My Mother Forgot Who I Was...Need Advice; Encouragement.

[Bill “Papa” Lee]

Yesterday was a bad day. After an hour long conversation with my Mother. See got up to walk into the kitchen...I told her to careful and not trip. She replied; " No my husband is not on a trip he is dead". I told her "I know he is my Daddy". She responded "so that makes you my son". She then broke down crying for forgetting this...I then walked into my room and cried for an hour.

Anyony who has been though this with have any advice?

It just brought home the fact that one day it will not just be for a few moment. This is such a cruel illness.

She wants to to church with us each Sunday, but because of her illness I am not going to take advantage. I respect here beliefs now...she is truly fit for heaven.

She is the woman who inspired these words...

When My Mother Prays

When my Mother prays,

Angels take their flight.

To guard my way by day,

Too protect me in the night.

When I forget in whom I trust

And bow on blended knee.

There is one who won't forget,

To plead my case to Thee.

In sickness and in health,

Circumstances tho' they be.

My name Thou can't forget,

When my Mother prays for me.

In the purest form of love

Her prayers for me are heard,

In language known to angels

In the simple spoken word.

And yet these words ascend,

To Thy thrown exaulted high.

Request for promised blessing,

Which Thou cannot deny.

In darkness, I have walked

Not knowing well, the cost.

A voice was heard on high

Before my soul was lost.

Blessed is her name,

Her devotion knows no bounds.

In her quite secret place,

On her knees she will be found.

With courage I will face

The trials of coming days.

The heavens shake for my good,

When my Mother prays.

For my Mother...Norman Francis Lee

BTW...I know everyone thinks their Mother is the greatest woman who ever lived...but in the case of my Mother it is true.

Edited September 2, 2012 by Bill “Papa” Lee

[Garden Girl]

Hello Pa Pa

I'm sorry about your mother... I know that there are undoubtedly local support groups... check with your local hospital or look in the directory... sometimes it helps to be able to talk things out with others who are going through the same thing. They can share experiences.

I'm glad you know that her days will become more difficult as her memory continues to slip away. You are right... it is heartbreaking... but the best gift you can give to her is understanding and patience.

If she is still able, it may benefit her to go to Church... only you can judge how she would be... I know one important thing is to keep her engaged. I'm sure you can go online and find all sorts of helpful information... that, plus a support group...

Sometimes support group members know who to call for someone to come in and stay with her while you and your wife take a break for a few hours. That is important for caregivers. Otherwise it can become just too much emotionally and even physically.

Good luck... blessings...

GG

[jwhitlock]

I know what you're experiencing; my mother also has Alzheimers and my dad is struggling with being the primary caregiver. It can be incredibly draining to deal with, yet as with all trials, there are bright spots and the hand of the Lord is evident from time to time in our lives and in my parents lives - even as they go through this final pruning in this temporal molding period.

Have you read "The 36 Hour Day" by Nancy L. Mace and Peter V. Rabins? It's one of the classics on explaining dementia / Alzheimers and giving ways of coping with it. Our family has quite a bit of the odd British sense of humor, and we find that helps us to deal with things.

It helps to understand that those who suffer from this disease progressively have their frame of reference to reality more and more constrained, due to the degeneration of the brain. We come into this life and forget where we were before, and see only the world around us. That shapes our perspective. Our mothers, in their state, walk into a room, and in a sense are born into that room. That is their reality and they don't know of anything outside of it, including relationships they had before. I've found it instructive to reflect on that and to understand our own constraints in mortality, which help me to be more loving and patient with what is going on with my mom. She's just become more constrained than I have, and her perception is based on the very narrow moving window of reality ranging from 5 seconds to almost a minute or two at times that she can comprehend anymore.

Again, it's tough. But it will have an end, and the Lord will eventually make everything right. I know that from other personal experience I have.

Hope this helps a bit.

[ERayR]

I don't think I have anything that will make it easier but with much prayer it will be possible. God bless you Pa Pa and give you the strength you need. I do know that God doesn't give us more than we are capable. I would review D & D 121.

. .

[Tacenda]

I would suggest going to the Alzhiemer's Association website. It has alot of advice.

I already mentioned before that I went through this with my mom. It is devastating. I prayed for a cure constantly. Hoping stem cell research would come up with a vaccine or cure. So far the best thing you could do is get her in for testing and see if it's not too late to get her on Aricept. This medication can stabalize the disease so she'll enjoy the memory she does have longer. Another piece of advice is to go along with what she says vs. correct her when she says something off the wall. And be careful to give whoever is her caretaker, a break. My dad was my mom's and I believe it put him in the grave sooner than he would have. If you have siblings make sure they spend time helping too. I wish I could say or do something that would make it go away. IMO it's hardest when it's at the point your mother is in. When they become depressed and confused. The best scenario is when they aren't aware of what is happening. With my mom she suffered 10 yrs. with it and at one time had pneumonia. Hindsight tells me she wouldn't have suffered so much if she'd been able to just go to her maker instead of treating her with antibiotics.

Edited September 1, 2012 by Tacenda

[Bill “Papa” Lee]

Hello Pa Pa

I'm sorry about your mother... I know that there are undoubtedly local support groups... check with your local hospital or look in the directory... sometimes it helps to be able to talk things out with others who are going through the same thing. They can share experiences.

I'm glad you know that her days will become more difficult as her memory continues to slip away. You are right... it is heartbreaking... but the best gift you can give to her is understanding and patience.

If she is still able, it may benefit her to go to Church... only you can judge how she would be... I know one important thing is to keep her engaged. I'm sure you can go online and find all sorts of helpful information... that, plus a support group...

Sometimes support group members know who to call for someone to come in and stay with her while you and your wife take a break for a few hours. That is important for caregivers. Otherwise it can become just too much emotionally and even physically.

Good luck... blessings...

GG

I am the baby ( although 55) I just held her and siad

Mama please don't forget me.

Edited September 1, 2012 by Bill “Papa” Lee

[Tacenda]

I am the baby ( although 55) I just held her and siad

Mama please don't forget me.

This might not seem important now but I strongly suggest you get one of those books that ask questions about one's life and you fill in the lines. If I were you I would ask her these questions and videotape her. Before it gets any worse. Especially nice for your children and grandchildren. I wish I had done this. I'd love to be able to hear my moms voice again. And to hear her laugh.

[TAO]

A story from President Monson... which, well, this reminded me of it. It's the last 10 or so paragraphs: http://www.lds.org/ensign/1994/04/primary-days?lang=eng&query=georgell

[Bill “Papa” Lee]

Yesterday was a bad day. After an hour long conversation with my Mother. See got up to walk into the kitchen...I told her to careful and not trip. She replied; " No my husband is not on a trip he is dead". I told her "I know he is my Daddy". She responded "so that makes you my son". She then broke down crying for forgetting this...I then walked into my room and cried for an hour.

Anyony who has been though this with have any advice?

It just brought home the fact that one day it will not just be for a few moment. This is such a cruel illness.

She wants to to church with us each Sunday, but because of her illness I am not going to take advantage. I respect here beliefs now...she is truly fit for heaven.

She is the woman who inspired these words...

When My Mother Prays

When my Mother prays,

Angels take their flight.

To guard my way by day,

Too protect me in the night.

When I forget in whom I trust

And bow on blended knee.

There is one who won't forget,

To plead my case to Thee.

In sickness and in health,

Circumstances tho' they be.

My name Thou can't forget,

When my Mother prays for me.

In the purest form of love

Her prayers for me are heard,

In language known to angels

In the simple spoken word.

And yet these words ascend,

To Thy thrown exaulted high.

Request for promised blessing,

Which Thou cannot deny.

In darkness, I have walked

Not knowing well, the cost.

A voice was heard on high

Before my soul was lost.

Blessed is her name,

Her devotion knows no bounds.

In her quite secret place,

On her knees she will be found.

With courage I will face

The trials of coming days.

The heavens shake for my good,

When my Moth prays.

For my Mother...Norman Francis Lee

BTW...I know everyone thinks their Mother is the greatest woman who ever lived...but in the case of my Mother it is true.

You know it is embarrassing when you quote from memory and it is filled with mistakes...hope it looks right now...let me know if their are still mistakes; please.

[blackstrap]

Last line papa

[Bill “Papa” Lee]

Last line papa

Repaired...thanks.

[Tacenda]

A story from President Monson... which, well, this reminded me of it. It's the last 10 or so paragraphs: http://www.lds.org/ensign/1994/04/primary-days?lang=eng&query=georgell

lump in my throat

[thesometimesaint]

Pa Pa:

I hate to have to tell you this. But she will forget whom you are, eventually how to walk, how speak, how to eat, and slowly how to breathe. It is a truly a terrible disease, and curse in this life. Love her for whom she was, and will again be beyond the veil. It will be a grand reunion, and all the tears will tears of joy.

[Bill “Papa” Lee]

Pa Pa:

I hate to have to tell you this. But she will forget whom you are, eventually how to walk, how speak, how to eat, and slowly how to breathe. It is a truly a terrible disease, and curse in this life. Love her for whom she was, and will again be beyond the veil. It will be a grand reunion, and all the tears will tears of joy.

In this case I could use a lie.

[thesometimesaint]

Pa Pa:

A lie may make us feel good for a while, but the truth will always come out. I've always been one who wants the truth no matter how terrible. I can deal with it. What I can't do anything with is a lie. This life no matter how long is but temporary. A fleeting moment of sometimes intense pain. The Lord has descended below it all, and all will be made whole in body and in mind. Be of good cheer though now is a time of tears. It will be a glorious reunion that awaits and then into the Resurrection of the Just.

Edited September 2, 2012 by thesometimesaint

[Bill “Papa” Lee]

Pa Pa:

A lie may make us feel good for a while, but the truth will always come out.

My heart is broken.

[ldsboy]

May the Lord bless you Pa Pa and your mother

[thesometimesaint]

Pa Pa:

I know. I am so sorry for you and your beloved mother. My God bless you with his healing spirit, and the strength for the coming events. The end of this life is a sad time. However Christ has promised us life eternal. Take comfort in what was and what will be while the tears of now flow. God be with you .

[Calm]

There is some pain in life that can only be healed by the Lord.

And sometimes he does not always remove it as soon as he could for his own reasons.

But what does seem unbearable can in time be borne if one trusts the Lord enough.

[Tacenda]

My heart is broken.

You could keep her in your memory longer if you videotape her now. I hope you take me seriously on this. I've forgotten so much of my mom and kick myself for not doing this before she got so bad. Also have you had her diagnosed? There are other health conditions that mimic dementia/ahlzheimers. Be glad you've had your mom as long as you have. My mom's dementia started around 62. I've recently found out my cousin has it and she is 60. It runs in my family. I hope everyone takes time with their parents now before it's too late.

Edited September 2, 2012 by Tacenda

[Bill “Papa” Lee]

You could keep her in your memory longer if you videotape her now. I hope you take me seriously on this. I've forgotten so much of my mom and kick myself for not doing this before she got so bad. Also have you had her diagnosed? There are other health conditions that mimic dementia/ahlzheimers.

Years ago...my mother-in-law is far worse; she knows no one.

[Garden Girl]

Several years before my mom died, she and my dad were visiting my husband and I here in Oregon. My husband set up the camera and mom and I sat on the fireplace hearth and I interviewed her... I did an oral history, with her answering questions/telling stories about who her family was, where she was born, her childhood, marrying my bio dad (eventually divorcing), the years when she was a single mom and working as a "Rosie the Riveter" up at Dagget in the CA desert coming home on weekends, how she met my step-dad (to whom I am sealed), etc etc.

During the interview something was said that tickled mom and me and we got to laughing, and when we looked at each other we laughed harder till tears rolled down our cheeks... we finally were able to continue on... but that part was caught on tape and I absolutely cherish it. Sometimes I watch it just to see/hear her and to see us laugh together... and I can't watch it without laughing all over again.

I encourage everyone to talk to your older relatives before they are gone and take either an oral or written history before the stories are lost.

GG