Jazzdreamer Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 So I'm a new convert, I'm in love with this religion. I can testify to the truth Of it. Now my boyfriend, is about to go on his mission, he is going to Finland! I'm gonna miss him so much!I have his sister trying to break us up because she is mad at him!! She acts like she is a perfect mormon but the lies and rude things that come from her mouth are disturbing. I don't want to judge her and I know I am which makes me feel bad. But how do I deal with such a thing?!
Kenngo1969 Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 It's difficult to respond with any concrete advice without knowing more specifically about what his sister is doing to try to break you up. (Though, candidly, I'm probably not the best person to take advice from on that score: I'm a long-term confirmed bachelor. ) He should focus on his mission, you should do the best you can to support him in that by filling your letters with the insights you're discovering as you study and share the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and you both should trust the Lord that whatever's supposed to happen after his mission will happen. I wish you both well. 1
Jazzdreamer Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Mostly making me, well no, I'm making myself not trust him because they are family and I started believing her instead of him. He hasn't left on his mission yet, he leaves in December and I completely support him!! But in essence we aren't allowed to date while he is on his mission and we both respect that. And he has told me he wants me to have fun and all that when he is gone. And not "date" but to go out on dates.Well she is twisting his words saying if he loved me he wouldn't want me to see anyone. And he is just too nice of a guy to hurt me. In me bringing this to his attention, he told me ignore her and she is wrong and all that. I am just worried. She had a pretty convincing story and I believed her too because she was a "good mormon" but the struggle of dealing with her. It's hard.
TAO Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I'm gonna be going on a mission soon too. And yeah, I'm going to ask my girlfriend to date other people while I'm gone. So I think that's actually pretty typical. We want our girlfriends to be happy - that's the biggest thing. 1
Jazzdreamer Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Aww so it's not completely unusual for someone to say that.
Garden Girl Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Mostly making me, well no, I'm making myself not trust him because they are family and I started believing her instead of him. He hasn't left on his mission yet, he leaves in December and I completely support him!! But in essence we aren't allowed to date while he is on his mission and we both respect that. And he has told me he wants me to have fun and all that when he is gone. And not "date" but to go out on dates.Well she is twisting his words saying if he loved me he wouldn't want me to see anyone. And he is just too nice of a guy to hurt me. In me bringing this to his attention, he told me ignore her and she is wrong and all that. I am just worried. She had a pretty convincing story and I believed her too because she was a "good mormon" but the struggle of dealing with her. It's hard. Good morning, JazzDreamer...I hope you're somewhere where you can watch Gen Conf as there have been some wonderful messages both yesterday and so far today... that you as a new convert would benefit from... As far as your boyfriend... Unless there has been a clear commitment between the two of you, it would be unrealistic for him to expect you to sit around for two years during this part of your life. IMO the level of commitment you each have expressed to each other is a key factor. How old are you? 19? That's awfully young if it isn't a strong commitment. If it were me, I'd ignore the sister and not even discuss it with her... I'd be firm about it and say that the two of you have discussed it and you don't need to discuss it further. Then, after he's gone just be yourself, and if a young man asks you out use your judgment and go if you feel like it... attend Church and related church activities... be cheerful and newsy in your correspondence... encourage him to keep his focus on his work... and continue to strengthen your testimony and gospel knowledge. And see what happens... how do you know, JD, there very well could be an LDS young man come along that could change things... depends on how committed you are... GG 1
rpn Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Two years is a long time. And you sound young. You need to find out who you are. You need to date other men and just have fun. I suppose that conventional wisdom might support your sister's view. But love isn't about caging people, it is about helping them fly free --- that puts them in a position to really choose a relationship. The missionary wouldn't help himself by wanted to keep you all to himself, anyway ---- he's going to want you to grow while he is gone because he is not going to want you to be in the exact same place with education. social skills or testimony that you are when he left. He surely isn't going to return the same as when he leaves. And he's going to want you to have enough experience socially to really choose him, if that is what you both receive inspiration to do when he returns (and you return from your mission, should you chose to go when he is gone). It is also quite possible (especially if he introduced you to the gospel) that he understands you need to get a testimony of it away from his and not related to his. For that you do need to explore how the gospel works in other people's lives. And different ways it can work in yours. The statistics would argue that it is unlikely you will actually marry the missionary you send out. Most such relationships do not last, even if there is no breakup during the mission. Yours may be different. But plan to have a life so whatever happens you will have options and your testimony not tied to your relationship with him. 1
Calm Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 I'm gonna be going on a mission soon too. And yeah, I'm going to ask my girlfriend to date other people while I'm gone. So I think that's actually pretty typical. We want our girlfriends to be happy - that's the biggest thing. I agree with Tao, it is the "typical" LDS approach.
Jazzdreamer Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Two years is a long time. And you sound young. You need to find out who you are. You need to date other men and just have fun. I suppose that conventional wisdom might support your sister's view. But love isn't about caging people, it is about helping them fly free --- that puts them in a position to really choose a relationship. The missionary wouldn't help himself by wanted to keep you all to himself, anyway ---- he's going to want you to grow while he is gone because he is not going to want you to be in the exact same place with education. social skills or testimony that you are when he left. He surely isn't going to return the same as when he leaves. And he's going to want you to have enough experience socially to really choose him, if that is what you both receive inspiration to do when he returns (and you return from your mission, should you chose to go when he is gone).It is also quite possible (especially if he introduced you to the gospel) that he understands you need to get a testimony of it away from his and not related to his. For that you do need to explore how the gospel works in other people's lives. And different ways it can work in yours.The statistics would argue that it is unlikely you will actually marry the missionary you send out. Most such relationships do not last, even if there is no breakup during the mission. Yours may be different. But plan to have a life so whatever happens you will have options and your testimony not tied to your relationship with him.Thank you for this. I am young, 18 and he did introduce me to it. You are like dead on. Lol thank you for the advice.
rongo Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Your conversion reminded me of this, from the last week of my mission (northern Germany, 1994-1996). She uwas from Denver, and her boyfriend had gone to BYU. She went on a foreign exchange to Germany, and was having a terrible time adjusting to the culture, her host family, etc. Right before leaving, her mother found a Book of Mormon from her boyfriend in her suitcase, and forbade her to take it with her. She didn't get along with her host family, and was lonely during a week-long trip to the French Riviera. She was miserable, and read the Book of Mormon from her boyfriend during this trip and had a powerful witness from the Spirit. We first met her via a message on our answering machine, saying in English "My name is -------, and I need to talk to you. I have read the Book of Mormon and believe that it's true." She gave her host family's phone number, and they were extremely suspicious and controlling when we called her back. We arranged to meet her at a train station between where she lived and where we lived (she actually lived just outside our mission, but the boundaries were hazy. We met her just inside our mission). We walked to a school yard and talked for about two-three hours, teaching her what was then the 1st and 2nd discussions. She was a "golden contact," and we talked about a lot of things. A teacher/principal approached us and asked her if we were bothering her, and she assured him that everything was fine. Part of her loneliness was her incompatibility with the standards of kids at her school, and we invited her to go to a youth dance that was being held in our city (Braunschweig --- a big city). Her host father was *extremely* suspicious and protective, and I pledged to him that we would see that she got safely on and off her train if he saw that she got on it (this required us to pick her up and take her to the station around 11:00 PM, which is technically against mission rules, but was necessary in this case). She had a great time with other LDS youth. Shortly after this, I went home from my mission. Whether she and her boyfriend ended up getting married, who knows. Two years is a long time. The important thing for her, and you, and your boyfriend is that you remain true to your testimonies and covenants and meet and marry people who are true and faithful. Welcome into the Church! Finland will be a wonderful experience for your boyfriend!
Calm Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 Problems With Sister In Law -.- Hmm....hopeful thinking here?
Lady_Lullaby Posted October 6, 2013 Posted October 6, 2013 @Jazzdreamer Welcome to membership in the LDS Church! I'm very happy to see the thoughtful and good natured responses here. I don't think I could say any of it any better. I hope you can feel the Lord's love for you and His happiness in your decision to be baptized and serve Him. I hope as you pray, you can feel His Spirit helping you know how to forgive those who may hurt your feelings and act less than they have been taught. But just like we heard in Conference this weekend - if someone defines hypocrisy as someone who doesn't perfectly live what they believe, then we are all hypocrites. We're all striving and it takes time and practice. It is frustrating that we do hurt each other by our weaknesses and even at times, by willful misuse of agency. But thank goodness for the Atonement, that we can find power to forgive and be healed no matter what comes our way. You are in a very exciting and new season of life. I hope you will continue to ask questions here and of leaders of the church as they arise. I am also happy to know you know that you have a Father in Heaven who loves you and will hear you as you pray to Him. Good luck! And tell your missionary good luck too!
Jazzdreamer Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Hmm....hopeful thinking here? Lol I'm fairly confident he has said that he wants to get married to me. <3
Jazzdreamer Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 @JazzdreamerWelcome to membership in the LDS Church! I'm very happy to see the thoughtful and good natured responses here. I don't think I could say any of it any better. I hope you can feel the Lord's love for you and His happiness in your decision to be baptized and serve Him. I hope as you pray, you can feel His Spirit helping you know how to forgive those who may hurt your feelings and act less than they have been taught. But just like we heard in Conference this weekend - if someone defines hypocrisy as someone who doesn't perfectly live what they believe, then we are all hypocrites. We're all striving and it takes time and practice. It is frustrating that we do hurt each other by our weaknesses and even at times, by willful misuse of agency. But thank goodness for the Atonement, that we can find power to forgive and be healed no matter what comes our way. You are in a very exciting and new season of life. I hope you will continue to ask questions here and of leaders of the church as they arise. I am also happy to know you know that you have a Father in Heaven who loves you and will hear you as you pray to Him. Good luck! And tell your missionary good luck too! I'm viewing it not as perfection. Something else I can't think of but I see definitely what you mean.I'm a very forgiving person, since starting my religious journey, I've taken the time out to forgive everyone that has hurt me in the past. Taking steps to better myself.I'm not scared of not being able to forgive her, I'm just not interested in this drama that has been created. She has been shunned in her family already for her actions. And I would never want to get married and not get along with part of his family. But I'm very upset that she is "happily married" and yet trying to ruin something precious to me.I appreciate your kind words I feel the love! I love this church and it's members and everything else about it!! I have no doubt in my mind that I chose the right!! <3
Jazzdreamer Posted October 6, 2013 Author Posted October 6, 2013 Your conversion reminded me of this, from the last week of my mission (northern Germany, 1994-1996).She uwas from Denver, and her boyfriend had gone to BYU. She went on a foreign exchange to Germany, and was having a terrible time adjusting to the culture, her host family, etc. Right before leaving, her mother found a Book of Mormon from her boyfriend in her suitcase, and forbade her to take it with her. She didn't get along with her host family, and was lonely during a week-long trip to the French Riviera. She was miserable, and read the Book of Mormon from her boyfriend during this trip and had a powerful witness from the Spirit. We first met her via a message on our answering machine, saying in English "My name is -------, and I need to talk to you. I have read the Book of Mormon and believe that it's true." She gave her host family's phone number, and they were extremely suspicious and controlling when we called her back. We arranged to meet her at a train station between where she lived and where we lived (she actually lived just outside our mission, but the boundaries were hazy. We met her just inside our mission). We walked to a school yard and talked for about two-three hours, teaching her what was then the 1st and 2nd discussions. She was a "golden contact," and we talked about a lot of things. A teacher/principal approached us and asked her if we were bothering her, and she assured him that everything was fine.Part of her loneliness was her incompatibility with the standards of kids at her school, and we invited her to go to a youth dance that was being held in our city (Braunschweig --- a big city). Her host father was *extremely* suspicious and protective, and I pledged to him that we would see that she got safely on and off her train if he saw that she got on it (this required us to pick her up and take her to the station around 11:00 PM, which is technically against mission rules, but was necessary in this case). She had a great time with other LDS youth. Shortly after this, I went home from my mission.Whether she and her boyfriend ended up getting married, who knows. Two years is a long time. The important thing for her, and you, and your boyfriend is that you remain true to your testimonies and covenants and meet and marry people who are true and faithful.Welcome into the Church! Finland will be a wonderful experience for your boyfriend!Thank you that was inspirational! I will deff be keeping all of this in mind!!
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