I can tell, it is an acceptable spelling. See for instance:http://quotes.dictio...search/co-habithttp://dictionary.re...se/co-habit?s=tI did not know that. Thanks for the correction.
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