Difficuld.

[Dario_M]

8 hours ago, Calm said:

No, just talked and talked and said some really odd things about what I had said to him, which I never had and never would, like comparing him to my dad.  I love my dad and always knew he loved me and would be sure I was safe and taken care of, but Dad was nothing like the husband or father for my kids that I wanted as Dad just wasn’t interested in us as individuals

Your dad was not interested in you as individuals? Do you have any idea why?

8 hours ago, Calm said:

when we were young, wouldn’t listen to our ideas about what we wanted to do though he never stopped us, just didn’t help and he wasn’t interested in talking with Mom about stuff she or he was interested in.

Yeah...but he had autisme right? That's also a sign if somebody has autisme. There're often not interested in other ideas, only the ideas that com from their own minds. My dad was the same way. I'm sure that he had autisme as well. And i have it from his side of the family. 

 

8 hours ago, Calm said:

He was a fixer and when he wasn’t fixing or playing handball with his friends or watching TV, he was asleep, so Mom was often lonely even though in other ways their marriage was the best and Dad was always the person people went to when they needed help in any way and they always got it.

Aawh that's nice. He must have been a really nice man then. 🩵

8 hours ago, Calm said:

My husband had to have criticized himself in those ways, seen himself as not a good provider because we had money problems at times (he is great at making money, actually, he just spends too much at times, but then so do I, lol)

 

🤣

8 hours ago, Calm said:

and not doing the things he should be doing as a father and then his mind turned it into me criticizing him.  It helped him expressing those beliefs though because I could correct him and tell him he was a much better father whose kids never doubted they were not only loved, but also best friends with their dad among other things.

That's really important. Being a good and loving dad for your kids. I'm happy to read that he is such a good father. 

My dad wasn't the worst person ever. But he was just a frustrated man. And offcourse the abuse against me wasn't okay. So i'm sure that has damaged me a lot.

But yeah... you can pick you parents out of the store right? If i could i would never have shoosen my parents. 

8 hours ago, Calm said:

 And that if I ever compared him to my dad, he was always the winner, not my dad (except when it came to cleaning, my dad was a great cleaner, husband not that great, but since I married him because I knew he would play, especially with our kids, I can’t complain   ).

Yeah well.. i'm happy to read that. Just...really glad that he is a good husband and a father. 💜

8 hours ago, Calm said:

I am not sure he believed it in his gut, he has some deep feelings of inadequacy that he won’t talk about with me.  But I am pretty sure he is secure now that I am not leaving him or thinking about leaving him even when felling trapped by life.  I would be stupid to even consider it.

Yeah. I feel the same way. 

My parents never where so peachfull with each other (like you and your husband are). My mom threaten my dad plenty of times that she would leave him. She have said that so many times to him. Mostely after he hurted her feelings. But she never did it. Afterwards she always said that she could't leave him because she was financially dependent on him. But man! ... when my parents were in a big fight you just didn't wanted to be around them. There was absolutely no peach around them in the marriage. And it spoiled the whole atmosphere and my childhood. 

[Dario_M]

9 hours ago, Calm said:

I slept solidly till noon, so a good ‘night’s’ Sleep for me, lol

That's good that's good. Having a good night sleep is so important you know. 

[Tacenda]

On 9/19/2024 at 12:37 PM, rpn said:

Sounds like OP would benefit from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (which almost all therapists claim they do, but few actually do with fidelity).  It teaches how to think healthy, which eliminates the distortions that interfere with figuring things out.    You can find all the exercises in Dr. David Burns' "Feeling Good" or newer, but IMHO not better "Feeling Great".   There is also a lite version online at htpps://www/ecouch.com.au  

Glycine is useful for getting to sleep.  As is white noise and/or weighted blankets

This sounds similar to Magnesium Glycinate, but I know they are different. Both sound like they'd help with many discussed problems on this thread.

[Tacenda]

12 hours ago, Dario_M said:

Your dad was not interested in you as individuals? Do you have any idea why?

Yeah...but he had autisme right? That's also a sign if somebody has autisme. There're often not interested in other ideas, only the ideas that com from their own minds. My dad was the same way. I'm sure that he had autisme as well. And i have it from his side of the family. 

 

Aawh that's nice. He must have been a really nice man then. 🩵

 

🤣

That's really important. Being a good and loving dad for your kids. I'm happy to read that he is such a good father. 

My dad wasn't the worst person ever. But he was just a frustrated man. And offcourse the abuse against me wasn't okay. So i'm sure that has damaged me a lot.

But yeah... you can pick you parents out of the store right? If i could i would never have shoosen my parents. 

Yeah well.. i'm happy to read that. Just...really glad that he is a good husband and a father. 💜

Yeah. I feel the same way. 

My parents never where so peachfull with each other (like you and your husband are). My mom threaten my dad plenty of times that she would leave him. She have said that so many times to him. Mostely after he hurted her feelings. But she never did it. Afterwards she always said that she could't leave him because she was financially dependent on him. But man! ... when my parents were in a big fight you just didn't wanted to be around them. There was absolutely no peach around them in the marriage. And it spoiled the whole atmosphere and my childhood. 

I'm sure trauma is a big problem. As children, many of us have things that happened that later will come to the surface and cause us trauma.

[Calm]

6 minutes ago, Tacenda said:

Magnesium Glycinate,

I have used this, trying Magnesium malate at the moment as some suggestion it’s better for fibro…missed it a lot lately, maybe that’s in part why the brain fog is back. I need to refresh my Alexa reminder so I don’t ignore it, lol.

Both glycinate and malate are good because they avoid the digestion issues carbonate and citrate can trigger.

Edited September 22 by Calm

[Tacenda]

4 minutes ago, Calm said:

I have used this, trying Magnesium malate at the moment as some suggestion it’s better for fibro…missed it a lot lately, maybe that’s in part why the brain fog is back. I need to refresh my Alexa reminder so I don’t ignore it, lol.

Both glycinate and malate are good because they avoid the digestion issues carbonate and citrate can trigger.

Good to know! It's sure a work in progress figuring out what works and doesn't work. 

[Dario_M]

7 hours ago, Tacenda said:

I'm sure trauma is a big problem. As children, many of us have things that happened that later will come to the surface and cause us trauma.

Yeah. And that just happend with me. Oh my....my dad had really lose hands. If i did something he didn't liked he would beat the **** out of me. 

[Calm]

53 minutes ago, Dario_M said:

Yeah. And that just happend with me. Oh my....my dad had really lose hands. If i did something he didn't liked he would beat the **** out of me. 

Just so wrong.  Parents just should know better. I don’t understand it. I get anger and letting it loose verbally, but how can you beat up a kid?

Edited September 23 by Calm

[Dario_M]

13 minutes ago, Calm said:

Just so wrong.  Parents just should know better. I don’t understand it. I get anger and letting it loose verbally, but how can you beat up a kid?

Yeah that's something i also don't understand. How you somedody like my own dad hit his own child. And doesn't even feel sorry about that. But justify it. 

If i had a child i would never hit him/her. There are way better way to disicpline a child. 

[Tacenda]

14 hours ago, Dario_M said:

Yeah. And that just happend with me. Oh my....my dad had really lose hands. If i did something he didn't liked he would beat the **** out of me. 

I think this could be a generation thing. I hope parents now will use their words more than their hands. I remember getting slapped for disrespecting my mom and the side boot to my rear end all the way to my room. 

Even hearing your parents fight, is traumatizing to a child. I remember an argument with my parents and as a child it traumatized me, and it really wasn't a terrible fight or anything. 

Edited September 23 by Tacenda

[Dario_M]

3 minutes ago, Tacenda said:

I think this could be a generation thing. I hope parents now will use their words more than their hands. I remember getting slapped for disrespecting my mom and the side boot to my rear end all the way to my room. 

Horible is that isn't it? The fear. The pain. The humiliation. I know how you must have felt. 

After my dad had beaten me i always cried for a long time. I hated my own dad on those moments i was lying there on the ground. Crying. 

3 minutes ago, Tacenda said:

Even hearing your parents fight, is traumatizing to a child. I remember an argument with my parents and as a child it traumatized me, and it really wasn't a terrible fight or anything. 

Yes it is traumatizing. You're afrait they're going to do something to each other. You're afrait that they will divorce. And always.....always will you feel like it was your fault the lost it with each other. At least that was how i felt. 

[Tacenda]

4 minutes ago, Dario_M said:

Horible is that isn't it? The fear. The pain. The humiliation. I know how you must have felt. 

After my dad had beaten me i always cried for a long time. I hated my own dad on those moments i was lying there on the ground. Crying. 

Yes it is traumatizing. You're afrait they're going to do something to each other. You're afrait that they will divorce. And always.....always will you feel like it was your fault the lost it with each other. At least that was how i felt. 

I need to change what I said about not using their hands and using their words. Use their words in the positive, not use their words to damage a child, which can be just as harsh as the physical. 

I hope one day you can connect to your parents and have a heart to heart talk and that they finally come around. 

[Dario_M]

2 minutes ago, Tacenda said:

I need to change what I said about not using their hands and using their words. Use their words in the positive, not use their words to damage a child, which can be just as harsh as the physical. 

I hope one day you can connect to your parents and have a heart to heart talk and that they finally come around. 

I'm afrait that day will never come. But thank you anyway ...for you hope. I've allready lost that hope.

[rodheadlee]

On 9/18/2024 at 10:57 AM, Dario_M said:

I just remember something. Before my parents and my sister moved to Portugal they promised me that i was always welcome to come over to their appartment. So i did come over a lot of times (wich wasn't easy because it was in the middle of the corona pandemic) but despite that i traveled aften to Portugal too see them. My sister was not so happy with that. She thought i was taking all their attention. At some point she hardly talked with me. When i confronted her with that she told me that i needed to shut up and leave her alone. It went to an argument. And after that she was completaly done with me and never spoke a word to me. My parents were of the opinion that it was my fault and choosed her side. After a long while my parents were getting more and more distant with me. I was not always welcome at their appartment anymore and they told me that i needed to be independent. Whether i shoose to live in Portugal or in the Netherlands. But i needed to take care of myself. On special days like news year eve i was not welcome to spend that night with my parents and other family members. Because my sister didn't want me there. And my parents argeed with her. And slowly but surly the relationship with my parents became les and les. At this point i was not so much welcome anymore as they had previously promised in the beginning. Our connection faded away. 

I was never really close with my dad. But i do was close with my sister and my mom. But now there is nothing left of it anymore. 😞

I know how you feel. Our family has a big rip right down the middle. I could surely use the help of the other half right now. My wife got sick from hanging out in the hospitals for 12 days with my 91-year-old father. She's having a really rough recovery. I would be totally lost if this sickness takes her.

My life is poop right now. Dad got out of Post Acute Care Wednesday afternoon and he has pooped 16 times since then. He's barely ambulatory. It's always a rush to get him to a portable commode or to his bathroom, then to get it all cleaned up. I hope he levels out soon. He has a catheter too. so it makes the wheel chair/walker runs interesting. I didn't get any sleep last night and I got about two and a half hours this morning.

Good luck with your family, there is no chance of reconciliation with my family.

[Dario_M]

On 10/5/2024 at 2:17 AM, rodheadlee said:

I know how you feel. Our family has a big rip right down the middle. I could surely use the help of the other half right now. My wife got sick from hanging out in the hospitals for 12 days with my 91-year-old father. She's having a really rough recovery. I would be totally lost if this sickness takes her.

Omg i have missed your post. Sorry!

What horible for your wife. I hope she will be beter soon. Is her condition really serious right now? 

Big hugs from me. And offcourse your wife as well. 🫂

On 10/5/2024 at 2:17 AM, rodheadlee said:

My life is poop right now. Dad got out of Post Acute Care Wednesday afternoon and he has pooped 16 times since then. He's barely ambulatory. It's always a rush to get him to a portable commode or to his bathroom, then to get it all cleaned up.

Oh my. That must be something else indeed. 

On 10/5/2024 at 2:17 AM, rodheadlee said:

I hope he levels out soon. He has a catheter too. so it makes the wheel chair/walker runs interesting. I didn't get any sleep last night and I got about two and a half hours this morning.

Good luck with your family, there is no chance of reconciliation with my family.

I don't really know what recociliation means. Oh wait...my boyfriend is looking it it up for me right now! Yeah now i know what it means. Well...i feel you. And i can tell you one thing. There is now way that there will be a reconciliation with my parents ever again (the same caunts for my sister). It's over. I don't wanna see them. They have hurt me to many times. And enough is enough. 😞😭

[Calm]

1 hour ago, Dario_M said:

Oh wait...my boyfriend is looking it it up for me right now!

Love it, lol

[Dario_M]

9 hours ago, Calm said:

Love it, lol

🤣