Doctrinal Issues That Strain A Marriage

[Calm]

One could take half as "his" if it was okay with her to determine what his "full tithe" would be.

Or he could discuss what she feels comfortable committing each month to it for sure and have that as his full tithe, everything else would be hers or their tithing. He might need to discuss this with the bishop if he is uncomfortable with it, but the Lord has left it up to the individual and imo a full tithe can be what is able (or in this case allowed) to be paid and not some set number purely based off of income amount.

[Garden Girl]

I reactivated three years prior to the unexpected death of my husband... in the beginning we had one heated argument over tithing... I had worked full time all our working lives and I had had a separate checking account for years. So after reactivating when my retirement pensions would arrive, I simply tithed on my pensions or any monies that I had sole control over. (For instance, when I'd sell a painting).

I know the Church recommends that spouse's counsel with the bishop if tithing is a problem because they do not believe it should be a point of contention in a marriage if one spouse is strongly opposed... but I've always been a strong-willed woman and I explained to my husband that I was going to live the Law of Tithing after working 30 years straight, full time, M - F, 8 - 5, and putting all my income toward the household and the two of us... that I was going to tithe only on my own pensions and that it was non-negotiable. He didn't like it, but it was never mentioned again... and in those three years he supported me fully, helping me in my callings, etc etc., even washing/vacuuming our van when I was going to take a group of ladies to the temple... he made the funniest tape to be played when we started out... like a pilot at the beginning of a flight... ending with "Sit back, relax, and enjoy the trip" (2 1/2 hour trip into Portland). It was filled with humor and the ladies loved it.

The thing about the tithing argument, it surprised me because he had never mentioned it before that day... a year after I returned to church... the very day I was getting ready to go into Portland to the temple to receive my endowment. I was ready to leave and when I went to say goodbye there he was with this scowl on his face that can only be described as "dark"... and we had this argument that left me in tears as I walked out the door on my way to the temple. All day long I would get this feeling in the pit of my stomach because after being in the temple and receiving the blessings, I didn't want to argue when I got home. As I walked in the door I was relieved... not one word was mentioned about tithing, ever again. In thinking about that day, I've always felt it was the Adversary... One last thrust at me... But, my dear one was wonderful and supportive in so many ways.

We are now sealed...

GG

Edited December 18, 2012 by Garden Girl

[Tacenda]

I reactivated three years prior to the unexpected death of my husband... in the beginning we had one heated argument over tithing... I had worked full time all our working lives and I had had a separate checking account for years. So after reactivating when my retirement pensions would arrive, I simply tithed on my pensions or any monies that I had sole control over. (For instance, when I'd sell a painting).

I know the Church recommends that spouse's counsel with the bishop if tithing is a problem because they do not believe it should be a point of contention in a marriage if one spouse is strongly opposed... but I've always been a strong-willed woman and I explained to my husband that I was going to live the Law of Tithing after working 30 years straight, full time, M - F, 8 - 5, and putting all my income toward the household and the two of us... that I was going to tithe only on my own pensions and that it was non-negotiable. He didn't like it, but it was never mentioned again... and in those three years he supported me fully, helping me in my callings, etc etc., even washing/vacuuming our van when I was going to take a group of ladies to the temple... he made the funniest tape to be played when we started out... like a pilot at the beginning of a flight... ending with "Sit back, relax, and enjoy the trip" (2 1/2 hour trip into Portland). It was filled with humor and the ladies loved it.

The thing about the tithing argument, it surprised me because he had never mentioned it before that day... a year after I returned to church... the very day I was getting ready to go into Portland to the temple to receive my endowment. I was ready to leave and when I went to say goodbye there he was with this scowl on his face that can only be described as "dark"... and we had this argument that left me in tears as I walked out the door on my way to the temple. All day long I would get this feeling in the pit of my stomach because after being in the temple and receiving the blessings, I didn't want to argue when I got home. As I walked in the door I was relieved... not one word was mentioned about tithing, ever again. In thinking about that day, I've always felt it was the Adversary... One last thrust at me... But, my dear one was wonderful and supportive in so many ways.

We are now sealed...

GG

I love the story about your husband making the tape for the temple trip. What a fun guy!

[thesometimesaint]

If she does not work and they have only one bank account, it's going to be difficult for them to outline which money is his and which is her's. In such cases most spouses seem to look at the money as equally 'theirs' together.

While my wife has worked outside our home for nearly thirty years we've always mingled our funds. For big expenditures we must agree, but for items less than about $100. We've agreed that we don't have to discuss it with each other. So it works for us. By the same token I know of couples that keep separate bank accounts. It works for them. There really isn't just ONE way that every couple MUST handle their money.

[ERayR]

So, how does one become a full tithe payer if their spouse refuses to pay the full tithe? I guess when I say that I need to "Man Up" I'm saying that I should just pay it regardless of what she says. That though is the purpose of my post, how to deal with doctrinal issues (tithing) that strain a marriage.

Pay tithing on your share of income. Since your wife is the "bill payer" I would have a conversation that goes something like this. "Dear wife, Since paying tithing bothers you would you please just make out a check for tithing on my portion of the family income." If that still bothers her then the next thing is this conversation. "Dear wife I understand that paying tithing bothers you so I will make out the tithing check for my share of the family income."

You will then be a full tithe payer but your wife will not but you have given her the opportunity to choose her own way and it should eliminate one source of contention. It makes her responsible for her own progression and relieves you of a responsibility that is not yours and gives it back to her.

[bluebell]

While my wife has worked outside our home for nearly thirty years we've always mingled our funds. For big expenditures we must agree, but for items less than about $100. We've agreed that we don't have to discuss it with each other. So it works for us. By the same token I know of couples that keep separate bank accounts. It works for them. There really isn't just ONE way that every couple MUST handle their money.

I agree and never meant to imply otherwise.

I was simply pointing out that without knowing more about the financial workings of this couple, it's hard to say she is exercising unrighteous dominion over 'his' money, or that he can simply pay on his part and everything should be fine.

[DH]

Is she a good wife and mother? Does she love and respect you, and take good care of the kids? Those are the important things.

Speaking as a widower, I wouldn't be worried if my wife was a Buddhist, a Wiccan, or even *gasp!* an atheist, if only I could have her back! Just saying be grateful for what you have. God is loving, and will see that things turn out well for you and your family. The Gospel is about relationships--minor doctrinal differences shouldn't be getting in the way.

(Now, if your wife's religion is telling her she should sacrifice one of your children to Lord Moloch, I'd start worrying! )

Edited December 19, 2012 by DH