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Gay Man Pleasantly Surprised Over Acceptance in Provo and Ward

Darren10

By Darren10
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Darren10 Grand Master

Darren10

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A facebook friend of mine posted this. 

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 Then at church on Sunday I was filling out one of those get to know you forms for new members. The last question on the form was: Is there anything you’d like us to know about you? Here I was in a brand new ward where I only knew one person in a super conservative place in the heart of Mormondom. I hesitated for a moment thinking it might be best to not disclose my sexuality so early before people got to know me. Then I remembered what Carol Lynn Pearson had said at LoveLoud the night before. She recited a poem she had written for the event about how a butterfly cannot return to its chrysalis. I considered what that meant for me and then scribbled the words “I’m gay” on the form.

After the meeting two members of the Welcoming Committee (yep, that’s a thing in my new ward) came over to talk to me. I knew they hadn’t seen the form yet so I considered playing straight just to not make them feel uncomfortable, but as they asked about why I was studying social work and what I wanted to do with that degree it just naturally came out. They were both super cool about it. One of them had attended LoveLoud the night before and had loved it. He said it would be so great to have an out gay person at church. The other one was bummed she hadn’t gone to LoveLoud, but said she was happy to have me in the ward and asked if she could take me to lunch to ask me a few questions. I was super relieved.
 
Then after church I met with my bishop. I had considered not coming out to him when we first met so that he could get to know me first, but I came out to him anyway. And he responded in the best possible way. He asked some great questions and I told him about my blog and the things I’d been doing in Tucson. He pulled up my blog on his laptop right then and said he’d read it. My main worry about coming out to my bishop was that he wouldn’t want to recommend a gay man to be a temple worker. So when I expressed interest in being a temple worker and he said, “I would feel 100% comfortable recommending you as a temple worker,” I was over the moon.
 
We didn’t have a lot of time to chat because he had other interviews after me, but he asked if he could take me out to lunch so we could chat more. I replied, “Of course! Free lunch to talk about gay stuff is, like, my favorite thing!” So even if everyone ends up feeling weird around me because I’m gay at least I’m getting free lunches out of it. The bishop then said, “I have one last question. What do you need me to know and understand so that I can serve you better?” What a beautiful question! In the few minutes we spoke it was evident that my new bishop is sincerely trying to serve in a Christlike way and the cynical part of me was pleasantly surprised. He didn't offer any council, he just listened, learned, and empathized...

 

The best part of this blog post is this:
 
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Leaving Tucson last Monday broke my heart. I remember sitting in the Tucson Temple two weeks ago and having an overwhelming feeling that I was among my people. Then at the LoveLoud Festival in Orem I had the same feeling that I was with my people. I felt that same Spirit again as I left my new church building on Sunday. I’m coming to understand that for me to feel like I belong, the people around me have to really know me.

 
The miracle of Christlike service.
 
 
 
Edited by Darren10
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BRMC Rising Star

BRMC

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You can go to Temple as a homosexual as long as you are following the Law of Chastity, correct?

I've found it really interesting how welcoming Mormons seem to be.  

Marginal Gains Experienced

Marginal Gains

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23 minutes ago, jkwilliams said:

Not surprising that a celibate gay man would be accepted. But still nice to here.

Even nicer would be accounts of Wards and Bishops welcoming married gay men with children to their wards in similar fashion.

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jkwilliams Grand Master

jkwilliams

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49 minutes ago, Marginal Gains said:

Even nicer would be accounts of Wards and Bishops welcoming married gay men with children to their wards in similar fashion.

I would imagine the welcome might be less enthusiastic were a gay man to bring his husband to church. Maybe not, but certainly there would be no talk of a church calling.

Marginal Gains Experienced

Marginal Gains

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Posted (edited)
1 minute ago, jkwilliams said:

I would imagine the welcome might be less enthusiastic were a gay man to bring his husband to church. Maybe not, but certainly there would be no talk of a church calling.

Or membership for them and their children. And if they were members, they’d get a lovely welcome at their respective Church Court hearings...

Edited by Marginal Gains
Darren10 Grand Master

Darren10

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32 minutes ago, jkwilliams said:

I would imagine the welcome might be less enthusiastic were a gay man to bring his husband to church. Maybe not, but certainly there would be no talk of a church calling.

Or temple recommends. Especially not a pleasure to give them one. 

Darren10 Grand Master

Darren10

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1 hour ago, BRMC said:

You can go to Temple as a homosexual as long as you are following the Law of Chastity, correct?

I've found it really interesting how welcoming Mormons seem to be.  

Correct and I totally agree. 

Darren10 Grand Master

Darren10

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1 hour ago, jkwilliams said:

Not surprising that a celibate gay man would be accepted. But still nice to here.

Definitely not as news flashy as a General Authority being accepted into the ward as a non celebite gay man, would it? :)

Daniel2 Grand Master

Daniel2

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Glad this man feels accepted and loved, just as he should.

And in defense of our LDS neighbors, family, and friends....

My husband and I attend church when our friends and family have baby blessings, farewells, baptisms, Primary programs, etc.  Up until the Nov 2015 policy announcement, we also used to attend Ward Choir during the holidays (much to our local ward choir director's delight, given that our attendance almost doubles the men's section from 3 to 5... she's expressed dismay and regret that we've since politely declined to participate anymore, post-Nov-2015-policy).

The handful of wards we attend have always been very welcoming and friendly to both my husband and I.  Friends and neighbors are always gracious and talkative, and it's clear they make a point to go out of their way to come up to us and express how great it is to see us there.

Of course, my hubby and I respectfully refrain from even the most benign of PDA while we're in LDS buildings... I imagine some would be OK if we held hands (as we usually do at home or in public), and some wouldn't be.

Despite the tone and unintended negative effects and perception of the policy itself, my experience with most Latter-day Saints--even as an openly gay former member--has been overwhelmingly positive in the last few years.

My two cents,

D

Edited by Daniel2
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Darren10 Grand Master

Darren10

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5 hours ago, Daniel2 said:

Glad this man feels accepted and loved, just as he should.

And in defense of our LDS neighbors, family, and friends....

My husband and I attend church when our friends and family have baby blessings, farewells, baptisms, Primary programs, etc.  Up until the Nov 2015 policy announcement, we also used to attend Ward Choir during the holidays (much to our local ward choir director's delight, given that our attendance almost doubles the men's section from 3 to 5... she's expressed dismay and regret that we've since politely declined to participate anymore, post-Nov-2015-policy).

The handful of wards we attend have always been very welcoming and friendly to both my husband and I.  Friends and neighbors are always gracious and talkative, and it's clear they make a point to go out of their way to come up to us and express how great it is to see us there.

Of course, my hubby and I respectfully refrain from even the most benign of PDA while we're in LDS buildings... I imagine some would be OK if we held hands (as we usually do at home or in public), and some wouldn't be.

Despite the tone and unintended negative effects and perception of the policy itself, my experience with most Latter-day Saints--even as an openly gay former member--has been overwhelmingly positive in the last few years.

My two cents,

D

I am very pleased you and your husband have had a very good experience with your local ward's members. You two seem like vey decent ad respectable people.

Out of curiosity, is your refusal to participate in the ward's choir out of protest or more out of you cannot participate in good conscience due to the November 2015 policy?

LittleNipper Experienced

LittleNipper

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I do not consider one's sexual appetite as defining the person. Homosexuality is a habitual choice. Yes, it maybe a nagging feeling ; however, I feel strongly that ONE's CHARACTER is a more important value. I would not wish to be defined by my sexuality nor would I wish it to be the end all focus of my life.  Friendship is to be desired by far above sex; unfortunately, to a growing number of blinded people one's sexuality is the defining  pinnacle of one's existence. 

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california boy Grand Master

california boy

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21 hours ago, LittleNipper said:

I do not consider one's sexual appetite as defining the person. Homosexuality is a habitual choice. Yes, it maybe a nagging feeling ; however, I feel strongly that ONE's CHARACTER is a more important value. I would not wish to be defined by my sexuality nor would I wish it to be the end all focus of my life.  Friendship is to be desired by far above sex; unfortunately, to a growing number of blinded people one's sexuality is the defining  pinnacle of one's existence. 

I think you have no idea what you are talking about.

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Kenngo1969 Grand Master

Kenngo1969

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21 minutes ago, california boy said:

I think you have no idea what you are talking about.

Oh, come on!  The Nipster's fun to play with! :D;) 

Darren10 Grand Master

Darren10

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On 9/8/2017 at 8:58 PM, LittleNipper said:

I do not consider one's sexual appetite as defining the person. Homosexuality is a habitual choice. Yes, it maybe a nagging feeling ; however, I feel strongly that ONE's CHARACTER is a more important value. I would not wish to be defined by my sexuality nor would I wish it to be the end all focus of my life.  Friendship is to be desired by far above sex; unfortunately, to a growing number of blinded people one's sexuality is the defining  pinnacle of one's existence. 

There was one gay person in our single's branch "back in the day". He was one of the most fun people to hang out with. Reading the  post linked above for this thread, I get a strong sense that Ben is as well.

Edited by Darren10
carbon dioxide Grand Master

carbon dioxide

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On 9/8/2017 at 8:06 AM, Marginal Gains said:

Even nicer would be accounts of Wards and Bishops welcoming married gay men with children to their wards in similar fashion.

I could welcome the children.  I could welcome the gay men as well but to the same degree as I would welcome a man and woman who live together but are not married.

california boy Grand Master

california boy

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3 hours ago, LittleNipper said:

And I don't believe that you desire truth but only acceptance.

I couldn't care less who accepts me or who doesn't.  What I don't accept is erroneous assumptions made by someone who has no idea what he is talking about.

california boy Grand Master

california boy

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On 9/9/2017 at 3:58 AM, LittleNipper said:

I do not consider one's sexual appetite as defining the person.

CFR that a gay person's sexual appetite defines them any more than a straight person

Homosexuality is a habitual choice.

CFR that homosexuality is a habitual choice

Yes, it maybe a nagging feeling ; however, I feel strongly that ONE's CHARACTER is a more important value. I would not wish to be defined by my sexuality nor would I wish it to be the end all focus of my life.  Friendship is to be desired by far above sex; unfortunately, to a growing number of blinded people one's sexuality is the defining  pinnacle of one's existence. 

CFR that gays don't put the same importance on friendship as someone who is straight.

CFR that a gay person's orientation is the defining pinnacle of one's existence.

Equality under the law and the ability to get married is just as important to straight couples as it is gay couples. Answer the CFR's and then we will believe you.  Otherwise you are making assumptions that have no basis in actual facts.

Like I said, you don't know what you are talking about.

Darren10 Grand Master

Darren10

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4 hours ago, LittleNipper said:

And I don't believe that you desire truth but only acceptance.

I do not necessarily want to jump into this dialogue melee between you and California boy but I would ask you if you are thinking of gay activists as opposed to gays? As a citizen and as a member of the LDS Church, I worry about gay activists but really not about there being gay people in society. I think Ben in my blog link above and California boy are speaking as gay men, not really as activists. That may or may not help your exchange.

Marginal Gains Experienced

Marginal Gains

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On 08/09/2017 at 3:06 PM, Marginal Gains said:

Even nicer would be accounts of Wards and Bishops welcoming married gay men with children to their wards in similar fashion.

 

9 hours ago, carbon dioxide said:

I could welcome the children.  I could welcome the gay men as well but to the same degree as I would welcome a man and woman who live together but are not married.

A conditional ‘lesser’ welcome seems a little un-Christlike. Shouldn’t members welcome everybody equally?

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