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The Friendly Mormon And You :: Epilogue


DewMan001

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(Don't know what I'm talking about? Click here: http://dewman001.tum...-mormon-and-you)

Dear friends,

Yes, I had not done research in to your church. Yes, I framed you as salesmen (as the whole door-to-door thing implies). And, due to my fondness of dark plots, I made up the whole 'quota or exile' thing. That part was fictional. The only part that was real and not supposedly biased opinion was the conversation between myself and the two Sisters of the Church. It was much more a spur of the moment type deal that was edited throughout the week.

Real life scenarios tend to become a whole magnitude more fun if you give them a dark twist.

I brought the story here to get your opinions. Seems they were not favorable. But, oh well. On to the next creation.

But, yeah. Thanks for that. That was fun.

Your pal,

-James

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James,

I sense that you are looking for criticisms on ficitional writing. I cannot say that I have a lot of experience writing fiction, but I have taken courses.

Writing about missionaries of any faith as main characters is difficult if you have no experience in that role. This is the problem when writing about some in their profession. For the purposes of your story, your main characters are acting within their profession as missionaries. It does not sound real, and it is not believable. This is where research is necessary. Not only do you need to know some basic jargon of he profession you are portraying, you really need to know how that person would react in the scenario you are presenting them in.

And, of course, anyone with a dab of familiarity with Mormonism would not beleve what these missionaries are saying.

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I'm sorry if I've offended anyone, but I have my views. And the two sisters are ripped directly from reality. I'm sorry if they read it and find this post, I liked them. I just felt like adding a dark twist. But Sisters Liu and Donaldson, you were lovely. Thank you so much for your time and having a chat with me.

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(Don't know what I'm talking about? Click here: http://dewman001.tum...-mormon-and-you)

Dear friends,

Yes, I had not done research in to your church. Yes, I framed you as salesmen (as the whole door-to-door thing implies). And, due to my fondness of dark plots, I made up the whole 'quota or exile' thing. That part was fictional. The only part that was real and not supposedly biased opinion was the conversation between myself and the two Sisters of the Church. It was much more a spur of the moment type deal that was edited throughout the week.

Real life scenarios tend to become a whole magnitude more fun if you give them a dark twist.

I brought the story here to get your opinions. Seems they were not favorable. But, oh well. On to the next creation.

But, yeah. Thanks for that. That was fun.

Your pal,

-James

If you want to really know about Mormon faith, go on a mission. That will make an adult out of you.

They litterally rescued me from certain death. I had been thrown out of Evangelical churches because I am different and became Muslim. When I approached the Mormon sisters, who would have had a better reason to throw me out than them? They helped, me encouraged me, and through prayer and study Heavenly Father began to heal my wounds. I lived a solitary, celibate, drug and alchohol free life, doing my best to please God. But it was not good enough without Jesus Christ and the Atonement. In spite of the fact that I had none of those things, they took me on anyway. I have always recieved nothing but love and kindness from them.

I am not sure what you were trying to prove, but if you want straight forward love and honesty, it can be found here.

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Some things make me wish that failure lead to exile.

Bad writing is among them.

To test if I was letting my religious allegiance get in the way of honest critique, I decided to substitute a couple of groups on which I'm not terribly keen, Jehovah's Witnesses and Scientologists, to be precise. After rereading the story in that light, I felt equally insulted.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a dark twist, in and of itself. However, as this story as shown, it can quickly become laughable and hysterical when basic research and patterns of behaviour are ignored.

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Some things make me wish that failure lead to exile.

Bad writing is among them.

To test if I was letting my religious allegiance get in the way of honest critique, I decided to substitute a couple of groups on which I'm not terribly keen, Jehovah's Witnesses and Scientologists, to be precise. After rereading the story in that light, I felt equally insulted.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a dark twist, in and of itself. However, as this story as shown, it can quickly become laughable and hysterical when basic research and patterns of behaviour are ignored.

It has the typical shallowness of self centered youth. It is the writing of someone who has no life experience and doesn't think he needs it.

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Dear sirs, please note that I completely respect your church and it's beliefs. They're just not for me.

x

Hard to know how you could respect them, since you seem to know so little. If you studied a bit more, perhaps you would find something to be really creeped out about, and would no longer respect it. :D

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(Don't know what I'm talking about? Click here: http://dewman001.tum...-mormon-and-you)

Dear friends,

Yes, I had not done research in to your church. Yes, I framed you as salesmen (as the whole door-to-door thing implies). And, due to my fondness of dark plots, I made up the whole 'quota or exile' thing. That part was fictional. The only part that was real and not supposedly biased opinion was the conversation between myself and the two Sisters of the Church. It was much more a spur of the moment type deal that was edited throughout the week.

Real life scenarios tend to become a whole magnitude more fun if you give them a dark twist.

I brought the story here to get your opinions. Seems they were not favorable. But, oh well. On to the next creation.

But, yeah. Thanks for that. That was fun.

Your pal,

-James

You do seem like a natural writer, keep it up. My only suggestion is to actually sit down with a couple of missionaries and hear what they have to say for long period of time. If you want write about people you need to know. Similar to how actors become their role. They know the person they are playing better then anybody else. I would be interested, as I am sure others would be, you writing a similar story after you really know them.

Edited by tyler90az
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You do seem like a natural writer, keep it up. My only suggestion is to actually sit down with a couple of missionaries and hear what they have to say for long period of time. If you want write about people you need to know. Similar to how actors become their role. They know the person they are playing better then anybody else. I would be interested, as I am sure others would be, you writing a similar story after you really know them.

First off, thank you for the nice comment about my writing (although, the past three comments of this thread were really lovely and positive. Thank you for those! :D). First one that I've had that wasn't just "That's not what happens, why are you so offensive to Mormons?" Please feel free to hang around the blog, I'll try to do more. But this week I'm trying to do a mash-up.

I agree, I should have gotten to know them, but, as I said in the tale, I was really anxious and had to cancel the second meeting. Also, as an atheist, things might have gotten awkward as I trail off thinking of sciencey things as they speak religion (no fighting please). This morning I did have a flick through of the intro to the Book of Mormon, and could not get on with it. I found it really ridiculous. Also, I just wanted to write it, and adding a dark twist was fun. I admit, no research was done, but I had a week.

Thank you for that, we should stay in touch.

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First off, thank you for the nice comment about my writing (although, the past three comments of this thread were really lovely and positive. Thank you for those! :D).

I just felt like adding a dark twist.

Also, as an atheist, things might have gotten awkward as I trail off thinking of sciencey things as they speak religion (no fighting please).

I can almost gaurantee that you are not the first atheist that they've met, and there are also plenty of LDS who work with and teach "sciency" things.

Also, I just wanted to write it, and adding a dark twist was fun. I admit, no research was done, but I had a week.

Nobody was limiting you to a week's deadline.

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First off, thank you for the nice comment about my writing (although, the past three comments of this thread were really lovely and positive. Thank you for those! :D). First one that I've had that wasn't just "That's not what happens, why are you so offensive to Mormons?" Please feel free to hang around the blog, I'll try to do more. But this week I'm trying to do a mash-up.

Hey now, I did mention that you had good writing style....just poor substance in this current piece.

I agree, I should have gotten to know them, but, as I said in the tale, I was really anxious and had to cancel the second meeting.

Just curious: why were you anxious?

Also, as an atheist, things might have gotten awkward as I trail off thinking of sciencey things as they speak religion (no fighting please).

No need for a fight. LDS aren't opposed to sciencey things. I love learning about scientific theory, biology, genetics, and the universe. Science is pretty cool....though I still prefer my current field of psychology/therapy.

This morning I did have a flick through of the intro to the Book of Mormon, and could not get on with it. I found it really ridiculous. Also, I just wanted to write it, and adding a dark twist was fun. I admit, no research was done, but I had a week.

You didn't have to read the BoM for this writing to be more substantive. Like volgadon stated, there doesn't need to be a deadline for research. And even if you really wanted to maintain that deadline to stay consistent with your work, you could have just looked up this website. And watch the cool video or look at people's personal answers below it or read the smalle article. Research (for a short story especially) doesn't have to be extensive and it literally took 10 minutes for me to google "why mormon missionaries serve," find this, and peak around...it was the second site right below wikipedia.

The best writing is always when you write about something you know, IMO. It's true of any creative outlet. If you want to improve a growing talent, that is where I'd start. Make time to not only edit, but evaluate the believability of pieces that are based on current or historical people, events, etc.

With luv,

BD

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You do seem like a natural writer, keep it up. My only suggestion is to actually sit down with a couple of missionaries and hear what they have to say for long period of time. If you want write about people you need to know. Similar to how actors become their role. They know the person they are playing better then anybody else. I would be interested, as I am sure others would be, you writing a similar story after you really know them.

Thank you for wanting to stay in touch! That is really friendly of you, thank you! I knew you were not a bad guy at all.

That sounds like a good idea to stay in touch. Stay on this forum and communicate through the messenger or this thread. Also, do you want to add me on Facebook? What is your first name? I take it you like Mountain Dew, me too! Taco bell and some Mountain Dew blast or regular is some good stuff. Remember you can not fit all Latter-day Saints into one mold. It is a common misconception that people have. Kind of like saying all atheists are mean people with no morals. Clearly you are not, therefor there is no cookie cutter mold for atheists or Latter-day Saints.

It is never a bad thing to get to know people. That is especially true if you are writing a story about them. The good news is the missionaries will come visit you anytime you like :rofl: . The great news is that you have about 100(based on thread views) people that will keep track of your blog if you write about the experience after you take all the lessons. As somebody who is in too sciency stuff you know scientists investigate stuff then reach a conclusion. That is why I think you would want to investigate The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints through our missionaries. Just saying, the decision clearly is in your hands of what to do.

As far as the Book of Mormon. That is funny you say that, I thought the same thing when I read the first 100 pages. Then I kept going and wala the truth was shown. It really does take a strong and driven person to investigate religion. Well I read miracles occurred, you have to admit from your perspective if miracles were real that would be a pretty neat thing. Well anyways, If you can not read the whole thing, then read Alma 36-37 https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/alma/36?lang=eng . If you read those chapter I will read something equal in length to those.

Well catch you later friend, I am going to read about investigations scientists have done on sciencemag.org . The article is, Could wood feed the world? , scientists seem willing to investigate anything.

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Nobody was limiting you to a week's deadline.

I was limiting myself to a week's deadline. I did that because I wanted to make stuff, but if I was going to write something I needed to edit it.

that their work gets caught in an infinite spiral of editing, so if I was going to edit, I would have to be my own publisher and yank the thing out of my own hands at the end of the week. So rule one is stick to the schedule, and rule two: No George Lucas moves. Once it's out there, it's out there, and I can't edit or change it in the slightest.
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Thank you for wanting to stay in touch! That is really friendly of you, thank you! I knew you were not a bad guy at all.

That sounds like a good idea to stay in touch. Stay on this forum and communicate through the messenger or this thread. Also, do you want to add me on Facebook? What is your first name? I take it you like Mountain Dew, me too!

Hi, I'm James! And, that's not where the username comes from. No it doesn't come from bizarre and, in some countries, worryingly urine like beverages. I had an old username, DarkEvilWorm, but I swiftly came to the smart realization that that username was stupid. The camel case initialized down to DEW, and my email address had 'manster' in it, so my brain swiftly cobbled that together. And then the 001 was just so I could always have the name.

But please, find me on Facebook, or hang around my blog.

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I'm sorry if I've offended anyone, but I have my views. ...

Yeah. Smart people don't let stubborn little things like facts interfere with their prejudices ... that's what I say! ;)

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There’s a difference between your and you’re …

There’s a difference between it’s and its …

I’ve never heard of The Book of Mormon: A New Testament of Jesus Christ. Anyone? Anyone?

And missionaries whose prospects (they’re called investigators) don’t commit to baptism aren’t exiled. They’re blood-atoned by firing squad … That’ll make the story even better, don’t you think? ;)

Other than that, it’s … perfect. You got everything exactly right … including that whole “Christ-was-actually-born-in-America” thingie. (Of course, the resurrected Christ actually visited America later on in the book, but I’ve never gotten that whole “He-was-actually-born-here-but-He-visited-here-later-on” thingie. The Book of Mormon is a hard read. No wonder Sam Clemens called it, “Choroform in print”!)

Congratulations.

Expand it to novel length (personally, I think the whole, convert-people-or-face-the-firing-squad thing is your best bet for the major plotline) find an agent (there ought to be somebody stupi— Wait! No! What? Where did that come from?! :huh::sad: Sorry!) and you’ll be on your way! I smell New York Times Best-Seller! Million seller, baby! Million seller! (Hey, if people’ll buy The Book of Mormon: The Musical, they’ll buy anything! ;))

Let us know when you’ve found a publisher and how much your advance is.

Edited by Kenngo1969
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I was limiting myself to a week's deadline. I did that because I wanted to make stuff, but if I was going to write something I needed to edit it. ... I was going to edit, I would have to be my own publisher and yank the thing out of my own hands at the end of the week. So rule one is stick to the schedule, and rule two: No George Lucas moves. Once it's out there, it's out there, and I can't edit or change it in the slightest.

Yeah. I agree! I mean, why bother with pesky little things such as research, and why edit something until it's actually ... I dunno ... good? Throw it together and throw it out there, come what may, I say! :rofl:

Edited by Kenngo1969
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Dear sirs, please note that I completely respect your church and it's beliefs. They're just not for me.

x

... I completely respect them. I just like to caricature and ridicule them, along with those who purvey them, in print! There! All fixed! ;):D

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... Nobody was limiting you to a week's deadline.

Pish-posh! Don't listen to Volga! He doesn't know what he's talking about! He has a thousand unfinished manuscripts in the overflowing drawers of the ancient oak desk that dominates his dark, dingy, windowless, 400-square-foot basement apartment! Avoid research and editing at all costs! Throw it together and throw it out there! You're well on your way to establishing a stellar reputation as a writer! :rofl:

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Pish-posh! Don't listen to Volga! He doesn't know what he's talking about! He has a thousand unfinished manuscripts in the overflowing drawers of the ancient oak desk that dominates his dark, dingy, windowless, 400-square-foot basement apartment! Avoid research and editing at all costs! Throw it together and throw it out there! You're well on your way to establishing a stellar reputation as a writer! :rofl:

You know me well.

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Nobody was limiting you to a week's deadline.

I was limiting myself to a week's deadline. I did that because I wanted to make stuff, but if I was going to write something I needed to edit it.

that their work gets caught in an

Yeah. I agree! I mean, why bother with pesky little things such as research, and why edit something until it's actually ... I dunno ... good? Throw it together and throw it out there, come what may, I say! :rofl:

Sir, whilst no research went in to it, I most certainly edited it. As prefaced in that quote that you cropped.

Who the hell is this guy? Anyone?

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