Popular Post Tacenda Posted October 31, 2016 Popular Post Posted October 31, 2016 (edited) Just wanted to share some good news. I have mentioned my brother on here before about his addiction to alcohol. He was at his lowest point, and would otherwise be at a shelter if I didn't allow him to stay with me. He is living with just my husband and I but under some rules. One of those was that he go to some kind of AA meeting or the LDS sponsored addiction program. He agreed and I went with him to see what it was all about tonight. It turned out to be a great experience for me, and after it was over I asked my brother how he liked it, he said he liked it, and liked how the people were so real. He's hopefully going to another meeting this Tuesday at another location with a group that a person in the church highly recommended he attend. I hope he can continue to change his life and stay sober. If he falls off the wagon, I don't know what I'll do. Very grateful the church set up this program, I think it's a lifesaver, and pray that my brother can do this. He's never been to the LDS sponsored meetings just the regular AA meetings. He likes the LDS one a lot better I believe. I sure felt the spirit, my brother may have too, but he might not even be a believer of a creator, and attributed that feeling to the people being so real. Just thought I'd share, hopefully this will have a fairytale ending, and he'll change his life. Edited October 31, 2016 by Tacenda 16
VideoGameJunkie Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 The LDS addiction recovery programs can work wonders and are a good place for addicts.
Jeanne Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 (edited) Oh...I am sending great positive thoughts. From one who had an alcoholic sister, I am sending great hope. Oh.Tacenda...my sister went to get some help and it worked for awhile..I so love the fact that you are in participation of this huge goal for your bro. I spend a lot of time wondering if I had done this...or done that..would/could I have made a difference? Good for you..good for family!! Edited to add: Breathe Tacenda..breathe. Edited October 31, 2016 by Jeanne 2
boblloyd91 Posted October 31, 2016 Posted October 31, 2016 This is great news! I don't know how many on the board know, but I'm a Therapist for mental health and substance abuse problems. Just by way of warning, it's not going to be a smooth road (I'm sure you've already experienced this) but keep being there for him and loving him! 4
Tacenda Posted November 8, 2016 Author Posted November 8, 2016 On 10/31/2016 at 0:08 PM, boblloyd91 said: This is great news! I don't know how many on the board know, but I'm a Therapist for mental health and substance abuse problems. Just by way of warning, it's not going to be a smooth road (I'm sure you've already experienced this) but keep being there for him and loving him! You're right on your last sentence especially, we've hit some bumps already, it's smooth for the moment though, still holding my breath. 3
Tacenda Posted December 6, 2016 Author Posted December 6, 2016 Update on my brother. It's been a rough few weeks. He got a job, but right before that he worked at a temporary job that required him to climb a ladder. He fell and broke some ribs possibly. The next day he had to go to work as a glazier for a company he had previously worked for. We were so excited that his old boss wanted him back. I helped him get some good work boots etc. He goes to work but is in a lot of pain, after a few days of this, his boss criticized some work that had been done. I guess my brother lost his temper and there were some words and he was fired. Then my brother fell off the wagon and began drinking again. He ended up at someone's place in the Salt Lake avenues that has people there that are not good for my brother. My husband wouldn't let him come back to our house after the relapse. I had bought him a phone and a plan through Walmart so I was able to keep in contact. He was drinking every day hard liquor and some pot and possibly heroin. I finally texted my siblings for support, they have practically given up on him until he wants to get help for himself. I just asked that they call or text him with some supportive encouragement. I was so glad when my oldest sister sent him a wonderful text. She even said she'd fly here from California to help him get in rehab etc. My other sister texted him and said she was behind him, I haven't heard from another sister yet who lives out of state also, and not sure if my other brother texted, who is also an alcoholic but who has been sober for many years. Then yesterday I received a text from my brother that said he wants help. I picked him up from a Motel 6 that a friend had given him money to stay and sober up in, he is now detoxing at my house. My husband is not a happy camper, pretty upset at me. But it's my brother! I hope he won't die on my watch, but things are looking okay so far, he's asleep right now. I'm taking him to a place for assessement after the required group meeting tonight. I hope he'll get some mental treatment, and a program for rehab that we all can afford. Need some prayers for this too. Thanks guys! 4
Calm Posted December 6, 2016 Posted December 6, 2016 Blessings to your family, it must be nice for the other members to get involved even if you are the primary. 2
Jeanne Posted December 6, 2016 Posted December 6, 2016 Tacenda...so many highs and lows..but the key is he wants some help. My nephew went through this. A good program in SLC is the Odyssey House. Hopefully it is still there. So glad that you are getting support from some family members...you rock. Once your brother gets some help..hubby should love and admire the pieces out of you! Keep us posted and I hope all goes well. 2
Calm Posted December 6, 2016 Posted December 6, 2016 Tac, Tell your hubby it proves you never give up on family, which includes him. 2
jana at jade house Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 Gosh. Puts my life crap in perspective. Good job you and may you be strengthened and supported yourself while you shepherd your brother. 2
ERayR Posted December 7, 2016 Posted December 7, 2016 17 hours ago, Tacenda said: Good advice ladies!! I pray that your brother may find his way out and that you may have the strength to help him. May you be blessed for your efforts. 2
Rain Posted December 8, 2016 Posted December 8, 2016 I've been where you are with your brother. I really hope things work out. It is so hard to see your brother go through that. Hugs. 2
Tacenda Posted December 8, 2016 Author Posted December 8, 2016 Thanks everyone for you support, you guys really are true friends. My brother hasn't slept nearly at all in three days. I think he will finally get the sleep he needs now. We've tried several methods, I barely put some Lavendar Essential Oils on his temples and wrists. I had remembered having some from when my MIL gave it to me years ago for my sleep problems, he balked at it, but I think it will help a lot! My husband isn't as upset and is trying to be positive about it all. We're looking into rehabs that don't cost a fortune, since my brother doesn't have any insurance or a job of course. He'd really like inpatient treatment, the Volunteers of America only has outpatient treatment. But if that's what we need to do, it's better than nothing. Also, he's on the waiting list to go to Valley Camp up near Pineview in Ogden. It's in a mountain setting and it's where my other brother went for his treatment, and he's been sober ever since. But the down side of that is they don't have professional behavioral counseling. It's very cheap too, and I think my siblings will be happy to help. Again, thanks for the support! 4
Tacenda Posted December 12, 2016 Author Posted December 12, 2016 On 10/31/2016 at 0:08 PM, boblloyd91 said: This is great news! I don't know how many on the board know, but I'm a Therapist for mental health and substance abuse problems. Just by way of warning, it's not going to be a smooth road (I'm sure you've already experienced this) but keep being there for him and loving him! I thought you might know some books out there that I could get for my brother to read while in rehab. I have my eye on the following book because I recently ordered the Kindle version. Any help I could get from you or others would be wonderful!! The 7 Core Skills of Everyday Happiness: Scientifically Proven Skills for a Happier, More Meaningful Life Wilhite, Scott 1
boblloyd91 Posted December 12, 2016 Posted December 12, 2016 2 hours ago, Tacenda said: I thought you might know some books out there that I could get for my brother to read while in rehab. I have my eye on the following book because I recently ordered the Kindle version. Any help I could get from you or others would be wonderful!! The 7 Core Skills of Everyday Happiness: Scientifically Proven Skills for a Happier, More Meaningful Life Wilhite, Scott Check this one out too.... https://www.amazon.com/Addictive-Personality-Understanding-Compulsive-Behavior-ebook/dp/B00BOE0JH0/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1481572528&sr=1-1&keywords=the+addictive+personality 2
Tacenda Posted December 12, 2016 Author Posted December 12, 2016 4 minutes ago, boblloyd91 said: Check this one out too.... https://www.amazon.com/Addictive-Personality-Understanding-Compulsive-Behavior-ebook/dp/B00BOE0JH0/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1481572528&sr=1-1&keywords=the+addictive+personality Just ordered, thank you, I think this is perfect! 1
Tacenda Posted December 31, 2016 Author Posted December 31, 2016 My husband and I are taking my brother to a rehab tonight! It's an affordable place that he has been on the waiting list for, he was moved up the list because he would call or text them daily. I'm so happy, but still apprehensive that he will go back to his old ways. I've included the book that boblloyd91 recommended and a journal with a pic of Christ and a pic of my brother and his son, that was recently taken. Also, my parents pictures and a note from myself. I hope this all works! 2
Calm Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 That is a good sign he was pushing for it himself. Hoping good things for all of you to follow. Been watching some shows on addiction and, man, that is a harsh burden for family and friends and of course the individuals themselves. 1
Tacenda Posted January 2, 2017 Author Posted January 2, 2017 (edited) Update: Checked my brother in last night, he was greeted by several men who wanted to make him feel at ease. I was amazed at the feeling I felt, the love they showed each other. That night they had a meeting where family and friends were invited. My husband and I didn't stay but will try to go another time. My brother called me today and was very happy. He asked if I could bring up some of his dressier clothing because a couple had come today with a care package and asked if he would like to go to church this coming Sunday. I'm shocked my brother is willing to go, he has had no interest in attending church, even while living with us. I guess this couple lost a son to alcoholism and wanted to help others. They are LDS, so my brother is going to an LDS church service, I don't believe he's been to church regularly for over 30 years. I'm excited for him, and hoping this is a dream come true!! Note: This place he is in is in a mountain setting, it should charge a lot more, but the man who started the place wanted it to be affordable. It is only 100.00 a week! I'm so happy it exists! Edited January 2, 2017 by Tacenda 4
Calm Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Wow, that is amazing. There are good people out there. Wish we heard more about this stuff than all the negatives that get headlines. 1
Jeanne Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 11 hours ago, Tacenda said: Update: Checked my brother in last night, he was greeted by several men who wanted to make him feel at ease. I was amazed at the feeling I felt, the love they showed each other. That night they had a meeting where family and friends were invited. My husband and I didn't stay but will try to go another time. My brother called me today and was very happy. He asked if I could bring up some of his dressier clothing because a couple had come today with a care package and asked if he would like to go to church this coming Sunday. I'm shocked my brother is willing to go, he has had no interest in attending church, even while living with us. I guess this couple lost a son to alcoholism and wanted to help others. They are LDS, so my brother is going to an LDS church service, I don't believe he's been to church regularly for over 30 years. I'm excited for him, and hoping this is a dream come true!! Note: This place he is in is in a mountain setting, it should charge a lot more, but the man who started the place wanted it to be affordable. It is only 100.00 a week! I'm so happy it exists! Oh wow...this. watch..we don't get to notice miracles around us often. So very happy for your bro and you/family. My nephew had lost everything. Today, after federal prison...he has worked two years..paying child support...getting to see his kids...and life has changed so much since those dark days. I found his kids on Christmas Eve a few years ago in a homeless shelter..they were on KSL News...the chain of events that followed became a 3 year process of deligience..then set backs. Today, is the 20th anniversary of my sister's suicide...I am about to visit her grandkids..my nephew's kids..and hold them...Miracles do happen!! 2
Tacenda Posted January 2, 2017 Author Posted January 2, 2017 (edited) 18 minutes ago, Jeanne said: Oh wow...this. watch..we don't get to notice miracles around us often. So very happy for your bro and you/family. My nephew had lost everything. Today, after federal prison...he has worked two years..paying child support...getting to see his kids...and life has changed so much since those dark days. I found his kids on Christmas Eve a few years ago in a homeless shelter..they were on KSL News...the chain of events that followed became a 3 year process of deligience..then set backs. Today, is the 20th anniversary of my sister's suicide...I am about to visit her grandkids..my nephew's kids..and hold them...Miracles do happen!! Jeanne, a single man that is homeless is bad enough, but children in a homeless shelter? You are such a wonderful aunt/great aunt Jeanne!! I'm happy for them, and glad the dark years/days are over. I'm so sorry about your sister, and wish something, anything could have stopped her. But sometimes nothing will, and I pray and hope she's in the arms of angels and your mother and all those that went before her that she knew. Before this turn of events my brother spoke about not wanting to live, he said there is a devil on his back constantly, although I don't know if he believes in Satan or God. I know he brought a lot on, but the thing that he is really upset over is his being sent to prison for something he didn't do. His ex girlfriend admitted to my dad years ago, right before he was released from prison, that he didn't do what she said he did, she was angry when she called the cops and said he kidnapped her and raped her (but the judged changed it to burglary). I guess she had found out he was speaking to another woman, maybe he even went out on her and she wanted to get even, I don't know. But ever since then, he was in and out of jail, first for breaking his probation rules, and just different charges related to alcohol. But that doesn't mean I think my brother is a saint, far from it. Sometimes I worry he does have some form of being a sociopath, I've yet to see it in full. I've only seen that he wants to get better now. Before that, not so much. That's why I decided to give him one more chance and bring him back to our house. Have a wonderful day with your great nieces Jeanne. And thanks for your reply!! Edited January 2, 2017 by Tacenda 3
Jeanne Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 5 minutes ago, Tacenda said: Jeanne, a single man that is homeless is bad enough, but children in a homeless shelter? You are such a wonderful aunt/great aunt Jeanne!! I'm happy for them, and glad the dark years/days are over. I'm so sorry about your sister, and wish something, anything could have stopped her. But sometimes nothing will, and I pray and hope she's in the arms of angels and your mother and all those that went before her that she knew. Before this turn of events my brother spoke about not wanting to live, he said there is a devil on his back constantly, although I don't know if he believes in Satan or God. I know he brought a lot on, but the thing that he is really upset over is his being sent to prison for something he didn't do. His ex girlfriend admitted to my dad years ago and right before he was relased from prison, that he didn't do what she said he did, she was angry when she called the cops and said he kidnapped her and raped her. I guess she had found out he was speaking to another woman, maybe even went out on her. But that doesn't mean I think my brother is a saint, far from it. Sometimes I worry he does have some form of being a sociopath, I've yet to see it in full. I've only seen that he wants to get better now. Before that, not so much. That's why I decided to give him one more chance and bring him back to our house. Have a wonderful day with your great nieces Jeanne. And thanks for your reply!! Oh Tacenda...this explains so much about how your bro deals with things and why. I commend him and have great hope for him because he has family that cares and knows it. My sister lost her 11 year old daughter in a ice-skating/drowning incident just before Christmas 1984...there was a lot of deep seated hurt/reality that was difficult for her. I relive that night and how close I came to calling her...but didn't!!! Always listen to your heart/voice...we are a lucky pair you and I!!
Tacenda Posted January 2, 2017 Author Posted January 2, 2017 (edited) 18 minutes ago, Jeanne said: Oh Tacenda...this explains so much about how your bro deals with things and why. I commend him and have great hope for him because he has family that cares and knows it. My sister lost her 11 year old daughter in a ice-skating/drowning incident just before Christmas 1984...there was a lot of deep seated hurt/reality that was difficult for her. I relive that night and how close I came to calling her...but didn't!!! Always listen to your heart/voice...we are a lucky pair you and I!! I know the feeling, my husband and I were on our way on a Valentine's date and we stopped by my dad's house, (we had just visited the previous night) to drop off some vitamins/supplements I ordered for him. My husband took them in the house for me. The next day my dad died of a heart attack. I wish I had taken the stuff to him instead of my husband. Regret is so hard to deal with. I was also not with my mom when she died. I regret that every day. Oh, there is so much pain in life, your dear sister's 11 year old daughter too? I'm so sorry for your losses. Edited January 2, 2017 by Tacenda 1
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