Anti-Mormon Bloopers

[consiglieri]

I only remember that he has a mandolin

Or maybe he was just happy to see you?

[Daniel Peterson]

A lady in Zollikofen, Switzerland, the suburb of Bern in which the Swiss Temple sits, once told me that she could never become a Mormon because of the way we baptize. When I asked for clarification, she told me that the Mormon priests examine all candidates for baptism carefully, with the candidates standing there naked, before they approve them for baptism.

Her pastor had told her this.

I invited her to attend the baptism that would be taking place in the Zollikofen chapel that Saturday, but she declined, saying that she wanted no part of our nude rituals.

What was the word of a Latter-day Saint missionary against that of her Evangelischer Pfarrer?

[Moon Quaker]

I only remember that he has a mandolin

Or maybe he was just happy to see you?

LOL!

Nah, seriously, he was very surprised when he got it out and I immediately recognized it as a mandolin. Most people in the army with him just figured it was a "banjo" or "ukelele" since most of them had never seen a mandolin (or even knew what one was.)

*listens to Led Zeppelin's "Battle of Evermore"*

Anyway, back to your regularly scheduled thread ...

[Sparty]

Oh yes!

I was listening to a local "Christian" radio talk show and they had Dave Hunt

on as a guest. Hunt is a famous anti, some-time cohort of Ed Decker.

He was talking on Mr. Abanes' favorite subject...the Mormon takeover of

America. The show was during Reagan's first presidential campaign.

Hunt claimed that Reagan would chose a Mormon for his vice-president to

get the Mormon and conservative vote. When they were elected, "something"

would happen to Reagan, and the Mormon would become POTUS. He would

then abdicate to the Prophet in SLC, and all the BYU returned-missionaries

in the FBI and CIA and the Mormons "with their year's supply

of guns and ammunition" [direct quote] would rise up and the Mormon

coup would be complete.

Bernard

I call Idaho and Florida when the takeover is complete

[Bernard Gui]

I call Idaho and Florida when the takeover is complete

They're yours. I assume you are a well-prepared tyrant?

While we're diviying things up, anyone else have any requests?

I want to be Secretary of Treasury so I won't have to pay my income taxes.

Bernard

[Bernard Gui]

Not A Mormon

When I served as a bishop, I had the happy duty of being the "Transient Bishop", the one

all the other bishops in the city referred folks to who claimed to be members and needed

help for one reason or another. I talked to a lot of people who said they were Mormons

just passing through or whatever who couldn't remember what ward they were in or

who their bishop was, so I tried to think of a question that only a member could answer,

even if he hadn't been active for a long time. I asked them to describe their baptism.

One guy said everyone was in the swimming pool with their swimsuits on and they

splashed around a bit before going under the water.

Bernard

PS: to all you folks who are going to think I was a heartless son of a biscuit for giving

them a test, yes, we helped them when we could and their need was legitimate,

even if they weren't LDS. The reason I tried to get their bishop's name was so

I could contact him and let him know some of his flock was in trouble.

[Sparty]

I was in O'hare airport with some coworker who knew very well that I was Mormon. We were all very tired but still had an hour until we boarded our connecting flight. One of my coworkers noticed that the lady across from me was reading "Under the Banner of Heaven". As a younger man, I did a bit of mountaineering and really enjoyed John Krakauer's Into the Wild and Into Thin Air. My coworker asked me what I thought about that book. I replied that I really loved Krakauer's books, but that "Under the Banner of Heaven" reached really ridiculous conclusions. The lady reading the book, who I had no idea was listening into our conversation, said something to the effect of I've been to Utah and those folks are weird. The lady got more and more angry because I ignored her and kept talking to my coworker about the lack of logic in Krakauer's book. Finally, the lady butted into our conversation and said, "Well, I like the book and Mormon's are weird". My coworker looked at her and said she didn't think she would read the book and knew some Mormons personally that weren't weird. The lady snapped her book shut and walked to another row of seats. My friend laughed and asked me if I got that often....I truthfully said no.

I don't classify this as an "anti" encounter, but it was sure interesting.

Sparty

[MatthewG]

They're yours. I assume you are a well-prepared tyrant?

While we're diviying things up, anyone else have any requests?

I want to be Secretary of Treasury so I won't have to pay my income taxes.

Bernard

Careful, this will turn political.....and you know better.

[annewandering]

They're yours. I assume you are a well-prepared tyrant?

While we're diviying things up, anyone else have any requests?

I want to be Secretary of Treasury so I won't have to pay my income taxes.

Bernard

I get Hawaii and Alaska!!!

[urroner]

I get Hawaii and Alaska!!!

Doctor Steuss gets Texas!!!!!

[livy111us]

While speaking to the critics at the Manti pagaent a few years ago, we got into a discussion about the Gold plates. These brilliant anti-Mormons said "Joseph Smith made up the Book of Mormon because it is impossible for gold plates to exist. NO gold has been found in Mesoamerica nor will there ever be gold found in Mesoamerica."

After informing this critical friend of the conquistadors and their plundering of native gold, he became quiet for a few minutes until the conversation turned to grace, in which he informed me is how we are saved.

[mfbukowski]

This is second hand, but someone was telling me that they read a book by an anti talking about how one of Brigham's wives escaped by jumping out of a second storey window in the Salt Lake Temple into the Salt Lake and swimming away. That must have been some jump!

[mfbukowski]

Nodding off during the sermon?

I know one bishop who pinches himself to the point of bruising to keep from nodding off!

[annewandering]

I've heard some outrageous things about the Church and its members over the

years. I would like to have a little contest here to find the most hilarious anti-Mormon

moment. One rule...you have to be a witness of the event. No second hand stories!

I'll start off with these three:

1. Liar Liar Pants On Fire.

At an anti-Mormon rally in a Lutheran church in Rockford IL, the professional anti-Mo

said he once attended General Conference in Salt Lake City where

the famous Mormon Apostle LeGrand Richards was speaking. At one point

in his talk, said the anti, Elder Richards began to quote a Bible passage, but as

he proceeded through the quote Richards realized that it contradicted the Mormon

doctrine he was preaching. The anti said, "Richards hung his head in embarrassment

and defeat and slowly returned to his seat."

2. Storming Mount Olympus

In Tacoma WA, my oldest son and I were eating in a Dairy Queen after a school event. In came several

young married couples. They sat near us and started a rather animated conversation about

Mormons. They had just attended a lesson on Mormons at their church. One of the men

insisted that when Mormons become gods, they go into heaven and throw God off his

throne. That's how they become Gods, he claimed.

3. Who Was That Masked Man?

In a discussion with two Jehovah's Witnesses missionaries, one of them claimed Mormons are not

Christians because the Book of Mormon says there is no Christ. He quoted Alma 30:14-15...

"These things which ye call prophecies...behold they are foolish traditions of your fathers...ye

cannot know of things which ye do not see; therefore ye cannot know that there shall be

a Christ...it is the effect of a frenzied mind!"

So, feel free to add your bloopers and we'll take a vote for the best one. I'll think of an appropriate

prize for the winner...perhaps my well-used copy of One Nation Under Gods first edition (you know,

the one the editor messed up.)

Bernard

Second hand but it was my brother. My moms family is part LDS. One of her sisters is pretty adamantly antimormon and apparently taught her kids the same.

One day my little brother, about 5, was talking to his cousin, about 5 also. His cousin informed him that all mormons had horns. My little brother, bless him, dipped his head to this little cousin and asked if he could see horns. Of course he couldn't see any. Little bother said, well I am mormon and I don't have horns. Asked where he heard such a thing my brother was told that cousin's sunday school teacher told him.

I have a story in reverse so we don't get the idea we are perfect. One day in school one of my playmates was telling me that you can tell who bad men are by if they wear beards or mustaches. My jaw dropped because my dad always wore a mustache and many early General Authorities did also as well as pictures I had seen of God or Jesus often had them portrayed with beards. Of course I told her my dad was not evil and neither was Jesus or God. She was determined since her primary teacher taught her that. I have always wondered what she was actually taught.

[Bernard Gui]

A lady in Zollikofen, Switzerland, the suburb of Bern in which the Swiss Temple sits, once told me that she could never become a Mormon because of the way we baptize. When I asked for clarification, she told me that the Mormon priests examine all candidates for baptism carefully, with the candidates standing there naked, before they approve them for baptism.

Her pastor had told her this.

I invited her to attend the baptism that would be taking place in the Zollikofen chapel that Saturday, but she declined, saying that she wanted no part of our nude rituals.

What was the word of a Latter-day Saint missionary against that of her Evangelischer Pfarrer?

That is one of the strangest Mormon thingies I have ever heard!

Don't They Get A Little Soggy?

While on my mission, I was tracting with my companion in San Jose, Costa Rica. Once in a while we

carried our cameras with us, just to get some souvenir photos to send home. We stopped to talk

with a couple of young men. One of them told the other, "Don't let them take you picture. They will

baptize it in the temple and then you will be a Mormon!"

Bernard

[bluebell]

Don't They Get A Little Soggy?

While on my mission, I was tracting with my companion in San Jose, Costa Rica. Once in a while we

carried our cameras with us, just to get some souvenir photos to send home. We stopped to talk

with a couple of young men. One of them told the other, "Don't let them take you picture. They will

baptize it in the temple and then you will be a Mormon!"

Bernard

I had a lady a couple months ago on another message board tell me that baptism for the dead is so horrible in part because we then can put those people's names on our roles as being mormon.

No amount of me telling that since we believe those people can accept or reject the baptism, there's no way for us to know in this life which baptisms were valid (as well as telling her that we don't do that regardless), had any effect on her reasoning.

I've also had some teenagers my friends and i befriended at a county fair feel my friends head looking for horns-this was in the mid 1990's so apparantly this myth dies hard.

[Daniel Peterson]

I know one bishop who pinches himself to the point of bruising to keep from nodding off!

Unless we know the same one, there are at least two of them.

[Muc'ul Ajwalil]

I still remember one dumb guy during my mission. "There was no one here before the Spaniards arrived". I proceeded to talk about the Aztecs and Maya. He wouldn't have anything. Then he debated over the sabbath day (Saturday or Sunday).

Other things I have heard that were really dumb: We sacrifice our children and babies in the temple. Another: The chapels are places of orgies.

Right now, there is an anti on another board that says this: The Mormons are not a church, they are a social club. They DANCE and COOK inside of their churches! I responded by exposing his Pharisee leanings on the matter, showing Christ eating with sinners.

Hay muchos tapados en este mundo. There are a lot of dumb guys in this world now these days.

Abandonan su razon y su logica por la emocion y pasion. Logic and reason are abandoned and replaced by emotion and passion.

Segun ellos, saben todo, y nosotros no sabemos nada de nuestra propia fe! According to them, they know everything about us, and we know nothing about our own faith.

.

[urroner]

Hay muchos tapados en este mundo. There are a lot of dumb guys in this world now these days.

Abandonan su razon y su logica por la emocion y pasion. Logic and reason are abandoned and replaced by emotion and passion.

Segun ellos, saben todo, y nosotros no sabemos nada de nuestra propia fe! According to them, they know everything about us, and we know nothing about our own faith.

.

Si.

[bluebell]

Right now, there is an anti on another board that says this: The Mormons are not a church, they are a social club. They DANCE and COOK inside of their churches! I responded by exposing his Pharisee leanings on the matter, showing Christ eating with sinners.

Ha, shows how little he knows. It's against the rules to actually cook anything in the church.

[Lightbearer]

My favorite was on my Mission, we were bashing with a professional Anti-Mormon who came up with the following: "You do know that the word Moroni (he pronounced it "Moronie") means the "deceiver" in Hebrew?" Of course being a young 19 year old who had no knowledge of Hebrew and my companion who was a convert of only a year before his mission, we had no idea if that were true or not. I told him that I believed he was making it up. He argued vigorously with us and challenged us to ask any professor at BYU. We put the idea on a back burner and about a month later we did meet a BYU professor of ancient languages, so I asked him, what did Moroni mean in Hebrew. He said it doesn't mean anything because it is not a Hebrew word. That only confirmed what I already knew that the majority of Anti-Mormon bilge is nothing but bluff and BS.

[Urloony]

While on my mission in Puerto Rico my companion and I had gone back to our apartment for lunch. We noticed that there were three Jehovahâ??s Witnesses coming up the street. In PR they are easy to recognize as they walk with large umbrellas for sun protection. I was hoping, for devious reasons, that they would tract into us, which they did. We greeted them on the porch; they all looked at each other after immediately recognizing us. They started out friendly enough but soon launched into the usual rhetoric attempting to make their case against the BoM for adding to the Bible, and that nothing should be added or taken away yada yada. Which of course opened the door for me to share "my favorite scripture." For those that may not be aware there are about 50 verses from the Bible that are deleted from the New World Translation, JW Bible. The verse numbers are there but there is a line that is placed next to the verse instead of the verse.

The English translation of our conversation:

Me: Let's read some Bible scripture then. Could you read Matt 18:11...?

JW: sure.. one sec... (thumbing threw scriptures) "Take heed that ye...

Me: no, no, verse 11.

JW: Oh.. I don't have that verse.

Me: hmmm.. how about Mark 7:16?

JW: um.. I don't have that one either.

We thanked them for stopping by.

[urroner]

While on my mission in Puerto Rico my companion and I had gone back to our apartment for lunch. We noticed that there were three Jehovahâ??s Witnesses coming up the street. In PR they are easy to recognize as they walk with large umbrellas for sun protection. I was hoping, for devious reasons, that they would tract into us, which they did. We greeted them on the porch; they all looked at each other after immediately recognizing us. They started out friendly enough but soon launched into the usual rhetoric attempting to make their case against the BoM for adding to the Bible, and that nothing should be added or taken away yada yada. Which of course opened the door for me to share "my favorite scripture." For those that may not be aware there are about 50 verses from the Bible that are deleted from the New World Translation, JW Bible. The verse numbers are there but there is a line that is placed next to the verse instead of the verse.

The English translation of our conversation:

Me: Let's read some Bible scripture then. Could you read Matt 18:11...?

JW: sure.. one sec... (thumbing threw scriptures) "Take heed that ye...

Me: no, no, verse 11.

JW: Oh.. I don't have that verse.

Me: hmmm.. how about Mark 7:16?

JW: um.. I don't have that one either.

We thanked them for stopping by.

I did that also on my mission in Mexico.

[mfbukowski]

Unless we know the same one, there are at least two of them.

[mfbukowski]

While on my mission in Puerto Rico my companion and I had gone back to our apartment for lunch. We noticed that there were three Jehovah’s Witnesses coming up the street. In PR they are easy to recognize as they walk with large umbrellas for sun protection. I was hoping, for devious reasons, that they would tract into us, which they did. We greeted them on the porch; they all looked at each other after immediately recognizing us. They started out friendly enough but soon launched into the usual rhetoric attempting to make their case against the BoM for adding to the Bible, and that nothing should be added or taken away yada yada. Which of course opened the door for me to share "my favorite scripture." For those that may not be aware there are about 50 verses from the Bible that are deleted from the New World Translation, JW Bible. The verse numbers are there but there is a line that is placed next to the verse instead of the verse.

The English translation of our conversation:

Me: Let's read some Bible scripture then. Could you read Matt 18:11...?

JW: sure.. one sec... (thumbing threw scriptures) "Take heed that ye...

Me: no, no, verse 11.

JW: Oh.. I don't have that verse.

Me: hmmm.. how about Mark 7:16?

JW: um.. I don't have that one either.

We thanked them for stopping by.

Good post, but I think I stared at your avatar too long. Your will is my command, master. I am awaiting your instructions.