Divorce Because of Sexual Fulfilment, Sexual Preferences & Sexual Orientations

[Anonymous Mormon]

Jesus taught in Mat 5 that there are instances where divorce is acceptable but the people of his time were doing it too liberally:
31 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:
32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

 

In the recent thread on LGBT issues, the issue of divorce was discussed and examples were given of divorces in cases where a spouse comes out as gay, where one of the spouses chooses not to have sex, etc. I want to better understand people's view on when divorce is acceptable because an individual is not being fulfilled sexually or their marriage no longer matches their sexual preference, versus when it is wrong and selfish to get a divorce.

For example, I have a close family member who is likely going to divorce. Her husband says that she has gained too much weight and is no longer attracted to her, which is a root cause of the issue. Is it okay for a husband to say he is no longer attracted to his wife because she is fat and thus wants a divorce or is that selfish? (I personally put this in the selfish category)

In our community a man came out as gay. He announced on Facebook that he loved his wife and the family they created and that his wife was his 'best friend,' but after all these years and multiple kids he was getting a divorce because he was gay. Everyone posted positive glowing comments about how brave this man was. Is the fact that this man acknowledges that he is more sexually attracted to other men than his 'best friend' wife a good reason to divorce or is this selfish? (I personally put this in the selfish category as well, just like the above)

What about some other examples of marriages where the couples have been married for a decade or longer, have multiple kids, are good friends and get along well, and go to church and hold temple recommends, but they feel their sexual needs are not being met. For example:

• A woman just does not like sex and they don't have sex more than once a year - is the husband selfish for getting a divorce?
• A man feels like his sexual needs are not being met unless he has sex at least 3 times a week, but they are averaging sex once every 10 - 20 days - is the husband selfish for getting a divorce?
• A man feels that his sexual orientation is women in their 20s and his 45 year old wife who is otherwise an average looking person just doesn't meet his needs - is the husband selfish for getting a divorce?
  (note: I use the term sexual orientation in the way I have heard it being used recently with pedophiles - it seems to be becoming the prevailing belief in scientific literature that pedophilia is an orientation that can't change (like being gay) - so one would expect that sexual attraction to young 20 years olds can also be a sexual orientation? - I don't want to even search the term so I am not going to Google the studies to show this, someone else can do this)
• A man feels his sexual needs are not being met because his wife won't participate in certain types of sex acts or specific sexual positions - is the husband selfish for getting a divorce?
• A woman feels betrayed sexually because her husband regularly views pornography but he feels that that his sexual needs are not being met by just having sex with his wife and he disagrees with the church's stance that pornography is sin - "it's how men are," he says and he thinks the church just wants to shame men into obeying otherwise petty commandments (and his bishop continues to let him renew his temple recommend) - is the wife selfish for getting a divorce?

 

So when is divorce wrong and selfish and when it should be pushed for and even celebrated on Facebook because someone is finally living up to their true potential for sexual fulfilment, orientation, and preferences?

[The Nehor]

7 minutes ago, Anonymous Mormon said:

So when is divorce wrong and selfish and when it should be pushed for and even celebrated on Facebook because someone is finally living up to their true potential for sexual fulfilment, orientation, and preferences?

Simpler solution: Destroy Facebook.

[poptart]

This is why I was asking about orientation in the thread I started.  That's also why I was a bit surprised when Robert told me how gay men would still marry women and blend in, that can't end well.  Even those who are bi would have some issues, many times they end up gravitating towards one end of the spectrum or the other.  A lot of women don't want a bi male because of the reputation and pre judgements.  Also, if you've been with one gender long enough, some men do eventually take the jump and date men almost exclusively.  I get it, the LDS faith like many others as rules regarding orientation but hey, sexuality is what it is.  

That's another thing, how can the spouse not know?  When you live with someone long enough you start noticing things.  It's a bit more obvious for me, orientation aside I never really had a dad and the male role model that went with it so yep, a lot of my personal tastes don't exactly scream masculine.  I would think if someone is dating someone of the opposite gender from an LDS dating pool they'd ask questions, wouldn't they?

[pogi]

50 minutes ago, poptart said:

That's another thing, how can the spouse not know?  When you live with someone long enough you start noticing things.  It's a bit more obvious for me, orientation aside I never really had a dad and the male role model that went with it so yep, a lot of my personal tastes don't exactly scream masculine.  I would think if someone is dating someone of the opposite gender from an LDS dating pool they'd ask questions, wouldn't they?

I think this borders on victim blaming though.  Isn't it more the responsibility of the guy to reveal his secrets before entering sacred vows?   It's not always easy to tell.  Some straight men are more effeminate while some gay men are extremely masculine.  I don't celebrate these divorces.  I think they are tragic - especially for the kids.  I don't celebrate these marriages happening in the first place either.  I think they are too dangerous and should not be encouraged. 

Why is he being celebrated for uprooting the life of his wife and kids so he can find sexual fulfillment?  Shouldn't he be challenged for not being open and honest in the first place, and for braking his sacred vows for sex?  

[poptart]

13 minutes ago, pogi said:

I think this borders on victim blaming though.  Isn't it more the responsibility of the guy to reveal his secrets before entering sacred vows?   It's not always easy to tell.  Some straight men are more effeminate while some gay men are extremely masculine.  I don't celebrate these divorces.  I think they are tragic - especially for the kids.  I don't celebrate these marriages happening in the first place either.  I think they are too dangerous and should not be encouraged. 

Why is he being celebrated for uprooting the life of his wife and kids so he can find sexual fulfillment?  Shouldn't he be challenged for not being open and honest in the first place, and for braking his sacred vows for sex?  

Wasn't so much blaming here, was just asking if there weren't subtle hints.  I agree, they are absolutely horrible and as someone who had an awful childhood yeah, I can't stand how these people ruin their children for their own selfish desires which should have been checked at the door when they chose to get married.  After the violent, abusive childhood I had as a child I can say I'd never pull something like this.  A child deserves two parents, not this shameful substitute.  I don't go into my own personal life in too much detail here but i'll say this, big reason why I've considered a match making agency in the future is just that, if kids happen I want them to have something stable and someone from a two parent household with a good extended family.  Seeing this stuff happen makes me sick.

I don't have social media, makes me glad I opted out a while ago.  Seems like whenever I poke my head outside of my own world things keep getting worse here.  Kind of related, see what China has been doing in regards to societal ills?

Edited September 16, 2021 by poptart

[rchorse]

While sex is an important part of marriage, American society places it way too high in importance. Even if I knew I could never have sex with my wife again, I would not find that alone sufficient grounds for divorce. It would be very difficult for me, but I'd deal with it. Just like I dealt with being celibate until I got married at 29. If my own pleasure and needs are the top priority in my marriage, it's not likely to go well.

That said, though, relationships are complex, and I think sex is rarely the sole reason for a divorce. But if that were truly the case, I would find that selfish.