Mercies That Confound Me.

[EllenMaksoud]

Please, I don't want to be tiresome; just having a bit of trouble taking it all in just now.

My Bishop seems completely supportive of me despite my past which he says the Atonement has completely erased. Do you all understand how unique that is in the Christian realm? Trusting is not in me, but somehow it seems ungrateful and faithless to not do so.

I've not ever seen Holy Spirit work with such power and mercy. Yesterday started out joyous but somehow during RS, it all evaporated to be replaced by a sense of condemnation and despair. Instead of my usual Temple class, we had a lengthened Sacrement service and for some reason, I just felt so NOT OPEN to it all, so just started for the back door and my car; intending to go home and bathe in my misery. (Not drink alchohol)

On the way, I encountered the Missionaries, and after a few words knew that I was not going to my car. As it developed, the service was healing, joyous and wonderful. One of my sisters walked up to me and without provokation of any kind, she said that my self condemnation popping up from time to time was completely unacceptable, that we would continue working on it.

It is a complete mystery to me as to where that came from as I had not said anything to anyone and had carefully kept that winning smile on my face, concealing what was in my heart from others. Not from the Holy Spirit apparently. It's now Christmas eve, and I have a "Mormon" Chocolate cake to make for a dinner I have been invited to.

I just know that a certain man who got forceful with me and I am now afraid of will be there and that we will likely have to settle things in spite of the fact that I have no idea how to do that, except I know that obedience to Holy Spirit willl be involved.

I thank Heavenly Father for all that he has done and continues to do in my life despite the fact that I have not believed in myself, he does.

In the name of Jesus Christ, merry Christmas to you all.

Gwendolyn

[Calm]

The forgiveness and healing we can receive through the Atonement is God's forgiveness so it is understandable if we mortals have such a hard time of grasping it.

Yesterday started out joyous but somehow during RS, it all evaporated to be replaced by a sense of condemnation and despair.

These kinds of feelings of inadequacy and not belonging are habits that are hard to break and they will likely keep appearing when we least expect them for a long time until acceptance and the joy that comes with the gift of Atonement becomes a stronger habit. Be patient with yourself and just keep trying.

[rpn]

So glad you felt a glimpse of heaven.

[Calm]

I just know that a certain man who got forceful with me and I am now afraid of will be there and that we will likely have to settle things in spite of the fact that I have no idea how to do that, except I know that obedience to Holy Spirit willl be involved.

Don't force it if you are not ready for it and have someone as a safety nearby to fall back on if you need them. Most of all, do what you are doing, listen to the Spirit.

[Bill “Papa” Lee]

Please, I don't want to be tiresome; just having a bit of trouble taking it all in just now.

My Bishop seems completely supportive of me despite my past which he says the Atonement has completely erased. Do you all understand how unique that is in the Christian realm? Trusting is not in me, but somehow it seems ungrateful and faithless to not do so.

I've not ever seen Holy Spirit work with such power and mercy. Yesterday started out joyous but somehow during RS, it all evaporated to be replaced by a sense of condemnation and despair. Instead of my usual Temple class, we had a lengthened Sacrement service and for some reason, I just felt so NOT OPEN to it all, so just started for the back door and my car; intending to go home and bathe in my misery. (Not drink alchohol)

On the way, I encountered the Missionaries, and after a few words knew that I was not going to my car. As it developed, the service was healing, joyous and wonderful. One of my sisters walked up to me and without provokation of any kind, she said that my self condemnation popping up from time to time was completely unacceptable, that we would continue working on it.

It is a complete mystery to me as to where that came from as I had not said anything to anyone and had carefully kept that winning smile on my face, concealing what was in my heart from others. Not from the Holy Spirit apparently. It's now Christmas eve, and I have a "Mormon" Chocolate cake to make for a dinner I have been invited to.

I just know that a certain man who got forceful with me and I am now afraid of will be there and that we will likely have to settle things in spite of the fact that I have no idea how to do that, except I know that obedience to Holy Spirit willl be involved.

I thank Heavenly Father for all that he has done and continues to do in my life despite the fact that I have not believed in myself, he does.

In the name of Jesus Christ, merry Christmas to you all.

Gwendolyn

I understand little, but this much I do know and believe. God is our parent and as one myself, my grace for my children is without limits. As any parent would do...be it God the Father or Jesus Christ as Father (see Mosiah 5: 7) they look at us with "soft eyes". The miracle is Love...unconditional and parental.

[Garden Girl]

EllenMaksoud...

Check your Personal Messages... I sent you one. You should be able to read it, at least it seems to have gone through...

GG