dealing with bullies

[SteelMagnoliainTexas]

I have a little t of trouble with bullies lately.  Shaming me for talking to people joy st so much shame associated with gray hair being an older woman,etc.  The other day or not to long ago my sister shamed me for wanted a pet even though it's ok she has one.  I'm shamed at the s nior center also.  It's getting to where I can't go anywhere.  I'm tired of men and people really shaming me for not being model gorgeous.  Some of us are trying to grow old gracefully and I don't need people pi bring out that they find me unattractive.  This occurs a lot now.  People gripe because I lost most my teeth and I just stay home so I won't have to listen to their grouchiness..  

[Pyreaux]

That is a shame. People are the worst. I say get a cat. They take care of themselves, no sense of what is beautiful and they love you unconditionally no matter what kind of person you really are on the inside.

[manol]

One of my go-to's, the lyrics are imo magnificent:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7l79BDzQP0

 

[InCognitus]

1 hour ago, SteelMagnoliainTexas said:

I have a little t of trouble with bullies lately.  Shaming me for talking to people joy st so much shame associated with gray hair being an older woman,etc.  The other day or not to long ago my sister shamed me for wanted a pet even though it's ok she has one.  I'm shamed at the s nior center also.  It's getting to where I can't go anywhere.  I'm tired of men and people really shaming me for not being model gorgeous.  Some of us are trying to grow old gracefully and I don't need people pi bring out that they find me unattractive.  This occurs a lot now.  People gripe because I lost most my teeth and I just stay home so I won't have to listen to their grouchiness..  

A woman who spoke in our ward last week used Sister Rebecca L. Craven's talk from last General Conference as the basis for her talk.  She elaborated on this statement from the talk quite well:

Quote

President Russell M. Nelson teaches:

“With the Holy Ghost as your companion, you can see right through the celebrity culture that has smitten our society. You can be smarter than previous generations have ever been. …

“Set a standard for the rest of the world!”

Embrace who you are, and who cares what the bullies say?

[rpn]

Other people only have the power over you that you give them.   Try using some sweet reply like, "I hope you feel better soon"  (Of course it's a non sequiter.)  And a smile.

[SteelMagnoliainTexas]

Good idea....saying "I hope you feel better."

[SteelMagnoliainTexas]

I want my little snouzer back I had when I was married to my last husband.

[SteelMagnoliainTexas]

I as recently shamed when I was asking or questioning the missionaries from y'all's church because I was quite a bit older than them.  Well if y'all at your churches don't set up actual older elders for us newbies who come into y'all's wards obviously who are we to turn to if at every time I get into a conversation with one if the older men they won't continue the conversation and run get one of their young "elders".

[Calm]

What were you shamed for?

Typically we are all for people asking questions of the missionaries. 

[SteelMagnoliainTexas]

I was shamed for talking to the missionaries by an older man about my age.  It was the older men in the church who brought them to me.  None of the women or I say most women are too busy for me don't want to talk much with me.  I rarely have visitors.  I'm pretty much isolated.  I do have a homeless person stay with me on occation but you have to be careful.

 

[SteelMagnoliainTexas]

Even "that" older man ridiculed me when he suggested I talk to the missionaries.

I go to another church and they have a mom's prayer meeting and someone interrupts my prayer and starts rambling on just cuts me off .  If feel too ashamed to even pray.  

 

 

[SteelMagnoliainTexas]

I also find it difficult in today's society to have a husband or significant other without ten women coming after him or someone making a remark of how old I am.  This occurs at the dentists office too.  I was considering getting a few implants and I had a couple of people, both dentists, not want me to get them even lying to me about the condition of my mouth....saying my jaw bone was too withered away.  No it isn't.  Not on the top.  It's like it's too much trouble to make me look better.  It's so freaky.

[SteelMagnoliainTexas]

And I literally have to fight like this over anything....to even have a tooth pulled.

I'm so done with everyone!

[manol]

We cannot change other people, but we can shift our perception, and in my experience that's even better.

For instance, imagine that you are in a dimly-lit room.  There is very little light in there.  So you perceive shadowy forms which appear threatening... a lion, a bear, a ghost.  But if the room was filled with light, you would see that instead of a lion, it's a chair.  Instead of a bear, a bookcase.  Instead of a ghost, curtains gently moving in the breeze.  Darkness presents convincing and frightening illusions, but light dispels them. 

So here is what I think we are called to do by Jesus when he said "YOU are the LIGHT of the world":  I think each of us is called to bring as much LIGHT as we can into WHATEVER our situation is.  In other words, I think YOU have a very high and very holy calling:  To bring as much LIGHT as you can into YOUR situations.

Imagine there is a scale with darkness at one end and light at the other.  At the dark end we find things like shame, fear, and despair.  At the light end, we find things like love and peace and complete safety.  We can, by DELIBERATE CHOICE, bring light into whatever situation we are in.  It might go something like this:  We might say to ourself, "I now bring into this situation as much light as I am able to at this moment."  The result will be a shift in what you PERCEIVE.  It may be a small shift, it may be a big one, but it is MUCH better than taking the path of least resistance and staying in darkness.

Now our minds may have become comfortable in the darkness, and may resist the light.  The mind is really good at coming up with all kinds of excuses for not doing something that it doesn't want to do.  So when our minds start manufacturing objections, we might say this to ourselves:  "I don't have time to argue about this right now.  Instead, in this moment I intend to bring as much light as I can into this situation." 

The exact wording doesn't matter, and maybe you don't even need to use words - maybe you can just have the intention without actual words forming in your mind.  I still need the words, so that's what I use.  You can use the word "LOVE" instead of "LIGHT" if that works better for you. 

Don't waste time being upset with yourself over falling short.  Just whenever you notice that you are in darkness, choose light instead.  You are not expected to choose any more light than you genuinely can in that moment, but in ANY moment we can choose between light and darkness.  And eventually light becomes our DEFAULT choice!  But until then, whenever we catch ourselves, our role is to make LIGHT (or LOVE) a CONSCIOUS and DELIBERATE choice, as much as we are realistically able to in that moment.   (And in the NEXT moment, we may be able to choose a little bit more light [or love], our capacity for doing so having expanded a little bit.)

The more you can invest time and energy in spiritual practices, the more "juice" you are putting in your battery, so to speak, and so the more light you will be able to choose, and the easier it will become for you to do so.

Every time you choose light over darkness, no matter how small, you will have accomplished a thousand times more that you would have by spending years in darkness.  Every little victory is actually huge.  And all defeats are undone the very next time you choose light over darkness.

I honor you for all the times you've gotten back up after a fall.  I honor you for taking on a much more difficult earth life than what I had the courage to take on.  I honor you as a Daughter of God and as a Sister in Christ.

 

Edited June 8, 2022 by manol

[Calm]

On 6/8/2022 at 9:34 AM, SteelMagnoliainTexas said:

I also find it difficult in today's society to have a husband or significant other without ten women coming after him or someone making a remark of how old I am.  This occurs at the dentists office too.  I was considering getting a few implants and I had a couple of people, both dentists, not want me to get them even lying to me about the condition of my mouth....saying my jaw bone was too withered away.  No it isn't.  Not on the top.  It's like it's too much trouble to make me look better.  It's so freaky.

It seems unlikely dentists would lie in this way because they can make money off of putting in implants, telling you to not have any work done means not money for them. 

[SteelMagnoliainTexas]

Actually I'm finding it hard to believe dentists won't lie.  People now days are more and more jealous.  People often discourage me to get or do anything for myself.  Even having a place to live totally annoys them.  Because  they really want to drive by in their new car and flash their diamond ring .  And when I got my partial dentures the d male dentist that pulled my teeth pulled a couple extra right Infront to mess it up for me....I had all these teeth right in a row on the bottom and she was like "sorry, I have to pull these too."  She didn't have to pull those .  I ve seen partials done where they don't have to pull those extra teeth.  She wanted to make it look crappy on purpose.

[Calm]

50 minutes ago, SteelMagnoliainTexas said:

Actually I'm finding it hard to believe dentists won't lie.

Sure, but lying to get more money, not less. Making it look crappy and risking having you publicly complain will cut into their bottomline.  I find it hard to believe someone who risk being sued even for a momentary thrill of petty jealousy.  Still, there are twisted people out there, not saying it is impossible.

Edited June 14, 2022 by Calm

[Calm]

Steel, is there anyone supportive in your life?  Someone you could cultivate a stronger relationship with to have more positive happenings in your life? Friends, family, extended family?