Anti-Mormon Bloopers

[talisyn]

I read the Black Pearl too; back in elementary school.....

I thought the Black Pearl was a pirate ship....

[consiglieri]

That reminds me of that one "anti" guy who constantly asks people where they could find the book of Hezekiah in the Bible.(Quit looking guys its not there, its a trick )RegardsSentinus

I knew a guy who pretended to be well-versed in the Bible, although he knew he wasn't, and he knew I knew he wasn't, and any time he would quote something from the Bible and I would ask where that was found, he would say the Book of Hezekiah.

It's a good reference for any odd thing you want to quote. Most people don't know the difference, and wouldn't bother to look it up anyway.

Or you could do the Homer Simpson thing, and when asked where something is found in the Bible, just say, "It's in the back there somewhere."

All the Best!

--Consiglieri

[Buckeye]

No, the best anti-statement ever made was one that was actually "true" taken totally out of context. I once read an anti-tract that stated BYU has the highest rate of "teenage mothers" or "teenage birth" of any college in the country. In fact, I'm sure that is likely true. What the anti failed to mention was that BYU has has the highest rate of married couples in the country, thus all of those "teen marriages" were 19 year old, married coeds.

Thought that was hilarious.

C.I.

The Guttmacher Institute did a year 2006 study on teenage preganacy. (see Page 11). Utah ranks 45th in teen pregnancy, something even more notable since Nevada and Arizona rank 1 and 2. Utah also ranks 50th in abortion.

The institute defines "teenager" as between 15 to 19. The report makes no mention of removing married teenage pregancies from the count.

[Buckeye]

I was once at an academic conference in upstate New York when another participant, noticing my nametag with its BYU identification, commented that he really admired Mormonism, except for the way we treat bankruptcies.

I asked him what he meant, and he described the Church policy that will invest to save a member's failing business twice but, on the third failure, expects the member to commit suicide. He simply would not credit my denials of this alleged policy. He had heard about it from a reliable source, you see, and maybe I just needed to learn a little more about what my church teaches.

This is great. Next PEC meeting I am going to propose the bishop create a cap-and-trade program whereby members call sell their first or second bailout to those who are facing suicide. Though I wonder if I'll have to pay tithing on the proceeds? Hmmm.

[Daniel Peterson]

When I was an undergraduate at BYU many years ago, I helped (peripherally) to host an internationally famous literary critic during his visit to campus. He soon proved to be an arrogant buffoon of the first order, with a particular (and rather puzzling) hostility toward Mormons.

A good friend of mine, now a General Authority, picked him up at the airport and had to listen to his harangue comparing Mormon proselyting to Hitler's extermination of the Jews much of the way down I-15. When my friend, a very soft-spoken fellow, gently pointed out that we don't force anybody to listen, the visiting scholar immediately responded that, if that was the way things were going to be, they could just pull over right now and he would walk back to the airport. And then he began to open his car door. My friend concluded that we had a lunatic on our hands, and decided to bear everything in silence from then on.

The high point, to my mind, came during a public lecture when the visiting eminento commenced his remarks by expressing his contempt for Mormonism -- this was really an unbelievable performance -- and, in order to impress us with his deep knowledge of our faith and its history, indicated very pompously, in precisely these words: "I've been to your precious Elmira!"

Right after he left, my friend Tom Rogers, playwright, now-retired professor of Russian literature and, at the time, head of the BYU Honors Program, sent a note to some of us who had been involved in the visit, beginning with the line "Well, XXXXXX has come and gone, and with him went our respect."

[Buckeye]

"I've been to your precious Elmira!"

There actually is an Elmira, NY on the PA border. Its all so clear now. Joseph invented the mythical "palmyra" based on the real city of "elmira" which he must have passed through on his way to visit Emma (and then go to Dartmouth)!

[LifeOnaPlate]

I made a point on my mission to visit as many different Churches as I could (I was in Wisconsin). In one area we attended the Seventh Day Adventist meeting where a man lectured on creationism and denounced "evolution" as he understood it. After the meeting a meal was served and we were invited to stay. Everyone was very kind, not argumentative, very Christian. Except for one older man with a long gray ponytail. He told he had had read the "Books of the Mormon" and knew the trick found at the end. I asked what he meant and he said that "Moronukuh" directs readers to ask God if the Book of Mormon "is not true." When God answers the question he is affirming that it is not true, but people mistake it for God approving of the book.

Another blunder is Richard Abanes's following of Quinn regarding the importance of astrology and the moon to Latter-day Saints. Greg Smith of FAIR has done an excellent wiki on the incident, and I plan on borrowing it for a blog post next week. It is a very funny one.

[ERMD]

A college friend told me he had a "good friend" who was an LDS Bishop. This Bishop told him that using the Priesthood, he had the power to pray to keep his wife out of heaven.

I've threatened my wife with that. I just get ignored...

[captain-jack]

1. Liar Liar Pants On Fire.

At an anti-Mormon rally in a Lutheran church in Rockford IL, the professional anti-Mo

said he once attended General Conference in Salt Lake City where

the famous Mormon Apostle LeGrand Richards was speaking. At one point

in his talk, said the anti, Elder Richards began to quote a Bible passage, but as

he proceeded through the quote Richards realized that it contradicted the Mormon

doctrine he was preaching. The anti said, "Richards hung his head in embarrassment

and defeat and slowly returned to his seat."

I can only imagine that was taped or televised, so I would like to see or hear when that happened.

He loudly crowed that he had already read the Book of Mormon and the "Black Pearl" and so he knew everything he needed to know about Mormonism.

Two of my favorite things, religion and sailing.

I had someone I knew (once was a friend) tell me the Book of Mormon was wrong. When I pressed the issue by asking how she knew, all she could reply with is "it just is!". No evidence, no theories, no explanation, just that "it was". I didn't laugh at her, but inside I thought that is was just sad to believe something without testing it yourself.

[LifeOnaPlate]

jack, go read Moby ****, it has both.

[captain-jack]

jack, go read Moby ****, it has both.

But it doesn't have the Black Pearl.

[maklelan]

I had someone I knew (once was a friend) tell me the Book of Mormon was wrong. When I pressed the issue by asking how she knew, all she could reply with is "it just is!". No evidence, no theories, no explanation, just that "it was". I didn't laugh at her, but inside I thought that is was just sad to believe something without testing it yourself.

The most common response to evidence in favor of the value of the Book of Mormon basically comes down to, "Nu-uh!" It's surprising, really.

[Bernard Gui]

A college friend told me he had a "good friend" who was an LDS Bishop. This Bishop told him that using the Priesthood, he had the power to pray to keep his wife out of heaven.

I've threatened my wife with that. I just get ignored...

And so you should, you bad boy!

Some great stories so far! Keep them coming.

From the aforementioned anti-Mormon rally in the Lutheran church...

The professional anti told of a lecture he gave in Utah, right in the lion's

mouth, as it were. He said that 10 Mormon bishops and 15 Mormon missionaries

marched into the hall and sat in the front row with their arms crossed as if

daring him to continue, which, brave fellow that he was, he did.

I think one could identify a Mormon missionary, but a bishop? In my case,

chubby and bald, but I know some skinny bishops with hair. And one of

those missionaries was in real trouble.

So, how would you identify 10 Mormon bishops? The haggard look? The bags under

the eyes?

Bernard

[Bernard Gui]

Oh yes!

I was listening to a local "Christian" radio talk show and they had Dave Hunt

on as a guest. Hunt is a famous anti, some-time cohort of Ed Decker.

He was talking on Mr. Abanes' favorite subject...the Mormon takeover of

America. The show was during Reagan's first presidential campaign.

Hunt claimed that Reagan would chose a Mormon for his vice-president to

get the Mormon and conservative vote. When they were elected, "something"

would happen to Reagan, and the Mormon would become POTUS. He would

then abdicate to the Prophet in SLC, and all the BYU returned-missionaries

in the FBI and CIA and the Mormons "with their year's supply

of guns and ammunition" [direct quote] would rise up and the Mormon

coup would be complete.

Bernard

[Doctor Steuss]

A few jobs back, I was spending my lunch break (as I usually did) outside reading. Others who were out there began talking about religions. Somehow the topic moved to Mormonism, and one co-worker (whom I had a fairly good relationship with) said that Mormons believed that Joseph Smith received his prophetic calling from a Salamander. I perked up, and told her that I was pretty sure she was mistaken. She retorted that she had taken classes on Mormonism at her Church, and that this is indeed what Mormons believe.

I told her that I was (although a poor example of one) a Mormon, and that I had never heard such a thing. She then again stated that she had taken some classes on Mormonism and that she knew what she was talking about, and then pretended as if I wasnâ??t there while she continued to share her knowledge of Mormonism with the others there. I decided to let it rest (as there were, and still are, things about Mormonism that I donâ??t know) and to ask my father about it when I got home. Upon asking my father, I was introduced to the whole Hoffman dilly.

Sadly, she never talked to me again inside or outside of work after her discovery that I was Mormon, and largely ignored me for the remainder of my employment there.

[consiglieri]

So, how would you identify 10 Mormon bishops? The haggard look? The bags under

the eyes?

Bernard

Nodding off during the sermon?

[consiglieri]

Sadly, she never talked to me again inside or outside of work after her discovery that I was Mormon, and largely ignored me for the remainder of my employment there.

So you equate her ignoring you with finding out you are Mormon?

[Doctor Steuss]

So you equate her ignoring you with finding out you are Mormon?

It was either my Mormonism, or the serendipitous development of my penchant for Chili Cheese Fries that occurred that very same day.

It is certainly possible that there was something else that triggered the sudden leper treatment. I can be rather daft, and maybe she simply grew weary of my constant tomfoolery. But, given the lack of any other catalyst that I can see, I tend to nurse my unavoidable Mormon persecution complex.

[busybee]

Best one I've ever heard was from a co-worker who asked if she could ask a few questions about the church. I was quite excited because I love to answer questions about the church. I'm not great at initiating conversations about Mormonism but I have no problems answering questions.

Her first question was :" I hear Mormons worship in the nude!!!." I nearly died laughing. The mental image was just too much for me!!!

Needless to say the conversation didn't last much longer. I thought of saying that we'd have no problem filling our chapels if that were the case, but decided to just say nothing.

[Bernard Gui]

Her first question was :" I hear Mormons worship in the nude!!!." I nearly died laughing. The mental image was just too much for me!!!

Needless to say the conversation didn't last much longer. I thought of saying that we'd have no problem filling our chapels if that were the case, but decided to just say nothing.

Oh, how excellent is that one!

Naked Zukies!!!

A family was baptized into the Church in our ward in Tacoma WA. At that time,

the Ex-mos for J..... followed the elders around and would intervene with the

families after the elders left the house. The Sunday after their baptism, the

wife came to my office and said, "We aren't coming to church here any more."

I asked why. The Ex-mos had visited them and told them that Mormons run

around naked in the temples. They told her to confront me with this disclosure,

and that I would deny it, but it was true, but secret. Well, as they predicted,

I denied it. I asked her if she knew Bro and Sis So-and-So, and Bro and Sis

Wassname - some of the older couples in the ward who were temple workers.

She said yes. I asked her if she really believed they ran around the temple

naked. She wouldn't answer, and, sadly, they never came back.

Just imagining all those humble geezers running around in the buff...oh my.

Bernard

[mfbukowski]

I made a point on my mission to visit as many different Churches as I could (I was in Wisconsin). In one area we attended the Seventh Day Adventist meeting where a man lectured on creationism and denounced "evolution" as he understood it. After the meeting a meal was served and we were invited to stay. Everyone was very kind, not argumentative, very Christian. Except for one older man with a long gray ponytail. He told he had had read the "Books of the Mormon" and knew the trick found at the end. I asked what he meant and he said that "Moronukuh" directs readers to ask God if the Book of Mormon "is not true." When God answers the question he is affirming that it is not true, but people mistake it for God approving of the book.

Another blunder is Richard Abanes's following of Quinn regarding the importance of astrology and the moon to Latter-day Saints. Greg Smith of FAIR has done an excellent wiki on the incident, and I plan on borrowing it for a blog post next week. It is a very funny one.

Oddly, the belief in astrology is a relic of knowledge of the pre-existence. The whole premise of astrology is that as the spirit descends to earth from heaven, it passes through the various spheres including those containing the stars and signs of the zodiac. Depending on what month it is, and what sign it passes through, various personality traits are impressed into the spirit, so that if you are a Cancer, you supposedly have similar characteristics to other cancers.

[talisyn]

But it doesn't have the Black Pearl.

I recently read the abridged version of Moby **** to my child, I assumed the lack of pirate ships was due to editing.

[Calm]

It was either my Mormonism, or the serendipitous development of my penchant for Chili Cheese Fries that occurred that very same day.

It is certainly possible that there was something else that triggered the sudden leper treatment. I can be rather daft, and maybe she simply grew weary of my constant tomfoolery. But, given the lack of any other catalyst that I can see, I tend to nurse my unavoidable Mormon persecution complex.

It is possible that it was not the fact of your Mormonness that bothered her, but that you contradicted her in public and questioned her knowledge. Her response in dismissing you seems to indicate she placed a high value on her appearance of knowledge.

[Doctor Steuss]

It is possible that it was not the fact of your Mormonness that bothered her, but that you contradicted her in public and questioned her knowledge. Her response in dismissing you seems to indicate she placed a high value on her appearance of knowledge.

As I think about it, you might be right. I was a young sprite (22) at the time, and likely still had that unavoidable air of "know-it-all-ness" that is inherent with youth. Combine that with me contradicting her, and it was probably quite off-putting.

[Moon Quaker]

Once on my mission, my companion and I were at Fort Riley (KS) meeting with a media referral. Since no active proselytizing is allowed on military installations, we were simply meeting with the man at his request. We were having a discussion at a picnic bench when along came this born-again, EV (or whatever) who proceeded to argue with us. In talking about "Mormons" and what they believe, this born-again, EV guy exhibited a Freudian slip; i.e., he inadvertently referred to "Mormons" as "Morons."

He realized his slip-up and was about to correct himself, but before doing so, he realized that his slip of the tongue was "rather clever" (i.e., as far as he was concerned.) Too many anti-Mormons who refer to "Mormons" as "Morons" thinking that they are the first ones to use the term are just plain stupid. Of course, as a TBM then (and an ex-Mormon atheist now) when I've seen people use "Moron" derisively in place of "Mormon," my thoughts are, Good grief people! Can't you come up with anything more original and creative than that?!

Anyway, the fact that this born-again, EV army private thought he was so clever only proved to me how stupid he really was. And the fact that he was actively proselytizing us and our media referral (without invitation) could have have gotten him in trouble. Needless to say, our media referral never converted, but he knew BS when he saw it and he came to our defense and was basically telling the born-again EV guy how baseless his arguments and accusations were. (I forget his name, I only remember that he has a mandolin)