LGB VS TQ

[JVW]

I'm really interested in reading many opinions about this topic and wanted to present the following article for discussion. Please read the article before sharing your opinion about the topic. I know this is a sensitive topic and I'd like to make an attempt to avoid any inflammatory, knee-jerk reactions.

https://reduxx.info/from-her-to-him-the-downfall-of-a-lesbian-dating-app/

I wanted to add a few caveats: I am not an L or a T. I have never used a dating app. I don't care very much about the opinions expressed in this article or the bias of the site in which this article is hosted. I only care about the information presented and the implications of what's going on in the L community.

The tl;dr of the article is this. Lesbians who only want to date other women and express that desire on the premier Lesbian dating app HER have been kicked off the app for being 'trans exclusionary' and told by the official account on Reddit to stay in the closet and expand their sexual preferences if they want to be inclusive and remain on the app.

There is another article I've read that's addressed some of the frustration various members of the LG community have had with the TQ community but it's quite crass and uses some crude language so I don't know if it's ok to share that article here. But apparently Gays are having the same problem on GRINDR where they can't say they only want to date other men.

I have not heard about this issue on the news or seen it being discussed online, so I wanted to get y'all's perspective. Is there a way here for both groups to be happy? Can Lesbians and Trans Lesbians with "girl (crude word for) penises" coexist in the same space? Is it right for Gays to be encouraged to expand their sexual horizons in order to accommodate Trans Gays "three holed (crude word for) gays"?

[The Nehor]

The problem isn’t with actual transgender people. The problem is with cishet men overrunning sapphic/lesbian spaces. This has been the case for a long time. There is a reason there are no good dedicated dating apps for wlw relationships and this problem predates the current transgender hysteria. I am not in a lot of lesbian spaces for obvious reasons but I am in bisexual spaces and a lot of the women there desperately want ways to meet up with and connect with other women. There aren’t many good ones and the most recommended ones are sites that cater to any sexuality or to queer people in general. Straight guys go in and “prank” women only spaces. They overrun it. They ruin it. The ability to claim they are transgender in order to invade those spaces is new but it is not transgender people doing it. At least not in any real numbers.

Remember how we were told that men would all claim to be transgender to creep on women. Every accusation is a confession. The danger is not primarily coming from the actual transgender people. It never was. It was cis men invading women’s spaces like they always have. Gay/bi men can and do run mlm apps because straight guys don’t go in and “prank” those. At least not in any numbers. They are afraid to. Get caught pranking on lesbians and your friend group has a laugh. Get caught on a gay website and you are now forever soiled. Plus there is a chance some aggressive guy might treat you the way you treat women and that is possibly even scarier.

The article is hot garbage as is the site. Go to their home page and look over the articles posted. It is all transphobic articles. It is not about feminism in general.

The article is just wrong. I took ten minutes to go to lesbian and sapphic spaces in a Google search discussing the Her app and I don’t see blame being put on transgender people for the app being a dumpster fire. They blame cishet men. Lots of talk of how cishet men clearly don’t believe lesbians exist and want to ‘fix’ them in their own space via ‘corrective sex’ or ‘corrective rape’. They know who the enemy is.

This is propaganda designed to create the illusion of a widespread schism in the larger queer community. It doesn’t work on many of those in the community but it does fool a fair number of non-queer people into thinking that transphobia is lesbian-approved and is therefore somehow okay.

Also the LGB without the TQ is not a thing that ever existed. New letters were added as groups became more prominent. They were already included in the B which served as a bigger catch-all back when the community was called the LGB community.

 

So you can be transphobic but saying you are transphobic to protect women’s spaces is silly. The hatred you are looking for if you want to target those actually invading lesbian and sapphic spaces is misandry. So time to work on cishet male culture. Bonus is that you can also try to fix rape culture at the same time. If you want to fix a problem target the group that makes up the majority of those causing the problem. Don’t target transgender people because they are marginalized and are easier to combat. That is just rank cowardice.

[Dario_M]

But this is so complicated these days. With all that woke (nonsense, sorry is my opinion🤷‍♀️) and whataboutsm.

This is a lesbian app for heaven sakes. Offcourse all the females on there don't wanna have men in that app. And what is even worse then that is that those woman aren't even able to filter the men out. So they're basically stuck with them and forced to accept it. They are mad now. And i can completely understand why that is. I don't know what is wrong with the world these days. But i know one thing... most people aren't happy with this. Includes me. 

For example..these days i don't watch new movies anymore. Because in 99% of the cases i already know what it is all about. What the hidden message of the movie will be. And i'm just fed up with it. 

Edited March 19, 2025 by Dario_M

[Tacenda]

23 hours ago, The Nehor said:

The problem isn’t with actual transgender people. The problem is with cishet men overrunning sapphic/lesbian spaces. This has been the case for a long time. There is a reason there are no good dedicated dating apps for wlw relationships and this problem predates the current transgender hysteria. I am not in a lot of lesbian spaces for obvious reasons but I am in bisexual spaces and a lot of the women there desperately want ways to meet up with and connect with other women. There aren’t many good ones and the most recommended ones are sites that cater to any sexuality or to queer people in general. Straight guys go in and “prank” women only spaces. They overrun it. They ruin it. The ability to claim they are transgender in order to invade those spaces is new but it is not transgender people doing it. At least not in any real numbers.

Remember how we were told that men would all claim to be transgender to creep on women. Every accusation is a confession. The danger is not primarily coming from the actual transgender people. It never was. It was cis men invading women’s spaces like they always have. Gay/bi men can and do run mlm apps because straight guys don’t go in and “prank” those. At least not in any numbers. They are afraid to. Get caught pranking on lesbians and your friend group has a laugh. Get caught on a gay website and you are now forever soiled. Plus there is a chance some aggressive guy might treat you the way you treat women and that is possibly even scarier.

The article is hot garbage as is the site. Go to their home page and look over the articles posted. It is all transphobic articles. It is not about feminism in general.

The article is just wrong. I took ten minutes to go to lesbian and sapphic spaces in a Google search discussing the Her app and I don’t see blame being put on transgender people for the app being a dumpster fire. They blame cishet men. Lots of talk of how cishet men clearly don’t believe lesbians exist and want to ‘fix’ them in their own space via ‘corrective sex’ or ‘corrective rape’. They know who the enemy is.

This is propaganda designed to create the illusion of a widespread schism in the larger queer community. It doesn’t work on many of those in the community but it does fool a fair number of non-queer people into thinking that transphobia is lesbian-approved and is therefore somehow okay.

Also the LGB without the TQ is not a thing that ever existed. New letters were added as groups became more prominent. They were already included in the B which served as a bigger catch-all back when the community was called the LGB community.

 

So you can be transphobic but saying you are transphobic to protect women’s spaces is silly. The hatred you are looking for if you want to target those actually invading lesbian and sapphic spaces is misandry. So time to work on cishet male culture. Bonus is that you can also try to fix rape culture at the same time. If you want to fix a problem target the group that makes up the majority of those causing the problem. Don’t target transgender people because they are marginalized and are easier to combat. That is just rank cowardice.

⬆️

[JVW]

23 hours ago, The Nehor said:

The problem isn’t with actual transgender people. The problem is with cishet men overrunning sapphic/lesbian spaces. This has been the case for a long time.

I'm not sure what cishet means but I assume it means regular guys. So from what you are saying here you are saying that normal, straight men have been signing up for Lesbian dating apps? You say it's been going on for a long time, how long ago did that start happening?

23 hours ago, The Nehor said:

There is a reason there are no good dedicated dating apps for wlw relationships and this problem predates the current transgender hysteria. I am not in a lot of lesbian spaces for obvious reasons but I am in bisexual spaces and a lot of the women there desperately want ways to meet up with and connect with other women. There aren’t many good ones and the most recommended ones are sites that cater to any sexuality or to queer people in general. Straight guys go in and “prank” women only spaces. They overrun it. They ruin it. The ability to claim they are transgender in order to invade those spaces is new but it is not transgender people doing it. At least not in any real numbers.

According to the article, before the T "craze" the HER app worked fine for L, is that not the case?

23 hours ago, The Nehor said:

Remember how we were told that men would all claim to be transgender to creep on women. Every accusation is a confession. The danger is not primarily coming from the actual transgender people. It never was. It was cis men invading women’s spaces like they always have. Gay/bi men can and do run mlm apps because straight guys don’t go in and “prank” those. At least not in any numbers. They are afraid to. Get caught pranking on lesbians and your friend group has a laugh. Get caught on a gay website and you are now forever soiled. Plus there is a chance some aggressive guy might treat you the way you treat women and that is possibly even scarier.

From what I understand there are issues with FTM Trans on gay apps calling themselves "three holed fg's" is that not the case? I don't know that this is an L app exclusive issue being raised. In the article it is L app exclusive, but I have seen complaints elsewhere about G dating apps.

23 hours ago, The Nehor said:

The article is hot garbage as is the site. Go to their home page and look over the articles posted. It is all transphobic articles. It is not about feminism in general.

I don't care about the site. It is assuredly biased just like every other site in existence. The article is certainly biased, as is every article ever written. IMO the bias mostly impacts what language is used in the article and what argument they are attempting to make. But the bias shouldn't have an impact when considering the evidence provided. There are screenshots, conversations, interviews present in the article that are expressed and I don't believe that they are AI generated. For example, the thing with the HER app sending notifications for people to leave the app if they don't want to consider dating trans. Or the screenshot of the official HER account going on a tirade and getting temp banned for how anti-Lesbian they were being. That is not the fault of a cishet AFAIK..? (unless a cishet is running the HER app or social media accounts?)

23 hours ago, The Nehor said:

The article is just wrong. I took ten minutes to go to lesbian and sapphic spaces in a Google search discussing the Her app and I don’t see blame being put on transgender people for the app being a dumpster fire. They blame cishet men. Lots of talk of how cishet men clearly don’t believe lesbians exist and want to ‘fix’ them in their own space via ‘corrective sex’ or ‘corrective rape’. They know who the enemy is.

23 hours ago, The Nehor said:

This is propaganda designed to create the illusion of a widespread schism in the larger queer community. It doesn’t work on many of those in the community but it does fool a fair number of non-queer people into thinking that transphobia is lesbian-approved and is therefore somehow okay.

Also the LGB without the TQ is not a thing that ever existed. New letters were added as groups became more prominent. They were already included in the B which served as a bigger catch-all back when the community was called the LGB community.

 

So you can be transphobic but saying you are transphobic to protect women’s spaces is silly. The hatred you are looking for if you want to target those actually invading lesbian and sapphic spaces is misandry. So time to work on cishet male culture. Bonus is that you can also try to fix rape culture at the same time. If you want to fix a problem target the group that makes up the majority of those causing the problem. Don’t target transgender people because they are marginalized and are easier to combat. That is just rank cowardice.

I want to make sure I'm understanding your response correctly. Are you saying that "fake trans" people are at fault for ruining the app for Lesbians? That it's straight guys pretending to be trans playing pranks that are getting L banned from what started as an L app? How do you know if someone is fake trans or not?

[The Nehor]

31 minutes ago, JVW said:

I'm not sure what cishet means but I assume it means regular guys. So from what you are saying here you are saying that normal, straight men have been signing up for Lesbian dating apps? You say it's been going on for a long time, how long ago did that start happening?

Since lesbian dating apps have existed. Cishet means non-transgender heterosexual. Just saying straight guys would include FTM guys exclusively attracted to women.

31 minutes ago, JVW said:

According to the article, before the T "craze" the HER app worked fine for L, is that not the case?

It is not the case. Not at all.

31 minutes ago, JVW said:

From what I understand there are issues with FTM Trans on gay apps calling themselves "three holed fg's" is that not the case? I don't know that this is an L app exclusive issue being raised. In the article it is L app exclusive, but I have seen complaints elsewhere about G dating apps.

I am sure someone somewhere has done this but hordes of people calling themselves that? Doubt it.

31 minutes ago, JVW said:

I don't care about the site. It is assuredly biased just like every other site in existence. The article is certainly biased, as is every article ever written. IMO the bias mostly impacts what language is used in the article and what argument they are attempting to make. But the bias shouldn't have an impact when considering the evidence provided. There are screenshots, conversations, interviews present in the article that are expressed and I don't believe that they are AI generated. For example, the thing with the HER app sending notifications for people to leave the app if they don't want to consider dating trans. Or the screenshot of the official HER account going on a tirade and getting temp banned for how anti-Lesbian they were being. That is not the fault of a cishet AFAIK..? (unless a cishet is running the HER app or social media accounts?)

It is not biased in the way most articles are biased. Many articles are designed to inform with the bias showing a bit in presentation. This article is not intended to inform and is instead intended to mislead people into thinking transgender people are a pervasive threat to lesbian and sapphic spaces. The real threat is, as always, cishet men who can’t stand being excluded and hate the idea of a woman who doesn’t need a man.

31 minutes ago, JVW said:

I want to make sure I'm understanding your response correctly. Are you saying that "fake trans" people are at fault for ruining the app for Lesbians? That it's straight guys pretending to be trans playing pranks that are getting L banned from what started as an L app? How do you know if someone is fake trans or not?

No, I am saying there are lots of cishet guys going on to the apps pretending to be lesbians. Sometimes to j*** off to a lesbian or sapphic woman communicating with him.  Sometimes to spew misogyny. Sometimes to be threatening and creepy. It is a rich tapestry of predatory behavior.

[The Nehor]

There are variations on this invasion of Sapphic/lesbian spaces. Usually men pretending to be women fail miserably at it.

One approach that really infuriates the people on these sites is when a woman shows up and starts conversing. They get to know each other and the relationship develops a bit and then the bomb is dropped. She is partnered/married/whatever with a guy already. Sometimes she is just ‘experimenting’ with permission. This is infuriating because it treats the woman she is talking to as a temporary plaything before she runs back to a guy. It also reinforces the stereotype that sapphic relationships are inherently lesser and are just for play. The person often cuts off communication feeling betrayed and hating women who do this. In some cases the emotional connection is strong enough that the person shoulders on and might try to continue the relationship. Often the man encourages this believing that it is just “hot” and sees no threat and brags about his sexy partner. I admit I cackle with glee when in the story the woman ends up leaving the partner/husband to be with her new lover. Idiot didn’t realize that these emotions are real and that he is not the prize he thinks he is and is easily replaced with someone better.

That is the milder version. The creepier one involves the woman saying she is married and will only have sex if her male partner is there or (more often) is allowed to participate. Often they try to spin it as dating both of them. This usually repulses lesbians enough for them to flee but bi/pan women can sometimes feel invested enough to try to continue. The whole thing is basically a plan to get a threesome or form a (I hate this word) “throuple” and the guy gets a little harem. This is also called unicorn hunting. It is gross and dehumanizing in so many ways even if done up front and honestly. The approach of using a woman pretending to be a friend or single lover to suck people in is how a lot of sex cults recruit.

When you hear lesbians and bi/pan women complain about dating apps these are the horror stories you hear. Transgender people in general rarely come up.

If you want to protect sapphic spaces fix cis straight guys (and their partners who try to drag other women in). I won’t hold my breath on this.

[california boy]

On 3/18/2025 at 10:05 AM, JVW said:

I'm really interested in reading many opinions about this topic and wanted to present the following article for discussion. Please read the article before sharing your opinion about the topic. I know this is a sensitive topic and I'd like to make an attempt to avoid any inflammatory, knee-jerk reactions.

https://reduxx.info/from-her-to-him-the-downfall-of-a-lesbian-dating-app/

I wanted to add a few caveats: I am not an L or a T. I have never used a dating app. I don't care very much about the opinions expressed in this article or the bias of the site in which this article is hosted. I only care about the information presented and the implications of what's going on in the L community.

The tl;dr of the article is this. Lesbians who only want to date other women and express that desire on the premier Lesbian dating app HER have been kicked off the app for being 'trans exclusionary' and told by the official account on Reddit to stay in the closet and expand their sexual preferences if they want to be inclusive and remain on the app.

There is another article I've read that's addressed some of the frustration various members of the LG community have had with the TQ community but it's quite crass and uses some crude language so I don't know if it's ok to share that article here. But apparently Gays are having the same problem on GRINDR where they can't say they only want to date other men.

I have not heard about this issue on the news or seen it being discussed online, so I wanted to get y'all's perspective. Is there a way here for both groups to be happy? Can Lesbians and Trans Lesbians with "girl (crude word for) penises" coexist in the same space? Is it right for Gays to be encouraged to expand their sexual horizons in order to accommodate Trans Gays "three holed (crude word for) gays"?

What is your point in even posting this web site on Mormondialogue?  What do you really want to discuss?  Are you suggesting that lesbians are transphobic?  I am sure there probably are some, but that is certainly not the general attitude in the Lesbian community nor in the gay or bisexual community.  I am not hearing any pushback against those that are trans.  As always, the LGBT community is still one of inclusiveness of people who choose to Iive their lives the way THEY want and not be dictated or shamed by those who have some ax to grind and feel like they need to monitor how other people live their lives.  

[JVW]

2 hours ago, california boy said:

What is your point in even posting this web site on Mormondialogue?  What do you really want to discuss?  Are you suggesting that lesbians are transphobic?  I am sure there probably are some, but that is certainly not the general attitude in the Lesbian community nor in the gay or bisexual community.  I am not hearing any pushback against those that are trans.  As always, the LGBT community is still one of inclusiveness of people who choose to Iive their lives the way THEY want and not be dictated or shamed by those who have some ax to grind and feel like they need to monitor how other people live their lives.  

Y'all talk about trans stuff on here a lot and I wanted to get some perspective.

[Calm]

4 hours ago, JVW said:

You say it's been going on for a long time, how long ago did that start happening?

Since the apps existed.  Even I heard about it (men pretending to be women….though from what Nehor says that does not appear to be the most common problem) and I ignore dating apps.  Before that, it was crashing lesbian bars/hangouts….of course, not pretending to be women there, just being aggressively rude, harassment.

Straight men have been intruding into lesbian space since it began, I am guessing.

Edited March 19, 2025 by Calm